Disclaimer: Yadda yadda, don't own devil may cry, insert joke here about how cool it would be if I did…anyways, on with the fic.
Joe: It's okay, everybody, I'm back, I'm here, the wait is over.
You weren't waiting?
Didn't think so…right…
Anyway, to the point. This chapter is going to take a drastic change from what I originally planned. I originally planned a one-shot, so this much is obvious.
TTrunks, I owe you one, bud, you gave me an excellent idea that I'm going to incorporate - hence the drastic change. Not word for word what you suggested, but I'm pretty happy with where this is going.
I can't really explain much more without ruining the chapter, but I can at least tell you that this chapter does NOT directly succeed the last chapter. Imagine this chapter as being a couple of years after the first chapter.
Well, here we go.
Outside the Devil May Cry all lights in the slums and alleyways were out save for the red neon sign of the store itself (upon rebuilding the store, Vergil had insisted on red neon as opposed to pink), and the full moon.
The usual sounds of police sirens, shouting, and occasional gunfire were thankfully absent as well, all the criminals apparently just deciding to have a night off for once in the history of these New York slums.
This therefore strengthened the mysterious effect of a woman falling gracefully from the sky, materialising out of nowhere in particular, her blonde hair billowing in the wind as she fell, her arms outstretched as if she was of the impression that they were wings.
She hit the ground with a rather disappointing thud, then stood to her full height and observed her surroundings. She allowed herself a smile as she noticed the store at the end of the alleyway.
The platinum-haired son of Sparda lay comfortably back in his chair, his feet up on his desk, a newspaper in his arms.
The phone rang, and the man put down his newspaper, then slammed his foot on the desk forcefully. The handle flew off from the receiver, and straight into the man's outstretched hand.
"Devil May Cry. Password." the man stated in a monotone.
The person on the other side's reply was "ehhh…." so the man gave a tired sigh before announcing;
"Sorry. We closed at 9."
The man threw the handle back on the receiver with a clang, then resumed his reading of the newspaper wordlessly.
The double doors burst open, kicked by the blonde woman who stood with her hands on her hips which were swayed to one side. Her master had informed her that there was to be a motorbike outside, but after a rather irritating ten minutes of inconclusive searching the woman decided to leave it.
The man slowly lowered his newspaper to allow himself to observe this newcomer, his expression indifferent.
The woman now had the man's attention, so she strolled casually along the office, observing the severed heads decorating the walls. The man remained silent, waiting for her to speak first.
"You must be the legendary demon slayer, the son of the dark night Sparda…Mr. Dante." the woman spoke confidently, turning her head to face the man for effect as she spoke the last two words.
"No." the man replied in a bored tone, then raised his newspaper and once again resumed reading.
"I, ah - what?" the woman stuttered, shocked.
The man gave an irritated sigh before lowering his newspaper again.
"I am not Dante. There is no Dante here." he explained in a carefully measured tone.
The woman went quiet for a few seconds, her eyebrows creased as she thought.
"Suh - Sorry to disturb you sir," she apologised politely, before turning around and exiting.
Vergil shook his head as he grabbed a pen and started a crossword.
10 minutes later
The doors burst open once again and the woman took one look at Vergil, who slowly looked up while sucking his pen as he did his crossword (10 across; organised opposition to authority ((9 letters))).
The woman screamed "Dammit!" before spinning around on the spot and storming out.
Another 10 minutes later…
The doors were opened slowly this time, as the woman actually used her hands in opening it, and she shut them behind her.
Vergil - who was now filing his nails - didn't bother looking up at start, but then he realised that the woman was standing politely in front of his desk, one hand placed just above the elbow of the other arm, looking lost and forlorn.
"Excuse me," she inquired hesitantly, her confidence broken "But…do you know where I could find Dante Sparda?"
Vergil, all the while filing his nails, remained silent for a couple of seconds, his eyes scanning her.
"He's out on a mission," he replied at last "He won't be back for at least another half an hour."
"Thank you." the woman said humbly, then remained on the spot. There was an awkward silence.
Vergil gestured towards a couch on his right.
"Take a seat."
The woman thanked him again, then parked herself on the red couch. She checked her watch, then readjusted herself for comfort.
"Can I help you with anything?" Vergil asked her "Tea? Coffee? Something stronger?"
"Cuh - Coffee would be great, thank you," the woman answered with a timid smile "I take it black - two sugars"
A shadow of a frown broke across Vergil's features for just a second - displaying his irritation that the woman was not meant to give a positive answer, and that Vergil was in some way required to get up.
