Chapter 2 – Desire
It's been 2 weeks since Chloe's attempt on their relationship and baby conversation. Even though the redhead had been tight lip about what she wants she couldn't help but think that Beca doesn't see them having a future together. She didn't realize that the brunette had already entered their place and quietly walked behind her and snaking her arms around the redhead's waist. Beca kissed the redhead's shoulder across to the other side then to her neck but she sensed that Chloe was far away. She turned Chloe to face her "What's wrong?"
The redhead snorted "Seriously? You have to ask." She arched her perfectly brow to her and started cleaning up the kitchen.
"You're mad at me, I get it." Beca put her hand at her hips as she step away from her girlfriend's way. "I'm sorry but I don't think having a baby is…" she was cut off by the redhead as she slam close the dishwasher.
"You don't want to have a baby." Chloe told her directly "I don't get it." She sighed heavily. "You're great with kids but you don't want one."
"Yes."Beca told her "I like kids I'm not gonna lie but I don't think having one on my own is for me." She said.
"Oh I get it." The redhead walked to the other side of the table "You like kids but not with me. You don't want any future with me!" she said as she whipped the towel to the table. "No wonder why we're not moving forward with this relationship!" she shouted at her.
"No! that is not true." Beca countered "I want to be with you for the rest of my days." She sigh "I just…why fix something that isn't broken." The brunette tried to explain to her.
"Do you even want to get married to me?" Chloe asked curiously. They have talked about marriage before and her girlfriend always says yes to being married to her. But now she's not sure if what Beca told her is the truth.
"Yes" Beca said as her voice gets high.
"Oh my God you totally don't" Chloe covered her forehead with her hand.
"That is not true! I do wanna marry you." The brunette informed her as she walked closer to the redhead but Chloe moved away from her "Practically we already are like a married couple. Minus the wedding and paper works" The brunette said with a low voice.
"To be clear we, you actually don't have a future plan for us." Chloe stated as she pointed at the brunette. She squeezed the towel she was holding and when she couldn't take it anymore she threw it at her girlfriend. "You'll sleep at the guestroom."
Beca nodded at her request to sleep separately "At least I'm not getting kicked out." She told herself.
Unfortunately the redhead heard her and shouted from her bedroom "You might be!"
Chloe cried while she lay in bed, she doesn't understand why Beca don't wanna get married and have kids with her. She doesn't know if she'd done something wrong, they were happy but as soon as she talked about what she wanted for them the brunette would just deflect and try to change the subject. She cried herself to sleep thinking what did she do wrong that the person she loves doesn't want any kind of future that would include a family with her.
While on the other room Beca stared at the ceiling thinking about their conversation about marriage and definitely about having a baby. It's true she does love and adore kids but she doesn't want to have her own. She's scared, oh she is scared and she doesn't want to break the only person that was able to understand and stand by her. But how can she agree with what Chloe wanted when this is what she fears the most. Yes what she fears is creating a family. There is something about it that makes her shiver on what could happen that they could end like her parents. She closed her eyes tightly and breathes deeply trying not knowing what to do next.
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It's been 5 days since Chloe made her girlfriend sleep on their guestroom the brunette was sitting at a restaurant waiting for her friend. Stacie finally arrived with her son Al and as soon as the boy saw his aunt Beca he came running towards her. Beca stood up from her chair and picked him up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "How are you doing Buddy?" she asked as she put him down. "You hungry?" Beca asked the tall brunette as she sat down at their table.
"I think sandwich would be fine." She said as she looked at the menu. "How 'bout you baby, what do you like?" Stacie asked her son as Al and Beca sat down.
"Ice cream!" he told his Mommy enthusiastically and both the brunette women laughed.
Stacie cleared her throat and looked sincerely at her friend "Hey baby why don't you go and play there while we wait for your food." Al quickly jumps down from Beca's lap and headed to the playing area. The tall brunette looked back at her friend "So what happened?" she asked wanting to know what is happening between her friends.
"What do you mean?" Beca acted innocently at her friend trying not to have this conversation.
"Don't look surprised of course she talks to Aubrey and she's my wife and confides with me." Stacie explained to her. "Now I'll ask again, what happened?" this time she asked sternly at her.
Beca sighed and pressed her back to her chair "We talked about marriage and…" she sighed dramatically "little ones… having babies."
"And you didn't agree with it." The tall brunette added for her "Why didn't you? What's bad about it?" she curiously asked the DJ "If you're scared that's normal you know. I was, I was so scared that I didn't know if I could actually do it." She told her as she looked at her son playing happily. "It's worth it, think about it. You have no idea what you'll be missing." The tall brunette gave her something to think about.
