Hush-Hush
1) Castrate Kiba.
2) Nail Naruto to the floor.
3) Burn Kakashi's collection of lewd hardbacks.
Sasuke scrutinized his to-do list rather calmly. Parts of his brain drenched with malevolence and other synonymous word toxins believed that a large portion were reasonable, if not ingenious, routes to undertake. It was karma at its finest. Forget that all powers to be played hide and go seek with his fortune daily for the bogeyman conducted his moral choo-choo train.
Sadly, the Junior President Uchiha Top Hat (such a fine title) half of his jumbled mind warned exasperatedly that hide and go seek was too tedious to play (thus never being his game) and that the bogeyman could easily be defeated by soft tissues and nasal spray. Also, posh persons like he never descended to murdering thus only the last four could be done.
Sitting in a in a plush chair in front of the glowing screen he resembled a regal portrait hung in the Land Of Fire's museum of Hidden Depths. The parody did not cease there.
On a webpage, unlocked by a disclosed code, lied his troubles that seemed to pile with every millisecond.
Sasuke did not like Ninjabook, wire, The Tobi, or any other mockery of a social networking site. With his zillions of "friends", he found himself creating a totally separate email for the tomfoolery. Turning off the notifications was a big no-no. The site's owner personally informed him that the number of complaints regarding his neglect trampled those of cyber bullying and hackers. Termination led to threats of just that. They also said they'd hack his account, his computer, and display all his search history for everyone to see. Since then, it has been his loathsome outlandish mission to see to responses every other Tuesday.
He actually preferred the account deletion.
It was what happened on that shoddy site that led him to believe those five were bored imps or at best wicked idols heaved from the heavens (or erupted from the depths of hell) to cleanse his sinful soul from all the misdeeds in his past life by moral flogging.
Like always, the series of events began with one mischievous dog-lover.
"I really hate that guy," Sasuke said.
His eyes came to the screen reluctantly.
To all admirers (eroticists),
Sasuke-revolutionaries (Mr., Ms, or Mrs. Prowler ), friends (parasites), enemies (follow me on .haters): it seems our beloved (or de-loved) Uchiha has taken a whiff of the reality serum.
He's been deflated. The guy's lost his balls cause he's been tripping too hard on the acidic substance known as HB. Sasuke's illness includes regression. Instead of putting on his big boy pants, he's going to be juvenile (ya know, the kiddy version of jerk a**) and declare all girls have cooties. HB, heart break, is known to result in months of rehabilitation.
Feel free to invite him to a crap load of your gatherings-spam his inbox! Do it before he crawls his mother's vag and goes into an even more undeveloped state.
Sincerely, your lord and master, Kiba Inuzuka.
500 comments.
1500 messages in his inbox.
Did he post it to Sasuke Lovers R US?
There was a pause in his thoughts.
Feverishly, he began typing and had reverse shock.
The predicted stupidity launched an automatic "chill" serum to his brain, preventing a rupture of his psyche.
Good thing too; Kakashi ran up a lot of his time as his psych. Damn him doubling majoring in college.
Sasuke groaned. It really bothered him. He hardly ever thought about her anymore. Honestly, he couldn't stomach the thought of her. It ruined all his food and if he broke another household appliance, his mother was going to kick him out the house and force him to get a job. He loved the luxury of higher education.
"What does it feel like to be the most known person in the universe," a female voice cooed.
Cooed.
Curse the gods!
In a reddish floral patterned dress, the statuette goddess of the theater peered down on him with an impish grin.
Lee's words, not his.
"Shitty, as usual."
She giggled.
To him, Haruno Sakura was somewhere between a pain and an actual human being.
When he wasn't feeling brotherly love for her, he wanted to cram a crayon down her throat.
They grew up together. They used to share the same bed with a certain blonde and ran a gum smuggling ring together. Ah, Kindergarten.
Once middle-school hit, Sakura developed feelings. While Sasuke always remembered her as a sweet and shy kid, he didn't think anyone could get as sensitive as middle-school Sakura.
The girl developed...eccentrics and with them drew her national attention, then global attention.
Whenever they met, whatever she did, there always seemed to be a "Look at me" sign on her forehead.
Nowadays that seemed to die down and Sakura became a bit more toned down.
She left her theatrics for the stage.
"So what have you been up to?"
There was a hesitation that betrayed her.
"You've heard?"
Caught off guard Sakura backed away then, reluctantly, nodded.
The girl averted her gaze to the floor. "Ino told me while I was in Paris."
Sasuke stood, enraged, "I thought I told you to stay away from Yamanaka!"
She bit her lip. "We met by chance..."
He sighed.
No use in being too mad at her...
He titled his head a bit and leaned in closer to the girl's heated face.
Sakura's blush increased as he moved to touch her head.
"You cut your hair."
Sasuke examined her snipped tresses, all pink and silky, and, when he found no wires or bulky hairclips, he stopped.
"Sasuke...I..."
He arched a brow then leaned back.
He supposed it would be crude to do a full body search.
Sasuke just didn't trust that Yamanaka.
Or rather it was her "boys" he couldn't bring himself to lax around.
He watched as her knees buckled a tad and he braced himself.
The girl's eyes dilated and within one miss-step, he caught her and brought her to him...
"Like a bad girl's comic."
