(This is continuing from the last chapter- not another one shot- and Erik and Christine are on their date. And Raoul is still bald. And I am still assisted by the lovely PorterGirl321) Disclaimer: We do not own Phantom or My Little Pony
I sighed as I stared across the table at Christine. She looked beautiful. We were on the date that she had promised me when she discovered that I had shaved Raoul's long, flowing hair and made it into a wig (see previous monologue). Everything was going perfect: The food was wonderful, the beachside restaurant was secluded and romantic (palm trees flowing in the breeze, the waves lapping at the shoreline), and the wine was delicious… a little too delicious. I figured I might as well have another glass; I had reason to celebrate, did I not? But, sadly, I had one, two…. Five too many servings of pinot noir. I just needed some fresh air, I simply was not tipsy! After my many years of experience, I have built up immunity to alcohol. To get this air, I abruptly stood up- cutting my angel off mid-sentence- and stumbled down the steps to the sand, landing face-first and getting sand (and a crab) in my mask.
"Erik?" I heard her call after me.
"Jus'h a minute!" I said, my voice slurred.
I continued down towards the water, tripping on my cape in the process.
"Blasted thing!" I shouted, spitting sand out of my mouth as I noticed a solitary figure dancing among the waves. It was the Fop, wearing nothing - and I mean nothing- but a ridiculous wig. It was then that I noticed the sign, 'Nude Beach'. Well then, what else should I do? I ripped off my cape, clothes, and mask. I threw the mask across the sand like a Frisbee, laughing like a madman.
I approached the Fop, and heard his feminine voice let loose:
I lost all my- hiccup- hair
My clothes are-hiccup- over there
I streak –hiccup, you streak-hiccup,
And he gets the girl!
Then I heard a soprano shriek behind me:
"Erik? ERIK! What do you think you are doing? Are you mad?"
"Mad about you, baby!"
"Erik, I think you've had too much to drink. Just put your clothes back on and I'll take you home." She said.
"Home? This is my new home! And I am never wearing clothes again!"
"Erik, at least wrap up in a cape. You like capes, remember?"
"Christine! You're here, too! Join us!" Raoul said, running out of the waves in his drunken nakedness. Christine shrieked once again. I couldn't blame her.
"No!" she shrieked. "I would prefer to go back inside and finish my food! Who builds a restaurant next to a nude beach?"
"Christy- darling- the restaurant is called Bare Flavor, after all," I said.
"Darling?" Raoul said. "DARLING! No! I challenge you to a duel for Christine's affections! A NUDE duel!"
The Fop proceeded to pretend he was riding a steed, galloping around me, looking utterly ridiculous. I whipped out my invisible Punjab, screamed "SPARTA!" but before I could reach him, he pulled the ever so dangerous kiddie shovel out of the sand, chucking it at me. Suddenly, the ground started to tremble and shake.
"PHANGIRLS!" Raoul shouted, ducking for cover.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I bellowed. Then everything went black.
When I awoke with a pounding headache, I turned to find the Fop missing an arm, and his wig. I grabbed a pink child's towel which read, 'My Little Pony' and had a lovely picture of a pretty orange horsy on it from the ground to cover myself, for my clothes had washed out with the tide.
I slowly made my way around the billions of red rose bouquets which littered the ground to get off the beach. On my way I passed a heap; Raoul's clothes. I looked over at him; he was still passed out from the alcohol and blood loss. Taking the same kiddie shovel he had attempted to attack me with earlier, I buried them deep in the sand.
I was about to dramatically climb the wooden stairs when I tripped over a small bundle. The small bundle happened to be Christine, curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth and chanting:
"So many naked people, so, so many naked people…"
Next date we were going somewhere that didn't serve alcohol… and clothes were required.