Invader Zim: The Neus one shots

Our first OC is Vincent 'Vinny' Juan, a human thief made by UpsidePickle. Vinny had a rather tragic run in with Zim during which his partner Sergio was killed. Vinny's now a believer in aliens, but can't tell reality from hallucination anymore.

The screen goes to static, and then to black...

Green letters scroll across it

Fourth wall breached...

Unfortunately for him, we of the Nexus Mercenary Corporation have been assigned by the Control Brains to enforce Irken Law 473-D: If any natives to a planet become aware of an Irken presence on their world, they are to be eliminated...

Oddly we received seventeen applications for one Dib Membrane to be eliminated, but since he is apparently mentally ill we and the Control Brains felt he was no threat.

Sending transmission...

Contacting Bounty Hunter 'Lilania V'careck'

Connection established...

Xxx

Conversation Open

Thank you for using Universal Communications.

Director Ruk-Nal: Am I disturbing you?

Screen shows a female alien moving into view of the camera. Behind her is a bed with the covers tossed around. The alien is a Kvetchian lke Ruk-Nal, but her skin is a darker shade of blue instead of sky blue, and her eyes are white instead of black.

Lilania 'Lily' V'careck: Don't worry, I was late waking up anyways, you saved my schedule. So what is it?

Director Ruk-Nal: Have you completed your mission to Tau V?

Lily: Mission accomplished, and the payment was collected.

Ruk-Nal: Excellent. I have a secondary mission if you are interested.

Lily: Hit me.

Lily turns a light on and rubs her eyes.

Ruk-Nal: A human on Earth has discovered the existence of an Irken. The Tallest are calling upon us to silence him.

Lily: It isn't that annoying Non-Invader guy again, is it?

Ruk-Nal: No, it's a credible source and the threat is real, so you are to locate and eliminate a human. His profile has been hacked and uploaded to your ship.

Lily: Dead Line?

Ruk-Nal: Four Standard Galactic Days.

Lily: I'll have it done in two.

Ruk-Nal: Good luck.

Lily: Never need it.

Link terminated.

Xxx

Vincent Juan had thought that after Sergio had died, he would never be caught dead stealing from anybody. But the irony was that his experience in what he had hoped was a dream as his doctor, psychologist, and the police said it was had only made him more cautious and careful, allowing him to perform bigger heists. Sergio died in a car crash; they never broke into an alien's hidden base...yes, that's right.

Vinny slowly slid the window shut with a 'click'. He then hurried off of the property, counting down as he glanced at his watch. He stood on the side walk and mouthed 'Three, two, one.'

The security grid came back up as the motion sensors built onto the expensive, three story house swept the front lawn. Perfectly timed like his latest heists! Vinny grinned as he shouldered a bag filled with a collection of jewellery from the woman of the house; her husband's Rolex, wallet, the money from his house's vault; he even grabbed their kids video game console-which was worth a hundred bucks or so!

"Score, hijo de puta," He whispered as he casually walked across the road to where a reasonably maintained jeep was parked. Climbing in and placing the bag in the back, he began to whistle a tune as he drove home.

Xxx

"...seventh in the latest strain of robberies plaguing the suburban areas of..." The reporter went on, describing Vinny's masterful work.

He had researched the security system-which was made by Membrane Labs, and found a key flaw in it that nobody would have guessed. The system was triggered by a sound frequency sent to the transmitters built into the hardware from the master controller. But this frequency was the exact same as any store bought dog whistle. And seeing as the family had no dog, they never worried about this or anybody finding out. But Vinny did, and when he used his whistle once, the security grid obeyed a false command to go into a maintenance scan.

And then all in eleven minutes and thirty two seconds he strolled in, stole everything, climbed out a window, walked off the property, and then went home.

Vinny was lying on his couch, whistling lightly as he changed the channel. He sat up and looked down at his hand gun where it lay on the coffee table. It was one of two guns he currently owned, the other being hidden in his bed room. He hadn't even had to use it since he had bought it-again, never caught.

There was a lot paranoia did for you when you were afraid little green men would rip you open with spider legs. But oddly the 'delusions' had left him afraid of tin cans-possibly because it reminded him of the robot he had seen...or supposedly had dreamt up.

Knock-knock!

Vinny was on his feet and whipped the pistol up, sliding it into the waist line of his pants. He grabbed hsi coffee cup with one hand and went to the front door.

He opened it...

Mierda.

Before him was a woman, clearly darker skinned European. Her hair was as dark as night, reached her shoulders, and was swept off to the sides to reveal a lovely face with luscious lips curled into a smile, and welcoming, warm eyes. She wore a simple white dress, but her figure made it look good.

