By the time Stiles got home his eyes were so full of the tears he had refused to cry, he could barely see through the blurriness of his vision. Stiles' legs felt weak, stomach lurched and head span. He just gave up Derek, his alpha, his pack, his friends. He just lost Derek. Derek hale, with his stupid eyebrows, stupid smile, stupid loyalty and stupid secret sense of humour that made him melt. Stiles crashed face first into his bed and sobbed. The kind of crying that comes from the soul; that hurts your stomach and grips your throat. Stiles didn't know how long he cried, but he exhausted himself and fell asleep in his clothes on top of the covers, face against a wet pillow.

The Sheriff came home late that night, Stiles had moved himself under the covers and stripped to his boxers but hadn't manged to move beyond that. When John came home he was expecting to see his son in front of the TV, binging on chips and laughing obnoxiously, but the house was silent.

The sheriff's eyebrows rose from where he stood by his still open front door at the sight of a dark silent living room. He glanced back to check he did indeed see his sons car. He did, he knew Stiles was in, the Sheriff knew his son was simply too lazy to go anywhere without his car. He made his way upstairs and stopped at his son's doorway. John was taken aback, his door was open. Not once since Stiles was 13 did he ever leave his door open. Worry rocked inside the Sheriff as he knocked gently on his son's open door as he cautiously stepped inside.

"Son?" he asked as he took a step inside. "You okay?"

"No." came a strangled meek broken version of his son's voice. He hadn't heard Stiles sound so small since his mother died.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No." the voice repeated, he didn't expect him to say anything else, Stiles made a habit of shutting his father out. "Can't right now. Tomorrow?" The Sheriffs heart broke, he sounded so young, so much like the child he once knew. He couldn't resist his hand running over his son's head.

"Tomorrow." he agreed before wishing his son goodnight and leaving him to his sorrows.

When Stiles opened his eyes the next morning it took him a few moments to realise what happened the night before. The crushing feeling in his chest came back tenfold and tears immediately rolled down his cheeks. He was grateful it was Sunday so he didn't have to think of anything or do anything. The boy fished his phone out of his jean's pocket that were on the floor from last night. He turned it off without looking at it, what would be the point? And he shoved the device in his bedside drawer before resuming his position from last night, bundled in his duvet. After an hour he managed to take himself to the toilet without even humouring the idea of a shower, before loading Netflix and climbed back into bed.

A few hours later John appeared by his open door. The Sheriff watched his son for a moment before entering his room.

"Feeling any better today?" He asked but one look at his son's face he knew it was a stupid question. Stiles didn't have it in him to lie, so smiled sadly at his dad. Despite what he and his son had been through recently he couldn't bear to see his son look so broken. So he sat next to him on the bed and pulled his teenage son into his arms. Stiles relaxed immediately against his father's chest and began crying. "What happened?" Desperation bled into his words, he needed to know what happened so he could at least try and fix it.

"I lost him." Stiles whispered, John stayed silent giving Stiles time to continue. "I, I loved him and I lost him."

"Who?" he asked, not really expecting an answer.

"Doesn't matter." They were silent for a long time, John cradling his son against his chest, reminding him so much of simpler times, when he and Stiles were close and his son came to him for comfort.

"I didn't realise you were involved with anyone." John whispered, he felt like a failure for not even knowing about his son being with anyone, let along being in love, especially with a guy.

"No one did. It was a secret. I was his secret. It killed me but I did it so I could have him." Stiles mumbled his words but John heard every one of them and his heart broke for his son.

"I see."

"It hurts dad."

"I know." He whispered holding his sobbing son harder "I know."

John spent the whole day with Stiles. After an hour he managed to move his son to the living room where they camped out for the rest of the day. They watched films, ones that avoided romance. Stiles spent the day between staring lifelessly at the TV screen and crying into his hands, John beside him the whole time.

The sheriff could not persuade him to have anything more than water the whole day. Around 18:00 John became worried, Stiles had barely said two words since their talk that morning, and he hadn't eaten and barely drank anything. He was not acting like his son.

"Stiles." Stiles looked to his dad, worry written over the elder man's face but the boy simply didn't have it in him to feel guilty. "What can I do to make it better?"

"You're doing it." The teen mumbled looking away from the genuine surprise on his father's face.

"Can you go to school tomorrow?" The sheriff asked out of the blue as he got up to change films.

"No. I can't face them."

"Them?" John pushed

"My friends. They're his friends too." It made more sense now he thought, not only have Stiles lost a sort of boyfriend going by the little information he had, but also his friends. His whole life has crashed around him.

"You won't be able to concentrate in this state." John concluded looking over the pale complexion, dark circles and torte expression on his sons face. "I'll call school tomorrow and tell them you're sick."

"Thanks dad."

"You're welcome."

They fell into silence again as they settled down to watch another film. Somewhere around 11 John managed to get his son to have some hot chocolate instead of water. Still no food but it was a step in the right direction.

