Grant put his strong hand behind my head and pushed me closer to him, deepening the kiss. Any thoughts I had were quickly dissipated as I heard a low groan from his throat. Heat began to pool between my legs as I felt any and all apprehension to his touch quickly vanish. We released only when oxygen became absolutely necessary.
I opened my eyes half expecting his to be lust-laden and hating myself for the ache that was ever present between my legs. What I saw was a different story entirely. His eyes were shut tight with rims of tears trying desperately to run out of him. His face was scrunched and I could feel his inner conflict. Ward opened his eyes and the tears fell.
Really, the monster has to cry? Why am I feeling bad for him? He knows what he's doing. He's in complete control. He killed Koenig. He's probably killed dozens of other people. I kept trying to reason with myself as my hand involuntarily moved to his face to wipe the tears from it. Reasoning wasn't going to be easy. My arousal eased as I continued wiping away the tears.
"I'm sorry. I can't do this." Ward said as he let me go and walked away from the couch. My body missed his warmth. For a monster, he's really emotional. He didn't cry once when he was lying to us. Is this still an act, or is he really showing remorse? Could the last few days be catching up to him and his mind is reeling from the realizations of all he's done? Could I-the team, have actually given him some humanity? I scolded myself for thinking like that. He's evil Skye, get that through your head! He's a goddamn monster and a traitor! He doesn't care about you or anyone else for that matter! All he wants is for you to decrypt the hard drive and then you'll die.
My body reacted without my brain's consent and I walked towards him. I cupped his cheek and looked into those brown eyes that tortured me on the inside during all the months on the bus. Those eyes that held secrets I couldn't even begin to unravel. I expected him to shoo me away, but he didn't. He closed his eyes as a lone tear ran down his cheek.
I couldn't stop myself. The tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn't stop myself from wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in the crook of his neck and shoulder. "I know what you are, Grant." I said with a cracked voice. The panic and fear and sadness all welled up on me anew. I didn't know if he was gonna kill me, or throw me in the cell, maybe he'll deny it and just call me crazy for thinking it.
Instead he wraps his arms around my back and pulls me closer to him. He places a small kiss in my hair. I can feel my hair get slightly dampened as more tears must've fallen from Ward's eyes. We held each other for I don't know how long, I held on to the thin hope that he isn't really HYDRA, he's just being used like Mike. Garrett doesn't have a hold on him.
Ward releases first and again my body misses his. I walked back toward the counter and leaned against it, not wanting to look him in the eye.
"You found Koenig, didn't you?" He asked slowly. I didn't look up, I kept my eyes focused on the countertop. I knew as soon as I looked in his eyes I would lose it and all of the emotions I was trying so desperately to keep bottled up would explode to the surface in screams, tears and flurried punches at Ward.
I knew I couldn't beat him in a fight if one were to start. I felt my fingers go numb from the force with which I was gripping the table. I felt myself working up the courage to answer him, but what he said made it all go away.
"It wasn't supposed to happen like that." I heard him say, deadpanned, monotonous, like it was no big deal. The anger worked its way up to the surface and before I knew it I threw myself at him. I pounded into his chest as hard as I could. The tears I held back at Providence came in rivers as I assaulted him with everything I had. Ward didn't fight back. He didn't grab me and make me stop, he didn't say anything, he just let me pound my fists into his chest and abdomen.
I didn't expect him to wrap his arms around. I didn't expect myself to go limp in his embrace again and just cry. I cried for the death that never seems to leave me wherever I go. I cried that Ward betrayed the team. I cried that May left.
I cried because now I couldn't be with Grant. He couldn't train me. We couldn't play Battleship on the Bus like we used to. We couldn't have pointless arguments and worst of all, I cried because the Grant Ward I fell in love with doesn't exist.
Grant rubbed a soothing motion across my back as I just sobbed into his chest, the same chest I cursed myself for still wanting to sleep on that chest. I cursed myself for letting him comfort me. I cursed myself for actually feeling safe with him.
When my tears finally ran dry I pushed myself up from his embrace. I looked into his eyes and saw remorse. I saw sadness, turmoil, the stuff a killer doesn't display.
"Killing Koenig wasn't the plan." Ward said as he unwrapped himself from me, my body still missing his embrace.
"What was the plan?" I choked out.
"You were supposed to make a backup of the drive. After that, I would make a copy and slip out while everyone was asleep. You would've never seen me again." He explained taking a seat on the couch. My eyes threatened to well up with tears again at the thought of him leaving, whether or not he was HYDRA.
Despite myself I sat next to him, taking his larger, calloused hand in mine. He looked up at me and I could've sworn the Grant I knew was in there. I just had to bring him out.