All their characters aren't mine, by this time you should know which ones they are.

x x

--Casavir

The battle has been long. With each death and each betrayal, he closed off more so he could continue the fight. He hoped he would have time to mourn later, but that was not what in his heart of hearts he expected, so he thought only a brief prayer at each fall, whether from betrayal or death.

Their Commander was almost an automaton, calling attacks and conserving what magic she had. She'd had far closer ties to those who'd died... and those who betrayed her, only to die by her hand. The ice forming with each attack was fearsome, he almost wished for the hot fury of a rage over this cold.

But at last, the last of the doppleganger kings was destroyed. They were fewer than when they started, and he was bone weary and injured, as were they all.

He was feeling leery of using the enemy gate, and was going to suggest they escape on foot, when the earth was shaking, no convulsing. Huge chunks of the ceiling were loosening, and dangling. They no longer had the luxury of a choice. The Commander was yelling, chivvying the weary party towards the gate.

He saw the large chunk above her, and knew what was going to happen. He always knew it would come to this, even as he leapt over and shoved her towards the gate, with a scream of a prayer even as his vision went black...

x x

I woke up in a pew, feeling briefly ashamed that I had fallen asleep at prayer, as I had not in many years.

Looking around, this was not the temple in Neverwinter as it first appeared. This smaller room had the same general proportions, but had no statues, no candles, no iconography. It was only a bare room with a few pews in the very middle. And I was alone.

This was not what I'd expected from the afterlife, though I did feel strangely calm and somewhat happy. I took a moment to pray for my friends, that they would survive and be happy, especially her.

As I was praying I could hear a tower bell, tolling in the distance. It must have been for a funeral, as the tolls kept coming until I lost count.

Wondering, I rose from the pew, stepped to the aisle, and turned around, looking at the rest of the space I was in.

There was no altar, and only four rows of pews. Behind where the altar should be, was a huge stained glass window, but all the glass was clear. There was an exit some distance behind the last pew. On either side of the exit was a pair of small basins, each with a single burning candle among many. Beside the door was the symbol for the rectory, the private rooms of the temple. The air was scented with the smell of incense, though I saw no source. In the front of the room was a large stained glass window which began changing images, though it included symbols of Tyr sometimes, along with other gods' that I could identify, and some I could not.

I paced around the room, hoping for some sign of a concealed door or another exit, when the tolling came to an end.

"Welcome, Sir Casavir, of Tyr."

I turned, and saw an aasimar standing in front of the pews with a faint smile on... its face.

My voice seemed very rusty, when I asked, "Why am I here?"

In a voice that echoed many whispers, it said, "You may ask anything you wish, but there is little I can answer. I am here merely as a proctor for a judgement."

I almost shrank from that, there was still much I was ashamed of in my life, and I was now past any further chance of repentance and atonement.

"Fear not. This is not about those mortal failings, inherent to life, but a different set of tests and lessons.

I did not feel any better, I've erred in so many ways in my life.

"Please, take your place," it said, waving at the pews.

I took a seat in the front row, wondering at the scope of this judgment.

"Attend, petitioner! You will be expected to illuminate this flaw of yours. While not a sin, it's weight compounded all the other challenges of this life. Perhaps if it can be understood, others will walk a better path..."

My heart was heavy, hearing of a failing of this magnitude, but the thought that I could still help some others gave me hope.

"Behold, this is your own book of days, the days of what was not wine and roses, but weapons and battle. On the first day, you were a ward of the temple of Tyr in Neverwinter..."

And the glass window was no longer plain glass, with nothing behind it, but I could see the streets of Neverwinter, with a small gang of children running towards the docks. I remembered all the excitement of days when a ship from an exotic port would arrive. And there I was in the mob, near the front, in my worn but sturdy clothing, running pell-mell for the water.