"Dobe!"
And down Sakura went.
Cameras flashed to capture the scene.
The SasuSaku shiptease they were used to, but the very literal stumble of their play was something they wanted framed.
"This is a library not a photo shoot!" Sakura chided as she threw her best "pouty" face at the camera. She even moved her leg to tease them a bit more.
Damn, why were blondes such a bad influence?
"Sakura cover yourself!" Sasuke yelled. "Naruto, stop drooling! Don't you see what you made me do!"
"Cheese for the yaoi, fangirls!"
Naruto and Sasuke's vision became sparkly and their eyes felt like they'd been violated by razors.
"Tenten!" The boys screamed.
"'Sup Chairman and squire," Tenten drawled as she curtsied ironically.
The girl wore the boys' black and orange uniform. Although Sasuke fought tooth and nail for her to abide by the rules, he had to admit it suited her nicely, at least better than the female uniform had.
"I told you, I'm 'president', not chairman."
"Well ur the main lemon nevertheless," she joked. She put the camera back around her neck. "See you around boys!"
Sasuke sighed.
"She's still the same as ever," Sakura said.
"She should be graduating this year, it isn't the time to be messing around."
"At least she's doing her job."
Sasuke glared in Naruto's direction. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that while you're on the net flirting with your fans actual work isn't being done!"
"What the hell would you know about work being done, dobe?"
"Apparently more than you, you blind shit-head!"
"Imbecile!"
"Asswipe!"
"Bungler!"
"Use words I actually know!"
After his tirade of revenge against Naruto for another of his pranks, he'd been suspended from the dojo.
...Again.
That led to a lot more verbal battles, which neither of them were really good with.
Sakura wondered if they took their insults for the discounted oral bin at the Cliché & Crash then she recalled the chain went bankrupt.
In the midst of her mental snark, a gentle and firm hand placed itself on her head.
Her heart did a few laps along Dream-Come-True Lane and sprang back into lala hotel.
She was being petted.
But the monster came from underneath her bed and raked her mind like a nightmare.
The girl dared to hope and surely that would lead to her downfall.
Hard logic iced her heart.
Hesitant and light, Naruto poked her shoulder.
When she turned around, he didn't see Sasuke's Sakura, but his...
His chewed on, scaling that slippery slope, cherry blossom.
Before he meant to, he spoke the words he couldn't begin to ready himself to hear, "there's always a chance Sakura-chan..."
Sakura left.
Naruto knew what was on Sakura's mind.
The way his face would go all innocent, like everything was a wonder.
How passionate he was about everything.
How perfect he was in absolutely every way despite him being so drastically flawed.
She knew things about him that would cause other fangirls to melt in jealousy.
But, most importantly, she knew could never be good enough.
Knew.
And that's what all other admirers failed to obtain.
True finality. True boundaries.
Who dared to hope save fools like him?
With the next bell, he opened up a pack of ramen. "Where's the microwave again?" He called out to the librarian.
Food for thought.
0000
Outside, in the wild outskirts of Political Dogma and immoral shimmying, dark locks ran into the dramatic winds. Her skin looked like it hungered for sunshine and her eyes betrayed nothing of her soul. The red-green pleated plaid skirt rustled and her collar trembled from her sneezes.
There were puffed dark circles underneath those hollow eyes. Face forever tightened into a frown, a fist rested below her chin.
She sat at the picnic table keeping her eyes on the condiments, making sure the napkins were set the way mother would've wanted them.
Dear Hanabi,
I cannot keep up with this farce anymore.
She sniffled.
It is my deepest regret that you had to find out like this.
Her head lowered and lowered until it smacked onto the wood.
Please keep smiling Hanabi.
Throbbing.
Pain-pain, e-e-everywhere-
Everywhere she touched...
You're the head of the family now Hanabi.
"No!"
Soda and juice poured over the lettuce and cucumbers, drenching the table cloth. She grabbed a corner and pulled, pulled with all her might, until everything was littered on the ground.
Savagely, she poured her heart into the grand finale, twisting and picking up all the things she loved and tore them asunder. Breaking them into tiny irreconcilable bits, burying them in the ground. Nails broken, invading her scratches, causing pain-memorable pain.
On her knees, in agony,
Begging...
Oh, gods, begging for it to all be a horrible nightmare.
When it was enough for her troubled, young heart, she collapsed face first into the ground, her right hand pressed against the pepper shaker.
Neji approached her, his new leader, with no admiration.
Or disgust for that matter.
Just the same blanket for pity he used to keep the girls warm at night.
Lightning sparked.
When it rained...
00000
Sometime later, in the rush of Kakashi's Vocab Bonanza, a thunderous scream rocked the corridors.
"Uchiha!"
Sasuke smirked.
Council Mission #401 accomplished.
Back to normal.
...or was it?
Sasuke frowned and turned to the next page in The Chronicles of Nebulous Certainty.
A/N:
Did I just update? I wanted this chapter to be a tad more longer and more detailed, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Perhaps next time? Sasuke's a bit OOC. I kind of implied an explanation here, but I'll have to elaborate later. -wink-
Also, for the sake of a "show, don't tell" principle, I'm going to be telling the story more sequentially with less "noodle incidents".
Help me put in some new additions for this rollercoaster ride and review!