Sometime after my tears subsided yet again that day and I manned the fuck up, I knew I had to explain everything to Pepper. To be honest, I don't even know how someone's supposed to start filling them in. It's not exactly normal to say a giant purple grape with a big chin snapped his fingers and killed fifty percent of the universe...but here we are.

Pepper got the text; You still with us? it said. Wakanda. Get here. I guess that means Rhodey's still around, thank God.

She almost lost it when the robot thing came back to grab me; none of the Avengers were in the facility...probably all in that new tech city that wants to compete with Stark Industries. Now it doesn't really matter, does it? Pepper went into defense mode again with the arm to the suit, but I dismissed her once she released me.

"She's with us," I informed her quietly, the life drained from my voice.

Nebula kept her eyes on Pep but it was harmless.

"You're no threat to me, anyway," she hissed back.

On a normal day, I'd fight back in her honor, but today...I'm weak, and there's too much to process. Too much to figure out.

We boarded one of the jets left at the facility instead of her ship; easier to pinpoint the city on our radar. I'd never been, but since their recent opening to the public eye and their display of technology at the conference, I had Friday dig up some info on what they'd been hiding from the world. Anyway...the blue chick said she had piloting down since she didn't need sleep, so Pepper programmed Friday to alert us of absolutely any issues and then drug me to one of the quarters and into the small bunk bed against the wall. Remind me to issue bigger ones in the upgrade...especially if it would just be me and her from now on.

I've never been a cuddler...but today, I'm on my side and my arms are wound against her torso like we've switched our usual positions. My mind is numb. I can't sleep. I should but I can't. Parker's the only thing on my mind. Quill. Strange. Happy. Where are the others? What if Pepper goes when I do fall asleep? My grip tightens on her at that thought, and she notices.

"Where did they all go, Tony?" she whispers finally, shutting her eyes as she anticipates the response.

I know I'm shaking as I remember it, but I can't stop. I'm focused on the wall...on anything but her, anything but those images in my head. Fighting back remaining water that's clouding my eyes.

"They're gone, Pep..." I whisper lighter than ever.

"You can bring them back...right?" she asks, and I hear a hint of fear on her voice more than before.

I swallow against her stomach. "I'm not sure. He...he just, decided it. He took them."

"Who?"

"Thanos," I answer with disgust. "He's the one who was behind New York, Pep. The aliens, the-"

"Nightmares," she corrects, and I shudder.

"Yeah."

"God, Tony..." she breathes and then she's rubbing my back with the arms that are enclosed around me.

"He got all six stones, Pep."

"Like the one on Vision?"

I close my eyes finally, trying to ignore the images flashing through my head. "All he had to do was snap his fingers, and half the world would die. Just like that."

"Happy..." she begins, piecing it together.

She must have seen him go. Must have been talking with him. He was probably helping her. And then...he was ash, right before her eyes, and she had no idea. I hold onto her, dirty nails digging into her skin and the wound on my cheekbone stinging as I squeeze my eyes closed harder. Breathe, Stark, breathe. She's here...

"He deserved so much better, Pepper..." I tell her as I bite the inside of my cheek and push down more tears. "He was just...there, and then he wasn't...and it was my job to protect him. My job to make him better, make him a hero...someone better than me."

She kisses the top of my head but the fear is radiating from her...strong. She doesn't speak. She can't, because if she breaks down, I break down. That's how it's always been.

"You're right," I continue, thinking out loud. "About kids. I shouldn't have one. I shouldn't be trusted. I'll just fuck it all up anyway."

That hurts her, even though I don't mean it to, and she releases me suddenly, pushing me off of her. She isn't mad, but it's not gentle, either.

"Anthony Stark, don't you start!" she scolds, and I manage to prop myself up on my arm to meet her.

"It's true..." I mutter, and my free hand goes to my stomach, wincing in pain as the wound is stretched; sure, it's healed, but it isn't perfect yet.

