lonely(a): remote or secluded;
lone(a): characterized by or preferring solitude
alone(p): lacking companions or companionship
Chapter 1
The Doctor
He stands alone, silently staring into nothing, his face awash in soft green light as he stands in front of the console watching the time rotor pulsating as they make their way into the time vortex. He is alone, save for the only constant that he knows will be with him until the end of his days, the TARDIS, ever present and always knowing the pain and loneliness and guilt that at times consumes her charge. He is her constant, her only companion in the universe, just as she is the last of her kind, and he, the Last of the Time Lords, last of an ancient and majestic civilization, pompous and incredulous as they may have been at times, now long gone, wiped from all of time and space, the last desperate attempt to save the universe from extinction and destruction. But she could not let him die with his people, the love this machine has for this man, no matter which face he may have, would not allow it to come to pass, he who once saved her life from loneliness and pain and death...quite right too she thinks. She tries to soothe her time lord with a wash of love and peace and support, but has little effect on such a broken man, as powerful as she maybe, she is unable to mend broken hearts.
Once they are safely in the vortex, he runs his fingers lovingly along the console and makes his way into the depths of his beloved ship, his only constant companion. He is tired and broken, she takes pity on him by moving his room closer to the console room, sensing his need to sleep, rare for a time lord as that maybe, he sends a silent message to the TARDIS, thanking her for refraining from her usual swapping and mixing of corridors and rooms. He shrugs off his coat, and removes his suit jacket too exhausted to do anything other than drop them at the foot of his bed and sit down with his head in his hands. His mind still racing, thoughts moving so quickly, equations, problems, memories...in the end that's all he ever seems to have, all he wants is peace. He lays back and closes his eyes, and implores the TARDIS to remove all thought and memory as he descends into a restless sleep, he doesn't want to dream or remember, just to sleep. She complies, after all this is all she can do to help his tortured soul.
They are all gone, his people, his friends, his family, everything he has ever loved has been taken away from him, always he is left with nothing but painful memories, Tegan, Nyssa, Ace, Sarah Jane, Martha, Donna, Jack to name a few...Rose. They all leave in the end whether willing or not, and some of them he just leaves behind, not able to bear the sight of them withering and dying in front of him as he lives on, the curse of the Time Lords. Some days he can't stand that he can no longer feel the presence of his people, that small tug in the back of his mind that reminded him that he wasn't alone, not anymore though, the ever present gaping hole that their annihilation caused, by his own hand no less, he killed them, all of them gone. He wonders if this is the universes way of punishing him for all that he has done, all the destruction he has caused, no matter how much good he does, constantly punishing him and beating him, times champion, but always and forever as the legends and stories describe him, destroyer of worlds, bringer of darkness...the oncoming storm.
There once was a time when the burden which he carries seemed lighter, shared by another who knew the pain and torment he subjected himself to, she had met him just after the most devastating part of his long, long life, just after the time war, she came to him when he was a broken, bitter, brooding man. From the moment he first took her hand in that basement and told her to run, he knew she was different, every time she was around, laughed, or took his hand the weight of the worlds which he protects disappeared and he was, for lack of a better word happy and content with his existence, she gave him hope at his most hopeless moment, spurred on by her lust for life, her compassion, her innocence, her love. She, who after he had sent her home to be safe, opened and looked into the Heart of the TARDIS, knowing that it would likely cost her life, absorbed the time vortex and became BAD WOLF, just so he would be protected from the false god. Destroyed the daleks and brought about the end the time war, all for him. Regeneration was a small price to pay for what this human was willing to sacrifice because of her love for him. After all, he could save the world but lose her. His Rose, who promised him her forever...still gone now, torn from him, the one place he cannot reach her, dimensional travel used to be easy back when the time lords existed, but no more, trapped on a parallel world with her family, the walls have closed...shut away from him, still holding pieces of his broken hearts. In the end she told him, on the beach at Bad Wolf Bay, but he knew, he always knew. Ironic really the place where they came to their end. The Doctor and Rose parted forever. He wanted to tell her, tell her that he has and will always love her, but even that was begrudged him. Him, the Lord of Time, in the end ran out of time. Rose Tyler, I..."
The Doctor slowly drifted back to consciousness, awakened by a song running through his mind, sad and meaningful, strange he thought as he's not heard the sound of music or song for a long time, not since...well, and he didn't want to think about that. He could not imagine where he could have possible heard it, yet there it was running in repeat through his mind, tormenting him, even the TARDIS could not place the song when he silently queried her as to its origins, and as it continued to play out a deep sense of loneliness and pain, and sadness and despair washed over him, a silent tear made its way down his cheek at the sheer depth of these foreign emotions:
Couldn't save you from the start
Love you so it hurts my soul
Can you forgive me for trying again?
Your silence makes me hold my breath
Time has passed you by
Oh, for so long I've tried to shield you from the world
Oh, you couldn't face the freedom on your own
Here I am
Left in silence
You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven
I watched the clouds drifting away
Still the sun can't warm my face
I know it was destined to go wrong
You were looking for the great escape
To chase your demons away
Oh, for so long I've tried to shield you from the world
Oh, you couldn't face the freedom on your own
And here I am
Left in silence
You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven
I've been so lost since you've gone
Why not me before you?
Why did fate deceive me?
Everything turned out so wrong
Why did you leave me in silence?
You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven
He was feeling someone else's pain and suffering, his stomach sank as he felt the despair that was left in their heart, just as deep as the holes left in his own, but whose he could not say, whoever and whatever these feelings where coming from, he had no idea, but the sheer power behind these feelings was unfathomable, to be projected and to reach him at all, let alone in the depths of the time vortex was practically impossible, and not his type of impossible, absolutely and undeniably impossible. And this scared him to no end.
He needed to find its source, needed to know how and why he was receiving these thoughts and feelings, and from who, and the power needed to broadcast such a thing he calculated would surely come to the equivalent of that of at least two decent sized supernovas, at exactly the same time, and as far as he was concerned, that just wasn't plausible, not impossible mind you but definitely a bad thing in his opinion. And the song which played constantly over and over and over in his mind, never ending. Within seconds he was out into the corridor and in the control room, running test after test, trying to find the source of the transmissions in his head, he ran the TARDIS through thousands of possible frequencies and anything he could think of to pin point a location for this phenomenon. When the TARDIS started bleeping that she had finished and found the location of the disturbance, not the source she told him, but that location was not unfamiliar to him. The Doctor set the co ordinates and the TARDIS came full pelt out of the Vortex, and as he finished the rematerializing sequence, he stopped and ran his fingers through his already messed brown hair, sighed as he gritted his teeth and whispered to himself, "God Jack, what have you done now?"
Jack was sitting at his desk in Torchwood, when he heard the familiar whirring of the TARDIS engines, he raced from his office and down the stairs, as the time machine appeared in the middle of the HUB, as the TARDIS doors where flung open The Doctor stepped out and Jack came to stop mere inches from the slightly shorter mans face, they looked at each other, and in unison came a response that left the rest of Torchwood Cardiff flabbergasted..."What have you done now?"
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