When the boy regained his consciousness, he was lying on the bed. Naked. Motionless. The garments sprawled across the bed in disarray. He blinked. Fragments of memories lingered.
A thousand apologies followed. He snapped out of his trance. His father was a sobbing mess. The man wrapped his arms around the boy protectively. He had not meant what he did. He had not meant to hurt him, to make him suffer.
"I'm sorry…Leon…I'm so sorry…please don't hate Daddy…please don't leave Daddy alone…"
He didn't know what else he could do to repent his sin. The boy didn't budge a bit in his arms. Bruises scattered on his pale skin. Arthur couldn't help but wonder if his son was still in utter shock.
"Please forgive Daddy…Don't tell Mummy about this, please?"
The boy stared into those rueful orbs. In all honesty, Arthur had no idea what washed over his mind the night before. He had destroyed the family. He had ruined his wife. And now, he had broken his son.
He didn't know what could be more messed up than this.
"I…" Leon stuttered and nestled his head on his father's shoulder. "…forgive Daddy…"
What happened that night remained a hideous secret between the father and the son.
The blond made up to the boy soon after. He pampered him, showered him with affection and bought home every day trinkets or food to delight him. Leon wasn't craving for any of those luxuries his father wasted so much money on. He only wished for everything to go back to how it used to be. He wanted the family complete and his father to smile genuinely at him.
His mother dropped by a few times but she never stopped for long. It was, in fact, a very agonising experience for Leon because every time Chun Yan left, his father would succumb to dejection. Before long, he would start drinking again, relishing in substances like cigarettes, drugs and more.
Leon couldn't stop the man from wallowing in misery by tormenting his health and body. When he tried to take the retribution away from his father, it would always end the same.
He would find himself lying in Arthur's bed the next morning; hardly capable of recalling the details of the previous night. His father would then apologise repeatedly, loathing himself for being vulnerable enough to fall prey to liquor and insanity. Leon would always forgive him, because he didn't want the family to fall apart more than it already had.
His immense stamina and frequent forgiveness soon became a routine. It was, as he suspected, even taken for granted. After a couple of these restless nights, whenever his father was drunk, he would lose control. Sometimes, when he returned home late, the man would find his way into his son's bedroom and sneak into the duvet before shushing and taking him.
When the boy responded with nothing but adorable moans and muffled grunts, Arthur took it that he was actually enjoying the deed. Leon had not the knowledge to realise what they did was a taboo. Although the first few times were an excruciating and undesirable experience for him, the sessions afterwards were often filled with caution, pleasure and passion. He could feel his father's need. It somehow, in the most bizarre way, made him feel secure and indescribably relieved. He thought he was making the other man feel better and slowly leave behind the aftermath of his tragic marriage.
Leon took it all upon himself.
He had discovered ways to keep this measly home intact. Aside from submitting himself to the blond in one of his drunken nights, he would also start striving for excellence at school. He had found that his father smiled proudly whenever he scored high in tests and exams. So would his mother when she so rarely came to visit.
Very innocently, Leon believed that by being a good, obedient boy, he might have a chance of repairing this rotten family. His parents would love him enough to be together again.
"Slow down, son. You have more than enough time before the school bus arrives." Arthur smiled at the eating boy. "Are you sure the scones are okay?"
Leon, not wishing to upset his father, nodded.
The scones never tasted edible but well…he could never say this in Arthur's face. It would only earn him another series of moping and bitter confession like "Of course. My cooking is never as good as your mother's."
"Be a good boy at school, okay?" Arthur said and stroked the soft hair.
Leon stuffed himself with the last scone from the plate. Gulping down some milk, he stood up from the chair, slung his school bag over his shoulder and trudged towards his father. Just then, a horn was blown.
"School bus's here. Get going, son."
Leon nodded and kissed the other man's cheek.
"Have a nice day."
"Bye, Dad."
The boy strode out of the house in silence and got onto the school bus. He scanned the seats and as usual, slumped down next to the beige-haired boy at the back of the bus.
"Good morning, Leon," Emil said monotonously, as if it was an imposed courtesy to greet his classmate and probably sole friend.
"Good morning." Leon nodded.
Every day it was the same. They sat next to each other on the bus and together in class. Then, they split for a couple of lessons and met up again during lunch. Ironically, they never chatted much. Most of the time, they only tagged along each other in sheer silence. They had no other friends at school.
Emil was a reclusive boy with dyslexia. Abandoned by his parents at an early age, he clung to his brother Lukas, who later moved in with his Danish boyfriend in adolescence. He was a talented student but his slight disability often hindered his learning. There was insufficient support from the school and his inferiority complex often rendered him the target of bullying and alienation.