Her face instantly softens, and I try to keep her from inspecting me, but before I can react, she's grabbed my grimy hands and pulled them aside, lifting what's left of my torn shirt to see the frozen over scar that's now permanent on my abs.

"Tony..." she gasps, her nails trailing the lifted skin. "You're hurt. What-"

"Pep, I love you, but you don't want to know, okay? I'm fine now. I will be. Physically, anyway..."

"What do you-"

"Strange made a trade. Me for the stone."

"Who?"

"The wizard," I sigh, pulling my shirt back down. "From the park."

Pepper's mouth is agape as she looks me over but she doesn't say anything more about it. Instead, she brushes at the wound on my cheek and frowns.

"Promise me you're staying here...with me," she begs. "Safe."

I let my eyes wander to hers and I know they're doing their own talking because she's closing hers in defeat and looking away again.

"I gotta fix this, Pep. I have to try," I tell her, my hand wandering to cup her cheek and let her know I'm going to do everything I can to put things back together.

"You could die, Tony!" she replies, raising her voice at me. "You could..."

I force a smile. "I know, babe. I thought I did, there, for a moment."

Her frown turns deeper and she looks at me with pain in her eyes, trying not to think of what situation I would have been in. I can't tell her. I can't even begin to try. What do I say? He used the suit against me? I tried to stab him and he got me instead? With the nano tech? Yeah, she won't let that one go.

"I was...stabbed..." I tell her carefully, not taking my eyes off of hers in attempt to comfort her.

"Tony!" she begins, but I talk over her.

"Pep, Pepper! Let me talk here, okay? Please..."

"Okay," she agrees finally, her voice softer. "Okay..."

I swallow nervously. "He was gonna kill me, Pep. And...it hurt. More than you can imagine. To the point where it was almost nonexistent. And...honey, I'm not saying this to scare you, but..." I'm fumbling for words. "It was you. And the kid. And our kid...maybe. And that's all I could think about. I didn't know if I'd be coming back, babe. That was it...that was it for me. I should've died, but I didn't. And... Pepper, I swear, if I fix this, if I bring them back... That's it. No more suits. No more tech. We'll go to Rome. Or Paris...or...wherever you want to go. And we'll have our wedding and we'll have a family, and-"

Yeah, I'm rambling at this point, but I had no idea until she shuts me up but tugging me back to her with her lips against mine, roughly kissing me as though she'd never get to again. I can't blame her.

Before I can react, she's pulling me over her and her hands are roaming my shoulders before making their way down to the hem of my shirt, but this time, she isn't pulling it up to inspect my battle scars. No, this time, she's desperate, and emotional, and...this probably isn't a good idea.

"Pep, honey..." I manage as I break away from her, but her lips go directly to my jawline instead. "Pepper."

Tony Stark trying to avoid sex? Yeah, hell definitely did freeze over, but we already knew that, didn't we... But she isn't being rational, and I should sleep, and...

"I can't lose you, Tony," she says after a few more kisses, and then she's burying her face in the crook of my neck and I can tell she's softly trying to hide her crying.

I can't even tell her I'm here. I can't tell her it will be okay...because damnit, it won't be. It's all fucked up. Everything. Instead, I just lay her down and pull her into a tight hug, kissing her hair as she cries into me and clutches onto my shoulder.

"Just...don't go. Don't leave again. Or...take me with you. Anything. But you can't go, Stark. I need you here. I need you to raise our kids with me, not abandon us."

My heart stops at her words but I don't dare move her from my body. "You mean-"

"I changed my mind," she answers, her voice muffled. "You'll find him, Tony...the kid. I know you will. And I'm gonna help...and then you're retiring."

This is the first time I've even attempted to smile since everything happened. It's still not quite there, but she gives me something that I need...something to prepare myself for this last and final fight. Hope.

"And then we'll try?" I ask after a moment of quietness.

She nods against me, and that's the last that is spoken until we reach Wakanda.