When I arrived back that day, Caity was home alone and walking around in the kitchen, making something to eat.

"Hey," She said, popping a strawberry in her mouth then gave me a hug. "How was your night?" I hopped up on the counter and started eating cut up strawberries out of a bowl.

"It was good." I said, remembering it all and smiling.

"What?" She asked.

"Last night was…perfect." I looked up at her and she smiled.

"I'm guessing something serious happened between you two?" I smiled even bigger and nodded.

"I didn't realize how much I actually liked him until last night." I paused for a few seconds. "We had sex." Her jaw dropped.

"What?"

"I know. I didn't expect it either. I-I was scared at first because of Josh but…I just instantly felt safe with him."

"Wow. You really like him, huh?" I nodded.

"Yea, I do."

"I have some good news too." I looked at her, waiting for her to continue. "I'm pregnant again." A huge smile grew on my face.

"Congrats!" I gave her a tight hug and she laughed.

"I have an appointment with Dr. Montgomery in a few hours."

"Did you tell anyone else yet?"

"Kiwi. I checked as soon as they left, so I'll wait till Matt gets back."

"How do you feel? And are you sure? Don't you want to wait till your absolutely sure?"

"No, I know I am. I can feel it. But this time, I'm gonna be a lot more careful. Only healthy eating."

"We both know you're gonna get cravings."

"Yea, but hopefully those will be healthy too." I laughed. "Okay. I'll monitor it." She smiled. "You don't understand how excited I am for this baby. I wish the 9 months were over already." I smiled.

"You're gonna be a great mother."

"Thanks. I just hope this one wont come out 6 months early." I laughed.

"I have a feeling it won't."

I brought out my easel to the living room with all my painting things and set it up on top of a towel and newspapers. Caity brought her bowl of fruit salad and watched TV as I painted. We decided on recorded episodes of Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson. Charlie walked over and cuddled beside the chair I was sitting on.
Twenty minutes into my painting, my phone rang. Since there was paint all over my hands, I asked Caity to hold the phone to my ear. Before she answered, she told me it was Brad.

"Hey Brad,"

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that next week you're gonna be on Ellen, Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson and you'll be performing on Ellen and Jimmy. It's scheduled so that you're still having band practice and your shows on Warped."

"Alright, sweet, just text me the exact days and time and call me the night before just to remind me."

"As always. Alright, have a good day."

"You too, Brad. Bye." Caity hung up and I explained to her what Brad told me. Within the next hour, I finished my painting and cleaned everything up. The guys finally got home and I told them what Brad told me as well. Tomorrow was when band practice started so we all reviewed the songs we were gonna play. It was a few songs from the album and a couple covers if we wanted.

"I really like Beautiful by Eminem. I wonder if there's a way we can just have the track playing of him rapping, and I'll sing the singing parts."

"That would be awesome if we can pull it off. Tomorrow during sound check, we can listen to the song and work it out. Caity, can you come and help us produce it?" Matt asked her.

"Sure. It'll be fun, I haven't produced in a while."

"Yay, it'll be fun. Alright, I'm gonna go on the balcony for a cigarette. Anyone wanna join me besides Caity?"

"Why besides Caity?" Jesse asked. I giggled.

"Oops."

"Thanks Jael. Umm, I'm pregnant." She told the guys and they all smiled.

"Are you sure?" Matt asked.

"Yup, I have an appointment in an hour." Matt got up and hugged her. I smiled as I grabbed my cigarettes and lighter, and walked out on the balcony. I took a seat on one of the chairs we had out there and thought about last night, and the events surrounding last night. I found myself smiling. I don't think I've actually been this truly happy in a really long time.

I was outside for about fifteen minutes when there was a knock on the balcony door. I turned around and saw Thomas opening the door.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked him.

"I just wanted to see you. To make sure that we're okay."

"Yea, of course." I stood up and leaned against the railing. "I had a lot of fun last night."

"Me too." He walked closer to me and leaned against me as he kissed me. I put my hands on either side of his faced and smiled as I pulled away. "So, you're pretty busy the next couple weeks, right?"

"Yes. I have band practice starting tomorrow and next week is warped plus I have a couple interviews. And I'm pretty sure there are a few more shows after that and then I think I'll be making movies. But you should come to sound check tomorrow if you're not busy."

"How about you come over later tonight and we can go to sound check together?"

"Okay. Text me whenever you want me over."

"Alright."

"Why don't you come sit with us inside, I can get you a beer or something?"

"I would love to but I have to get going. I have a table reading with the cast of Nightmare On Elm Street. I just wanted to stop by for a little bit."

"Okay, I'll see you tonight, then?"

"Promise." He leaned down and gave me one last kiss before he left. I smoked another cigarette before I went back inside. The guys and Caity were sitting around the hookah and talking.

"So you got yourself another boyfriend, huh, Jael?" Matt asked and Caity hit his chest. I laughed and sat beside Jesse.

"It's okay, Caity, Matt was always the one to make fun of me whenever I had a new crush. And yes. He's not really my boyfriend, but I guess we're together now."

"Are you happy?" Evan asked.

