Chapter 2: Alpha

I stared through the window while my chin was on the table. My arms were hanging like vines from my shoulders, and my toes were pointing inwards. Anyone who could see me would think that I was having one of those lazy days. If anyone would come, anyway. No one would come in this weather.

It was -9 degrees today. I had wished for snow, but looking at the sky, I just knew it would not happen. It was cold and sunny at the same time. I wondered what Takahiro was doing today. I missed him so much. Whenever I thought of him, that day, the day he had confessed his feelings would always come back. I remembered I had not slept a wink that night. I kept hugging my pillow until the sky turned to light.

It was funny how I concluded that it was love. I had met Takahiro when he was only a kid, and I thought at first that we would be treating each other forever like family. But owner ruined that peaceful thinking by sending me a weird letter one day. "Find a partner that you will cherish more than yourself." It was a difficult instruction. "Partner" was something I did not fully understand. How was I supposed to find a partner? All I could think of was finding someone of the opposite sex with whom I would like to share my life. Marriage was still happening. Courtship was still happening. I knew of the basic idea, but I was not convinced I would be capable of sharing the feeling it entailed.

Takahiro was the closest male in my life and also the closest to my age. It was easy, and it felt right that I considered him as the partner owner wanted me to find. I watched him grow, memorized his tendencies, and studied his likes and dislikes. He did grow fast, and by the time he was thirteen I did feel something change inside of me. I began wanting to be with him more. I casually invited him to stay over to satisfy myself, being careful not to sound too eager or too disinterested. And that one time, when we bathed together, my inhibitions came off. I showed him my naked body, knowing that he was looking. That night I was so embarrassed. I wouldn't have known what I would have done if not for Ojii-san coming over to pick Takahiro up. I did not know if it was a big mistake on my part, but since that day, I just knew that Takahiro had not looked at me as an older sister anymore.

"Sorry for the intrusion."

The sudden greeting startled me. I almost toppled over my chair. My hand went to the holster on my belt. But before I could pull my handgun out, I recognized the person standing at the door. "Kokone!"

"H-hello. I'm sorry I let myself in." She had taken a step back as if to dodge. I had never been more embarrassed in front of her.

"No, no, no! I was at fault. I did not hear you."

"You seem to be in deep thought."

"It's just…yeah! Watermelons! Don't you think it's unfair that we can harvest watermelons only during summer?"

Kokone tilted her head in confusion. She raised her brow and gave me a condescending smile. "Did I come at a bad time?"

"No, no, not at all!" Kokone did not come at a bad time. It was more accurate to say that I was not expecting her to visit me in this kind of weather. "Well, umm…coffee?"

Kokone sat down at the same table where I had been lounging. The weak sunlight struck her purple hair.

"So, Takahiro is really gone," Kokone said.

I choked on my coffee and coughed. Kokone went over behind me to pat my back.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes. I'm sorry," I said. "Somebody must have thought of me."

"Takahiro?" Kokone teased.

I puffed my cheeks at her.

She went back to her seat and took a sip from her cup. "Things will be quieter around here."

"Yeah." It was almost too quiet to bear. If not for Kokone, I would have stared out the window all afternoon, daydreaming.

"It was hard for me to believe what you wrote in your letter."

"Same here."

"But I'm happy for you. I envy you because your feelings for each other are mutual."

"Yeah."

She smiled, took a sip from her cup, and stared out the window. Then she took my hands and looked intently into my eyes. "Don't waste this chance. I can say that I am well read about our kind, but this is the first time I've known of a robot that has experienced love. I don't know what Takahiro is trying to do by leaving you behind, but all I can say is, if waiting becomes too painful, go and find him."

Do you know the feeling of restlessness when you want to share with someone your thoughts about something incredible? Like seeing a red eclipse for instance? When Takahiro confessed to me, I experienced that restlessness. I wrote to Kokone about this, asking her to write back what she felt about it. I had never expected her to visit me and tell me face to face. I was happy she did. I looked at her and grabbed her hands.