I'd spotted a draft horse with a heavy wagon, and remembered sliding to a stop, while my cohorts continued on. The horse was being beaten, though I could see it was only putting weight on three hooves. The drayer was incensed, and was whipping until it bled. I remembered climbing up to get his attention, but not how precarious the kegs were balanced when I jumped and grabbed at the whip. Succeeding at knocking it away, I landed near the horse and tried to figure out how it was injured.

But now, I had the drayer's attention, and he had retrieved the whip and started to use it on me. I yelled something at him, I don't remember what, but probably rude, and saw a touch of blue fire about me as I yelled. That stopped the threat, and I'd turned back to the draft horse. I'd wanted it to be better, I never even saw the brief flare of more blue fire around myself and the horse. I remembered Jerrin and Troi pulling me back to my feet, and dragging me back home to the temple.

When I woke that evening, the schoolmaster had some questions for me, which I was too tired to evade, and so I was re-enrolled as a postulant instead of a foundling.

"But what would have happened if you had chosen not to speak? If you had been silent as many a young lad was when pressed by teachers...?"

This time I was in a snit at being woken and very hungry, and returned rudeness and crude half-understood gestures for concern. I was then left alone that evening. The next day I had a visitor in fine clothing, my first. The owner of the brewery had heard of the incident and wanted to speak to me. More polite as I'd had sleep and food, but he seemed to like me. I left the temple, I thought as apprentice in a brewery, but my clothing changed to be much finer. I seemed I was adopted. As I grew, the blue fire never returned, but I came to direct more than just a brewery, but later other business concerns in the city and beyond. Mature now, I was wearing a cadet coat of arms and moving amongst the nobility. The shadowwar came, and she was being presented as the hope of the city after defeating that brute in single combat. But "I" didn't care, and was more concerned about shipping disruptions and ruined vintages. The city was devastated, but I was fine and married another with bluer blood and raised a family...

"This could have been your path, that of the petty merchant nobility..."

x x

"What do these two alternatives reveal, petitioner?" it whispered across my thoughts.

I spoke, fairly sure this wasn't what it wanted, "That the city did better the way I lived?"

"No, this judgment is not about the city and its flaws. This is truly all about you."

I quailed at this. My life had been about service, and this celestial was implying I'd been wrong.

"NO! Wrong lesson! Admitting your calling was one of your victories. Instead, let us examine the next time in your book of days, when your actions had such a heavy page to turn."

As I feared, the next began was when I was packing to leave the city. Angry, broken-hearted, in so much pain, wanting only to get away from it, and also to serve in whatever way an oath-breaking fallen one could do. I found my way to Old Owl, not wanting to even speak to people who might have known of me before. First, I fought single scouts, and then pairs, and then more. Never quite getting myself killed, until I'd picked up a survivor here and there and was surprised to find myself, not as fallen as I'd thought, and leading that rag-tag group. It seemed fitting, as I was so rag-tag myself. The years had passed, with little changing, until the Shard bearer broke the stalemate.

Her force was sadly more effective, despite her youth. And I was ashamed to remember how full of envy I was.

Nevertheless, I'd asked to be allowed to help, to contribute my knowledge to clearing the Well of its siege. And in less time than I thought it was possible, the Well was free and I was sending the remnants of my troop back to the city to make new lives. On the eve of a war I had not known was coming.

"And the other side of the page?" came quietly.

Here, I did not speak to her, but returned to my troop, determined to find another cause to give my group purpose. Heartened, we found another place that needed help. But my envy had left a bitter seed of pride, and my troop did not do as well on our next task. They all died, far too quickly. I was left, to alone try to make a difference. I'd never even heard of the Shadow war, and died in battle, alone against impossible odds, only a little grayer, still the Katalmach.

"This could have been your path, that of the paladin of the wilderness..."

x x

"So did you take the correct or incorrect path?" my proctor asked.

"Correct." This I was sure of, I'd accomplished so much more in reality

"But more importantly, why was it correct?"

"Because so many more were saved by fighting the Shadow King than remote threats." I was proud of what we'd done.

It shook its head, "Another of the deadly sins... and in a paladin yet. But so many paladins fall to pride, armored as they are against the rest.

