Even Idiots Fall In Love

This is a joint fanfic between DivineSerenity and SylphStarWind. Thanks to Skye Wesker, Rei-kun, J Wesker, and Molekiller for your reviews. Sorry it took so long for chapter two.

Disclaimer: We don't own Resident Evil, and we never will, not even when Chris Redfield turns gay.

Summary:

Where we last left off, Wesker finds himself in hot water, as he faces his mistress and his love, who have now become two of the greatest foes the world has ever seen - Ada Wong and Claire Redfield. Who shall triumph in this battle to end all battles, and will Leon succeed in claiming Ada as his own?

Chapter Two

"ALBERT WESKER! YOU COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" Ada's voice boomed throughout the store.

Wesker was immediately jerked back into reality after he drifted off into a sleep, due to the oxygen deprivation that took hold of him. Currently, Claire would be the one responsible for it, as she was on top of Wesker, strangling the life out of him.

Claire immediately got off of him, in search of items that could inflict more bodily harm, rather than just using bare fists. Leaving the blonde bastard behind to escape wasn't much of an issue, because she caught sight of an Asian woman, stomping towards them, brandishing a whip. Her feminine instincts told her that she also had one objective in mind: kick pretty boy's ass.

Wesker struggled to his feet, and was about to take off, until a sharp kick to his crotch warned him to stay put. He looked up, and saw none other than, "Ada, errr... well... ahh... I can explain!". Please let it be noted that Wesker spoke those few words in a very high-pitched voice.

"Oh, well, how about you explain it to this!" were Ada's last words before Wesker's vision was bombarded with stars and his body was greeted with the many lashes of a whip.

At long last, Claire emerged, a baseball bat in one hand, and a taser in another. Her eyes were greeted with the sight of a cruel whipping that she was forced to wince at each and every lashes of the whip, usually followed by a high-pitched cry of pain. A large part of her still thoroughly enjoyed his agony.

&&&&&

"Aw... We made all those plans for nothing," Jill complained.

"No, this is even better! Wesker was hitting on another woman! Ada should definitely leave him now!" Leon said with a grin.

"He's hitting on my sister," Chris growled. "He's way too old for her!"

"Well, he's getting what's coming to him now," Jill said with a grimace, as Wesker went through another series of lashings. Claire was watching, waiting for her chance to use her weapons of choice.

"I almost feel sorry for him," Leon admitted.

All of them looked at each other and shrugged that thought off.

"Nah... sucks to be him, though," Chris said. He was clearly amused by the sight on the monitor. And deep down inside him, he was doing a dance of victory as he watched his sworn enemy getting his ass kicked all over the place. He felt a pang of anger though, as Wesker was hitting on his sister.

"Guess we'll leave him alone for now," Jill turned and walked towards the doorway.

"Wait! Claire hasn't started on him yet!" Chris was now rubbing his hands in an evil-like manner, picturing in his mind of what Claire could do to Wesker.

"Uh oh, she's starting!" Leon motioned for them to take a look at the monitor.

"Ouch... That's gonna hurt..." Chris had to wince at the 'pretty' sight before his eyes. Jill walked back. She couldn't possibly have anything better to do than to watch Wesker getting his ass whupped over and over.

Claire started with repeatedly jabbing the taser into Wesker's crotch. This went on for several long minutes, while Wesker lay on the ground, whimpering and barely conscious. His body went into spasms and his face scrunched up with each use of Claire's weapon.

"Here's a lesson - you should never have children! So don't bother hitting on me, or I will make sure you're incapable of reproduction," Claire growled.

"I think it's too late... He's probably sterile already," Chris said with glee. Of course, she couldn't hear him, but Leon and Jill nodded in agreement.

"She sure likes to attack his crotch...," Leon commented. Claire was still at it.

"Well, it is a man's most vulnerable part," Chris said defensively. "Nope, nothing sexual about it."

Back with the two ladies and the incapacitated blond fool, who had gathered quite a crowd, Ada was standing by, watching Wesker's torture.

"Honey, much as I enjoy seeing this, I think maybe he's had enough. I need to get home and start dinner, and I can't leave without him," Ada said.

Claire gave Wesker's nuts one final zap before standing up, panting. There was a big grin on her face.

"Wow, that's really therapeutic," she said. "Whenever I have a bad day, I could just harm Wesker mercilessly and I'll be cheered right up. Anyway, yeah, I guess you can take him home now. But try to keep a tighter leash on him from now on, okay?"

Ada nodded. "I plan on it. I'm sorry he gave you trouble."

"Yeah, no prob-- Oh my God! Where's my baby?" Claire exclaimed, looking shocked. She stepped on Wesker's prone form and ran in the direction that the baby had been thrown.

"Come on, dear. We should get you home," Ada said, kneeling beside Wesker. He didn't move, and she slapped him across the face.

"Ah God! Just kill me!" he yelled.

"Not today, love, although if you try that crap again, you might get your request," Ada replied calmly. "Now get up or it's the whip."

Wesker sobbed and struggled into a sitting position. Ada grabbed his arm and hauled him to his feet, then led him back to the meat section and their cart.

"Now, beef or chicken?" she asked, picking up a package of each.

&&&&&

"What the hell? She's not going to dump him?" Leon burst out.

"Erm, maybe it's time to deliver those pictures now?" Jill suggested.

&&&&&

He put the pen to his non-existant lips in a gesture of thoughtfulness. After he figured out the last line, he put his pen back on the piece of paper and scrawled it out, adding his signature at the end.

"STARSSSSS," he said, nodding happily. He quickly read over the letter, then put the pink sheet of paper in a matching pink envelope, and added the last touch - a heart-shaped sticker. He grinned - he was always grinning, but now he was grinning on the inside- and stood to deliver the mail.