All characters © Amano Akira
Summary: A series of points, secrets, and little things that no one in the Vongola's really stopped to notice over the years. If they had, they'd probably scream.
Enumerated: We are the Mafia
12 things Xanxus never got arrested for
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1. Arson. Xanxus is not afraid to use his Flame of Wrath, nor his Dying Will X-guns to prove his point. It's more about the theatrics of it than anything. Who can blame him if his tools of the trade are all flammable weapons, anyway? It's not his concern where the flames go. Over the years, Xanxus has set fire to four different mafia headquarters as well as demolished two Japanese high schools, a department store, a shopping mall, and an airport. He is not a pyromaniac, but he cannot deny the small (or not so small) satisfaction it gives him to destroy something with his own hands. And set it on fire.
2. Kidnapping. Fran never wanted to join the Varia. After the Negative Seven Rays started oozing noxiously into the atmosphere and it was apparent that Mammon wasn't going to be around for much longer, Rokudo Mukuro and Xanxus had made a private deal in which Mukuro would sell Fran to Xanxus and Xanxus would provide sufficient payment. It is the one thing the Varia has to thank Byakuran for; Rokudo Mukuro had not lied when he said that Fran was one of the best illusionists in the world. So the Varia barged in one night and had simply taken him. No questions asked. Everyone thought it was a pretty good deal in the end, except for Fran. Well...even Fran's coming to enjoy pissing the hell out of the Varia since he's never quite forgiven them for abducting him.
3. DWI. Xanxus cannot get through a normal day without at least two tequilas (when asked whether this is a product of his dependency or his subordinates, he chooses not to answer). He's been drinking since the age of nine, but no one in the mafia really cares about that sort of thing anyway since alcohol has always been a part of the Italian tradition. Only Squalo and Lussuria are able to tell when Xanxus is thoroughly inebriated, since his drunk self has few differences from his sober one. They try to keep him within Headquarters when that happens, but their attempts are always futile since Xanxus is not a child and does not like to be treated like one. It's only when Xanxus takes the Lamborghini out that Squalo has to notify the Italian authorities to try to clear the highways.
4. Burglary. Xanxus, like many in the mafia, was not raised as a normal child was. He was the spawn of Northern Italian mendicants where mental illness was common in the bloodline and delusion even more so. He has never been taught the meaning of "no," nor the concept of right and wrong; only that he is special and special people have privileges. Special people don't have to ask before doing things. When living in the main house, Xanxus had seen nothing wrong with going into the Consiglieris' private offices and taking the things he wanted. Or walking into the chef's pantry and grabbing a snack that was tomorrow's guests' dinners. The Ninth's most trusted had suspicions as to where their belongings (some of them valuable, some of them not) had disappeared to, but none of them had ever dared to ask. Even now, Xanxus has no qualms about breaking and entering since he had never been taught that it was wrong. To this day Sawada Tsunayoshi is still wondering where the René vase in his guest room went off to.
5. Credit card fraud. The Ninth had given the Varia an amiable budget and even their own mansion-slash-headquarters, but Xanxus uses the Ninth's credit card anyway. There's no reason why; he just does. He thought memorizing the pin number would be useful back when he was still part of the main house, and it turns out to be very amusing indeed when the Ninth gets his monthly bills.
6. Extortion. Quite common in the mafia, so if the Italian government had wanted to crack down mafioso on the basis of extortion they would have done it a long time ago. Xanxus doesn't need money, but he's often recruited to, ah, extract information or valuables from certain families. He doesn't like to do the whole ransom/hostage shit, and he's not partial to the type of torture Bel uses, but he does have his own unique charm of threats. And he's quite good at it. Part of the Varia's unbelievable success rate is because of the fact that they are all intimidating enough (though others, if asked, may opt for the term insane) to be expert extortioners. It's actually where the phrase "Varia Quality" first originated from, though not many people know this.
7. Illegal possession of firearms. Like Xanxus would bother with permits for his guns. In his humble opinion, he was special. He shouldn't have permission to be powerful.
8. Tax evasion. He just forgets, really. Or simply doesn't feel like it. And when the government warning notices arrive in the mail he has Squalo take care of the finances because he won't admit to himself that he has no idea how to do it. When Squalo finally declared that 'this shit wasn't his responsibility,' Xanxus...convinced the Vongola Tenth to cover of all the Varia's taxes.
9. Child abuse. Xanxus physically injures his subordinates on a daily basis, but that's just how he works. The only difference is that Bel is a minor; Xanxus isn't. But Bel doesn't really mind the hitting, burning, or having large objects of the room thrown at him. He considers himself lucky compared to the underlings...especially the cooks who never really seem to learn that Xanxus likes his filet mignon rare. Bel grins as he hears a crash from one of the upper floors of the mansion, because it could be a lot worse. At least Xanxus hasn't killed him yet.
10. Property damage. The Varia headquarters is one of the few buildings in all of Italy to have two fire extinguishers in each room. However, they technically own the HQ mansion so it's when they are abroad that the Varia has more difficulty. Then it's usually Lussuria who is in charge of writing the checks to unfortunate proprietors who have had their establishments marred by Xanxus's temper. Lussuria has the most charisma, and is probably the reason why none of the aforementioned establishments have sued them yet. Property damage is the most likely answer to why more than 6000 Euros a year drop from their paycheck, and why Xanxus sometimes resorts to filching off the Ninth's personal credit card for his expenses.
11. Public nuisance. Do you really have to ask?
12. Mass murder. Xanxus was capable of murder by age eleven, although he didn't actually start killing until sixteen. He had no reason to, until the Old Man happily provided one on a silver platter. During the year of the Cradle Affair, Xanxus realized that murder could be fun, that it was a simply fantastic way to channel all of his pent-up feelings of rage. He had gathered five other misfits to help him with his coup, and they killed some, but not as many as him because for him it was personal. Xanxus wiped out entire branches of the Vongola by himself that year, and perhaps only Rokudo Mukuro would have understood the slight smile that curled up his face as he did it.