"You forgot what I'd said, this is about you. If you had chosen the wilderness, the shard bearer may have succeeded anyway. Or another may have stepped up, perhaps the ranger you hated so, might not have betrayed them without your jealous threats and orders..."

I could not think for the chaos of feelings. If my heart could have stopped, it would have, and I wanted to beat myself for the jealousy and shame of it all. I had made it worse in my self-righteousness.

I dropped to my knees and began a chant of repentance, in grief and shame for my actions.

Eventually the prayer reached its end, and drained, I saw the celestial was still standing there expectantly.

Gently, it said, "Remember, this is not about your mortal failings, whether envy, jealously, or even lust, as rarely as you allowed yourself that. No, you made the right choice here, but for a reason you still do not see. You have blinded yourself, which is why we are here. To see if this flaw adds its weight to your sins or your virtues.

"The next day your paths diverged was important to many, when you had to leave a neophyte to a blessing vigil in the temple you'd once fled..."

I noticed that the glass was less an obstacle, the pieces were larger and I could see the scene more clearly this time.

I was looking out on the chapel of the temple, where vigils were done, and she was settling for the night. Others had visited her, the dwarf and even the ranger, but she remained. Then I saw myself arrive and speak. I'd wanted to protect her, and take her place against the Luskan killer. She was capable, but I could not see why she was insisting to fight. Even later, once I learned she knew him from childhood, I still could not quite understand why she felt she had to do it. She'd been so upset to return to West Haven with his effects.

But I didn't know it then, and insisted that she was too important... to risk against this killer. She'd looked at me sadly, and said 'no' and then good night.

My proctor asked, in brushing whispers, "What truth did you omit in that plea, paladin?"

I blinked, and looked at him in puzzlement. My desperation then, was clouding my thoughts even now.

"Ah, you still don't know. Well, this is what could have happened, if you'd pushed her sadness that much harder..."

But this time I would not leave, desperate to take her place in the coming duel. After several hours of almost argument, she finally agreed that I could substitute for her. But, tired, I was sloppy in my form and he finished me fairly quickly. But I was dying happy, because she was safe.

"This could have been your path, that of the martyr..."

x x

But this time, the images did not stop, and I saw the Luskan did not stop with killing me, but went after her anyway. She had been...distracted and he'd nearly killed her with the first blow. Horrified, I watched as all the rest of the party, with precious little help from the authorities, take him down. But she now had a second nasty scar, crossing the one from the shard, and Torio was still freely in the city...

"Yes, martyrdom, sounds like something Tyr would bless. But is it accepting the costs of victory, or seeking holy suicide? Even Tyr's own sacrifices were to serve the good. But this martyrdom didn't accomplish much, as she still nearly died, and you never knew it. All you had given yourself was the illusion of a victory, you gave nothing to your cause.

"So, yes, you chose the correct path, though this was nearly as much her decision as your own. Yours was letting her fight her own battle, keeping faith that she could, even if you didn't understand."

"Please..." I found myself saying.

"Please, what? Do you even know what you ask?" it asked sternly.

I shook my head and bowed down, weary.

"Child. Rest and meditate a time. I will return."

And with that, I was alone again in the near-temple.

I prayed for wisdom. I prayed for my friends. I prayed for her.

I fell into sleep, or something like it, and woke again, felling only slightly less weary, but calmer again.

Still alone, I went back to the fonts, and lit a small candle at each, with another prayer.

I considered entering the private rooms, but I had no reason, no emergency to justify it, and so returned to the pew to contemplate the ever changing glass window.

Just as I could feel myself becoming restless, the proctor reappeared.

"And now, petitioner, we come to the crux, the point where this flaw had its greatest impact. Have you cleared your vision?"

Gravely, I said, "I hope so, Proctor."

The image in the window shifted from that of Selune, to a starry evening on the battlements of the Crossroads Keep. The attack was immanent, but enough divinations revealed it would not be tonight, when I sought her out.