Leon didn't know why he chose to hang out with Emil. The same went for the Icelandic boy. They were never the ones to voice their opinions in class. They were just there, observing and listening, following instructions and nothing more.
Perhaps that explained why they were so compatible with each other.
"Leon, your neck…" Emil muttered, blinking inquisitively at the purple blotch on the brunette's neck.
Leon twitched reflexively and pulled up the collar of his white school shirt.
When he turned to Emil, the silver-haired boy was cocking his brows. It's not like he couldn't interpret what was hidden behind the mark.
Leon was lying when he said he didn't tell anyone.
In fact, he had told Emil the secret about a month ago. It had been almost two years since his parents' divorce. He knew he could confide in Emil. The Icelandic boy had no intention to tell anyone else, because he too, had experienced more or less the same.
It turned out that his brother's partner, Mathias, was not so much of a decent guy either. He had had his eyes on the younger boy for some time. He treated Emil like a little brother but the vivid interest was something else. Lukas was a relatively nonchalant man who often rejected the Dane. He had once proclaimed so bluntly that the only reason he was staying with Mathias was because of his financial support. Lukas detested his original home as much as Emil. When he took Emil and ran away from their family, he encountered his childhood friend Mathias at a local bar. After realising that the Dane could offer a temporary shelter for them, he agreed to be his partner.
Deep down, Emil knew very well that Mathias only loved Lukas. Yet, the man couldn't help it whenever he got brutally turned down by his life-long crush. One night, he sought solace by speaking to Emil. Little did he know that the comfort he yearned for transformed into some kind of twisted affection.
Emil didn't tell anyone but Leon. He didn't mention it to Lukas either, for fear of his brother's outrage and for fear that they would become homeless once Mathias ditched them.
He empathised with Leon but was rather stunned to know that the one inflicting countless pain as well as pleasure on Leon's body was his own father.
"My dad…got drunk last night," Leon mumbled. He didn't have to explain any further. Emil was a bit disturbed that the blond had actually left a hickey on his son's visible body part. Mathias was always very cautious. He would never dare leave any possible trace on Emil's body, just to avoid his boyfriend's ginger eyes.
"By the way…have you got your Maths done yet?" Leon asked, trying to steer away from the obnoxious topic.
Emil shook his head and sighed.
"I…couldn't even finish the History essay…The computer at our place broke down…Mathias said he would get someone to fix it next week so for the time being I…have to write all my assignments…"
Leon gasped, knowing how much trouble Emil must have been through. He could learn without much ado but when it came to reading and writing, he was always stuck. His disorder affected his progress gravely.
"I will help you type it later at lunch. We can borrow one of those crappy computers in the library. Miss. Braginski's class is in the afternoon anyway." Leon dug into his school bag. "And here." He smiled and handed his Maths exercise book to Emil. "Just in case you need some reference."
"Thanks." Emil beamed and took the book gratefully. "You know I hate Maths."
"I know. But you can't copy from me during the test. So maybe, like, we can study together after school today?" Leon suggested.
"Wouldn't you…um…need to go home early? I thought your dad doesn't like you hanging out after school."
"It's fine if it's for study purpose. He just doesn't like it when I get detention." Leon shrugged and zipped his bag. "He won't be home until, like nine, anyway. Probably will be drunk again."
Emil frowned and couldn't help feeling sympathetic. Mathias might touch him sometimes but he was always gentle. Leon's father, however, was always rough and flippant when he was drunk. It's like he had turned into someone completely different; someone feral with no integrity.
Leon bore the assault fairly calmly, as if he had grown accustomed to Arthur's behaviour.
"Why? What's wrong with him?"
"Something unpleasant at work…he said," Leon recited. His father was a white-collar worker. He worked for a renowned international corporation as a senior manager. Working under pressure all the time didn't help with his already fluctuating mood. Most of the time, he would return home exhausted and drunk. He seldom yelled at Leon, but he would resort to committing something far more incorrigible.
"He has a badass boss, he said," Leon added and glanced out of the window. Emil sighed inaudibly and placed his palm on the other's hand. Leon blinked and stared at his friend.
"Can we have tea at that new café down the street after school today?" Emil asked flatly and squeezed the hand slightly. Subtle gestures. That's all they needed between them. "I heard that they have these amazing, giant-sized waffles on a special offer. Can't finish them on my own. I'll treat you. And then you teach me Maths. Deal?"
Leon kept staring at his friend's pale complexion. Emil's hand was cold without the mittens. He always had a body temperature lower than normal. Automatically, Leon took the palm in his, hoping to engulf it in his warmth.
"Okay. Deal." Leon nodded, re-focusing his eyes on the scene outside the window.
A mild smile crawled over Emil's face.
It seemed that the day wasn't as bad as they thought it would be.