Everything Burns.
He wanted everything
to burn,
to die
and be
blown away like ashes
in the wind,
like sand in a sand storm,
blown away
forever.
Okay, so, I've decided to make this into a story instead of just a oneshot.
Be warned though, it might suck(as mostly everything I make does) and might be OOC
Gaara's a kid in this, still.
Sorry if it's OOC.
Sorry if it's repeats a lot (beware).
Yeah, reviewers people-ey people, any suggestions on if I should try to make every chapter a song-fic? Or what?
Otherwise, this chaptah, I'ma gonna (excuse the bad grammar xD) leave out a song, but ALWAYS at the end I'm going to post the lyrics to 'Everything Burns' cause.. I'll get sued if I don't.
Ignore the recap if you want.
Sorry if it seems crappy in the beginning. My father is staying where I live for a while and I have to act like I'm listening to his drunken drones. Boo.
ONTO THE STORY!
And I know that what Yashamaru said isn't accurate so.. cha to you all.
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He wanted everything to burn, to die and be blown away like ashes in the wind, like sand in a sand storm, blown away forever.
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And when he woke up (poor, poor Gaara, so confused, so hurt..) he saw that everything had burned (buildings with chunks torn out of them, people's body parts thrown all around and everywhere around him..) while everyone had screamed, and he had screamed - sung- from all of that hatred and all of that pain, his anger reigning over him as everything burned.
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It hurt. He had screamed - sung - for so long he could barely say anything as he stared lifelessly up at the sky, feeling that same incompleteness (that was always there whenever he passed out because Shukaku had torn away more of his personality, and more of what had been barely left of his sanity) that consumed him.
Dull aqua blue eyes squinted for a moment as the boy saw his father, the great and mighty Kazekage, loom over him, that same horrible look of disappointment on his face as always, and he tried to scream, to sing, just one last time before everything went dark again.
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Just Gaara.
And still he sung.
- - x.X.x.---
Dull aqua blue eyes fluttered open slowly, closing once for a few seconds before they opened once more, vision blurry slightly as he blinked, squinting up at the blurred white coloured ceiling. Why was his vision blurry, anyway? He was too young to be going blind, he thought, a frown taking shape upon his lips. He didn't care, he finally decided as his eyes closed for a few moments before opening once more.
Soon, his vision cleared and his dull aqua blue eyes stared almost lifelessly up at the ceiling, unblinking, filled with unimaginable and unbearable sorrow (because that was about the only thing he felt anymore, really. Such pain in his heart, always there, always taunting him.). He allowed a soft sigh to pass through his parted lips, blinking wearily.
How long had it been since he had first passed out? He really didn't know, all he did know is that his throat hurt so badly, so horribly that he wondered if he could even talk, or if that would cause pain. His thoughts shifted once more, now wondering where he was, and if Shukaku had gotten out.
It didn't seem like the tanuki demon had, or else there'd be a medic-nin in the room, or where-ever he was. He didn't know why there would be a medic-nin with him (though he really wanted to know, he just viewed it as one of his millions of questions that weren't meant to be answered), but there just always was.
He tried to sit up, only to feel the sudden pain of a horrible headache rush back at him, and his eyes squeezed shut, letting out a small, pain filled gasp as he allowed his head to fall back onto the small, cushiony pillow and he grimaced, curling up into a ball and his hands reached up to his head and gripped onto the sides in what could be considered a frantic manner as those horrible images of Yashamaru came into his mind (so hurt, so unbelievably vulnerable and there was that trickle of blood at the corner of his lip and oh god all that blood), and the words of his uncle were repeated in his mind.
"You were not loved.." Pale lips murmured to the young redheaded boy who stared on in horror. "You were simply given that name.. as a reason to exist.. You were not loved.."
The young boy let out a small whimper as the cold and cruel words were repeated in his head and the scene played over and over, and it wouldn't leave his mind (because he wanted to forget everything, he didn't want to be alive anymore, because if this would be all he felt then he wanted to die, alone, scared, and loveless as his Father had told him he would die, and Father never, ever lied, right) no matter how much he thought of something else, those cold words still rang clearly through his mind, accompanied with the soft but sickening sound of the tanuki demon laughing, occasionally suggesting that they go on another killing spree.
"Monster.."
Gaara did not bother to look up, or even open his tightly closed eyes upon hearing such a cold sounding voice that held disappointment (pure and clear as the redhead always heard it in that voice, and no matter how hard he tried to be better, to stop being such a failed 'experiment', the disappointment only grew).
