Moon Princess
War's End
The war was over.
Keith knew full well he should be feeling relief with everything said and done, yet instead, he felt like an empty shell accompanied by an ice-cold numbness. While everyone else celebrated the end and the ability to returned home to Earth, the red paladin found himself unable to celebrate. After all, Earth was not his home. Instead, it felt as if his home – the Castle of Lions – was being ripped away, no longer a welcome place now that Voltron was no longer needed.
He'd thought about going and looking for his family, yet now that things really were finished, Keith couldn't help but feel overwhelmed, let alone whether this was what he really wanted. Glancing over at the others from where he stood among the crowd of aliens also celebrating the end of the war, the red paladin could see the others conversing regarding the victory, but see exactly how happy every single one of them were. His eyes narrowed, that little voice in the back of his head telling him he'd just ruin things for everyone.
Lance, of course, flirted with the girls, and Hunk explained all the dishes he made. Pidge conversed with her father and brother, her mouth twisted into a bright smile as her hopes were now fulfilled. Keith's dark-blue eyes looked at the ground, feeling out of place in the other three paladin's worlds, but quickly shifted his eyes to look at Shiro, of whom he had built his world up around.
Keith's breath caught, catching sight of Allura chatting away amicably with Shiro and Coran, a social interaction which was so foreign to him, and yet he suddenly felt himself craving. He felt a tinge of jealousy, yet that voice in the back of his head kept telling him that he'd just get in the way of Shiro and Allura being happy, but unfortunately said voice didn't stick to poking at the fact Keith wanted them to be happy.
That little voice in the back of his head kept pestering, reminding him of the fact he was part Galra, the species that completely eradicated Allura's species. Even though she and Coran didn't have a home to go back to either, he had no right to think it was even remotely the same, let alone something that allowed him to relate to her. Keith couldn't possibly know what she was thinking let alone feeling, but he shouldn't intrude as much as the other voice in the back of his head kept telling him home was with Allura.
Plus, best to leave before she had a chance to reject him – again.
Letting out a sigh, Keith headed away, to go look at the stars. He stood there staring up at the glass ceiling, his arms crossed as the site fed his dark mood. The red paladin felt like crying, the pain he felt threatening to erupt. Suddenly, that inkling that a certain someone was approaching drew his attention away, making his mind panic that they had come and found him here.
"Keith?" Allura's voice sounded concerned.
"Allura." The way he said her name felt cold, meaning he was already putting up the walls.
"Are you okay?"
Of course, he wasn't okay, but he said instead, "I'm fine."
He looked up at the stars, trying not to cry. Allura moved closer, looking up at the stars with him. It felt right, being there looking up at the stars with her, and yet that voice in his head continued to pester. The princess spoke up first. "So, do you really have to leave?"
Keith startled, his head turning to look at her, the urge to cry temporarily leaving. "What?"
"You and the other paladins are going back to Earth, are you not?"
"Earth is home." The red paladin turned his head back to those bright stars, hoping that Allura hadn't picked up on the fact he was lying.
"But is it your home?" The princess took a deep breath. "You could stay."
How he felt at her words, Keith couldn't quite put his finger on. There was that fear that always crept up when he got something he wanted, that fear of having it suddenly ripped away. His voice strained. "I can't."
"Why not?"
"I don't want to…" The red paladin stopped short, unable to say he didn't want to get in the way of Allura and Shiro's relationship.
"You… you don't want to stay?" Allura sounded hurt, and he found himself forced to look her in the eye, swallowing as he did so.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." His voice strained, but Keith recognized the tone of voice as the tone that indicated he was about to cry. "I'm Galra. I can't."
"Oh." She was still upset, disappointed in him, and the voice said this was why he couldn't stay, as this was all he'd ever do in their relationship – upset and disappoint her. Allura folded her arms across her chest. "Shiro said you'd be going and looking for information on your family, so I guess that's something you can do only on Earth. But can you find all the information you need there?"
Suddenly she looked hopeful, and the red paladin didn't understand why. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, some of the information you need might not be on Earth? I could help you. I could help you find the information you need."
It shocked him, what she said, but confused him. Keith hated when things got complicated, and they just got more complicated than he liked. "I…"
"I want you to know…" Allura started, her eyes at the ground, but then she became suddenly confident and looked him in the eye. How he hated eye contact and yet liked looking in her eyes. The conflicting feelings and complexity he didn't like one bit. "No. I need you to know. You're always welcome here on the Castle of Lions."
Her next move only complicated the feelings he felt but amplified the pain and confusion he felt. He didn't know what to say, nor said nothing. However, Allura did what she did that day she apologized for the way she treated him, and wrapped her arms around him, catching him completely off guard as she pushed herself into his personal space, not letting the walls he built get in the way.
