((Here's the second chapter. Hmm... Considerably shorter, if I must say so. But it has lots of perverse funny. But please do keep in mind that I have two more chapters in reserve, so I can update whenever I want to. If you review a lot, then maybe you'll get them faster...

I don't own.))

Confessions of a Cheshire Cat

two. When Rabbits are red, Bean Sprouts turn pink

I instantly regretted the moment I walked into the Black Order Café on that fateful Wednesday (which is scientifically proven to be the least enjoyable day of the week, save Monday).

"ALLEN!" All my coworkers, except for Kanda, who was already muttering so early in the day, gleefully pounced on me, shoving a napkin in my mouth and dragging me into the kitchen. Yu Kanda followed from behind, still grumbling, and closed the door behind him (more like slammed).

I felt my pants slide off my legs, and my face turned a million different shades of pink. I would've shouted at them, but the cloth surrounding my tongue kept me from doing so. Fortunately, I was clothed once again. Unfortunately, I was wearing a maid's outfit.

Very unfortunate, indeed.

-

For the eighteenth time is as many minutes, I felt someone pinch my rear end. "Eeek!" I screamed girlishly. I looked behind me, and I noticed a drooling teenage boy and his laughing friends (Come on! I'm a man, right?). I then turned my attention to my boss, who congratulated (?) me with a thumbs-up. After I glared at him for several moments, he gave me the 'signal'.

With great (GREAT) hesitation, I turned to the boy and chuckled in a feminine tone. "Oh, master. You can only do that if you buy something to eat!" They each instantly ordered something.

I ran into the kitchen, threatening the laughing Yu and shoving all the orders into Miranda's arms. "This is what the masters would like to eat." I grumbled before walking up to Komui.

"Ugh, don't you think this is going a little far?" I inquired quietly, but harshly, ignoring the crowd of (Oh no!) boys who walked into the café and squeezed into a booth, their eyes glued to my backside which was adorned with frills and bows (arigato, Komui…)

"Far? Not even close! You need to be more compliant." Komui 'advised', sipping his coffee nonchalantly. He flapped his hand as if telling me to go tend to the hormonal teens.

"I'm saying," I narrowed my eyes. "That sexual harassment is not fun!"

Komui's mouth turned morphed into a circle. "Really? Then maybe you should start saying 'pyon' at the end of your sentences.

"Are you listening to anything I am saying?!" I exclaimed, but Komui shooed me off imperturbably before walking off to talk to his sister. I sighed and then sauntered over to the new batch of boys.

"Oh, Masters! What may I get you… pyon?" I winked at them flirtatiously. Several of them blushed, and I could've sworn one of them came in his pants. At least, that's what it smelled like.

"Uh, uh…" They all chorused, their noses running with blood.

"Shall I get the masters some napkins… pyon?" I grinned outwardly, but on the inside, I was screaming in terror. Before they could answer, I dashed toward the entrance, where Komui had placed the napkins. I grasped at the chance to linger and be away from the horny boys that infested the Black Order Café.

Regrettably, I did not consider the fact that people might notice me from the large windows at the front of the store.

Like certain customers.

Who are very fastidious about coffee.

And don't like apples or oranges.

I froze as soon as the redhead entered the building. My entire being shook with the fear of his... perverted-ness. How else could you describe it? I could tell he was throwing intrigued looks in my direction, so I walked away from his line of sight for one moment and gave the teenagers their napkins.

I then proceeded toward the red rabbit occupying booth seven.

"Well, hello, Master! What does the master want to eat today… pyon?" I had the urge to rub my eyes, but I didn't want to ruin the make-up that hid my scar and my true identity, thus invoking the wrath of Komui and… Komlin. I shuddered inwardly.

It took me a moment to notice that the redhead was babbling incoherently, as the other customers had done. I wanted to burst into laughter, but I bit my tongue to keep from doing so. I truly hadn't realized that I had so much power with just a bunch of frills and ribbons.

"Shall I sit with Master… pyon?" Before he could sputter out an answer, I slid into the seat across from him. I grabbed the menu from his hands and murmured into my white-gloved fist. "I would suggest the apple tea, pyon. It's quite good. Ah, but you like coffee more, I presume?"

"Uh, I, um, sure. Apple tea sounds good." He smoothed back his crimson hair, but it flopped back over his forehead. In reality, the apple tea was not the best, but it was the most expensive of all the teas we currently had.

"Ahaha! Master is so silly. Shall I go get your tea now, pyon?" I stood up, leaning against the side of the booth. "Or does Master want me to stay, pyon?" I attempted to blush behind my giant, rose-pink sleeves, but I think it ended up looking like I was about to puke. (Which I was.)

"Whatever you want… Sure." The redhead wiped his nose, and all of a sudden, he wasn't one of the perverted boys that pinched my ass, but he was a responsible, young man who seemed extremely depressed.

But of course, in the next second, he was gaping at me like a retard.

"I'll be right back, then, Master." I ran to the kitchen, where Yu hit the back of my head with a wooden spoon. My reflexes acted before I thought about the consequences, and they made me latch onto the wooden spoon, take it, and hurl it at Kanda's face.