And having found her, looking out over the suddenly barren countryside, all I'd wanted to say had flown and I found myself as graceless as a teenager. She looked at me expectantly, and I managed to get part of it out, about the coming battle.

She smiled sadly, and I found myself there again, breathing deeply of the cool night air. But I was speaking again, trying to say something truer, but it came out so wrong, a muddled mess of duty, and hope, and feelings. I was only an observer, and I said it all again.

She started to turn me down, but turned, and looked over the village again for a moment. Before leading me in to her suite. We made love, like it was the last thing we would ever do, a farewell. And in the morning, she still looked a little sad, when the first confrontation came, with the ranger. The battles went as before: the betrayal, the desperate defense, that Shadow King's warren, my death. And I was back in the near-temple.

But I still didn't know if she made it through the gate.

"Please tell me! Did she make it through the gate?"

The celestial sighed. "This is your story. That is her story. Once dead, your pathways are gone."

"But you showed me of Lorne," I objected.

"That was to show you the pointlessness of martyrdom. Your real influence ended with your last breath.

"The King of Shadows was dead before you. You accomplished your mission, you won. Isn't that all you said your party needed to do?"

"Yes," I admitted with a heavy heart.

After a pregnant pause, the voice of the proctor said, "What if you had waited, just a bit longer, instead of muddling the last night?"

This time I spoke only of the coming battle and strategy, after a while, the others found us and drifted into the discussion as well. It was somehow easier to plan our desperate battle tactics up here in the dark. The ranger left the discussion and the Keep, vowing this wasn't his fight, they'd be back in a few days if we were still alive. I pledged myself as guard to her, but the gate held this time. I directed the Greycloaks, while she ordered the party and spellcasters. There were still many deaths, but not as many. And I was her right hand going into the warren. Qara turned, and Neeshka had to be knocked out, and Garius had been very hard to kill, only dying instants before the Shadowking's arrival. He was still destroyed, but the Commander was still so sad when the ceiling started coming down. In front to protect her, I hadn't seen it coming this time, and Khelgar had to drag me through, both of us in tears.

"This could have been your path, that of the Hero's lieutenant..."

x x

The proctor said, "You're two for two there. You beat the Shadowking both times, and saved Neverwinter, and probably beyond."

"But I pledged to protect her! And she died!"

"You did, you protected her from Garius and the Shadow King and all their minions. I don't think protecting someone from gravity is on the list of blessings paladins receive. You all accomplished your goal of saving Neverwinter, and she is now with the gods. It was quick, and relatively painless. What could be better for her?"

My heart was in my throat, and I wanted to cry out, but nothing came.

The proctor continued, "But this point had several paths, what if you had NOT spoken only of tactics and combat?"

I looked at the window again, and the glass panes were larger now, only six irregular panes. My view was clearer, each time.

This time, I was on the parapet speaking on only on duty and faith, the honor of following her, and how happy I was to serve. I did not speak of my love. I was not as muddled this time, and could feel Tyr's support as we fought. The battles went as before, but this time we both spotted the immanent fall, and we made it out safely.

I found her, sadly changed and wounded, months later back at the Keep. She greeted me warmly, but no more than that. She seemed afraid of people, and avoided the temple and the shrine, and all who were of them, including me at first. Still a stout defender of the Keep and its region, something seemed broken. I grieved for the young woman I'd known, and wondered what had happened to her. I tried to ask, many times, but she always turned the topic to the Keep and duty. Over the years, we had defeated a number of threats, both to the Keep and beyond, and I had a full life. But we had nothing more.

"This could have been your path, that of the hero..."

x x

"NO!" I found myself shouting.

"No, what?" my proctor asked. "You wanted her to survive. She did, you did, the war was won. Your duty was done, and done well. All is well, right?"

"I..."

"And this is the next potential path you could have chosen," the celestial continued after only a pause.

The glass window was only a single pane now, and I found myself standing next to it, looking in, or looking out, I didn't know which it was anymore.

I was back on that damned parapet, and she was looking at the empty village.