She then took it a step farther, further adding to his confusion as Keith had never been good at reading social cues as they were simply too complicated. Her lips brushed lightly against his cheeks, making his entire body tense up, his eyes stare at the wall. And then she was gone, slipping away to let his personal space return to normal, and yet Keith choked.
Her actions felt so good and yet pricked his psyche painfully.
V
Shiro's voice drew Keith back into reality. He'd been moody, yet silent since speaking to Allura, but also avoided everyone until the Castle of Lions dropped into the dark side of Earth's moon so that the people's residents wouldn't suspect anything was up. It wasn't as if Earth had the technology to detect the ship, but it could be detected by sight.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." Again, it was a lie. Keith didn't have to look Shiro in the eye to know that the red paladin wasn't fine.
"I call shotgun," Lance called out. Shiro though reacted, holding out his arm to prevent the blue paladin from rushing forward.
"I need to talk to Keith, okay?"
Lance looked at the two, simply staring. The red paladin remembered when he started asking questions about the blue lion, hoping to find information about his mother from Coran, only for the blue paladin to go on the defensive, poking him painfully in the chest, but making him feel guilty for simply wanting to know the truth.
The blue paladin stared his finger up and his mouth open to protest. Before he could, Matt swept in, pushing him to the back end of the Altean shuttlecraft. "Nope. Let them talk. It isn't as if they've had a chance to really talk since you guys rescued Shiro, right?"
"Yeah, but why…"
"Just move." Pidge moved forward, her voice obviously irritated with the blue paladin, pushing harder than her brother did. Keith winced at the ruckus that ensued.
"Now, now. Respect Takashi's wishes please." Sam's kind voice made Keith look up, yet he wasn't sure what to think. The other three paladins from Earth piled into the back with Sam and Matt though, leaving Keith to sit in the front with Shiro. Which meant the black paladin was going to grill him.
Shiro remained calm, saying goodbye to Allura and Coran, along with a few others one last time by waving, while Keith found himself unable to say anything. When he looked at Allura's face, he saw pain – pain he caused. The pain he didn't want to ever cause her again. He slumped into the chair, waiting for the conversation – no, interrogation – to come.
"So…" Shiro cleared his voice. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Do what?" Keith looked back at the Castle of Lions. The walls were up.
"You said you were going to go and look for your family, remember?" The black paladin's voice startled the red paladin, making him look up at the shuttlecraft's pilot. Something was definitely bothering Shiro. "What you find, it could be very painful you know."
"Can it actually be worse than what I've already imagined?" Keith's fingers started to fidget as he tried to control what he was feeling. The others were likely in the back, chatting away about their hopes and dreams, something he didn't have. Jealousy – that was the name of one of the feelings he felt, and he didn't like it. Particularly when it was in part aimed at Shiro, something that had never happened before. "This is something I've got to do Shiro."
The black paladin turned his head, looking him in the eye. "I just don't want to see you get hurt by whatever you find out. You're my precious little brother after all."
Suddenly, Keith's hand slammed down onto the console in front of him. "Look! You're like a brother to me Shiro, but you're not my real brother. I'm not your real brother. It's none of your business, and I can handle this myself! Okay?"
"Woh…" Hunk's voice came over the sound system, making Keith realize he'd managed to turn it on. The red paladin felt a blush spread across his cheeks at that mistake.
"That's so uncool Keith." Lance folded his arms.
Matt's voice came over the system. "Wait. Shiro, you haven't…"
"Matt." Shiro snapped, making it clear that the subject was now off limits, but making the red paladin wince.
The black paladin pushed a button, turning off the intercom, but not before Keith muttered, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Then came something unexpected, yet he should have expected as it was Shiro after all. "You don't have any reason to be sorry. Don't ever apologize to me for the way you feel. It's not your fault you feel the way you do."
"Yeah. But I should have better control over my emotions."
"If I'm able to…" Shiro took a deep breath. "Honestly, I don't know what's going to happen to me, because I'm still listed as dead and all, but if I can get things back on track, get a steady job and such…" The black paladin let out a deep breath. "Do you want to come and live with me?"
Keith's mouth pressed into a frown, everything threatening to spill out in a cascade of hot tears. "I can't."
"Keith…" Shiro likely had that look on his face, that look that said Keith had done something wrong, that he'd given the wrong answer.
"I'm not going to be in the way."
"In the way of what?"
"You and Allura."
"What are you talking about?"
"You know what I'm talking about."
"What I know is I want you to come and live with me. You're not in the way. You're not in the way of anything."
"I got in the way of you and Ryo, I'm not going to get in the way of again. Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself. I'm not going to be a burden. No, I'm going to stop being a burden to you, Shiro. I've got to. I've got to do this on my own."
"Keith…"
"I want you to be happy. I'm doing this so you can be happy."
A sigh escaped Shiro's lips, yet the black paladin said nothing. A quick glance told Keith that the pilot was definitely thinking things over, mulling some kind of solution to the problem, yet the red paladin felt what he was doing was best for everyone.