This story begins as a few others do, with a series of massive explosions.
The first, not surprisingly for the neighbors, came from the apartment building of one Uzumaki Naruto. Having the foresight to leave the gas on in anticipation for cooking that night's dinner did not coincide with having candles lit on the table for light. This was definitely not one of the good times for the lightbulbs to have blown, especially in the evening when the first nightbirds were beginning to fly through the contours of dusk. Their squawks of terror mimicked the humans below; although the human's cries turned to ones of disgust once they realized what the birds had expelled from their bodies in their haste to leave.
The resulting force of the 'burp' pushed the screaming Jinchuriki through the roof, leaving behind him a faint trail of wreckage and burning shrapnel from what remained of his grimy abode. As he reached the arc of his flight -surmising that the massive drop might result in the village he loved having a future Hokage dubbed 'Omelet face'- his hands took action. A familiar seal was formed, a simple plan was worked out, and the words Kage Bunshin no Jutsu! Escaped from singed lips.
It would have quite disheartening for a normal person to switch from two aspects of reality so quickly, from celebrating one's nineteenth Birthday alone (With one teammate out on a mission since that morning, one without a care for such niceties, and two teachers running damage control after a recent Sound attack, this was reasonable enough.) to flying through the air and making a cushion out of clones, but this particular blond was quite hard to discourage.
In fact, he was famous for it.
This does not lead us to the next explosion, but the immense pounding in Tsunade's head overrides the current story narrative. It was a hangover that killed one's will to live, or at least without the barriers of Time, a hearty breakfast and an unbelievable amount of luck.
Unfortunately… The Hokage mused, sitting at her desk and watching the world through her window through teary eyes … I've had none of the former, nothing on the middle and I'm notorious for lacking the latter… Urghhhhhhhh… Go away go away goawaygoaway!!
It had begun with a small celebration with the Nara boy upon his making Jounin. It had continued with Sakura fixing a massive dinner (Inedible), Shino making jokes (Incomprehensible), Ino encouraging Sai to try out a 'Sake funnel' (Inebriated… eventually) and Kiba fighting with the Brat over who got the last piece of pizza (Indigestion). When it came to the 'In' crowd, you didn't have to look further than the Rookie Nine (Insane, every one of them).
With a brief flash of amusement before the headache destroyed her joy, Tsunade remembered how the party had ended.
Shino was embedded halfway through the hallway wall, snoring loudly. Hinata and Neji had decided on practicing unconscious chakra control by sleeping on the ceiling, which led to Chouji and Kiba shooting spitballs at the Branch member as he slumbered gently on. Sai had passed out on the couch, vomiting as the spirits in his drink caught up with him and splattering the carpet. Ino and Sakura had ended up aiming to give the birthday boy a kiss for good luck at the same time, but as the Genius leaned back to grab another drink, they missed and ended up liplocking each other.
It made quite an epic scene, with Shikamaru looking forward again and going bug-eyed as his best (Female) friend and closest associate hooked up a metre over his crotch. The room went deadly quiet for a second as the two continued to twist and turn in their hurry to give the Nara a nice present.
Eventually, Ino spoke up from within the wet kiss.
"You know, Shika-kun, you have really girlie lips."
Then was the time for Sakura's eyes to slam open, and for her mouth to scream a moment later. The shock caused Neji to fall from the ceiling onto Kiba, who pushed him off and continued to tape the show. Ino followed suit with the screaming, and for some bizarre reason, Lee decided to join in.
"AAAAAAAHHH!!!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOWAH!!!"
All parties ran out of breath, and Lee took the opportunity while the two Kunoichi were washing out their mouths to explain an idea to his rival.
"Neji! Neji! Such a movement of youthful bonding twixt the same gender! Let us consummate our friendship and scream our brotherly love towards the stars!" The Green Beast cried from another couch, his eyes brimming with tears and his hand crushing a can of orange juice.
It was Neji's turn to be sick, but nobody expected the Hyuuga to be able to gag, cover his mouth, kick off his sleeping bag and run towards the window to projectile vomit at least ten feet outside.
"Whoa."
Tenten stirred from the T.V (She hadn't been paying attention to the commotion at all) with a happy look on her face. "Lee? Neji? Love? My prayers have been answered!!" She cried happily, hugging another Hinata on the couch. Moments later the Hinata on the roof burst into a puff of smoke.
("Just because Neji says so doesn't mean you have to sleep on a boring ol' roof" she said earlier to his impressionable little cousin)
In the middle of this, Tsunade laughed and laughed and drunk even more Sake.
The night would not end well, but at least she had her booze.
At least… Tsunade shook herself back into the present … that's what I thought until my hangover remedies turned out to be empty. Little bastard apprentice took them all so's she could take a mission to go see her boy-toy in Suna… bah!
