Two

The next two weeks went by painfully slowly for Emma. Life seemed boring to her now, compared to what she knew J'onn must be doing, chasing down bad guys and beating them up. She laughed at herself anytime she thought about it. She was sure J'onn did not think of his job as fun. He was probably more saddened by it than anything, being so against harming people. She wasn't sure what made her think that he was against harming people. Maybe it was something she knew about him because of their brief encounter, although neither one of them had mentioned it.

Emma found it difficult to concentrate on anything. She pushed through her classes and homework for college, though where she had once found joy in the pursuit of knowledge, she now found herself growing bored of sitting through lectures. Even her mother noticed that she was not her usual self. One day, as Emma sat at the table and did her homework, her mother came over to her and asked, "How are you feeling, honey?"

"Hmm?" Emma looked up from the paper she was writing. "Oh. Fine, Mom. Why?"

"I don't know." Alice sat down in a chair at the table. "You've been acting… strange lately."

"Like how?"

"Well… you seem almost sick. Agitated, not really paying attention when I try to talk to you. Is something wrong?"

Emma knew she could never tell her mother the truth. She understood that J'onn had let her keep the memory under the presumption that she would never tell a living soul. "Everything's fine," she said, plastering on a smile. "I've just been a little stressed with college, that's all. I have a lot to get done in a short amount of time. After next week, I should be okay again because my workload will go down."

Her mother believed the lie and looked relieved. "If that's all, then I'm glad. I've been worried about you. I was afraid you had become depressed or something."

Emma laughed genuinely. "No, Mom, I'm not depressed."

Alice smiled at her daughter and then stood from the table. "I'm glad we talked."

"Me too."

Her mother went down the hallway into her bedroom, and Emma sighed and slumped forward, putting her face in her hands. In her head, she thought, Maybe you really should have taken the memory, J'onn.

But, like always, he did not answer her. She didn't even think he could hear her. When they had spoken those few weeks ago on the bench, she had been able to feel his presence in her mind. Now there was nothing, and she had never felt so lonely in her own thoughts before. She felt strange when she thought about him, wondering how he was and if he was even still in her dimension. Maybe had had gone back already and had forgotten all about her.

Emma shook her head. This was no way to think. Of course there was no reason for him to still be thinking of her. And she really shouldn't be thinking of him either. But then… why had he let her keep the memory? He must have decided it was important for her to keep it. And even if he was doing it just to be nice, there still had to be a reason.

Like what? she asked herself.

No answer came, either from J'onn, or from her own mind.

That night, Emma had an extremely vivid dream, one she would remember for the rest of her life. The first odd thing about the dream was that it took place in first person, which did not normally occur in dreams. Most dreams were in third person, with the dreamer looking down on the scene from above. Or, at least, that's how most of her dreams were. But not this one. In this dream, she was looking through her own eyes.

It was nighttime, and it was cold wherever it was. She could see hear breath in the air. As she walked down the sidewalk, she began to notice that she was not in control of her body. She seemed to be only an observer, letting her body carry her around but not able to change anything. As she walked, she wondered where she was. None of the buildings looked familiar, and it never got this cold where she lived.

Suddenly, her body went rigid, and her eyesight began moving outside of the limitations of her body, as if someone had attached her sight to a moving camera, and now the camera was zooming down the sidewalk ahead of her and into an alleyway a few blocks away. Inside this alleyway was a shadow. She knew the shadow was a man. Somehow, she also knew that the man was bad.

She started walking again, her body loosing its rigidity. She began to wonder if she was even inside her own body, or if she was traveling with someone else. Her movements – or their movements – were fluid and graceful. She was never this graceful. And she – they – walked without making a sound. She wished she could move her head to see whose body she was in. It was then that she realized she was dreaming.

At first, Emma was excited. She had never had a lucid dream before, though she had always wanted to have one. But then she had another realization. People who became aware that they were dreaming either woke up, or were able to control some aspect of the dream. She'd heard that looking down at one's hands might be enough to gain more control, but as hard as she tried, she was still just an observer.

Was she having a vision? But about who? Almost as if whoever was controlling this had heard her, she looked down at the ground for a moment, and saw her feet, which were covered in… purple boots?

Oh my God, she thought. J'onn.

No one answered. She thought louder, J'onn! J'onn J'onzz! Hey!

He did not respond.

Emma sighed inwardly. Okay. I guess I'm just here for the ride. You probably can't hear me. But what are you doing? Are you following a bad guy? She knew he would not answer, but she asked anyways, hoping he might subconsciously be aware of her to a degree and answer accidentally.

He did, in fact, turn and look over his shoulder, as if thinking someone was behind him.

No, you should be paying attention to your mind, J'onn. I'm here. Why can't you hear me? When no one answered again, she thought, Okay. I'll stop talking for now. Just take me wherever you're taking me. Obviously I'm having this vision for a reason.

In a few minutes, J'onn entered the alleyway that he had checked earlier. Emma saw the shadow in the corner. She saw him pull out a gun.

No, she thought.