The voice just sounded so tired, so weary as if the world had dealt the man a heavy blow and he was just sick of it all (though really he had barely anything to worry about, nothing really. He was happy, two wonderful children and one that had went horribly wrong, and what he felt was not even near as badly as what that one 'bad' child felt.).
The man glared down at the whimpering child, angrily running a hand through his dull red hair that appeared to be a reddish, brownish colour - appearing more of a brown colour than red unlike his (yoursickmonsterdisgustingyou'reamistake)son(monsteryousickenmediedieDIE) who had crimson coloured, bright red hair. God, he hated the boy for it.
"D-daddy.." A small whimper escaped the boys lips, voice hoarse sounding - strained and pain filled, showing that it hurt to even speak. The boy began to cry, surprising the Kazekage.
"What? Have a fun time killing everyone, you monster? Listening in your sick satisfaction while everyone screams and their lives are practically burned away?"
"D-d-daddy!" The redhaired boy let out a small cry, coughing slightly and cringing from the pain in his throat, the sobs shaking his whole frail body.
"You are disgusting, you vile monster. You loved hearing them scream, beg you for mercy and yet you still killed them." The Kazekage snarled, a sneer upon his lips as he glared as his trembling son.
The boy had surprised the Kazekage simply by holding back the tears for so long, as the man had thought that his son surely would have broken down sooner. He had noticed a significant change, though, in Gaara (he was still that sickening, vile, disgusting beast that he was born as that, and will die like that - alone and unloved - he'd make sure of it. Gaara was a wasted tool, a monster that deserved a slow painful death and oh god, he hoped that his son - that monster - did die that way).
No longer would assassins return alive from the mission, "barely escaping" as the assassins would always say. No assassins managed to ever come back now, and when he sent a medic-nin (because the redhead didn't seem to fear them, seeing as his uncle was one, plus he liked to think it hurt the boy mentally if he sent a medic-nin that even slightly resembled Yashamaru) to check upon his son, the medic-nin would always say they found Gaara standing over the lifeless body, a small hand covering his mouth, staring lifelessly down at the disfigured corpse.
Rarely would they report back saying either that the assassin had managed to escape alive, or report saying a corpse was in the room, and in a corner would be a crying red haired boy.
"D-d-daddy! Stop! I do n-not!" Dull aqua coloured eyes quickly opened and the red haired boy surprised his father by pushing himself, although unsteadily with a hand held tightly to his head, up and off the bed. "I don't like seeing them die!" He cried, a hand briefly reaching up to his hurting throat.
"You lie. You want to kill me now, don't you? Sit there laughing as my corpse lies upon the floor and I take my last breath." The Kazekage glared in disgust at the crying boy.
Gaara's eyes widened slightly and he placed a small, pale hand over his mouth, staring in horror at his father (and he loved his father, he loved his father with everything he had because his father was all he had left anymore andohgodhewantedhisfathertolovehimtohewantedSOMEONEtoLOVEhim and NEED him and, he just needed someone to hold him close and tell him that they loved him more than anyone else in the world and that they always would because he was special to them, he was precious to them and they'd protect him and love him forever, and hug him and kiss him everyday and show him the love he always needed).
"Father?"
"What do you want, monster?"
Gaara flinched briefly before his hands dropped limply to his sides and he took a few steps forward, mumbling his father's name softly to himself, voice still hoarse and strained sounding. He closed his eyes before quickly moving forward and quickly wrapping his small arms around his father in what one could call a one-sided hug. The arms tightened and the boy closed his eyes shut, silently praying his father would hug him back, pick him up, and tell him everything he said was just a big, cruel, mean joke and that he was sorry and that he'd love him forever and ever.
The Kazekage's eyes widened slightly as he stared down at the boy, and he suddenly let out a snarl, hands reaching down as if to pick up the boy, but just as they gently grabbed onto the red haired boy's shoulders, the Kazekage roughly shoved the boy away from him, and felt something hard and grimy slam up against him as he pushed his son away. He himself stumbled back as the substance hit him hard, and the next thing he knew was that he slammed against the wall, hitting the floor only a few seconds later, eyes wide, a dazed look upon his face.
Gaara stumbled back, and as he fell he could have sworn right then and there he could practically feel his heart ripping apart, and it hurt so badly but he felt like he couldn't cry all of a sudden. Everything hurt, but he couldn't cry. Monsters don't cry, he remembered his father saying to him once. Monsters don't cry.
