Quick competition- Anyone who guesses my real name gets to take over my account and all the stories (only one so far but there you go...)

None of you will guess it. It's weird.

Darquesse could almost feel the way Skulduggery's metaphorical heart shattered when he saw her.

"Hello" Skulduggery replied in a strained voice. There was an awkward silence as neither knew what to say.

"I need to see if she's there" Darquesse blurted. Skulduggery tilted his head. "I mean Valkyrie" she sighed and raised her hand. Before he could ask what she planned on doing, Skulduggery was blasted across the room and into a cheap bookcase, spilling the paperbacks all over the floor.

Darquesse grinned and took a confident step forwards, "Well that answers my question-" she began, but the sentence ended in a scream of agony as a blinding white light filled her head and a voice almost burst her eardrums.

"NOOO" it screamed and she screamed with it.

"I suppose it does answer your question" Skulduggery commented, rubbing his skull and brushing dust from his suit. Darquesse staggered slightly and scowled. Skulduggery saw his chance and grabbed it.

"Do you remember when we were dealing with all that Argeddion business? And you were shunting?"

"No" Darquesse lied.

"And then I was camping out in your back garden, waiting for you to give me a call"

"Shut up" Darquesse grimaced.

"And then you invited me in. And I sang you to sleep. Me and Mrs Jones..." he began and Darquesse clutched her ears. Skulduggery sang louder and she dropped to her knees, emitting squeaks of pain every so often. By the time Skulduggery had finished the song, Darquesse was unconscious and sprawled across the office floor. All Skulduggery did was watch her for a few, suspenful moments before picking up the phone.

"I need you here. Now"

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When Valkyrie opened her big, dark eyes the hazy image of two faces appeared over her. One was the horrifying picture of Dr Nye and the other was the shining skull of Skulduggery Pleasant.

Both reached out for her and asked her numerous questions, confusing her and making her headache throb. When they started raising their voices, she burst into tears.

Nye leapt back like it had been electrocuted, before scuttling out of the room like a wounded puppy. Valkyrie felt the boney arm of her best friend wrap her in a hug as she sobbed and he pulled her onto his lap.

"What are we going to do with me?" she sniffed "We need somewhere Darquess can't escape. Somewhere I can't ever see anyone"

"I... I don't know" he sounded shaken.

"Do I have to die? Should we kill her? Kill me?"

"That's not going to happen"

"We might not have a choice"

"We don't have a choice. You're staying alive no matter what we have to do"

Valkyrie chuckled and hugged Skulduggery tighter "I wish that were true"

"I missed you, you know. Just a little bit" he mumbled into her hair.

"I missed me too" she smiled and they let themselves enjoy their own little world for a small while longer.

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Eventually, Valkyrie untangled herself from Skulduggery and looked into his eye sockets.

"Did you have to tell them?" she asked.

"They practically found out themselves"

"How's... Vex. And Saracen?"

"They're fine, as far as I know. They might shoot you though"

"I might shoot me. Let's hope we all stay away from our guns though, eh?"

Skulduggery chuckled and ruffled her hair and lead her outside. A cleaver stationed outside the office raised it's scythe, but Skulduggery just brushed it aside.

"She's not the enemy any more"

The cleaver returned to it's post and Valkyrie felt the visor-covered eyes follow her as she walked away. Skulduggery grabbed her hand and hid her behind him as they walked purposefully towards China's office.

"You're not dead" China remarked as they slipped into the room together.

"Valkyrie's back" Skulduggery met China's surprising fact with one of this own. China blinked as Valkyrie stepped out from behind Skulduggery and smiled.

"Well that is a lovely surprise. Now it'll be easier to kill her"

"What?" Skulduggery grabbed hold of Valkyrie again, moving her away from China who was grinning wildly.

"The accelerator needs a willing sacrifice to be stopped. Here we have something else that needs to be stopped"

"Death is extreme. She just needs a safe place"

"Like the afterlife?"

"I was thinking more of the gaol. With a bigger, more comfortable cell. With windows. And regular visits"

"And maybe a garden?" Valkyrie asked sweetly as she grinned at China.

"The gaol isn't inescapable for someone like Darquesse. Especially with visits"

"Not if we use a light pattern to send her to sleep before and after every visit"

China considered this option for a while before speaking.

"I'll allow a gaol cell to be refurbished for her, but visits are too risky"

"Deal" Skulduggery said and shook China's dainty hand.

Valkyrie's heart sank. She's never see anyone again? Death didn't sound so bad compared to an eternity alone in a room.

She let Skulduggery know her thoughts on his 'plan' as soon as they were out of China's earshot.

"Alone? You wouldn't be alone. I'm coming with you"

Valkyrie stopped walking and stood in front of Skulduggery.

"Coming with me where? The gaol?"

"Of course! I'm never leaving you"

"You'd give up your life for me?"

Skulduggery gave a short nod and looked away slightly.

"But why?" Valkyrie whispered and there was a few seconds of awkward silence as Skulduggery thought of an answer.

"Ah hell" he mumbled as he wrapped a hand around Valkyrie's waist and pulled her in. He gave her time to protest as their mouths hovered, tantalisingly close, before pushing his teeth gently against her soft lips.

They stayed like that for a while, shifting positions occasionally and kissing like they weren't over 400 and 19 years old. Valkyrie smiled against Skulduggery's teeth as they pulled apart slightly.

"I suppose we'd better collect our stuff"

Some Valduggery mush for you there... But it won't last ;D

Thanks sooooo much for the reviews so far. Someone very helpfully pointed out I'd been spelling Darquesse wrong this whole darn time :/ The word processor I'm using at the moment doesn't have any spell check so things are a little jumbled.

Keep letting me know what you want because at the mo you guys don't seem to be Valduggery fans... What pairing do you want? Any new characters you wanna see?

TheOracleOfDarkness x