Strangely, I was beside myself, half afraid of how I'd screw this one up.

"My Lady?" I was saying, not sure of what I was going to say next.

She turned towards me, with a half-smile, "Yes, Casavir?"

"You really should rest, my Lady. The battle will be rough tomorrow, and you need to set a good example."

No, you fool!

She stopped smiling, and turned outward again.

I reached out, and so did the other me, who then let his hand drop. I reached out angrily instead, to punch him, and found myself pulled in as soon as I touched him.

This time, I reached out, and felt the warmth of her shoulder under my hand. This time, I knew what I wanted to say.

"My Lady? I'm sorry, that is not what I really wanted to say. Duty and responsibility are on my mind, too much it seems. Or at least it is easier to speak of," I allowed myself a smile.

She turned back to me again, and smiled, "You, too, huh?"

"Yes," I admitted, "I fear I am tongue-tied when I wish to speak of other things. No matter how badly I wish to say it...

"So, please forgive me, if I say this poorly."

"Of course," she grinned briefly, "I've put my foot in my mouth often enough, to forgive you easily."

My hand was still on her, and I found myself looking into her eyes, unable to speak, or even to breathe. I stepped closer, bringing both arms up into an embrace. Our eyes still locked, she smiled slightly, and I leaned down to kiss her.

It was sweetness, and joy, and coming home from the wilderness. We were both clinging to each other, and it became much warmer, and I forced myself to lean back, even if only a little.

I said hoarsely, "I want more for us than, just duty."

She smiled, "You said that very well, my paladin."

With another silent kiss, we wandered inside, and didn't get as much sleep as I'd once hoped.

The next morning, even with the broken gate and the desperation of defending the keep, I felt I could wrestle a giant. I still stayed close, as did she to I, but we traded smiles in the few slow moments, to the amusement of our friends. I could even feel pity for the broken shell that had once been a ranger, even as we killed him.

Once Qara and the ranger were dead, she dumped out one of her magic bags, saying, "Maybe we can do something once this is over. Take anything you want, especially healing..." And she began stuffing the corpses in, not avoiding doing further damage, though it looked like she wanted to be sick.

Closing the bag, she looped it carefully to her belt, even as the Shadowking arrived. And this battle went as before, the duplicates, the portal, the ceiling falling, but we both ran through together, no delays.

I collapsed to the ground when I found myself alone in the plaza of an elven city.

I made it back to the Keep, and did my longest vigil, the months of waiting until she returned. I even snuck into her suite, just to be near those things she'd left behind. Father Ivarr could only tell me that she lived, was nowhere near here, and was trying to return. Nasher wanted to declare her dead, but with some support from the Temple and the Greycloaks, like Cormick, I was assigned Deputy Commander. So I could hold her home, while I waited.

I did little but hold the Keep for her and pray those eternal months, when one winter day she was at the Outer Gate, according to what one of Wolf's kids told me.

We met at the Inner Gate, and we were home. I swung her around, noting the new cares that seemed to lighten with every kiss. Back in her room, it was as sweet as the first, and hotter than our last.

The next morning, I asked, "Are you going to make an honest paladin out of me?"

She smacked my shoulder, and said, "Only if you ask me properly."

I did, and we did, very soon. And it was a tale the bards adored. She had been through such trials while she was gone, I shuddered the one time she could bring herself to tell me. And she never spoke directly of it again, but she better understood the darkness that could grow within, even though she was still as good.

To that, she brought out the battered magic bag, I'd last seen at the destruction of Garius, and left it on the table. And she sent for Sand, and after much consultation, she used a rod of resurrection on Qara as Sand cast a geas on the brat. The geas would prevent her maliciousness and would last only as long as she did not grow up. Despite some cinders and harmless flares, the child rested the day or so as she recovered from her rebirth, and stormed out when we told her the basis of the geas. I don't think she even heard that we would help her, if she wished.

