My Little life

CAST:

Serena Abtine: ME!!!!!!!!

Lilly Abtine: Montana Bull

Hannah Lizardo: Chelsea Johnson

Charlie Abtine: Chelsea Johnson

(SCENE ONE)

Lilly Abtine: (knocks at door) Serena, wake up. (walks in) Serena. (realizes she's not there) SERENA!

Charlie Abtine (runs in) Lilly, what's wrong?

Lilly: Charlie, Serena's missing!

Charlie: (dials number into phone) I'll call the neighbors.

Mrs. Fenton: Hello?
Charlie: Mrs. F., it's me, Charlie Abtine.

Mrs. Fenton: Hello, Mr. Abtine. How are you?
Charlie: Horrible! Serena's missing!

Mrs. Fenton: I don't know how to help you; why don't you call Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle?
Charlie: Mrs. Fenton, pardon my French, but, WHAT THE H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS?!
Mrs. Fenton: Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle.

Charlie: She's a book character.

Mrs. Fenton: You drank my soda!

Charlie: What soda?
Mrs. Fenton: You weren't supposed to kill him!
Charlie: Kill whom?
Mrs. Fenton: Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle!
Charlie: That's a woman!

Mrs. Fenton: Welcome to Pizza Hut! May I take your order? (Charlie has hung up, doesn't realize it) Oh, so you want a Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle with extra onions? That's going to be $5.38 at the next window!
Charlie: She went crazy. Btch. She doesn't know that Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle died yesterday.

Mrs. Fenton: (wearing Pizza Hut uniform) Here's Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle with extra onions. That's $5.38. (Charlie closes window on her hand)

Charlie: Now that Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle died, I'll call the police.

Police: Hello, this is 911. What is your emergency? Is it purple?
Charlie: IS EVERYONE GOING CRAZY? THEIR NUTTY BTCHES! And yes, it's purple!

Police: Come down sir. Now what's the purple emergency?

Charlie: My daughter is missing. And it's pink.

Police: So your pink daughter is missing?
Charlie: No, the problem is pink. Her name is Serena Abtine.

Police: Okay, give me some information about Serena. And, by any chance, when the last time you saw Serena, was she wearing pink?

Charlie: No! It was purple with yellow polka dots. She is 22 pounds and two feet two inches tall.

Police: How old is Serena?
Charlie: Eleven. (Police hangs up)

Lilly: Did you spit in your eye?
Charlie: Yes, it burns. And the police hung up.

Lilly: Honey, lets go buy some "MISSING" posters. On the way, let's run over the neighbors' cats.

Charlie: Let's go! I hate those cats! Their faces look like butts!

Lilly: Shotgun!

Charlie: Ow, my nuts!

Lilly: I'll drive. What happen? Did you spit in your eye and then it went down to your nuts?

Charlie: I think so. Now my problem is purple.

(SCENE TWO)

Charlie: Let's watch CSI: Miami. Maybe it'll be pink! And teach us how to find Serena!
Lilly: I love pink problems!

Cat: I do too.

Lilly: Where did that fcking cat come from?
Cat: I'm from Hollywood, maybe Miami, maybe Pluto, and ME-OW! MY FCKING FOOT! SHE STEPPED ON MY FOOT!

Lilly: Now, he's gone. So we can talk about US!

Charlie: Okay! I heard SpongeBob was shot!

Lilly: No way! Really?
Charlie: Yes, he shot himself. Superman kissed him and made-out with him. And he shot himself in the nuts.

Lilly: OW!

Charlie: What now? BTCH!

Lilly: CSI. How do you spell CSI?

Charlie: H-O-R-E.

(SCENE THREE)
Lilly: (phone rings) Hello? Hello! Where? OH MY GOD!
Charlie: What? I am making Mt. Everest out of the mashed potatoes you gave me!

Lilly: Charlie, the cat died.

Charlie: NO!!!!!! Wait, we don't have a cat. (phone rings again) Hello? Yes, this is Charlie um (puts hand over mouth piece) Honey, what's our last name?

Lilly: Remember the cat from Pluto? He…

Charlie: Yes, this is Charlie Remember-the-cat-from-Pluto-he. NO! Not Serena!
Lilly: What's wrong?
Charlie: They found Serena dead this morning.

Lilly: Well, let's go get her.

Charlie: I'll make a coffin myself.

Lilly: I'll help. (Starts to cry)
Charlie: (in the car) There it is, where they found her.

Lilly: She looks so peaceful.

Charlie: (in the car home) What is she going to wear at the funeral?
Lilly: What about the dress she wore to church?

Charlie: She'll look good in that.

(SCENE FOUR)

Lilly: Drop me off here. I'm going to sign up for a therapist.

Hannah: Hello, I'm Hannah Lizardo.

Lilly: I'm Lilly Abtine.

Hannah: How can I help you Mrs. Abtine?
Lilly: My daughter just died and I'm going to need a therapist.

Hannah: You've come to the right place. I do therapy for up to six months, fifty dollars per month.

Lilly: All I have is a twenty and a checkbook.

Hannah: Tell you what – just write a check and when you have the money to pay for it, tell me and I'll cash it then.

Lilly: Thank you, oh thank you! You're the best! (Starts hugging Hannah)

Hannah: This is kind of awkward.

Lilly: (walks out to car) I just signed up for…

Charlie: (making out with car seat) I love you!

Lilly: HEY!
Charlie: Love you! (kisses her)