Well, I decided to post the next chapter after all. I'll post the next one when I feel like it, although some reviews will help make it quicker. (Is that bribery or what?)
Enjoy your dose of AkiHika!
Another thing, I can't believe I forgot to put the disclaimer the first time! I seriously hope I don't get in trouble for that.
Disclaimer: Hikaru no Go belongs to Yumi Hotta. This fic is based on a doujinshi made by one of my favorite HikaGo doujin mangaka—Gyarandoh. I am not gaining profit from this,
Warning: Angst, OOC and mild lemon ahead
BELONG
Chapter Two: Cold Glare
I've started coming more often on Thursdays, along with my Wednesday matches. The thought of going against higher dans excites me so I couldn't wait to play again. The people playing there usually are above 5-dan. Being only a 2-dan, I can't say that I feel uneasy in that crowd. After all, there's a guy who already became a regular back when he was just a 3-dan.
His name is Touya Akira.
My relationship with Touya has been very complicated, from the moment we met up to the present. We started out as rivals, persistently chasing each other to no end, then we moved on to friends-in-denial. It was only a year ago when we both decided to escalate our relationship. Despite his features, Touya was really aggressive. He just didn't voice it out. Then again, there were a lot of things about Touya that I couldn't quite get.
When he moved out of his parents' house, it completely puzzled me—even though considering the money he makes from his matches, he could certainly afford to live on his own. I had, once or twice, asked him off-handedly why he moved out.
He just shrugged and said, "To get some space."
I don't really think that's the real answer since I'm always hanging around his place. But he never complains. Whenever I come over, there's always some tea or (recently) coffee waiting, and perhaps some snacks.
Almost as if he's expecting me…
I guess that's already to be expected.
Just two years ago, we were always meeting at his family's Go Salon. We would always play a game or two. It was very rare of us to meet anywhere else, aside from the Go Institute. He invited me over to his house one day to celebrate his birthday, which, at that point, I didn't even know when. When I got there, I noticed he was home alone since both his parents hadn't come back from another visit to China. I began to think how lonely Touya must be since Go seemed to rule every aspect of his life.
Family, school, friends…
All of it seemed second to Go. And it was then I began to wonder about our situation.
It was a quiet celebration. He and I were the only two people there. I muttered an apology, saying I didn't have time to get him a present. He just shrugged it off and said that anything I give was fine. As we were playing Go, I began to feel an unusual atmosphere. I couldn't concentrate on the match properly and ended up losing badly. I didn't understand why I was suddenly feeling conscious around him.
"Shindou," his dreamy voice had spoken to me, and I immediately felt the blood gushing up to my face. He stretched out his hand and gently cupped my cheeks. Before I realized it, our faces were getting nearer and nearer. "Close your eyes," he softly ordered. I obliged and waited for a few moments. I could feel his hot breath against me and it made me feel anxious. Finally, I felt soft lips pressed against mine.
I remember the kiss being innocent at first, then escalated to tongues meshing against each other, mixing our tastes. As the kiss intensified, so did our need for air. When we finally broke off to take a breather, he spoke, "Thank you for the present. I graciously accept." I blushed furiously at his statement, and then retorted, "That was my first kiss, you idiot! And, for the record, I didn't give it to you. You stole it!!"
That was the beginning of our escapades. When he moved to his apartment, my visits became even more frequent that it was becoming a habit. By the time I noticed, I was spending more time at his place than at mine.
We had our first intimate contact at his apartment. The image of Touya hovering above me, panting and lined with sweat has been engraved in my memory. He was gentle, careful not to hurt me or make me feel discomfort. But as the night moved on, his movement became faster, discarding whatever shyness he initially had, and gaining more confidence with every thrust. As soon as we were done, he plopped down next to my side, one arm wrapped possessively around my waist.
"Shindou," he breathed into my ear. "Can I think of you as mine? That you exist only for me?"