We rested a day, and repeated it with the ranger, despite my misgivings. But she was right that he'd helped enough during the war to be allowed his second chance, too. That was a rougher scene, as he summoned his wolf immediately, but the geas cut in and he called it off in a rage. We outlined the terms of his geas, and that, since he'd been executed, there would be no organized hunt. His geas would last as long as he blamed others for the chains he'd made for himself. So enraged that he could only sputter, even though he could not move at first. I told him after he recovered that the Keep was open to him, and we hoped to see him often, before he also stormed out.

The thing that surprised me, was that they showed up, together, in time for Winterfair the next year, both a good bit calmer. With a glint in his eyes, he decked me. My Lady pulled me up to check my jaw, before shooing them off. It seemed they had both finally grown up.

So that was the last legacy of the Shadowking's war, and we could stop waiting for the other shoe to fall. She was the Lady Commander, and I was her Deputy. Our days were busy, as were our nights, and we retired to running the Keep and, soon enough, raising a family. We'd had our happy ending.

"This could have been your path, that of the beloved..."

x x

"Do you finally see?" the angel asked me. I was looking in, through the huge glass panel, into the almost-temple.

"Aye. The one who should be fearless, afraid to speak. I spoke when I healed the horse. I spoke to her, when I sought to join her and her cause, instead of clinging to my solo obsession. I did not speak the truth that she was too important... to me, for her to fight Lorne alone..."

I could only wonder how things may have been different, if I had spoken that early. She had been distracted by my dying, trying to get to me in time, so much he'd gotten that free shot for his master Garius.

"No? I wanted us both to live, I wanted to at least be able to try again to speak what I could not say. What could be better? A full heart instead of the emptiness of only duty. Please? I wish I could have another chance. ...I think those are the answers you asked of me today."

I sighed, "I could not admit, even to myself, that my jealousy poisoned the unstable ranger. Even though she never failed to keep everyone balanced, smacking or encouraging as needed. I could not find the words, and kept harping on duty and responsibility instead of what I wanted to say. Even in the last one, the happiest one, I never simply said that I loved her. She had to guess it, like some damn cryptic riddle in the night.

"I freely admit it now, even now that I know its too late for me. I love her passionately, hopelessly, far more than duty, more than anything in my life, may Tyr forgive me..."

I was a fool.

I wanted to cry, but nothing happened, aside from a twitching around my eyes. I took a long, deep breath, and looked around at the images of the Keep, still around me, showing us feasting and chasing children through a merry crowd.

"Tell any who night benefit from my life's lessons, I hope others can learn from it, without going through it themselves."

I was heavy-hearted again, but knew tears would not come, not here. The tower bell was ringing again, and this time, I knew it would stop at thirty-one

"Can I go, now? Please?" I was praying I was worthy to go to Tyr, as I did not know how long I could stand to think about these might-have-beens. But I could not stop watching us, just being happy, as long as I could.

"Yes, my child, it is time for you to go..."

Then I noticed a flood of gold and blue and red light coming from the temple, until the light was white, and the last thing I would see was us kissing...

x x

The next thing I saw was cracked and yellowed ceiling plaster, I heard a noise, and I saw her. Careworn, with a shadow in her eyes I didn't like.

I was in her suite, with a pile of blankets over me in the bed. A pallet was beside it, along with the familiar magic bag. I took several deep breaths, trying to slow them down to normal. We were alone. I was so weak, and could do no more than twitch my limbs, despite all I wanted to do.

"My Lady?" I hated how wobbly my voice was.

She bent over a little, with concern, but I saw nothing warmer in her shadowed face.

"Yes, Casavir?"

I took another breath, and closed my eyes, and said it. "I love you passionately, hopelessly, far more than duty, more than anything else in my life, may Tyr forgive me. I wish I could have said it before."

Her hands were on my jaw, and I opened my eyes long enough to see her, about to kiss me. I could only twitch my hands, instead of embracing her as I wished, but still it was so right to be kissing her.

When I opened my eyes again, she was both smiling and crying. Today only, I could do little more than smile, and say, "Again?"