Is It My Fault?

by Officially-Malec-Trash

I couldn't decide on the amount of angst that I wanted to include in this story so I wrote 3 different endings. Chapter 4 has a little angst, Chapter 5 has some angst, and Chapter 6 has a ton of angst. Fun fact, I had to stop writing Chapter 6 multiple times because I cried so much. So have fun with that.

2. Part 2: Flashback

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"Drew, you know I have to go out. You can't keep me here forever."

Drew plants another kiss on Rick, who allows it for a few seconds before pulling away. He crawls out of Drew's arms, out of bed, and into his uniform. He looked good in his uniform.

"I know, I know. I just...don't want you to go out there."

"You never want me to go out there." Rick kisses Drew's forehead, hearing his husband's footsteps following him down the hall of their newly purchased home. Rick sits down to lace up his combat boots, while Drew leans against the island in the kitchen, crossing his arms.

"Because it's dangerous Rick!" Drew can't stop the edge from making its way into his statement, watching anxiously as Rick glances up at him.

"And we're back on this. You know I can handle myself, Drew! I don't understand why this is so hard for you."

"You already lost a leg, I don't want to lose the rest of you!"

Drew regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. He wanted to erase the scent of them in the air, erase the pain and betrayal on Rick's face, emotions giving way to anger and frustration.

"It always comes back to the leg, doesn't it? I can't even go to do my job without it affecting us somehow, right?"

"Rick-"

"I'll see you later." Letting the door slam behind him, Rick doesn't even bother to kiss Drew goodbye. Doesn't bother to say 'I love you'. He hadn't ever done that before.

Drew sat on the floor, pinching the bridge of his nose. He knew that talking about Rick's amputation made him upset, but he couldn't help it. Rick had managed to lose his leg riding a bus, for god's sake, and now he wanted to put himself in harm's way on purpose? It terrified Drew every day that he went out there.

But it gave Rick purpose again. He finally felt like he was something. That he wasn't just the gay soldier with one leg. Drew could see that it made him fuller, stronger, more able to face the demons inside himself. But he couldn't help but worry, think that something bad was going to happen.

He just wished he had gotten the chance to tell Rick how much he loved him before he left.