I regarded his question for a bit before answering, "Fine by me."
"Then… Am I yours? Do I exist for you?"
The silence was much longer this time. Touya waited patiently for an answer, but none came. In the end, I never answered. Up to now, I still haven't given him an answer.
Just the other day he had popped up that question that remained unanswered for almost an entire year. Touya has declared his love for me more than once. I already know the length of his love, but it's mine that I'm doubting. Touya's existence for me is very precious indeed. But a nagging pain in my heart always stopped me from wholly accepting him.
I'm such a coward.
"Hey, what's with a gloomy face?" I heard a familiar voice. I turned around and saw Waya approaching me with his usual grin. "What's up?" I said, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. "You have a match today too?" "Yeah…" He eyed me again suspiciously. "Anything wrong? Domestic squabble?"
"What?!" I perked up surprised, mostly because my arguments with Touya were being regarded as a domestic squabble. "You have a gloomy look that is so un-Shindou-like," he noted. "I was just wondering if your family was doing okay."
"O-Oh," my voice broke, a bit disturbed that I had thought of Touya and I as something domestic. "No, we're fine at home. Nothing's wrong." The anxiety in my voice raised suspicion in Waya's part. I saw his brows lift a bit higher before speaking.
"Then it's about Touya, isn't it? The both of you fight again?"
I glanced him for a bit. Why Touya? Is it that obvious? "It's nothing important."
"Yeah, probably something silly again, as usual. How can you stand that guy anyway? Always hanging around… That's why rumors are flying everywhere about you two."
"Rumors?" I choked. "What rumors?"
"You know… Stuff like this and stuff like that. Rumors… The type you'll see in a Gossip Column."
My stomach churned. Great. Just great. As if I didn't have enough problems, now I had to deal with the rumor-grinding mill. I didn't even know that Touya and I were already catching everyone's attention. The question is, does Touya know?
As if sensing my distress, Waya spoke, "Don't let it bother you. It doesn't really matter if it's gossip or the truth. What matters is that you remain true to yourself." His words somehow made me breathe a lot easier. Waya always managed to do that. He was like a big brother and a best friend to me. Always with a wide grin on his face and a warm glow in his eyes. Definitely unlike the cold glances I often see in Touya's sharp eyes.
Touya…
My real dilemma is Touya. After what happened the other day, the tension I created between us, I don't think I can really face him right now. But I know that's next to impossible since he's a Thursday regular. Then again, we'll both be busy with our matches. I have enough time to think of what to say to him. I probably won't be going to his apartment for a while…
"So what's the deal with you and that guy, anyway?" I heard Waya ask. I stole a glance at his eyes and it had the same nonchalant expression, like he was just asking what the headline on today's newspaper is. "I…" I paused. A feeling swelled in me to confide it to Waya. He's earned my trust. But then, there was another feeling that urged me to deny it. It was that same feeling that was invoking me to deny Touya's complete existence in my heart.
Just the mere thought of Touya made my heart beat furiously. So many emotions were swirling inside me and I just wanted to collapse and be held by strong hands. To feel a warm presence next to me like the aftermath of sex. The more I yearned for it, the more painful it became.
In my heart, I was still grieving over the loss of one important person.
Clutching the fan in my hand that I did not even realized I had already pulled out of my bag, I held it close to my heart and faintly whispered, "Sai…"
"You said something?" Waya's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. Apparently, he didn't catch the last thing I said and, for that, I was grateful. "No. I just hope we do a good job today," I beamed brightly. Waya's lips curved to form a smile. "Whatever. I'm just glad you're okay. You really looked gloomy and depressed when I saw you back there. But now you seem to be fine."
He lifted his hand and gave me a pat on the head. "You should smile. That's the Shindou that I know." I grinned broadly. My mood was getting lighter and lighter. I wondered, from a corner of my mind, if it was Waya's intent to cheer me up. He didn't know of what troubles I'm going through with Touya right now. Our relationship isn't exactly progressing smoothly, and I seriously doubt if it's headed in the right direction.