"Then, let me tell you everything," I said.

…

It was summer again. I decided to go outside since I knew no one would come today. I had not seen Ojii-san for a while. This would be an excellent time to visit. Besides, I had got a good harvest from my vegetable garden, and I had been thinking of giving some to him. Ojii-san was resting under his shed when I arrived on my scooter. The cool breeze swayed the chime hanging from the roof. The whole place seemed to glow white under the intense summer sun.

"Hello!" I called out.

"Hey!"

"You seem cool in there."

"It's dang hot!"

"I grew these eggplants and okra. These are for you."

"Well, look at that! Thank you. How about you take some watermelons, too?"

"Umm, today, I don't think so."

"Oh? Well, I'll take the truck and drop some off tonight."

"Well, thank you. Though it's fine, really."

"Nope, you need to take at least one." He went to take a stick of cigarette out of his pack, but he put it back. "By the way, I only got kerosene right now, see. I'll have gasoline the day after tomorrow or thereabouts. You should be stingy with using gas till then."

"Got it."

Ojii-san got up and sliced a watermelon. It was sweet and juicy as it had always been. There was no one passing by. The road ahead shimmered, and the air at its surface flickered like water. Now and then a warm breeze would pass through our shed.

"Ojii-san."

"Hmm?"

"Have you gotten a letter or something from Takahiro?"

"Nah, nothing. A boy that age don't send nothing."

"Oh."

We fell silent. I finished two slices of watermelons in that span of time, but I noticed Ojii-san's first was still only half eaten. I looked at his hands. There were more wrinkles in them, and the skin had sagged in places. His hair did not have any black strand anymore.

"Someday, Makki's gonna leave too," he said.

"Yeah."

"When that happens, there won't be nothing but geezers for ten kilometers in any direction. Except for you."

I understood that, but it would have been better if he did not say it out loud. "When you look at Takahiro and Makki-chan, you understand how time flies."

"Yeah. That Taka, just before he left, it suddenly seemed that he was an adult."

"R-really?" My face got hot, and not because of the heat.

"He got these determined eyes on him like he was motivated by something. I even thought he was doing it for a girl."

"Y-yeah." I wished he would change the subject.

"Alpha, listen here."

"Y-yes!"

"Sooner or later, it's gonna get even quieter around here. I think you noticed. The waves are coming up your place."

"Yeah."

"You should move in and open your shop here. It's high enough here. You can stay as long as you like."

Why did I suddenly feel that Ojii-san was leaving as well? I looked at him, thought it through, asked myself what he really meant.

"That is, if it's okay with you," Ojii-san said.

"Thank…" I wanted to say thank you, but the words were caught in my throat. I could not go on. The sobs came, and I tried to suppress it by hiding my face in my knees. A warm hand pressed on my head.

"Well, that's still a ways off. And I got the feeling that Takahiro will be here for you."

I squeezed my arms and listened to my heart as the wish in Ojii-san's words pierced through it.

…

I turned over the cup in my hands and wiped its bottom. I turned it over again and wiped its mouth. It had started raining thirty minutes ago. And also it was already dusk. No more customers would come today. I began walking towards the door to flip the sign. When I pulled the door open, Makki was there, standing in the rain and drenched all over.

"Makki, what are you doing? Come inside, quick!" She did not give any sign of budging, so I grabbed her wrist and dragged her inside. "You will get sick! Wait here."

I dried her with a towel and asked her to change into the clothes I had brought. She obeyed without complaint. I sat her down at the table nearest the heater and made coffee for the both of us. I watched her as she stared at the table.

"Makki, what's going on?"

Makki sneered. It was the first time I saw that expression on her. "I was planning to go into a fight with you."

"Huh? What for?"

She sighed. "As I thought. You are pretty calm about it."

If she were still thirteen, I would have no reason to prod her on. But Makki was already eighteen years old. I could not dismiss what she said as an attempt at playful banter.

