In case you haven't figured it out, I do not own Hornblower...which is probably, all in all, a good thing.

As terrible as this is, I cracked up like crazy imagining Archie screaming like a Wookie. I hope you do too.

Continuous Watch

Method One: Fear, Affectionately Known As Styles' Face

Now, Archie Kennedy had some serious thinking to do. Fluffing his perfectly-styled hair, he plotted Horatio's non-demise with an evil smirk on his face. "Hmm," he said to himself. "I think that fear would be a perfectly admissible reason to continue staying awake."

He could do it! He would just jump up and scare Horatio everytime he felt that Horatio was starting to fall asleep. He could try it now, on the haplessly sleeping Horatio! Hmm.

"RAAAAH!" Archie screamed, delibrately getting in Horatio's face and opening his eyes really wide so that he would look demonically twisted, kind of like Captain Sawyer's younger (and much more attractive) brother. Horatio, however, did not even stir.

Archie decided that, in such a case, perhaps he needed more momentum. Crossing to the opposite side of the deck, he charged full speed at Horatio's still-sleeping form yelling, "GRRARRWARARAWWAAAGHHH!!"

Two things happened. First, Archie nearly ran over the side of the ship (whoopsie!) and had to flail with his legs until he plopped onto the deck. Second, Captain Sawyer himself popped onto the deck and shouted, "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, LIEUTENANTS KENNEDY AND HORNBLOWER?"

Archie was dead. He didn't even bother getting to his feet. From his tilted position he could see that he had woken up everyone on the ship and they were starting to appear on deck like dazed mushrooms. Thus, there was silence.

More silence.

A pin dropped somewhere in California.

Somewhere in hell, Jack Simpson grinned evilly.

Captain Sawyer used his patented Demonic Menacing Advance and asked again, very quietly, "I ask again, Lieutenants Kennedy and—"

"Sir, sorry sir!" Archie was amazed. Horatio had woken up for that but not for all the shouting? Moreover, he seemed more awake than he had in hours. "I thought I had detected a stowaway, and Lieutenant Kennedy thought so as well, so he charged me most bravely, preparing to risk his life. My deepest apologies, captain, sir."

"Mine as well, Captain Sawyer!" Archie scrambled to his feet and saluted so much that his arm got tired.

The dragon narrowed its eyes. But it was appeased for now. "Well, cease your racket, Lieutenants. I'm sure the men are very sleepy…"

Was that a taunt? Was that a taunt?! Archie seethed in anger on Horatio's behalf until the dragon turned its terrifying gaze on him. "I'm sure you are very sleepy as well. Why don't you retire to the officer's quarters for a few hours."

AAH! He was so…evil!! "Yes, captain," he answered meekly.

In his cabin, he looked soul-searchingly into the mirror that hung at face-level. "Damn, my hair looks good," he commented. Then, realizing he was there for serious business, he got down to it. The face that stared back, its pale skin currently bathed in moonlight, was seriously hot. But, it was versatile. It could be adorable, cuddly, pouting, handsome (both devilishly and rougishly—let's see Horatio outdo that!) and mock-serious. But it had failed at being scary! He scrunched up his face in an approximation of his 'scare Horatio' visage. No, he just looked like a cute, slightly aggressive puppy. Tears filled his beautiful blue eyes as he contemplated the situation. Was he just not good enough? Would he never be able to scare Horatio? Archie figured he only had a couple hours before Horatio was back at the level of 'seriously sleepy'. What could he do (short of drastically disfiguring his own face!)??

As he posed this multiple-question-marked question to himself, his thoughts wandered to the Very Unfortunate Visage of Styles! Styles surely had a lot of sympathy for Horatio, and would want to aid him on his quest to keep Horatio awake. Moreover, Styles' board-plank teeth and droopy eyes were pretty much the opposite of charming…Archie had once had a nightmare that he was forced to swap bodies with Styles—he had woken up screaming and trying to claw his own (hideous) eyes out. Seriously, the guy had probably let his face be bitten by rats because it was the closest he'd ever gotten to being kissed! Come to think of it, Matthews could probably help too. That man was seriously sporting a goblin-chic sort of face.

Having figured out this remarkable plan to cover up his own inadequacies, Archie scurried down belowdecks as eagerly as a rat biting on Styles. Thankfully, since the commotion had woken up the men, many of them seemed to have resigned themselves to staying awake rather than sleeping for the scant two hours that remained. He found Matthews and Styles almost immediately.

Now Archie was assuming that Captain Sawyer, already having had a Close Shave with Horatio, would not surface for a couple hours—and hopefully that Horatio, having been roused from his comatose slumber, would not relapse. But still, the timing was very important. Captain Sawyer would likely be around all day trying to catch Horatio asleep so that he could gleefully hang him.

Thus Archie had decided to be in a hurry. "Styles! Matthews!" The two men in question looked up from whatever it was that they 'occupied' their time with. Archie was sure it was rather dull and nothing like the grooming of his smart, smart hair and the continual work of the smart, smart brain underneath it. "I need your help!"

"Is there," asked Matthews, scratching his head, "an emergency, sir?"

"We have to save Horatio!" Archie answered, looking as hyper as a six-year-old. A very dignified, handsome six-year-old, mind you, not one of those fussy children that were forced to wear frilly, girly clothes. Although Archie did have some fond memories of a certain time on Drury Lane…

"Eh?" asked Styles, contributing the vast power of his brilliant wit to the conversation. "What can we do?"

"Well," said Archie, about to impress the men with his cleverness, "I thought that we could scare Horatio into staying awake, and, well, you know, I don't think I'm scary enough, so I immediately thought of you…" Had Archie been paying ANY attention at all to Styles' infamous Ugly Face, he would have been quite scared at the moment. Unfortunately, Archie was blinded by his own Incredible Plan. "I mean, you're bound to scare Horatio! So I thought that you could, you know, go up every couple of hours and shock him in staying…"

Styles, extremely angry, lifted his arm and punched Archie out before he could say, 'awake'.

"Now what did ya do that for?" Matthews berated him. "He was just tryin' ta help!"

Styles grimaced at Matthews, who got the hint. "Let's put him back in his cabin, then, shall we? Can't have the captain fussin' about and findin' him down here. We'll just tell him that Archie got in an accident aboveboard." He paused, considering. "But you know, it's not a bad idea to make sure Horatio is awake for a bit. Let's go up and harry him with some lewd songs."

When Archie awoke, two full hours later, he realized that perhaps he had been slightly tactless in his treatment of Styles'…"attractively-challenged visage". To his horror, the mirror revealed a monstrous black eye that seemed to engulf the rest of his face. Scared at how much time had presumably passed, Archie decided to sacrifice his reputation for Horatio's sake. Rushing on deck, he found Horatio as he had before, asleep standing up. He surveyed the situation and huffed exasperatedly, wondering what in the world he could do now to wake Hor…

"AAH!" Horatio was immediately at attention. "No, please, no demons! I—Archie? What the hell have you done to yourself?"

Archie grinned. Perhaps he should thank Styles, after all.