A/N I'm glad some people actually read this! COOKIES FOR REVIEWERS!

Draco: Now for the story.

-When Minor Characters Want Attention-

-Regulus's Advice for Writing a Good Story-

A roaring applause is heard as the heavy red curtain is pulled back once again. Scabior is reclined on a leather recliner, his feet propped up against the glass-topped coffee table. Regulus is once more on center stage. He still looks a little uncomfortable, but not too much.

As the applause dies down, Regulus clears his throat and begins to speak.

"Hello again. I'm positive you remember Scabior and I. If not, that's Scabior and I'm Regulus," he says, gesturing to the two wizards in turn. "Are there any new readers here? Any at all?"

A few audience members raise their hands.

"If you are a Sue-writer, put your hand down."

Everyone who was raising their hands put them down.

"Good. At least we know that there are some Sue-writers 'ere," Scabior says. "Was that supposed to have any importance, Regulus?"

"Uh, yes. I'm going to give advice so the popularity of Sues will di-be fewer. Hopefully none," Regulus adds the last part quickly.

"Oh, great. We're having an English lesson," Scabior sighs and rolls his eyes.

"If we, like, speak English, why do we have to, like, learn it?" A sue-writer asks. "That's stupid."

"Oh, well. Regulus's Rule Number One. Don't question Regulus," Regulus smirks. "Regulus's Rule Number Two. If you're going to write an orginal character, make it realistic."

"But Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is realistic!" a girl with a high-pitched voice wearing all hot pink Hollister and has blonde hair squeals.

Everyone, including Scabior, gasps.

It

is

TARA GILESBIE!

There's one moment of silence until everyone runs around screaming in terror, while Sue-writers and trolls run up to greet their idol. Scabior and the two cats are hiding in the corner covering their eyes as if that could save them, and Regulus is trying desperately to calm everyone down.

"Readers! Readers! Readers, please!" he shouts.

XiXi stomps onstage and grabs the microphone.

"SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" she shrieks. She smiles and hands the microphone back to Regulus.

Everyone sits down and tries to gather themselves. Some newbies are hyperventalating, and the writers who have been on fanfiction for a while are helping them with their trauma.

"Regulus's Rule number Three. If Regulus's voice is heard, everyone shuts up," Regulus orders sternly.

"Scabior's Rule of Utter Epicness. Do the exact opposite of Regulus's Rules," Scabior mutters under his breath. Unfortunately, everyonne heard and obeyed.

"This is chaos," Regulus mumbles. "Screw the whole thing. Let's just give up." He starts to trudge off the stage when some fangirl runs up.

"Give up? Give up? After the whole one chapter and almost a half you want to just give up?" she asks. She grabs Regulus's shoulders and shakes him. "You, Regulus Arcturus Black, are going to give up because the audience is going crazy?"

Regulus thinks for a moment, and then he nods.

"You are not going to give up!" she shrieks. The Random Fangirl kisses Regulus, turns him around, and pushes him toward the microphone, yelling something about not giving up.

Regulus blushes and nervously grabs the microphone from its stand. "Um, er, HEY! EVERYONE!"

Everyone stops and freezes.

"SIT DOWN!"

The audience slowly sits back down in the theater chairs.

"LISTEN UP!" Regulus now starts talking again in a quieter voice. "Now. The best thing in a good story is a followable-is that a word?-plot. If it's like one moment the girl's shy and then she's loud and rude," he glances at XiXi, "then it's stupid. If the girl takes her time to open up, then that's wonderful. You get it?"

The whole audience slowly nods.

"Sue-writers must come next time and stay after for special..er...let's call it violent tutoring sessions. That's all for tonight, folks! Goodnight! Drive safe!"

"See ya," Scabior says.

BEHIND THE SCENES

Regulus runs into his dressing room. Tonight's show was crazy. The appearance of Tara Gilesbie, all those Sue-writers, Regulus's drop-dead-right-now moment...

And Regulus is amazed by how Scabior didnt tease him or really say anything.

"Ickle Regulus has a girlfriend," Scabior shouts.

Regulus starts banging his head repeatedly.

A/N Review?