As she touched her lips to Rhett's, Scarlett realised that she couldn't even remember the last time that she had initiated a kiss between them, in fact she wasn't entirely sure if she ever had. A lump formed in her throat at the thought, but she was glad that while she had missed so very many opportunities to do so in the past, at least she had taken this one, perhaps the last that she would ever get.
While part of her longed to go slowly, to savour the feel of Rhett's skin under her own, deep down she knew that there was no time for such luxuries. As such the kiss was not the gentle and lover-like one that she wished she could finally bestow upon him, nor was it one of unbridled passion and lust. Instead it was the desperate and hard kiss of someone who risks it all whilst knowing deep down that they have already lost.
Instantly Rhett tensed beneath her, his entire body going rigid as his eyes flew open to reveal a look of utter shock and confusion. Terrified that his expression would soon turn to one of anger, Scarlett quickly broke the kiss and took Rhett's aging face between her two small hands before he had a chance to gather his wits and push her roughly away. Forcing him to look into her wide green eyes which were brimming over with all the love and regret that she so keenly felt, Scarlett whispered pleadingly, 'Please Rhett, let me stay, just for tonight. I'll let you go in the morning, I swear I will, but I couldn't bear it if you left tonight, not now that I love you so.'
Unable to continue looking into his eyes for fear of the rejection she would surely find there, Scarlett swiftly dropped her head and frantically showered Rhett's jaw and neck with kisses. Her hands meanwhile hungrily roamed over his upper body, a body that she had neglected for years and now had mere moments to memorise. She had never touched him like this before, had never even wanted to, but now it was as if a dam had burst causing waves of need and desire to flood through her washing away all of her previous reservations.
It felt like an age past before Rhett moved, causing Scarlett to freeze as she felt his hand rise from the mattress to lodge itself firmly under her chin, forcing her to lift her head to meet his gaze. Childishly she screwed her eyes shut, believing that if she refused to look at him then he could not reprimand her for her actions. A few seconds past before Rhett finally spoke for the first time since she had entered his room that night, speaking her name in an authorative if slightly weary manner which silently conveyed his wish for her to open her eyes.
Stubbornly she kept them closed, taking comfort in the solid darkness that existed behind her lashes, a darkness which provided the only possible barrier between herself and Rhett's fast-approaching rejection.
'Scarlett' he repeated more firmly as if annoyed by her disobedience, and yet beneath his outwardly chastising tone Scarlett thought she detected a small, almost ghostly note of amusement. It was as if her immaturity had transported them back to the time when her every action had entertained him, the time before his love for her had slowly begun to die out.
The sound filled her with the hope that maybe his feelings hadn't faded away completely after all, that perhaps given time and the right opportunity they could be coaxed slowly back to life. Encouraged by this thought, Scarlett found the strength to finally open her eyes and look at Rhett, her breath catching as she took him in.
His eyes were a deep, foreboding shade of black, his expression guarded, and yet somehow the famous Rhett Butler mask which had fooled her for so long had slipped a little allowing her to read traces of fear and anger overlaid with a resounding look of regret. She remembered how years ago his gaze had made her feel as if he was undressing her with his eyes, now though she knew that it was her inner thoughts that he was striving to uncover with his piercing stare.
Determined that he should be left with no doubt regarding her feelings for him, Scarlett poured her heart into her eyes feeling them grow heavy under the weight of her love and heartache. She felt Rhett stiffen as he took in her emotions, heard him emit a small gasp of surprise at seeing her bare herself so openly in front of him after having kept him out for so long.
They lay in silence for a few minutes, hardly breathing, not even daring to blink in case the movement should sever the new, fragile connection that had been forged between them. Finally, after a long, torturous period of silent communication which told them more than years of talking had ever managed to do, Rhett broke the calm to murmur, 'You'll let me go.'
It was not a question, but Scarlett nodded her head hastily anyway, hear heart beating erratically in her chest as she realised Rhett had accepted her plea. She did not know what had prompted him to do so, perhaps he was touched by her genuine show of affection after having longed for her love for all these years, perhaps he too wasn't quite ready to let her go and only wished to prolong their time together for one more night. Probably though, she thought sadly, he was just too tired to fight her any longer and felt that giving into her demands now was the best way to escape her hold in the long run.
Right now though his reasoning was of little consequence, all that mattered was that he had agreed and in that moment Scarlett couldn't have been happier. Indeed she almost had to bite her tongue to stop herself from smiling and when Rhett's hand tightened under her chin, pulling her back down towards him until their lips met in a chaste and extremely cautious kiss, she almost cried for joy.
Her happiness soon turned to confusion though when Rhett broke the kiss and moved away to lie back down on his pillow. Darting her eyes up to meet his, Scarlett saw not the dismissal that she had feared though, but a look of complete surrender. She gasped softly as she realised that Rhett was handing her absolute control for perhaps the first time in their entire relationship. For this one night he was laying himself at her mercy, allowing her to use him in whatever way she pleased.