"Yes, yes I am." Jesse put his arm around me and I leaned against his chest. I grabbed the extra hookah pipe and started smoking with them. "Caity, why are you smoking?"

"I'm limiting myself, don't worry."

"Good."

"So the guys and I went to see the warped stage. Dude, it's fucking awesome. We're gonna go crazy."

"I would've gone if I knew, shit! Is that where we're having practice?"

"Yea."

"Oh, and Thomas is coming to sound check. Just letting you guys know. But what other songs should we cover?"

"What about Something I Can Never Have by Nine Inch Nails. I really love playing that song." Jesse said.

"And Choke by A Perfect Circle." Evan suggested.

"Okay. I think our track list is good so far. So we'll play I'm So Sick, Fully Alive, Choke, I'm Sorry, Something I Can Never Have, My Immortal, All Around Me, Red Sam, Supernatural, and Beautiful." I read the names of the songs off a list they had.

"Yup. We have to go over the list with Brad and he'll tell us whether we need to take some songs off or add more or whatever."

"Is he coming to sound check, tomorrow?"

"Yea."

"Okay, so we can go through all of that with him tomorrow. When does Warped actually start?" I asked them.

"In like, three days." Evan replied. "We have these three days to choose songs and figure out what we're gonna do, then the first few shows are in California but all over, and then we're moving around the country."

"Sweet, I can't wait. You guys wanna make a video for the fans?"

"Sure." They all agreed so I got my laptop and started recording.

"Hey guys, it's Flyleaf. We haven't really made a video in a while but we just wanted to say that in three days, Warped Tour starts and we're gonna be playing so come check us out! We'll sign shit and take pictures, and just hang out. Come to our booth!"

"Do we know where it's gonna be yet?" Matt asked.

"Hopefully Brad put it by Jac's. He knows we're friends so I'm sure he will. But if not, we'll tweet where our booth is. So yea, please come and check us out."

"And buy our album!" Evan yelled last minute. "We'll be singing most of our songs and a couple covers."

"Yup, so come check us out! Thanks guys, you're awesome. Bye." I stopped recording and uploaded the video on YouTube. I posted a link to my twitter then continued talking with the guys.

"Gosh, I wonder what bands we're gonna meet." Jesse said.

"I know! And I can't wait to see Jac, I haven't seen her in forever." I replied. "Are they still setting up at Warped?"

"Yea, they're pretty much done, though. They're showing us our tent/booth too." Matt said.

"Sweet." My phone vibrated. I looked at the text, which was from Thomas, and he said I could go over any time now. "Alright, well, I'm going to Thomas's tonight and we're gonna go to sound check together. What time does it start?"

"Eleven." Jesse replied.

"Okay, see you guys there." I went into my room and packed a few things, then gave everyone a hug and left. Once I got in the car, I told Thomas I was on my may and drove.

When I got there, I grabbed my things and knocked on his door.

"Hey," He said when he opened the door. I walked in and gave him a kiss.

"Hello. How was it?"

"Good," I took my shoes off as he closed the door. "The cast is nice."

"Anyone famous enough that I would know?"

"Yea, all of them. Maybe you can come to set one day and meet them."

"That would be awesome." I put my things on his bead then turned to him.

"By the way, a friend of mine is gonna come over for a little bit. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all, who?"

"Megan Fox."

"You're friends with her?"

"Yea, we worked on a movie together."

"Cool, but she's like, insanely pretty. You could have given me heads up." He laughed.

"You're beautiful too. And don't worry, she's a sweetheart."

"I'm sure. What are you guys gonna do?"

"Well we are going to sit on the balcony and talk and drink and smoke and have fun. Plus, she wants to meet you."

"She knows I exist?" I joked and he nudged me. "I'm just kidding. How long till she gets here?"

"Any minute now, I think." I nodded. I leaned against his chest and he bent down and kissed me. We pretty much just fooled around and made out till Megan got there. I was outside on the balcony, setting up Thomas's hookah pipe when they both walked out.

"Hey, I'm Megan."

"Jael, it's nice to meet you."

"You too, I've heard a lot about you!" I smiled.

"I'm gonna go get some drinks and I'll be right back." Thomas said and went back inside.

"I'm a huge fan of yours, by the way." I told her.

"Thanks so much. I know you haven't done a lot of movies yet, but I'm looking forward to them. And thank you for not thinking I'm a slut like most people."

"Thank you. And I don't listen to anyone's bullshit. You're you and that's that." I said and she smiled.

"Didn't you do a movie with Thomas a few months ago?"

"Yea, My Sister's Keeper. And I'm filming a couple more this year, so."

"Congrats."

"Thank you." Thomas came back out with bottles of wine and a few glasses.

For the next couple hours, Thomas talked to us about his cast and his new movie, and Megan said she was gonna be in the Transformers movie. I told her about me getting the role as Joan Jette and she got very excited.

"Oh my gosh, that's amazing!"

"Thank you." I said and smiled. "Yea, I'm really excited for it."

"When do you start filming?"

"Not sure exactly but I think in a couple months. They're giving the band and I a chance to do Warped Tour and promote our album as much as we can first."

"Well let me know when you start filming. Maybe I can visit you guys on set and meet the cast?"