"It has been three years since Takahiro left. But this is the first time I learned of his true feelings."

"T-true feelings?"

"Don't be unfair. Stop playing stupid. Do you love him?"

I was stumped. I did not have an immediate reply. "W-what do you mean?"

She wiped her eyes with her fist. "Tell me, or I won't be able to move on."

I could not say it. I did not want to hurt her.

"I've always loved Takahiro," Makki said. "Until now, I'm still hoping that we end up together. You told me before that you liked him, but it was impossible for you to have a relationship with him because you were a robot and he was a human. I want to know how you truly feel."

I looked up and turned towards the window. The scenery wavered as if I was looking through crying eyes. "I do love him. I don't really care about petty things like him growing old on me. I want him to be with me for the rest of his life."

"So greedy."

"What!"

"I'm kidding." Makki let out a big sigh. When she looked up, she was smiling. "I can rest easy now. I'm planning to leave and work in the city. I just had to clear things up with you. Sorry if I troubled you."

I shook my head and tried to return her smile, but I just couldn't come up with a sincere one. I did not want her to leave, too. "When are you leaving?"

"Maybe the day after tomorrow. I was packing my things when I found this." She took a small voice recorder from her pocket and clicked it on.

"Don't go! I love you! I love you more than anything in this world. All this time I've been a coward. All this time I have only been forcing myself to see you as a brother. But it is not the truth. I have been crazy for you for a very long time! So please stay! Stay with me! I cannot bear to part with you."

I could feel steam coming off my head. I snatched the recorder and threw it to the wall.

"I believe he intentionally left it for me to find. I confessed to him once and told him that whoever he liked should like him in return or else I would stick with him forever. He did not give me an answer that time. I think this is his answer. I've known for a long time that you are the girl he likes. But I indulged in that false hope that you would never like him in return."

"I told you that I liked him," I said in a small voice.

"True, but I was a kid back then and the way you said it did not give me anything to worry about. I would not have accepted that I was wrong if it was not for that record." Makki glanced down at her cup. "Hey, my coffee is cold."

"Sorry!"

As I poured her another cup, she said, "Let me stay here tonight."

Makki slept with me in my bed, the first time she had accepted my offer. She snuggled close and wrapped her arms around me. Once I woke up to her sobs. I steeled myself. It was not that I did not sympathize with her. I just felt it was the right thing to do.

…

I woke up catching for breath one morning. It was the first time in my life that I felt an ominous chill down my spine. I looked around and found myself in the same room I had woken up in every day, but something was changed. I knew there was. I was unsure what, but it was there, that nipping sensation that my life was not the same as before. I got off the bed and wondered what time it was. The clock said it was fifteen minutes past six. I frowned. It was dimmer than usual. I pulled the curtains and peered outside. Dark clouds had gathered from the east, thick and low, pregnant with rain. The trees and the grass swayed in the wind. It would be a big typhoon.

"So, it really came."

I went outside and rechecked the planks I had put yesterday together with Ojii-san. Everything was secured. I was not about to let another typhoon wreck my store. I might have to buy new roof panels afterward, but I swore the damage would be minimal. At least I hoped so.

I went back inside, and halfway to the counter, the lights went off. In time with that, the rain poured. I rummaged the drawers for candles and found one unopened box tucked with matches. I lit three candles, sticking them atop inverted cups. I placed one on the counter and one on the shoe-shelf. The last one I carried around with me. I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down at the window. The typhoon raged outside. Through the mist, I watched as the rain swept the hills in every direction. The wind shook the windows, but I was not worried about them ever breaking. One of my most extravagant expenses during my store renovation was installing bullet-proof glass for my windows. Even amidst typhoons, I did not have to cover them with planks.

"Takahiro, are you well? Did you find shelter in time?" I asked. I was half-hoping he would reply, like how it was possible through magic in the fairy tales I had read.