Stunned by his actions and unsure of what to do with the power that she had been given, Scarlett froze above him and frantically tried to decide what it was that she most needed from him tonight in order to assuage her pain.
She considered spending the night talking as they had so often done on their honeymoon, curled up together in bed they had whiled away the lonely hours by telling tales of their past, Rhett often making her giddy with laughter as he regaled some particularly scandalous escapade or other. While the idea appealed greatly to her though, she did not know how to begin, after all it had been so long since her and Rhett had spoken to each other in friendship rather than bitterness. Indeed, all of his words in these last few years had been spoken with the aim of hurting her rather than making her smile.
Not that they'd even had anything to smile about recently, Scarlett thought despondently, why even if they did try talking to one another as they used to do there would be nothing pleasant for them to speak about now. No, talking would only lead to them raking up the miseries of the past and that was the last thing that Scarlett wanted to send her last night with Rhett doing.
Rejecting the notion of trying to draw Rhett into conversation on these grounds, Scarlett next considered simply curling up next to him and going to sleep. She remembered how she had always loved the feel of his strong, reassuring presence next to her at night, enjoyed how he would hold her protectively in his arms as if he couldn't bear for even an inch of space to creep up between them. She recalled also how he used to wrap her long hair across his throat while they slept, a gesture so simple that she had always overlooked it, but which now made her heart ache dully in her chest.
Yet she knew that even with Rhett beside her once more after years of night-time separation, she would not now be able to find peace. Her mind was too overwrought for sleep, filled with images of Melanie and Ashley and Rhett and all of the other people that she had lived alongside for years and never really known until it was too late.
No tonight sleep was not an option, her head was pounding under the weight of her regret and what she needed now was something that would take her out of herself and help her to forget everything if only for a short while.
Suddenly a hazy, heated memory of the aftermath of Ashley's birthday party came into her head unbidden and made her cheeks flush red. It had been a turbulent, terrifying, exhilarating night, one unlike any other that she had ever experienced. It had shaken all her well-held beliefs about the meaning of marriage and love and made her realise that up until now she had not known the slightest thing about her husband or her feelings or even her own body.
That night Rhett had swept away all of her fears and concerns until all that remained was sensation, the feel of his rough skin against the smoothness of her own, the sound of his deep, almost inhuman groans offset by her softer moans, the pungent, heady taste of his sweat and saliva as he plundered her mouth while moving over her.
It had been frightening and overwhelming and thoroughly indecent and yet it had made her heart pound like never before and her body writhe under the onslaught of a pleasure so intense it was almost indistinguishable from pain.
Lying above Rhett now, taking in the sight of his weary face carved with deep-set lines put there by years of suffering, and feeling her own exhaustion of body and spirit, Scarlett could scarcely believe that the two of them had once been capable of such passion. It hurt to see how much life had worn them down, how two such intensely alive people who between them had managed to survive wars and starvation and imprisonment and miscarriage had been unable to escape the ravages of time.
She wished with everything she had that she could go back to that night, could reach those dizzying heights once more while knowing now that he loved her and she him. Looking back she couldn't understand how Rhett's actions hadn't alerted her to his feelings for her, surely his love had been clearly on display the entire time? His every touch, whisper and caress practically screamed out his devotion while she had lain ignorantly by, too wrapped up in her own pleasure to open her eyes and see what was staring her right in the face.
She had been a fool that night just as she had been every other night that she had known him, wasting so many opportunities to be happy, truly happy in a way that life with Ashley could never have made her.
Squaring her shoulders, she forced all of her regrets concerning Rhett to the back of her mind, knowing that no amount of 'I'm sorry''s or wishful thinking would change what had been and gone. That time was over, and while she couldn't redo it perhaps she could still re-enact it. For now at least Rhett was still here and he had granted her one last chance, one more night in which she could finally find happiness by losing herself in him.
It was a chance that she never thought she would be given, and despite her deep-seated pride and prudishness it was not one that she intended to pass up.
Apologies for the shortness of this chapter, it was initially supposed to be the first part of what will now be chapter 3, but as this story has gone in a direction that I wasn't really planning on I thought I'd better upload it now so I could have a chance to explain. As you may have guessed (and if you haven't you weren't reading this very closely!) the content of the next chapter will mean that I'll have to move this story to the M category. I've never written anything like this before so I'm not too confident how it will work out, but it feels right given where these two are at the moment. I understand it's not everybody's thing so I thought I'd let you know of my intentions now and then if you want to stop reading you're welcome to (although of course I'd rather you didn't!). As always I love hearing your thoughts so please review and I'll hopefully have the last part up by either Monday or Tuesday. Thanks for reading!