After they ate at the restaurant they went straight to their appointment, Beca was accompanying the mother and son since Aubrey has a trial that she has to attend to. "Conrad-Posen?" the nurse asked at the waiting area as she walked out the door. Stacie looked at her then to Beca, the DJ just nodded at her and stood up to accompany her friend. "Dr. Williams is ready for you." The nurse told them.
"Stacie congratulation" Dr. Williams told her patient as they entered the door then leaned down and looked at the boy. "Hey Al you doing great?" she asked him and Al just nodded at her while he held his mother's hand. She stood up and looked at Beca and held her hand for a shake "I'm Dr. Williams I believe we haven't met yet."
"Beca, nice to meet you doctor." The brunette shook her hand.
Williams sat back down to her chair as she gestured for them to do the same "So How are you feeling?" she asked the brunette and they talked for a few minutes before the doctor readied Stacie for her full check up. Beca and Al waited for her at the waiting area while they finish up. When the 3 went outside the hospital both brunettes holding Al's hands Beca didn't notice the paparazzi lurking outside and snap a picture of them looking like a family.
After Stacie's doctor appointment Beca went back to her studio and started working with her new clients. "Hey Katie can you give me those papers about that L.A. meeting." Beca told her employee. After Katie left the door opened again and a shaven head guy poked his head.
"You have a visitor." Her secretary said as Chloe went in behind him. "Would you like anything Ms. Beale?" the redhead looked at him and shook her head.
"Thank you Jon." Beca told him and gestured for him to leave. She stood up from her chair "Hi" she said nervously not knowing what to do, not knowing where she stands on her girlfriend. She knew that she's still angry at her so she's surprised that she's here. Now she's nervous even scared on what the reason why the redhead is in front of her.
Chloe can see that her girlfriend is walking on eggshells around her and she understands why. Even though they have different opinions and different wants she still and she can feel that she will always love her. She's willing to compromise with Beca so that both of them would get what they want, she gonna try and work this out. Plus she misses sleeping beside her "Did you have lunch already?" she asked.
It took Beca a minute to realize that the redhead was talking to her "Huh…lunch" the brunette shook her head "No I haven't, you?" Chloe smiled a little but quickly put it away. She won't admit it but sometimes she likes it when Beca seems to be dumbfounded or fidget at her with fear.
"Let's eat lunch together then, I'm hungry." The redhead told her girlfriend but before they even left the room a blonde woman came in without knocking.
"Oh sorry." She said "Here are the papers you wanted." Katie gave them to her boss then looks at Chloe from head to toe "going for lunch?" she asked Beca and the brunette just made a sound of a 'Yes' and arranged the papers on her desk without looking up.
Chloe have met Katie a couple of times and right now she does not like how this woman acts around her. She dismisses Chloe is in the room and it's obvious that she's parading herself to Beca. Chloe and Beca had talked before about Katie and Chloe told Beca about this. She told her girlfriend that Katie seems to have a little crush on Beca and the brunette agreed, they didn't talk about it anymore. Today though it seems that that little crush grew bigger and she seems to be acting on some of it. The redhead cleared her throat to stop Katie from displaying her cleavage to her girlfriend even if Beca isn't even looking "Beca" she said with a warning tone. Beca immediately looked up from her desk knowing what that tone mean. Then she saw that Katie seems to close to her. "Lunch." Was all the redhead told her and Beca nodded vigorously at her. Not only is Chloe talking to her that doesn't involve anything about their apartment or something important and they're also having lunch for the first time since their talk that resulted to their fight.
The couple is eating their lunch silently and Beca knew that her girlfriend is angry at her even if how many 'sorry' she would tell her. This fight won't be fixed with a simple 'I'm sorry' this is something more, this is about determination and responsibility, a lifetime of it. "I'm still mad at you." The redhead told her breaking the silence between them.
"I know, I don't blame you." The brunette agreed with her. "Dessert?" she asked wanting to prolong their conversation because she knows once they get out of this restaurant there is a big possibility that they won't be talking again.
Chloe also knew this that's why she agreed "Yes, something that has chocolate." She told her. After they made their order for dessert the redhead cleared her throat for the conversation they are about to have "You have always been there to me and I the same. We have support each other and stand by the other." She started and Beca looked at her intently.
Before she says another word she was cut off by Beca "I know we don't have the same desire or want about this relationship but believe me when I say it is you that I want to spend the rest of my life with." The brunette told her.
"I believe that and that is what I want too." She breathes deeply as their dessert arrived just in time. "So I thought about something" she said as Beca looked at her waiting for her to continue "I am still not giving up on starting a family with you. Call me stupid but I do and I want it with you because I am deeply and madly in love with you." She informed her girlfriend.
"And yet I am still far away from changing my mind." She told the redhead. "And I do love you more than anything and anyone." She informed her girlfriend.
