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And I did. Took some time but when I finally did get into the academy. You know even in the 21rst century it is still a man's world. I had to work even harder to prove I was just as good... no better then any man I came up against. My knowledge about old religions and fighting tactics proved helpful when we were tested about serial killers and their motives. My ability to watch my own back and wrestle suspects to the ground helped me show everyone what I was made of. Sure I got knocked down a few times but I always came up with a bang.

Almost four years in the academy. It only should have taken me three but apparently I had an "authority" issue and 'I have difficulties following my orders." Blah! How stupid. I follow orders when they are the right ones. I'm not going to follow the dumb ones. And hell yeah I got an attitude problem! When people get in my face I have no problem snapping back, sure doing it to my superiors is not a good idea.

I must have passed every test, exam or training exercise at least eight times but I never saw past the academy. I didn't understand why. So I asked questions all the time. No answers. So I went on with training. I worked out more, I ran everyday and I read more. Soon I was one of the top "agents in training."

It is easier to be noticed in a man's world with a skirt and a low cut top but I was not going to get into a field position like that. Then my answers finally came. We were in the middle of a test. It was all scenarios in which our skills were tested.

" Today will be a bit different." Our instructor said standing in front of the twenty of the students. I always stood in the back. I always felt if I stood to close to people they would know what I was. " Today three of you will be promoted. Leaders from the Behaviour Analysis Unit and organized Crime Unit are hear to today to recruit a new member. So good luck and begin." He said as he popped off a shot and we all went.

First was the simple track. So how fast we were and how long we could run after a suspect. The crowd was cut to ten of us by the end of that stage. Second was team work. We had to get our fake injured patient over an obstacle without inflicting further injury. Five more were left after the next series of tests and inspections. I was the only women. I could feel eyes on me the whole time. The last two tests is where I either shined or failed. First was to walk into a killer's apartment and take him/her down with least amount of force. I did perfectly, checked behind the door and made sure my partners were cleared and took down the suspect with fake shot. Then came the part I always had trouble with. The instructor would give us a situation and we would have to explain out way out or methods.

" Jordyn!" He yelled my name.

" Sir." I addressed him stepping forward.

" A hostage situation has taken place in a kindergarden classroom. The intruder has killed two teachers and is threatening a child." He explained the situation. Then I didn't see what came next. A man came in the room I was in with a child pressed to him. I hopped it was a fake gun at her head. He looked agitated and the child was scared. We had never gone through a test like this before. But I had to prove myself. " You have no weapon, your partner is injured and your time is running low. defuse the situation with a minimal loss strategy." He finished and I looked at him for a minute. Minimal loss meant saving who I could not all. " Agent?" He questioned my look.

I ignored his confusion and looked to the man with the gun. To be honest I was scared myself. I looked to the man who was shaking, he was one hell of an actor. " Look no one else needs to get hurt." I said. " We both can walk away right now." I said.

" Walk away? I can't walk away!" he yelled.

" Yes you can." I said firmly back as the gun held to the girls head was shifted a bit. " I get it, your upset."

" hell yeah I'm upset!" He yelled. " She took everything!"

" She... you mean your wife?" I asked.

" Time agent." The instructor said strongly.

Again I ignored him. " I thought she loved me! But she took everything away..." The man said.

" And your mad I understand." I said.

" You don't understand!" he said.

That's when I focused on the girl. I ignored the man. " What's your name?" I asked.

"What?" She asked.

" Your name sweetheart?" I asked taking a step closer with my hands at my side.

" Stay back." The man threatened with the gun. I was used to guns in my face.

" Back off agent." The instructor demanded.

Again I ignored. " Your name sweetheart?" I asked the girl again.

" Alice." She answered.

" Hi Alice, I'm Emily." I smiled at her. "How old are you?" I asked.

" Um five." She answered.

" and your mom and dad, where are they?" I asked.

" I don't know. Maybe outside." She said.

" and they love you right?" I asked and she nodded. " She is just a little girl. She is scared just like all these other kids." I said to the man and he still held the gun at me. " You do not have to hurt them like your wife hurt you. Do you really want Alice's parents to feel the same pain you do?" I asked. " no." I answered for him as he looked at me. " She is just a little girl and you don't want to hurt anyone else." I said standing strong taking a step closer again. The gun was shaking in his hand. " Give me the gun."

