Chapter 2: Derek's thoughts
Maybe Meredith's right; maybe we should just know at least some things before we just keep trying. I mean she makes a pretty good point that she could pass it on to the baby. I just don't want her to feel to bad if she can't give me what I really want. Because to be honest Meredith is all I really want. I want a family with her, but if she can't then we can always adopt a baby. I mean just because he or she didn't physically come from us doesn't mean we can't love them as much as we would if they did.
I hope that we can actually have a baby. I really want this I can see it now. We have two gorgeous daughters and one handsome son. The girls both look just like Meredith except they have my eyes. They have Meredith's laugh, smile, that adorable rambling thing, ears, nose, lips and her hair. Then the boy looks exactly like me except he has Meredith's nose, and laughter. He got my Mcdreamy smile. And we all live happily in our house in the woods. I would take my son out fishing, we would go see racecars, and we would play baseball. We would do everything together. And Meredith would take the girls out and do girl stuff. It would be amazing.
Its just not fair. Meredith and I have come a long way to get to this point in our relationship. It took forever for us to be honest with each other, let each other in and truly commit to this relationship. Now we are ready and biology just wants to slow down on us. I know Meredith and I can and will have a baby. We just have to be optimistic and believe.
Maybe we should talk about this more often. Let things out, put our fears on the table and go through this together. I have no idea how dark and twisty Meredith is. Maybe that miscarriage and me almost dying really traumatized her.