Disclaimer: Much as I'd want to, I don't own Torchwood.
Note: This chapter was already planned in my head before I saw Day Four yesterday evening. As I wrote it today, some of the words took a rather ironic meaning. After this, there will be at least two more chapters, perhaps more depending what happens tonight during Day Five.
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Clarity
"So one day, you'll see me die – of old age – and just keep going?"
The moment of clarity was like the first ray of rising sun on a new day burning through the obscuring mist. Time seemed to have frozen for Ianto as the moment stretched seemingly on forever. Suddenly things had clicked. Suddenly he saw everything in a new light. Suddenly he understood.
Jack was afraid. He said he hated the word couple, but really he was just afraid. Ianto could barely conceive of the horror of seeing one's friends and lovers wither and die. But Jack had to go through that over and over, while never aging a day himself. Never aging physically anyway, for Ianto saw Jack's real age reflected in his eyes time and time again. The Captain carried so much loss and sorrow, so many memories within him that it was surprising that he did not crumble under all the weight.
Ianto had always thought it was his fault, that he was not brave or beautiful enough – not special enough – to win Jack's love. But now he saw that Jack was just trying to protect himself against the inevitable loss, mainly by holding back, by not opening his heart to Ianto completely. Knowledge of the future loss and sorrow must have been in Jack's mind every time he looked at his young lover.
As time resumed its never-ending course, Ianto desperately wanted to embrace Jack. He wanted to hold the older man close and whisper in his ear that it was okay, that he finally understood. That he would stand by Jack's side and love him until the end of his days, hopefully many decades from present.
But here, in the middle of a global crisis, was not the time nor the place for such sentimentality. So instead he offered Jack a small smile and said the firs thing that came to his mind:
"Well, we better make the most of it then."