" Agent." The instructor said again. He was obviously angry I ignored him.

" We can walk away, Alice can go home and no one else needs to get hurt. Up to you." I said taking a step closer again. I put my hand out a bit and placed it on the gun. As I started to pull away I reached out for Alice's hand as well and pulled her behind me. I nodded as I took the gun and place it at my side.

" And time!" The instructor called. Then I heard the other clap. I smiled I turned to the members of the BAU and OCU and the other students. They looked impressed. As I turned to the instructor and one of the team leaders. They did not look impressed. I kept my ground and smile. " Agent Jordyn, tell me what you did wrong?" The instructor asked.

" Sir?" I questioned not knowing what he had meant.

" What did you do wrong?" he asked again.

" With all due respect, nothing." I answered.

" You put yourself in the life of fire, you ignored an order twice, and you did exactly the opposite of what you were instructed." He said as the team leader standing beside hims crossed his arms and waited for my answer. He was an older looking man, short black hair, clean pressed suit and tie and was very intimidating to look at.

" To be fair he pointed the gun at me, and wouldn't that have been better then at the little girl's head?" I questioned him. " And if I had backed off he would have thought I was afraid of him and if I showed fear he would have control not me. And you said minimal loss... no one else was hurt." I said looking between the two men.

" You realize in the field that kind of action could get you or members of your team killed?" The leader finally spoke up. He stepped forward and kept his arms crossed.

" I disagree." I said. He looked shocked at what I had said. " No disrespect sir, but isn't it the FBI's job to protect people as best we can?" I asked. " If the attention is on me then the more chances the kids had or others in the room and I am doing my job." I said and made sure to look like I was sure of myself.

" And if the unsub had reacted differently?" The man asked.

" I doubt he would have." I said.

" And you are sure of yourself?" He asked. I nodded. " Sure that in any situation you would have done the same even though you put yourself in danger?" He asked.

" Yes Sir." I nodded. I could tell by the look on his face he did not like my answer. "I didn't join the FBI to sit at a desk to push paperwork, or get people killed. I joined because I wanted to help people and put monsters in jail." I said. " And I'm sorry if you don't see that what I did was a good thing, but if that was real and a real gun was at a little girl's head I sure as hell would not have backed off, I would have done exactly that." I said being even more sure of myself. He looked at me and nodded. I nodded and fell into line with the other four who had gone before me.

" Your are dismissed. Tomorrow the units will have their choices." The instructor called and we all left. Me and that one man did stare each other down. It was like he was waiting for me to back down. That day was long and the night even longer. As I walked out of the Academy that day one of the other four students caught up with me.

" You do realize who you just talked back to..." He said as I tried to ignore him.

" Don't really care." I shrugged on our walk.

" That was SSA Hotchner." He said and I stopped in my tracks. I had heard so much about that agent but never seen him. He was kind of the talk of the FBI. His BAU team caught more unsubs then any other team did. They were brilliant and all had their own qualifications. His team was responsible for catching the Boston Reaper for crying out loud. Now I felt stupid. I talked back to one of the FBI's best agents. Now I was never going to get that job.

" Agent Smith, and Agent Winner." The instructor called out the next day. They were two of he four of us and they looked nervous. They stepped forward. " You are dismissed." He said and the two looked at each other, sighed and walked out of the room. " Agent Jordyn." He spoke up and I sighed.

" Yes sir?" I asked as I walked up to him.

" You have a meeting on the 15th floor tomorrow morning at 10:30." He said.

" Excuse me?" I asked.

" The BAU was interested in your skill and tactics. I disagree but they want to see you. Don't be late." he said. " Now your dismissed." He said with a small smirk.

I walked away with the biggest smile on my face. This meant I had an interview, which meant I had a chance! I was so happy! When I got home that night my excitement couldn't be contained. I danced around my apartment until I stumbled upon a picture sitting on my night stand in my room. My smile faded and my heart sank.

I was sitting on the hood on an old car, Dad leaning in front of me and my hands were around his neck. I was smiling and Sam and Dean were leaned next to him. The boys and my dad all had a small smirk. I sat on my bed and sighed as I held the picture. " I miss you daddy." I said running my finger over the picture. I fell asleep with the picture in my hands. It was a good and bad night.

Tomorrow I would prove myself to the BAU and start on making my life better. There had to be something out there that would help this lonely feeling I had.