"I know you are here," J'onn said to the shadow. "There is no need for that. Why don't you come quietly?"

"Fuck that!" the man shouted. He stepped into the light, aimed the gun, and fired.

And suddenly pain tore through Emma's right shoulder. She screamed, and sat up in bed, clutching it. And the pain was gone instantly. Still, she sat and held her shoulder. And thought desperately, J'onn!

No one answered.

Goddamn it! J'onn!

Emma?

Jesus, J'onn! Are you okay? You were just shot!

Hold on.

Okay.

And so she waited. A few long minutes past, that to her felt like centuries. Not once did she let go of her shoulder. She realized she was shaking and in a cold sweat. Her sleep shirt clung to her.

Finally, his voice entered her mind once more.

Are you all right, Emma?

I should be asking you that!

I am fine. I knocked him out and took his gun, and have already healed my shoulder. But how did you know?

You couldn't tell I was there the whole time?

He was silent for a moment. Emma could feel him formulating the right response. Thinking behind the scenes. She got a sense of how his mind worked for a split-second. It was a labyrinth of color and emotion, and confused her senses. Sitting in her room, she saw images flash before her eyes.

He chuckled. My mind is probably not the best place for a human to be. You could get lost forever in there, Emma. To answer your question, I thought I could feel… something following me.

Which is why you looked behind you, right?

What exactly happened? How were you there with me?

I… I don't know. I went to sleep and started dreaming that I was walking down a street I didn't recognize. And then… I guess you used one of your powers to scout ahead into the alleyway, because now I know how Martian vision works. But then I realized I was dreaming, and then realized that I couldn't control anything even though I knew I was dreaming. And I started wondering if maybe I wasn't dreaming and having a vision instead. And then I wondered whose body I was in, and then you looked at the ground and I saw your boots and realized it was you and tried to call you but you couldn't hear me. So I just sort of… went along with it. Not like I had a choice. And then you got shot and the pain woke me up and I was so scared for you that I guess I finally broke through to you.

Emma blushed, realizing that she had just gushed a ton of information way too fast. Sorry.

Too fast for a human, perhaps, he thought. I had no trouble keeping up.

Are you back in your own dimension?

Yes.

How are we talking then? Shouldn't that be impossible?

After everything that has happened between us so far, you still think some things are impossible, Emma?

You're right. I really shouldn't be surprised. So, I guess that means the portal was closed or destroyed, right?

Yes.

Emma sighed.

You are saddened by this. You were hoping maybe we could see each other again?

Of course I was. Don't pretend you don't know exactly what I'm thinking. There's no point in that. Either read all of my thoughts or none.

You really want me that deep in you?

She blushed. That sounds like something else entirely.

I used the euphemism for a reason. To know one's surface thoughts is one thing. To know all of their thoughts is another. You want me to know every deep dark secret? Every fantasy? Everything that you have ever been embarrassed about, or sad about, or angry about?

Emma was quiet for a long time, thinking about the implications of this. Well… she finally answered, it only seems fair, doesn't it? I know a lot of things about you that you probably wish I didn't.

That is true. But I don't really believe in an eye-for-an-eye mentality.

What if I wanted you to know? For no other reason than because I wanted you to know?

Then I would be flattered, I suppose. Although I would tell you to be careful.

Why? Because we're a different species? From different dimensions? Because if any villains found out they might use it against you? Because you're what – a thousand years old or something? Because you think I'm not mature enough to understand that it would make a lot of people uncomfortable? Trust me. I've thought about this.

I can see that. But now I have to ask you when we started talking about a relationship that goes beyond friendship. Because that is all I was talking about. But I can see that you were not.

Emma was shocked. He was right. He had caught her before she had caught herself. Maybe we should stop talking for tonight.

So that you can hide. I understand.

How dare you?

You told me to read all of your thoughts or none of them. I just read all of them. Make up your mind, Emma.

She didn't know what to say.

This is one of the reasons I wanted to wipe your memory. Humans have a tendency to become infatuated with things that are different than they are. You think you are in love with me. Really, you are curious. Nothing more.

Why didn't you? Wipe my memory, I mean.

You told you thought I had beautiful eyes. I was flattered.

That's bullshit, J'onn. You say you should have wiped my memory because you knew I would become "infatuated" with you, and yet the reason you didn't is because I told you that you had beautiful eyes. Should that not have been a red flag to you?

Learning to become more human means sometimes embracing hypocrisy. Besides, you are happy I let you keep your memory of me, are you not?

That should be beside the point.

What happened is over and done. What matters is where we go from here.

I'm always going to be mentally connected to you now, aren't I?

Perhaps. Perhaps not. I really do not know the answer. Only time will tell.

Emma sighed. I don't know why I'm arguing about this, anyways. It's something I… well, I want. So I don't know why I feel like I have to argue against it.

You are afraid I will not accept you.

Those words suggest more than friendship, J'onn.

So you caught me. Now we're even.

Emma could feel the smile in his words. I don't understand you.

In time, you might.

If you let me.

Yes.