Shuddering, she looked at a piece of hellish and evil paperwork, trying to force her eyes to focus over the small print.
'-in the circumstances, it was deemed advisable to increase the price of cabbage by a value of twelve over five, judging from the current elasticity of demand-'
She groaned, thinking it prudent to call the entire day off. She couldn't honestly be expected work in this condition.
'-itshitshitshitshitshitshitshit-!'
At the very least, she was hallucinating. Only a few seconds ago she thought she'd heard a loud bang and screams, but a glance outside showed only Naruto practicing his sage jumps in midair. Now she was hearing voices! What next?
'-notthetowergranny'sgonnakillmenotthetowershitshitshit-!!'
Wait, Sage jumps?
'OHSHI-!'
Tsunade looked up to catch a globe of Narutos smash into her window with a continuous crashing noise of broken glass. Smoke filled the air as the clones took the brunt of the impact and burst into nothing, while the original prankster rolled over the floor, through her desk (Tsunade had jumped aside, wincing at the noise) and ended up piled against the door. Shizune kicked it open, the hinges popping and flying out as the portal slammed down onto the lump of the Kyuubi-boy.
"Tsunade-sama!" The assistant called out, whipping out a pair of senbon dripping with a clear venom and scanning for the assailants.
"I'm fine… I'm fine…" The Sannin coughed, using a chakra filter to clean the zone of airborne microscopic particles. She pointed at the door that Shizune was standing on, "I think our little troublemaker needs you to stop cutting off his oxygen."
"Is it Naruto again?" Shizune sighed as she got off, letting the young man crawl and wheeze and grin from under the slab of wood. "Honestly, that's the third time this month!"
"Not my fault my technique didn't work…" Naruto grumbled as he got to his feet, dusting himself off, "Stupid landlord doesn't treat his wood, so of course the trees are going to grow too fast…" He found a hand over his mouth before he could continue, and heard Shizune sigh.
"Naruto Naruto Naruto… I'm beginning to think you're doing this on purpose. Ne, Shishou?" She turned to her teacher, who smirked and winced again at the movement. The apprentice medic shook her head.
"And what have we learned from this?" She asked the room.
"Don't leave the gas light on when I'm using candles…"
"Always check my remedy supplies…"
"And Ayame makes fun at me for not wanting kids." Shizune chuckled, imagining that both the strongest Ninja in the village and the boy with the most potential anyone had ever seen were her disobedient, silly children.
"Shut up." Tsunade groaned, "Brat, you're paying for the window."
"WHAAAA-?!" Naruto began to whine, but the I'm-hungover-as-hell-and-will-pull-that-necklace-of-mine-and-rip-your-head-clean-off-if-you-don't-speak-softer look on his leader's face gave him room for vocal modesty. "Uh, I mean, I don't have any money at the moment." He muttered, defeated by a set of bloodshot eyes.
"Isn't that convenient? I'm currently looking for somebody to go on a long, boring mission to go and increase my supplies of willow extract. It's a thankless task, and the amount I'm willing to pay is… oh… a window."
As she finished her sentence, another piece of glass shattered and fell inside the room. Naruto grinned at the look on his boss's face.
"I'm not paying for that one, Granny."
That's it!!
The third explosion of the day came from an enraged Hokage fist punching a irritating little bastard clean across the village, causing a few children to jump up and down with the appearance of a shooting star in the afternoon.
--
Another explosion sounded from the Nara Bathroom, where a grumpy digestive system was dealing with the toxic waste that Sakura believed was fit to feed to a group of party goers. In between the grunts, drawn out 'Graaaaaagh's and occasional 'Troubles-argh!', Shikamaru cursed the existence of a Pink-haired Chunin.
The fourth explosion has nothing to do with the plot or the story, but it may have done. It just goes to show how a plate of improperly cooked meat can change the world.
--
The fifth explosion occurred a far way away, between the borders of Rain and Stone, where a lithe figure bounded across tree branches jutting out of the swampy mire. Fog blurred the movements, but it did not conceal the extra shadows that leaped out to snag overhanging undergrowth in its smooth journey. It blurred as it passed, leaving only a waft of vapor to follow its slipstream.
From the place where it had come, there was another series of explosions, seen through the mist only by the light orange blooms from the detonation. There were angry shouts, punctuated by an angry outburst that left something gurgling its life away, out of sight.
Finally, a voice.
Bring your brother back to me, dead or alive. And inform their leader, I doubt they will be pleased to find their precious Bijuu hunted like an animal.
There was another set of mumbling.
Yes, I know that's what they are, but we're not here to convince them. So, are you willing, little princess?
A tiny voice, humble in its servitude to the stronger voice, mumbled assent.
Go. Go now, and bring our fury with you.
There was a sense of movement, and a blinding white light. The swamp was silent once more.
--
These five explosions would change the world forever.
Reviews, suggestions, critisisms... all welcome.