He fell and felt the sand quickly catch him, allowing him to safely rest as he stared blankly at his father who merely sat against the wall, eyes wide and unstaring at his youngest son. Both eyes wide, surprised looking, staring at each other unblinking, as if silently locked within a staring contest.
"You.." The Kazekage managed to speak, eyes narrowing just slightly. "How dare you.. I created you, you worthless monster..."
And that was enough to break the red haired boy.
With a small cry, dull aqua blue eyes widened slightly, and the red haired boy stood, stumbling for a moment before he ran to the door, yanking it open and hesitating just before he made his move to run out of the room. His eyes flickered to his father who still stared at him, and the boy seemed to be waiting for something for his father to say, as his desperately waiting for just three words to be spoken, but nothing was spoken at first, a tense silence feeling the air before finally the Kazekage blinked, eyes narrowing once again, and his mouth opened;
"Please Die."
With that, the Kazekage's eyes closed and he was clearly unconscious now, head gently rolling to the side, his breathing even, body limp and motionless except for the slow, but steady, rise and fall of his chest beneath the Kazekage robes. Silence immediately filled the room except for the small gasp heard from the red haired boy who stared in shock at his father.
Had those not been the exact words Yashamaru had said to him before he had blown himself up in a desperate attempt to kill the redhead?
As much as he hated to realize it, those were the exact same words, spoken in the exact same way Yashamaru had so cruelly said them to the red haired boy.
Gaara sharply inhaled, head beginning to hurt quite painfully before he quickly turned to run out of the room, only to bump into someone. His wide, fearful eyes flickered up to the person, the medic-nin, he had accidentally ran into. As his dull aqua coloured eyes reached the man's face, they widened once more in horror and he moved back, not believing what he was seeing.
"Y-Yashamaru!" He managed to gasp despite the now throbbing pain in his throat.
The medic-nin looked utterly confused, eyes narrowed down at the small child who was clearly imagining things. Suddenly, he felt the sand slam into him, knocking him down as it quickly covered his whole body, leaving only his head visible. Panic quickly overtook the medic-nin and he struggled, scared gaze flickering to the delusional redhaired boy, to the Kazekage.
"Kazekage-sama!" He suddenly yelled, alerting other nearby medic-nins and shinobis who quickly made their way to the source of the noises. "The monster is out of control!" He practically screamed in horror now at the tightening sand.
"Y-Yashamaru, why?" Gaara stared at the medic-nin, a hand still covering his mouth, and he found it rather hard to talk because of how badly his throat still hurt.
Dull aqua blue coloured eyes widened as suddenly the sand completely crushed the man, just as more shinobis and medic-nins arrived at the scene, all eyes quickly staring accusingly at the young boy before panic overwhelmed everyone upon seeing the Kazekage passed out.
"Kazekage-sama!"
"Oh no! The Kazekage!"
Cries of worry arose and they all hesitantly made their way past Gaara to check upon the unconscious Kazekage who had not yet awakened, murmurs filling the room of questioning what the 'monster' had done to the Kazekage, which was really too much to bear for the young boy.
All the pain he felt suddenly building up inside of him and he felt dizzy, feeling like he would explode from everything he felt, but no one paid any attention to the redhaired boy, who struggled to even get a sentence out now.
"Why? Why doesn't anyone love me? Why me?"
The sand stirred slightly upon the floor but it went unnoticed, and Gaara closed his eyes tightly, hands going into fists and he let out a small sob, but no tears came. His hands went into fists and he turned, quickly running out of the room, his footsteps pounding upon the wooden floor as he ran, a hand still over his mouth, as if trying to prevent himself from throwing up, or simply from the horror he had seen.
"I understand now..."
"Gaara..."
"That's... me.."
"I'm alone.. All alone.."
"And no one loves me.."
"No one can ever love me.."
"A monster.."
Gaara continued to run as fast as he could, ignoring the confused, but terrified, looks he received from the villagers as he ran out of the building and into the streets of Sunagakure. He was running in the direction of the house he lived in with his siblings (and once there use to be Yashamaru, he use to live there, you know. He was so nice and so kind to Gaara, and now he left Gaara all alone.) and rarely his father who usually never came home enough.