However, he gave a polite smile after this and went upstairs to prepare some coffee.
About 35 or so minutes later…
The double doors opened as Dante entered, whistling cheerily, despite the bloodstains smeared all over him.
"How much?" Vergil queried brightly as Dante noticed the blonde woman sitting quietly on the couch.
"A couple grand," Dante answered vaguely, still looking at the woman, a smile forming on his lips "Who's our guest?"
"She won't say," Vergil replied, waving his hand dismissively "Be specific, how much did we get paid?"
Dante approached the woman, and put his left leg up on the coffee table, being careful not to knock over the empty mug and beer cans.
"What's your name, babe?" he asked with a grin.
The woman got to her feet, and repeated her procedure of inspecting the walls.
"I can't say…but I know who you are…the legendary demon slayer…son of the dark knight Sparda…Mr. Dante."
Again, just as she spoke the last part, she turned to face him for effect.
Dante exchanged a bewildered glance with his brother, then his hand darted to Rebellion, which rested on his back.
"Correct," he answered, swiftly bringing Rebellion to rest under the woman's chin "Now, your turn. Who the hell are you? Better yet, what the hell are you?"
"Let me give you a hint," the woman stated with a smile, her hand moving slowly up to meet Rebellion. All of a sudden, electricity coursed through her arm. She clasped onto Rebellion, causing the electricity to flow into Dante.
Dante roared in pain as his body shuddered. The woman, still holding onto Rebellion, kicked Dante back, then through Rebellion up, caught it by the handle, then fired it at Dante, who was on the floor.
The blade stopped in midair, as Vergil, who was now on his feet, caught it halfway through it's trajectory. He was facing the woman, his expression saying clearer than words could; 'okay, what the hell?'.
"She just threw a sword at you," Vergil slowly announced, a little unnecessarily to be frank.
Dante got to his feet and brushed his coat several times, then folded his arms and eyed the woman with a scowl.
"What the hell?" Dante demanded of her.
The woman merely stammered, really not knowing what to say. Before she could reply, Vergil spoke.
"You could have killed him with that."
Dante could almost have smiled.
"Vergil, I think that was the -"
"And I gave you coffee…" Vergil remarked slowly, with a sigh.
"You - you gave her coffee?!" Dante suddenly shrieked at Vergil in disbelief, then turned to the woman "He gave you coffee!!"
"It was only instant coffee…" the woman remarked, then put a hand to her mouth, realising that she had uttered a heresy.
"Okay, let me get this straight…" Dante said in a dangerously low voice. He started strolling around the room, waving his arms in the air to emphasise what he was saying "..you just stroll in here, you receive nothing but hospitality from my brother here -" Dante paused to nod politely at Vergil, who returned it " -then, when I return home - after a tiring day of work - you throw my own sword at me - and then, you complain that our hospitality wasn't good enough."
Dante almost shouted the last words as he turned to face the woman again, who was now staring at the floor.
"I hope you're happy," Vergil pitched in venomously.
The woman remained silent.
"Well?" Vergil asked, poking her in the side "What have you got to say for yourself?"
The woman, remembering something, brightened up, and turned to face them.
"Oh, yeah - I'm not your enemy -" she rose her forefinger to signal silence as Dante opened his mouth hotly " - this was all a test to see if you were really Dante Sparda."
There was silence again, then she realised that she still had her hand up, then lowered it.
"You really needed a test?!" Dante stated "How many people do you know look like me?"
"Well…" the woman pondered, then pointed to Vergil "Him."
"Yes, but he's my twin. Okay, I'll rephrase that - how many twins in the world look like us? Was all this really necessary? And, for what? What the hell do you need me for?"
The woman removed her sunglasses, forcing both twins to gasp.
"My name is Trish," she announced "I came to seek your help…to bring an end to the Underworld." (Lightning flashes).
The two twins exchanged glances, both knowing what the other was thinking; Mommy.
Joe: To be continued…maybe.
Yeah, I know that I've already done a parody of the first devil may cry, but in all fairness, that was my first fic, and was to be frank, shit.
I thought that this might be a good idea, but I'll leave it up to all of you to say otherwise - or just to review and say you agree completely, and that I'm fantastic, and handsome…you can tell by the way I phrase everything…
Ahem, or, just, review. Ahem.
Right, Ciao.