"Hell yea, of course."

"Awesome."

The three of us talked for a couple more hours when Megan decided to leave. Thomas and I gave her a hug, then I helped him take the hookah into the kitchen so he could clean it out.

"I'm gonna go change real quick, and I'll be right back." I told him and went into the bedroom. I changed into pajama shorts with the marijuana leaf all over it, then I put on a black tank top. I walked back out to the Kitchen where Thomas was and sat on the counter till he was done. He dried his hands then turned around and looked at me.

"What?" I asked. He walked up to me and gave me a kiss. "What was that for?"

"You're beautiful." My eyes instantly watered and I smiled.

"Thank you." My voice shook. He leaned his head against my forehead and kissed me again.

"Don't cry."

"Don't lie."

"I'm not." A sob slipped out and I began crying. He kissed me again and pulled me into a tight hug. I cried against his shoulder as he lifted me off the counter and walked me to his room. He set me on the bed and sat beside me, rubbing my back as I leaned against his chest.

"You're beautiful."

"Stop it."

"You're beautiful."

"Thomas, I-"

"You're beautiful, you're beautiful, you are beautiful." This made me cry even harder.

"You suck." He laughed and kissed me again. Thomas wiped my tears as I began to relax.

"You okay?"

"Yea, sorry about this. My insecurities are catching up to me again."

"It's fine. You're beautiful, no matter what you think." I smiled.

"Thank you. I'm really grateful that you're in my life. I wish my mom were still alive so you could meet her. She's an amazing person and I know she would like you." My eyes watered again but I held them back.

"I'm sure she was. Tell me about her."

"She was so…adventurous and artistic. She loved life; she loved art, and poetry and just everything. She was crazy, though." I laughed. "She made me go bungee jumping with her once, even though I was scared out of my mind. She tried to make me do all these crazy things with her, but most of the time I was too afraid. But that didn't stop her. And she loved to write. Almost every day, before she got sick, she would sit outside on our balcony in New York and would write in her notebook and she wouldn't stop for hours." Tears were sliding down my cheeks. But just because I missed her. "Even though my stepdad made our lives a living hell, there was a point where he was happy too. And my life was…perfect. I also never really understood her. But I have a box of her journals that she's written in since high school, and it made me understand her so much more. I remember in one of them, after I was born, she said the first time she held me in her hands she knew I was special. And all my life she made sure I knew that. Every time I wanted to try something, she made sure I stuck to it and didn't give up. And that's partly why I'm here now."

"In one of her journals, she said that I loved to draw as a kid; maybe around 2-3 years old. And my mom wanted me to get into painting so she would take all of my clothes off and put out this big sheet of paper in the backyard, and give me buckets of paint and let me make my own masterpiece. I could barely talk and she knew I was special enough to be the artist I am today."

"When did you start becoming depressed?"

"When Josh started to change and take out his anger on us. But it wasn't just depression, it was anxiety, panic attacks, manic episodes, paranoia. I was…crazy. And I still am. Even though it doesn't seem like it, everyday, I feel like there is a demon inside of me that just tears away at my insides. And I'm hurting all the time, even if it doesn't seem like it. I mean, I know happiness, I am happy sometimes, but when I am, these thoughts just flow into my head that make me feel like shit again."

"Have you ever been suicidal?" More tears came into my eyes.

"Yes. After I was raped, that's when everything got worse. And I couldn't take it anymore. I was having a manic episode and I couldn't think. It was like something took over me and…I cut myself so much that there was blood covering my whole arm. And then I took a bottle of Advil and swallowed about fifty of them. I was fine at first but then I felt this stabbing pain in my stomach and I passed out. I guess I fell on the ground and my mom came running into my room. She saw the spilled bottle of pills and knew instantly what happened. She took me to the hospital and I got my stomach pumped, and afterwards when I was laying on the hospital bed, I woke up and she was sitting beside me, holding my hand. I've never seen her so scared in my life and that's when I knew that I couldn't leave her. She was the only person I actually felt true love from, and," I was going through the memory in my head and just burst into tears. "I just miss her so much."

Thomas pulled me close to him and wrapped his arms tightly around me. I sobbed into his chest and I couldn't stop.

"When she died, I just, I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and it's like I can't feel anymore. She taught me love and it was her way of love that made me know how special life actually is, but I just can't feel like that anymore. I wish I happy, Thomas. And when I try to be, my depression instantly washes over me and it's like I can never be happy again. Not the way I used to be." I started hyperventilating and couldn't breathe from how much the tears were spilling out.

"I'm so unhappy all the time, and I wish it would just go away. But it won't and it hurts." I saw that he began to tear up to.

"Jael, breathe." I calmed down a little but the tears were still poring out. He placed his hands on either side of my face so that I looked at him. "I know I can't make you feel the way your mother did, but I promise you, I will try my best to make you as happy and as free as possible. I'm going to help you through this and I hope that you'll let me." I nodded.

"I will."

"I will make you feel strong and happy again. But you need to know that it will take time. But don't give up. Because seeing you in pain makes me in pain, and all I want for you is happiness."

"Thank you, Thomas."

"You're welcome. I'm here for you. Always."