"I have to go to bed, I have work tomorrow. Will you be okay? I can call in sick."

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me." Stiles answered eyes staring straight ahead at the screen, though he wasn't convinced his son was paying any sort of attention.

"I do worry son, I'm your father."

"And I am forever grateful for that fact dad." John was taken back by the sincerity he heard in his son's voice and saw in his face. It had been a long time since his son and he spoke for any length of time except for arguments. They stopped getting along a long time ago. None of that mattered in that moment. His son needed him, and right now that's all he cared about he bent down kissed his son on the forehead, before making his way upstairs for a few hours' sleep before he had to leave for work.

Stiles ended up not going to school for a week. His dad at least tried to understand which the teen appreciated. As they days went by the sheriff became more and more worried about his son. He didn't do anything all day, barely ate, it took threats and getting physical from Johns part to get his son into the bathroom to have a shower.

John wanted to help but didn't want to push him, he didn't want his son to push him away again. It was Friday night Stiles hadn't been to school in a week, although he was looking pale and very tired, he looked better in himself.

"You're going back to school on Monday." John told his son as they sat in silence watching 101 Dalmatians, Stiles always used to turn to Disney when he was hurt and sad. John loved that that hadn't changed about his son. He expected an argument, screaming, crying anything and everything to be thrown at him to get him to change his mind. Stiles was good at emotionally crippling him to get what he wanted. What came out of the boy's mouth was the last thing he expected but the one thing he hoped for.

"I know. I can't hide forever." Stile mumbled fiddling with his hands. He has put his life on the line, seen things most people didn't know existed, he has almost died many times and seen his friends do the same, he can face going to school. He has proved many times over that he was not a coward. He can't start being one now.

"I'm glad you agree." John told his son, Stiles could not see the small proud smile his dad had for him upon hearing his words. They were silent for a good few minutes. After a little while the boy rested his head on his dads shoulder and sighed.

"When does the pain go away?" he asked, begged his father for the answers as if it were to life itself. As a heartbroken teenager, John thought it probably felt like it. He wrapped an arm around his son's shoulder and tried figure out how to word his sentence.

"It never really does. Not completely. Over time it lessons and our wounds turn to scars, making it harder to break the surface and open up, but the pain will always be there. You learn to live with it. You learn to be grateful that you loved someone enough that it almost killed you to lose them. Not everyone gets that."

"I miss her too dad." Stiles whispered new tears silently fell down his tear stained cheeks. John nodded and kissed his son on the head and hugged him tight. It had been years since Stiles had talked about his mom, even longer since they had any sort of emotional bonding talk.

"She would be better at this than me." John whispered into his son's hair.

"Yeah well you're not doing that badly." Stiles spoke lightheartedly but truth was dripping from every word.

"Thanks kid." Heart twisted in joy but a sad twisted kind of joy. After a little while John decided he couldn't not ask for any longer. "What is his name?"

"You're not going to background check him, or threaten him at gun point." Stiles answered immediately making him smile.

"I was asking as your father not a sheriff." Stiles was silent for a few moments, deciding whether or not he should tell his father the boy he was sleeping with was a man, a man he arrested for murder. Deciding against that but didn't want to lie to his father again the boy decided a first name would be acceptable.

"Derek." He hated himself that his name brought a smile to his lips, despite everything.

"What was he like?" John asked "It might help to talk about him."

"He's a dick. He used me. He made me feel cheap and worthless." Stiles told his father, thinking back to that morning in the hotel, hurt. Hurt so much he had to shut his eyes to try to block out the pain.

"Anyone worth your time and love, won't make you feel like that."

"When it was just us, he was soft and gentle. The way he smiled at me, beautiful, the way he held me. Made me feel that what we had was so much more than just physical." Stiles sat upright pushing himself out of his father's arms "But I was wrong."

"How long was it going on for?"

"Six months."

"Jesus kid. I had no idea." The guilt he felt was immense, he should have known. It is his job to know about his son's life.

"No one did. He didn't want anyone to know." Stiles got up, deciding it was high time to stop mopping. He has lost a week of school because of Derek. He lost countless hours with no energy or motivation because of him. No more. He needed something to change. "Can I borrow your credit card?"

"What? Why?" John asked, eyeing his son suspiciously.

"I need a change, fresh start. New clothes for Monday." John wanted to say no, he remembered what happened the last time Stiles stole his credit card. But this was different. His son was different. He sighed stood up and handed over the card.

"Don't go too crazy." He warned as Stiles put the card inside his wallet.

"I won't. Thank you." He wrapped his arms around his father. "Night dad, love you." John froze at those words. Him and his son have drifted apart and argued so much that the Sheriff could not remember the last time he heard those words fall from his son's mouth. He gripped Stiles back and squeezed hard before speaking through the lump that had formed in his throat.

"I love you too, son."