I'm going to die!', the Doctor uttered the prognosis. It was amazing how much effort it was taking him to say four simple words.
'It was predicted he will knock 4 times and I will die'.
There, he had said it. For a moment, the weight he had been carrying disappeared but he still felt incredibly upset. Wilf reminded the Doctor of one of the kindly old monks that use to inhabit the Time Lord Academies during his student days on Galifrey, his pale blue eyes brimming with wisdom and understanding that could only emanate from someone who had lived a long and eventful life. He met Wilf's gaze. If Wilf was shocked, he was trying not to show it, Wilf remained silent, waiting for the Doctor to continue.
For a split second, the Doctor wondered how Rose would have reacted. She probably would have been devastated and would have tried everything in her power to save him. Rose had been instrumental in helping them to get out of some real tight spots. Her selflessness and devotion had been second to none. She had been amazing, even in the direst of circumstance. He remembered how, during happier times a mere glance or some madcap gesture would have them literally dissolving into fits of uncontrollable laughter. She had been brilliant and beautiful and so full of life and so good for him, she had loved him unconditionally so why hadn't he… ...... too late… he had had no choice but to leave her in the Parallel World.... to save her from harm and from himself.
Rose and The Doctor, 'Defenders of the Earth'.
All gone now.
The Doctor was jolted back to reality by Wilf's unexpected reaction to his announcement
'Well so am I one day! Wilf was trying rather unsuccesfully to make light of the Doctor's situation.
Well, maybe the humour thing hadn't totally disappeared.
'Don't you dare!' the Doctor, meaning it
'Okay, I'll try not to!' Wilf said definitely not meaning it and looking vaguely amused.
The Doctor continued…..'I was told, he will knock 4 times and then… that was the prophecy, 'he will knock 4 times.' His voice petered off, not trusting himself to continue.
'But when I saw you before, you said that your people, they could change their whole body..'Wilf now looked perplexed.
Patiently the Doctor explained; 'I can still die, if I'm killed before regeneration then I'm dead, even then if I do change it feels like that I'm dying, everything that I am dies, some new man goes sauntering away, and I'm dead'. The Doctor's voice thick with emotion, the scenario too painful for words….
Death had never frightened the Doctor before, he had faced it numerous times, he had been close to it more than he cared to remember but his intuition and quick thinking in tune with the TARDIS had always told him that everything would be okay. This was different; this had a certain inevitability about it because it was prophesied. Time lords took prophecies very seriously and respected them because they were of the highest order and because more often than not they had a habit of becoming true. The Doctor really wasn't ready to die yet.
The Doctor could feel tears welling up in his eyes. His stomach felt tight, there was a lump in his throat. He stared at Wilf, trying to trying hard to control his emotions, he needed to stay strong, and he needed Wilf and others to believe in him, this really wasn't the time to show any weakness. His emotions seemed to have intensified since his tenth reincarnation. He had a suspicion it had been something to do with the vortex he had re-absorbed from Rose when he had been the ninth Doctor. Although Time Lords shared similar emotions to humans, Time Lords were taught at a young age to control them through meditation to enable their intellectual and physical abilities to function at their finest. Emotions had been regarded as a luxury reserved for private moments, or it had been until the Time War had broken out, then anger and rage had raised their ugly heads and then everything had changed.