His head throbbed painfully, and he felt as if he would fall as he continued to run past everyone who quickly moved out of his way as he ran, stumbling a few times but quickly catching himself before he would fall, his thoughts blurred and mixed, but the few thoughts he could understand were those he wish he couldn't.
"I finally understand, now.."
"Gaara.."
"A self loving carnage.."
"The demon.. the monster who loves only himself.."
"That's me.""I understand now.."
"If no one can love me.."
Gaara forcefully yanked open the door as he reached his house, only pausing a brief, wide-eyed glance at his siblings who had been quietly chatting to each other upon the couch. Now, both stared blankly, almost fearfully at their youngest siblings who stood in the doorway, panting, looking like he was in so much pain, and so utterly hurt on the inside it tore them both apart despite the overwhelming fear of their youngest sibling that had been taught to them by their father.
"Gaara?" Temari spoke, uncertainly, seeming quite terrified as she shifted in the couch, small hands grasping onto the edge of the couch.
"I understand now." Gaara spoke, expression suddenly going blank, hand dropping to his side.
"What?" Temari felt utterly confused at her brother's behavior, staring at him in confusion.
"I understand now.." Gaara repeated, closing his eyes for a few seconds, fingers briefly touching the kanji upon his forehead. "If no one else can love me.."
"If no one else can love the monster.. Than.. I will.."
"I love only myself."
"I fight only for myself.."
Temari looked at Kankuro in confusion, trying to figure out what their brother meant. "Gaara-san, are you alright?" She repeated, unsurely.
"My purpose.. to exist.. Is stronger than anyone else's."
"As long as I have a purpose... My existence will not fade.."
"I exist to kill everyone else than me..."
Temari's eyes widened and she trembled slightly, quickly wrapping an arm around her younger brother, Kankuro, pulling him in a protective manner closer to her as they stared at their brother with wide eyes, wondering if this was really the same Gaara they had known.
Sure, they knew he had changed from a quiet, timid, affection-needing little boy to what appeared to be a bloodthirsty, confused, affection-needing monster (but he really wasn't a monster, Temari knew deep down inside, he was just so unbelievably confused because no one, not even her - his older sister, dared to look any further beyond the horrible rumours told about Gaara, but Temari knew that none of them were true, but she felt just as pathetic anyways because she was too weak, too scared to try and care).
The sandy blond watched her redhaired brother as he touched the kanji upon his forehead once more, a single tear managing to escape. She watched as it rolled down his cheek, stopping at his chin and hanging there for a few seconds, as if symbolizing the ending of her youngest brother's innocence, the ending of his trying to become loved and be the way that everyone else wanted.
Just as the tear finally seemed to lose its grasp and fall from Gaara's chin, the redhaired boy spoke up, his eyes seeming to lose the already small, barely even noticeable look of childish innocence (which Temari knew he didn't really have much of anymore after going what he had gone through at such a young age) and take on a cold, uncaring look that held hurt and emptiness...
"I love only myself, and that's all the love I need."
Everything Burns.
He sits in his corner,
Singing himself to sleep..
Wrapped in all of the promises..
That no one seems to keep..
He no longer cries to himself,
No tears left to wash away.
Just diaries of empty pages,
Feelings gone astray...
But he will sing..
Til everything burns,
While everyone screams.
Burning their lifes ,
Burning my dreams,
All of this hate and all of this pain...
Burning all down as my anger reigns.
Til everything burns.Walking trough life unnoticed,
Knowing that no one cares.
Too consumed in their mascarade..
No one sees him there..
And still he sings..Til everything burns,
While everyone screams.
Burning their lifes,
Burning my dreams,
All of this hate and all of this pain..
Burning all down as my anger reigns..
Till everything burns.
Everything burns,
(Everything burns)
Everything burns,
Watching it all fade away.
Everything burns,
Everyone screams..
Everyone screams..
Watching it all fade away.
Til everything burns,
While everyone screams.
Burning their lifes,
Burning my dreams,
All of this hate and all of this pain..
Burning all down as my anger reigns...
Till everything burns.
Everything burns,
Watching it all fade away.
(Everything burns)
Watching it all fade away...
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Okay, I really like how this turned out.
Seemed pretty long in WP, but I dunno..
AGAIN! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW!
Give me any suggestions at all.
Should I try to turn this into a Gaara-Sakura fic?
Please, suggestions.
Review.
Oh, yeah, those parts like..
"Blah blah"
"Blah blah"
"blah"
That's Gaara THINKING! xD
- Mirango.