Maybe I shouldn't think too much about it, else I go crazy. At least Waya offered a friendly distraction. Thinking that, I looked up at him and said, "Are you free today?"
If I'm gonna try and cheer up, I might as well do something fun. I remember I used to go to the arcade and karaoke with my friends. There, we could be as loud as we wanted to be and still have a blast. Both are places I don't think Touya would really enjoy. He's very reserved.
"Yeah, I guess so," came Waya's reply. He raked his hand through his hair, ruffling it a bit. "But is it okay? Won't Touya mind?"
"Why bring him up?" I queried.
"Coz you always go to his place," came the blunt reply.
My eyes widened a bit. Waya caught this reaction and smiled wryly. "It's a known fact that you spend your weekends at Touya's place and that you spend as much time as you can there. Don't underestimate the rumor-mill." I groaned. Just how much do these rumors know anyway?
My thoughts began to sink in a little deeper. Rumors are nasty. What if they eventually put me in a position wherein I can't stay by Touya's side or play Go anymore? If I were made to choose between the two, which would I pick?
"Shindou?"
"Ah, sorry, Waya." A sudden urge to see Touya swept me. I wanted his gaze on me. I wanted to see his eyes. I glanced at the clock. Barely six minutes left before the match begins and no sign of Touya. I found it strange since Touya is always the early bird.
"Yeah, I do go over once in a while," I finally answered. "But I was thinking of doing some stuff with you for a change. It's been a while since we last hung out."
"Yeah, that'd be great!" he shrilled with excitement.
"I…" I cut in. "I'll probably go to Touya's later…"
My voice trailed off. Waya must've sensed my discomfort because he immediately changed the topic. "Then why don't we begin with lunch?" he offered. "If you finish your match before lunchtime, I'll treat you to, say sushi?" "Really?" I perked. "Sushi's good, but I want ramen."
"What? Don't you ever tire of the stuff?"
"Your treat so I might as well take advantage." I latched on to his shoulder like a leech. "After all, it's not everyday that Waya Yoshitaka feels so remarkably generous."
"Fine, but there aren't any good ramen stands around this part."
"I know one! It's a bit far so we have to take the train. But it's really delicious!"
"All right. But if you don't finish, then it'll be soba instead."
"Why soba?" I wrinkled my nose.
"Because in between sushi and ramen is soba."
I wrinkled my nose. "What kind of reasoning is that?"
Waya began to pull away from my grasp, saying, "Hey, I'm the one treating you! And get off me before the rumor-mill begins to grind." I reluctantly released him and watched him as he entered the game room, hands resting for a moment on the shoji door.
"Waya," he turned his head back to look at me. "If I finish early, it's ramen, right?"
"If you finish and win," he confirmed. I stepped on to the tatami mat, following him, and raised my arms behind my head. "And if I do win but you aren't finished with your match?" A wide grin appeared on his lips as he patted my head furiously again. "Then I'll treat you to ramen for dinner."
I struggled to remove his hand that was hell-bent on giving me a bad hair day. "What you mean is, either way, I'll still be eating ramen," I stated as I was finally able to get his darn hand off my head. "What I mean is I'm such a good friend to you," he chuckled and I latched on to him again, snuggling against his neck.
"Wayaaaa, I love yooou!" I squealed. "You're like a mother to me."
"Oh, so now I'm a mother?" he snorted with pink stains on his cheeks. "What trouble you really are." Afterwards, I let him lead me by the hand into the game room.
I later realized that I should've been more aware of my surroundings, and that I should have looked behind me during my exchange with Waya.
Standing behind me was Touya with a cold glare in his eyes.
To be continued...
There's chapter two. Hope you guys aren't getting confused at the change of POV's. Let's just say it's alternate. Last chapter was Touya, so this one is Hikaru. Next chapter will be Touya again.
Please review.