In a moment of madness

After a while Bobby awakes once more. The lengthening evening shadows intimately shroud his bed. Breathing in deeply, he inhales Alex's intensely pleasant scent and notices her warmth, which emanates from her body. Alex smells so familiar, so safe. He feels himself becoming aroused. Slowly, he starts to kiss her through the material of her skirt where it covers her belly and her secret place. He wants to feel something, something beside this overpowering grief, so he presses Alex deliberately and firmly into the mattress.

He gropes under her skirt and slips off her panties. Just for a second, he looks into Alex's astonished eyes and just as quickly, he looks away. Lightly he lays his fingers over her mouth and murmurs: "Shhhh!" She mustn't say no, or else everything would end in a disaster.

With one strong hand, he pushes Alex's skirt up, then fumbles with his shorts. With his other hand, he rummages desperately in his bedside table drawer, grasping for protection. With skilful touch he slides the condom over his erection.

Alex notices how Bobby stretches himself over her lap and how he touches her through her skirt, where she is most sensitive. In the very next moment, she finds herself lying on her back as Bobby kneels before her. She watches in silence as he releases her quickly from her panties and shoves her skirt up. Finally it comes to this. Finally he opens himself to her, Alex thinks. She wants to say that it is okay, that she wants it too, but Bobby interrupts her, so she keeps quiet. She has waited for so long for this moment, but she never thought that it would really happen.

Alex is just a little surprised. Why doesn't Bobby look me in my eyes?

"Turn around!" Bobby says.

He can't look at her. Not right this moment. If he were to look... if he were to let her see him, then he would have to acknowledge that it's Alex here with him. If he were to look into her eyes right now, he feels like he would never be able to look at her again. For a moment, he can pretend that it's anyone but her. For a moment, he doesn't have to see her disappointment in him reflected back at himself. For a moment, he can pretend that she wants this as much as he does.

He pushes her legs apart roughly and penetrates her without warning. As tears well in his eyes, he thrusts madly within her and quickly…too quickly he reaches the finish. They collapse together onto the bed As soon as he can; he withdraws from Alex and rolls away, putting as much distance between him and her as possible.

He knows that it was wrong. Now, surly, everything they have is over. Everything they've built over the many years destroyed in a moment of madness.

"Turn around!" Alex hears Bobby's say quietly.

Why?, she asks herself. But she trusts him, so she does it, turning away from him. She is ready, she's been ready for so long to receive him like this. She feels his hands on her thighs as they press them apart and then he is inside her, although neither of them is naked. It does not hurt, but it is also not pleasant. All at a sudden, she becomes aware that his hot tears moisten her back. Tears fill her own eyes in response. It happens so slowly that she only feels them, as they run unchecked down her cheeks.

She cries with him. Cries for his loss. She understands that he needs to feel something. Something different that this overwhelming pain.

He is ready after few deep and powerful movements. Before she gets the chance to become aroused, he is already withdrawing from her. He has his orgasm before Alex can really take in and enjoy his embrace, the sounds he makes, his smell and his caresses. He turns away and leaves her to lie alone. Alex brings her legs to her breasts, tightening her arms around them and curls herself to a ball, feeling cold and alone, even though he is next to her. He's so close…yet so far away.

After some minutes she unfolds herself and, swinging her legs off the bed stands up, looking silently at her partner. To his unresponsive back, says quietly, "I need to take a shower."

Everybody leaves me, Bobby thinks. He curls himself like an embryo and starts to cry uninhibitedly. Oh god, that was Alex! You used her like an object, only to let off steam. Finally you had her so close, the way you wanted to be for so long. She would have willingly done anything for you. She trusted you and you abused her trust so disgracefully. You treated her like a piece of meat, like mud.

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