"May I help you," He smiled, trying to come off as charming...and he expected he was failing. "Hermosa?"

The woman blushed, giggling. "Thank you, you're very kind. I just moved in next door and I wanted to just get acquainted with the neighbours. You know, try to make new friends."

"Well you came to the right place! The name is Vincent Juan, call me Vinny!" Vinny offered a hand, and she took it.

"Bianca," She said. "Bianca Angelo."

"Italian?" Vinny guessed.

"Si!" Bianca nodded.

"I knew it!" Vincent grinned. "I'm Spanish-well I'm Spanish American-but that's not the point, what I mean is uh..." He fumbled, losing his 'point'.

Joder, messing up big time here Juan!

"It's kinda cute what you did just there, stumbled on your words. I don't know why but it just makes you sound so adorable." Bianca complimented him.

"That's not the only thing adorable," Vinny muttered.

Biance giggled. "Are you flirting with me? Why Mr Juan we just met!"

"I-uh...sorry, couldn't help myself." Vinny rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.

"Ah it's okay, at least you weren't being a total pervertido," Bianca giggled. "I need to learn about some places to go to in my spare time. Do you know anywhere?"

Vinny shrugged. "There's a great club only a few miles away."

"It's a date then?" Bianca asked sweetly.

Vinny grinned stupidly again. "You bet!"

"Perfect," Bianca said. "See you tonight then, Vinny Juan!" She strolled off.

Vinny watched her go. He shut the door and sighed. "...I think I'm the luckiest bastard in town right now."

Xxx

Perfect, the pheromone had worked without a hitch. As Bianca Angelo shut the door behind her, her image flickered and faded, revealing the Skvetchian Bounty Hunter Lily V'careck. Her hair was still black, but it was now in many tight dreadlocks that were tied back away from her face and ran down to the small of her back. She wore a pair of boots with metal cloven tips, black tights with a dark blue tunic that almost matched her skin tone and reached her mid thighs.

She stretched a bit, and sighed. "Humans are so...easy to manipulate."

She had coated herself in a pheromone from the Scholfa beast, a creature native to Skvetch Prime...before it blew up. Now she just had to go to a zoo to acquire it. The pheromone was used to lure in prey by making the Scholfa look, sound, and smell more appealing to the point of overcoming common sense.

She knew that Vinny Juan was somewhat untrusting and anti social, so this was her plan's first step. He had to trust her in order for it to work, his mind wouldn't question it so long as whenever she was around she had the pheromone on her. He would be all too easy to eliminate.

The conditions of the contract was that it could not look like Vinny Juan had been murdered by anything but a human. She would earn a bonus if she made it look like an accident, of course.

Tonight, Vincent Juan's life would end.

Until then...she had to keep practicing her Spanish and Italian-why the florp do humans need more than one language anyways? (We all ask that when we fail at French classes)

Xxx

Vinny was waiting for Bianca in the local club he favoured. It was owned by a fence who would sell the crap Vinny stole, and was able to keep the cops out. Vinny whistled silently as he waited, thrumming his fingers on the counter top of the bar.

"So Vinny, who's this friend you mentioned?" The owner, Archie asked as he cleaned an empty glass.

"Total looker Arch," Vinny grinned. "And get this. You know how I royally screw up at talking? She likes it. It's impossible to mess up with her."

"Wow, sounds like your luck is lookin' up. It's about time you opened up a bit and get yourself laid." Archie nodded. "How about one drink on the house?"

One drink later and Bianca still wasn't there. Vinny looked around the crowded club and sighed. He rubbed his head, groaning as the music and chatter gave him a head ache. "I'm heading outside."

"Don't miss your date man!" Archie called after him as he left.

Archie then smirked and went into the back room...passing the corpse of the real Archie Barker. Lily dropped her disguise and whispered. "It's rather rude to leave your woman hanging, human."

She looked at the bottle of pills in her hand. They were a Vortian designed pill that induced a purging disorder after being ingested, mostly used to remove poisons from the system before it could be absorbed or for weight loss by the more vain. However she had used it to get Vinny away from the public.

Phase Two was complete.

Xxx

End of Part One

This is just to throw you all a bone. I needed a sort of temporary cliff hanger yet I wanted to let you know I'm working on this.

Now it was a little complicated since Vinny wouldn't be a highly trained alien like most characters, but in the second part of this there will be a lot more action and it will be a lot longer, I can promise you that much. Familiar47 is going to help me set up fight scenes and action packed chases so get ready to enjoy it if you liked his Battle Royale fights, his Kill Zim fights, etc...in part two. I promise not all arrangements will have two parts to them.