"That's why I'm right here in front of you now telling you now" Chloe looked at her closely "I'm willing to wait when you're ready."
Beca wasn't expecting that, the truth is she thought Chloe was about to break up with her. "What if I never changed my mind? Would you still love me then?"
"I have a feeling that I will always love you no matter what, even if we desire different things." Chloe makes clear to her on what she thought. It lasted a few minutes of silence before the redhead took a deep breath and said "You should get back to work."
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"You told her that?" Aubrey asked her bestfriend as they sat down on the stool on Aubrey's kitchen island. On that same day after Chloe's conversation with Beca before she went home she stopped by her bestfriend's place first. She really needed to talk to someone and hear their opinion. Now she's facing her bestfriend telling her what happened earlier while sipping a drink after a long day. "She's an ass." Aubrey added.
Chloe just shook her head to the blonde and chucked. After a while her face grew serious again "What if she just doesn't want to be with me anymore?" she looked hurt at her bestfriend of the thought that Beca would desire someone else. "Maybe she's tired of being with me already that why she doesn't..." Aubrey cut her off immediately.
"Okay I'm not her biggest fan and you know that but I also know that she love you and only you." Aubrey told the redhead then tilted her head and added "also she's fiercely loyal to you which is good. Because I would beat her up years ago if she wasn't." Chloe smiled shyly at her.
"She's Beautiful, smart, rich and famous Aubrey. Women and men are flocking before her." Chloe informed her "especially that girl from her work." She mumbled.
"Katie?" Aubrey asked her "what did she do now? Giving your dear DJ, love letters and flowers?" she mocked her bestfriend, she have met Katie a couple of times and she knows about the little crush she have on her friend.
"She was there earlier and blatantly displaying her front to my girlfriend" Chloe pointed at herself "while I was in the room."
Aubrey gasped dramatically "That bitch!" Chloe agreed with her "Well I can tell you that you shouldn't worry about that lady love of yours."
"I'm not worried about Beca" she looked at her bestfriend "It's that woman I'm worried about." She looked down with worry in her eyes and Aubrey didn't have to tell her that she agrees with her. The redhead looked around "Are they asleep already?" she asked Aubrey looking for Stacie and Al.
"Yeah" Aubrey smiled lovingly at the mere mention of her family. "They had a full day, Stacie took him to the park then to a museum." She chuckled lightly.
"Good day, that's good." Chloe told her.
While on the other place in New York Beca sat on her mother's kitchen accepting the drink she prepared for her "Thank you." She told her.
Bette didn't waste no time and went straight to the point "What happened between the 2 of you?"
"What do you mean?" she asked her mother innocently.
"Don't play dumb with me young lady. I'm asking why you are refusing to build a family with my daughter." Bette told the young brunette in front of her. She adores and loves Chloe and treats her like her own daughter as well.
"How did you even know that" Beca was surprised that her mother know about her fight with her girlfriend "Are you spying on me?"
"No" the older woman plainly told her "but I happen to spend lunch twice a week with Chloe." She explained.
"Of course you are." She stood up from her chair and started to leave "I've had enough conversation about this topic for today."
Bette stopped her daughter from leaving and said "Don't be stupid. If you're scared that's fine it's normal. Everyone is scared when they are faced with this situation." She informed her. Beca looked at her with sadness from her eyes "What's the reason you don't want to have a baby with a woman who love and care for you?"
"You won't understand." She told her as she sat back down in front of her mother.
"Then tell me for me to understand." She looked deeply at her daughter then tilted her head to the side "Are you scared of being a parent? That's normal you know, every parent is scared of not being enough for their child. And what about this marriage thing I heard?" she leaned closer to her "Beca if you're scared that you and Chloe will end up like me and your father, please don't let that be the one to hold you down for your happiness because I know you want to be with Chloe as much as she wants you."
Beca sighed heavily before she answered her mother's questions "I'm not scared of being a bad parent or not good enough for my son or daughter. To tell you the truth I actually think I can do it and I do love kids and all but I don't think having kids is for me." she rested her head on her hand as it perched from the table "the marriage thing on the other hand, yes maybe it has something to do about you and dad." She answered honestly "I'm scared that we'll turn out like you and dad and the way I see it Chloe and I are happy at not being married so why get married." She reasoned with her.
Bette looked at her daughter with disappointment in her face "You're an idiot." Was all she said. "Throwing something away that could make you happy." She stood up and went to the sink then looked back at her daughter "Think about it really hard because not me or your father will tell you how it will end for both you and Chloe based on what you saw." She crossed her arms in front of her "You are not us Beca, what you have with Chloe is something much more. Don't throw it all away because you're too scared to have it."