Sometime later, I dozed off. I woke up after three hours. My arm was numb. The typhoon had not let up. Leaves had clung to my windows, and water had seeped through the gaskets of the sills. I got up, cleaned my cup, and went to bed to continue my sleep. I was at peace, quite the contrary of what I had felt in the morning. I lay in my bed and listened to the creak of my walls and roof. I thought I would fall asleep in an instant, but it was awhile before I did.

The typhoon lasted until noon the next morning. Leaves and branches littered my yard. As I had expected, two panels of my roof had been pried back and were gaping like the lid of a can of beans. I checked the planks on the storage room and the windows at the back of the house and found that they were still in place. It seemed that the typhoon was not strong enough to do that much of damage. I started picking up the stray branches. I gathered them into a pyramid. After a time, I had collected so much I decided to make myself a bonfire tonight, in celebration of the typhoon's departure. I swept the leaves and all other combustible trash I could find towards the makeshift pyramid I had made. I finished cleaning my yard in time for the sunset. Satisfied, I went inside and took a bag of marshmallows from my "emergency supply" cabinet. I made myself some coffee, and while the water was boiling, carried a footstool in front of the pyramid. Once done, I lugged a tea table out the shop and placed the coffee set on it. Then I began skewering the marshmallows with barbecue sticks.

Just in time for my third plate of roasted marshmallows, I glanced up to the chug of the truck coming from the dirt road. I was too familiar with the quirky rumble of the vehicle not to know who it was. The headlights hit me as it pulled over outside the gate. Ojii-san and Sensei got off and waved at me. I ran over to welcome them, surprised and excited at their unexpected visit.

"Holding up alright?" Ojii-san said. "Oh, my. It looks like the roof needs a bit of work. No worries. I'll come by tomorrow and help you fix it."

"Thank you," I said.

"Here, Alpha, I brought some snacks and drinks," Sensei said. "I got the feeling you'd do something like this."

"It's just a spur of the moment," I said. "I didn't have any idea where to put all those branches. Just wait a bit. I'll bring you seats."

Sensei had brought homemade fish and squid crackers. As it turned out, a lot of these had been washed ashore by the typhoon. Ojii-san had the same reason when he brought out a plastic container of takoyaki paste. I helped him carry his old takoyaki cooker from his truck, and as he bragged about how he had been a great takoyaki artisan in his younger years, he made us the most delicious takoyaki I had ever tasted. Ojii-san was considerate enough to make mine without the squid bits. We enjoyed the food with cold beer Sensei had brought along in an ice box. Ojii-san told us that he would be closing his gas station for a couple of weeks to repair some damages the typhoon had inflicted. Sensei shared a story of a typhoon that had destroyed her family's house when she was a kid. Ojii-san talked about tasks at hand that needed to be done. Sensei talked about the past that needed to be remembered. They had so much to share, so much to talk about. And though it might incur some contempt from other people, for the first time in my life, I was grateful for a typhoon.

…

I borrowed Ojii-san's truck the next morning to buy new roof panels. "I'll go with you," Ojii-san offered, which I accepted with thanks. The ride to Yokohama was a quiet one. I noticed that Ojii-san did not talk much and instead looked out and watched the scenery from the window. The day was still gray. Clouds covered the sky. They only parted on select locations to let the sunshine through. I didn't particularly hate this kind of weather. There was wind, and the temperature was comfortable. The pillars of sunlight that pierced through the clouds presented a magnificent view as if we were inside an enormous temple made of gold. I always watched out for rainbows after the rain, but these pillars of light brought another kind of satisfaction to me.

"I'm glad I came," Ojii-san said. "I might never have another chance of enjoying this sight while riding a car."

"I could drive you anytime you want."

"Old man's too busy to be playin' hooky. Besides, I can't trouble you when you have your shop to attend to."

"Don't worry. Lately, I only get customers once a week."

"That so?"