SMACK.

I looked at the pair of dark eyes that burned holes into my retinas with their intensity. A red spot started to puff up on his right cheek, and I felt my stomach do a few cartwheels before attempting to escape through my mouth. I could've sworn I saw a few veins bulge, but it must've been my imagination.

"Who do you think you are, Haine Otomiya?" He asked viciously, clenching his hands with his arms crossed over each other.

Lenalee walked into the room, smiling giddily and hopping over to Kanda's side. "No! Allen is definitely Maora-chan!"

Kanda's eyes grew wide, and he stared at Lenalee with utter shock written across his face (something delightfully rare). "But it's Maora-kun! Didn't you know? Maora's real name is Yoshitaki!"

"Eah! That's impossible! Maora-ch- er, -kun was so feminine!"

I had no idea what they were talking about, but I gladly accepted the chance to escape from Kanda's wrath. I grabbed a tea bag and put it into a mug. I then poured boiling water into the cup and put it onto a tray that looked like a French doily. With apprehension, I ran to the redheaded customer's side and gave him the tea.

"Hey, in those few moments you were gone, I was thinking." He started, looking away awkwardly.

Oh no, I thought. Did I lay it on too thick?

"Doesn't it get annoying having to call me 'Master'?" He looked at me with that black eye patch and that brilliant, emerald eye. I felt my face heat up like the customer's apple tea.

"That's so… kind of you." I mumbled. "Most of the people here love it when I call them 'Master'…" I admitted, covering my rose-tinted cheeks.

"Well, DUR."

"E-excuse me?" I felt my heart drop. Was he just trying to be kind… or?

"It is. It's really, pardon my language, fucking hot. When I first heard you, I mean, I got very hot and bothered. It's that sexy. But if it doesn't make you happy, then that makes me feel bad." He seemed extremely earnest.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"That was extremely maudlin… In a creepy, perverted kind-of-way."

"I tend to have that affect on people." He said, stroking the edge of the tea. "Well, while I'm waiting for my tea to brew, why don't we talk?"

I hesitated for a moment, but after looking at his puppy-dog eyes and feeling all weird and tingly, I gave in. "Well, um… how should I start? I am not much of a talker…"

"With your name… maybe?"

"It's All-" I quickly realized that I had not thought of my alias's name. Shit! My mouth opened and closed several times. "Alice. Uh, Alice… yeah."

"Hmm. You don't look like an Alice, but whatever. I'm… … Lavi. Some of my friends call me Bookman."

"Hnh? And why would that be?" I asked, slightly intrigued.

Lavi smiled and then proceeded to chuckle. "I think you'll find out soon enough. "But, so… What school do you go to?"

"Oh, about that. I can't afford college at the moment, but I'm saving up. I might start late, unfortunately. Since my dad died, I've been living at this apartment complex with the Devil for a landlord. But once I can go to a college, I really want to go to a good one. It's not like I have a bad grade point average… It's just… I don't have enough money to continue my education. But Komui, er, the boss, says he'll make me a chef if I continue the training he's giving me. Then maybe then I will have a better paycheck…" I looked down sentimentally and smiled a bit. "And then I can go to school again."

I turned my attention to Lavi who was… was… crying?

"Oh, Alice. You're such a good person… Thinking about"- A sniff- "what's best! It really inspires me."

"Well, um, what college do you go to…?" I asked quietly, feeling all the attention in the room shift to Lavi and me.

"Me?" He asked with a sudden change in attitude. "I actually don't go to college."

"What?" I glared at him and all his Mac-glory-ness. "You have to be able to afford it!"

"Me? Of course! I'm not some shit-for-brains hobo." He seemed insulted. "I am just too smart for college."

I cough-laughed into my fist. Was this guy for real? "That's wonderful." I smiled truly. "Um, I think your tea is ready now."

"Oh, you're probably right." He picked up the cup, and downed it all in one gulp. I stared in awe at his ability to drink the entire mug, but I shook it off as he handed me my tip.

"Hey, it was really nice to talk with you." The redheaded snob beamed at me, and I felt a tad irked at him. Had he bought that tea just to talk to me? He really was a perverted ass after all. "I'll be back tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Had I turned him into a regular?

He walked through the door, leaving me with more questions than answers. I stared down at the twenty-dollar bill. He really doesn't care about money… I thought, but something else grabbed my attention.

A note, and it had some figures scrawled onto its surface.

218.3091 It's my cell phone, by the way. Call me.

-Lavi "Bookman"

P.S.

I've tasted better apple tea.

I resisted the urge to crumple up the paper and shoved it into my pocket. I looked around me; at the room of pompous retards who continued to stare at my ass. I recalled that one moment when the customer- no, Lavi, had gone all soft on me…

And I blushed like a schoolgirl.

"DAMN IT, BOOKMAN!"

((Hmm... That's all done. By the way, Kanda and Lenalee are referring to Haine Otomiya, who is a delinquent, form Gentleman's Alliance Cross. And please don't call Lavi's number because I made it up. So don't call and expect the wonderful redhead to pick up. Please review.))