Ojii-san stayed behind while I went to the hardware to purchase the roof panels. The owner asked me to wait for a few minutes while he prepared my order. His wife brought me some iced tea and cookies, to my surprise. She was middle-aged, fat, and could have been as pretty as Kokone when she was young.

"I baked too much, and no one here to finish them," she said. "That your grandpa? Better if he joined us, what do you think?"

I raised my hand to call out to him, but then I stopped midway. Ojii-san seemed to be entranced in watching the people around us. He watched as if he was required to remember every detail. He watched as if it was his first time, intensely as if it was his last.

"No. I think it's better if we let him be for now. Can I take home some of these for him?"

The owner's wife stared at Ojii-san. When she turned to me, her smile was warm. "I'll wrap up a big serving just for him." Before leaving, she patted my head. "I'll be right back."

After we got all the things we needed for the repairs, we again shared a quiet ride home. We had an early lunch in my shop before we started. I did not hear Ojii-san grumble even though I could tell that every swing of the hammer hurt his back. I made it a point to take a break every twenty minutes. When I noticed that Ojii-san was panting, I asked him to stop. He just smiled at me, stood up, and resumed where he had left off. I watched him closely. That was all I could do. Though I was worried about his health, I could not bring myself to take away something that he enjoyed doing. Before long, we completed our work. I brought out the soup I had stowed in the fridge to chill. Ojii-san ended up asking for seconds, twice.

I went back inside the house to start making coffee. I carried the kettle outside with two cups and the cookies the hardware owner's wife had shared with us. Ojii-san snored lightly in his chair which faced the west, his back on the shop's wall. I tiptoed towards the table, set down the coffee set as silently as I could, poured myself a cup as silently as I could, and walked towards the rail as silently as I could. I observed Ojii-san as he slept. I traced the lines on his wrinkled forehead, around his mouth, on the corners of his eyes, and on his cheeks. I realized that he had been with me longer than Owner. A memory snapped back at me, Takahiro's words. He had told me once that he did not want me to see him as he grew old. Looking at Ojii-san now, I felt for the first time that those words were not only meant for him. Hidden deep within was a warning: it would hurt really bad even for me.

"Oh, I'm sorry I fell asleep. Maybe it's time I go home," Ojii-san said.

"I'll drive you home."

"Nope. You stay here with the truck. I'll ride my bicycle to wash away the sleep. Haven't closed my shop yet."

"Okay. I'll visit you tomorrow."

Ojii-san patted my head. "You take care of yourself. You wait here for Takahiro. I'm sure he'll come back one of these days."

"Okay. Thank you so much for your help with the roof."

"You would have done it well even without me." He inspected my face and gave me a large grin. "I must go now."

"Take care."

"Yup."

I cleaned up the table after I saw off Ojii-san. In the end, he had not touched the cookies. They had become a bit soft because of exposure but still edible. I collected them into a plastic container and promised myself that I would take them with me tomorrow when I visited Ojii-san. While I was busy with the task, I thought I heard someone calling my name. I turned around and stared at the dirt road ahead. Something felt wrong. I dropped the plastic container as I rushed outside. My feet didn't stop running until I saw Ojii-san lying curled on the ground. He had fallen off his bicycle. He had a fist clenched at his heart.

"Ojii-san? Ojii-san, are you alright?"

He was gone. As soon as I touched him, I knew I was too late. I could not remember what happened afterward. Everything just went blank. When I opened my eyes, I was not in my room.

I remembered the place. It was the room I had woken up in when I was struck by lightning many years ago. As if to confirm it, Sensei greeted me at the door. My eyes welled up at the sight of her. When she was near enough, I embraced her tightly.

"Sensei," I said. "It hurts so much."

"It's alright. Everything will be fine."

"No! Nothing will be fine. Ojii-san…Ojii-san is gone. It's my fault. I didn't think he would really die. Sensei, I don't want to feel this way again. I don't want this immortal body anymore. Please, please make me human."