"Alright Charlie. Let's have a look a those fingers." Blake said, as he helped Charlie shift from the wheelchair and onto the couch. His knee had been ruined, and even if he could put any weight on that leg, he jut didn't have the energy to move himself around. Charlie held up his hand for Blake to see. Blake gently took it into his own and looked at the poor twisted fingers.
"How's the movement? Coming back?" Charlie shook his head, and attempted to move his fingers at the middle joint. Only two shows any sign of movement. The nerve damage to his fingers had been too much, and they hadn't been able to do much to save them. They could have re broken them, but Blake didn't want to put him though even more pain just for aesthetic purposes. "How are they feeling. "
"Sore. I keep trying to move them." He murmured. Blake nodded.
"The circulation is alright?" Charlie nodded, and Blake set the hand back in his lap. "Let's see your head." He murmured, standing up, and unwrapping the bandage from his forehead to see his bad eye. "Look up for me?" Charlie's right eye goes up. The left moves slightly, more then the last time, but less then ideal. "Look down?" Charlie looks down. The right eye goes down. The left shifts slightly. "Well done. Follow my finger…" Charlie does his best to follow his finger, but it ends up causing more strain then Blake would have liked. "Alright. Well done." He said, before changing the bandage with a clean one.
It'd been eight weeks, or two months since Charlie was let out of hospital, after an extended stay there. Unsurprisingly, he'd moved in with Blake. And really, It's a good thing that Blake resigned, because there's no way he'd be able to juggle caring for Charlie with his surgery and the police station. Mrs Toohey and Mattie both helped out as much as they could, but ultimately, Charlie became Blake's responsibility. Charlie didn't have much to say about the matter. Really, Charlie didn't have much to say about anything. Charlie puts his hands in his lap and sighed softly at Blake, before looking down to his feet. "What's wrong?" He asked, softly.
"Nothing...I just…I just don't want to be a burden anymore. That's all." Blake put his arm around Charlie's shoulders.
"You aren't a burden."
"You don't have to lie." he murmured.
"I'm not lying. I chose to look after you. Because you're family." Charlie suddenly wiped at his eye.
"You just blame yourself."
"Is that really how you feel?"
"I can see it, when you look at me. You're so tired, all the time and it's my fault." He said, under his breath. "And I'm going to be a burden for the rest of my life. God what am I going to do?' He asked. Blake wrapped his second arm around him.
"You'll take this one day at a time. You'll get better. And when you're better, we'll think about the future." Charlie didn't reply, he just put his face in Blake's neck while he cried bitter, ugly tears.
…
Lawson came to visit when he had the chance. It could be once a week, it could be three days in a row. Normally, he'd sit with him and Charlie, and attempt to pretend that Charlie didn't look dreamy when he talked about cases. Because Charlie always wanted to hear about cases. It was all he asked about. He wanted to know what was happening. But it didn't take a genius to know that he shouldn't mention Munro in front of him. He'd taken a statement at the hospital, and Charlie'd broken down into tears a number of times before Blake told him it was enough. It was heartbreaking to see someone normally so strong in such a way. But today, he had different news.
"Charlie? I'm going to speak with Matthew in the kitchen. You can stay here." He said, leaving Charlie in the living room, looking concerned, but still. Blake made them both tea while they sat, and eventually Lawson had to speak.
"How is he?"
"Probably the same since the last time you asked that." Lawson raised his eyebrows.
"He still can't sleep without help, still can't stand being left alone, still won't eat unless I watch over him, but he did put on a shirt with buttons this morning. He did them up himself." And he has to stop because he feels like he's talking about a child rather then a grown man.
"That's a step in the right direction?"
"Yes. It is."
"Have you heard from Mrs Beazley?"
"She was very concerned about him, but I convinced her to stay in Adelaide."
"Good. Good. And his mother?"
"She calls every night. I think it might be the only time when he's actually happy." Lawson nodded, and took a sip of tea.
"And he's alright being in there by himself?"
"As long as he knows where I am I think he'll be okay. Anyway he knows that Mattie's in her room, and Mrs Toohey's in the garden."
"Ah." Blake nodded.
"How's the you know who case coming?" He asked, softly.
"Well...They took the book, and they took the photo. He'll be seeing the special branch next week."
"And Charlie?"
"He's apparently just collateral."
"So a young copper's lifes been ruined and no one will do anything?"
"Police Politics, Blake. It's controlled by people higher then me."
"I know, I know. It's just...Wrong."
"I'm not any happier about it then you are.' They sip their tea.
…
"How are you feeling, Charlie?" Lawson asked, sitting in the arm chair. Blake sits next to Charlie, and puts a hand on his good knee. He knows from previous visits that even though Charlie trusts him for the most part, he's totally resistant to him going anywhere near him in uniform.
Lawson doesn't blame him.
"Tired, mostly." He murmured. "Achey."
"You're getting better, aren't you?" He asked,
"That's what they keep telling me. Are there any interesting cases? Ave they sent you someone to replace me, yet?"
"No, not yet. I hear a rumor that Danny's put himself forward.
"Ah." And that's not a good ah and Lawson regrets mentioning it. Blake gives him a dirty look.
"Charlie, no one is replacing you here. If Danny comes back, no one is going to ask you to leave." Charlie just stares for a moment, before looking down at his shoes.
"Had a case last week about a missing pair of baby shoes." Charlie smiled lightly.
"Did you find them?"
"Eventually." He nodded. "Turns out that the mother's jealous sister stole them."
"Ah."
"The only interesting case, I'm afraid. Sorry Charlie."
"It's okay." He mumbled, and Blake looked at him for a moment.
"I'm going to show Matthew out. You'll be okay here? Mattie's just in her room if you need something.'
"Okay." He repeated as Lawson got to his feet.
…
"I didn't think mentioning Danny would hurt him."
"Did I not tell you that it wasn't wise to discuss things that may make him nervous?"
"He asked."
"I know he did. Will you be coming again soon?"
"When I can."
"Good. It's good for him to spend time with other people, I think."
"Maybe."
"Who's the doctor here?"
"Good point, I suppose."
"Good bye, Matthew."
…
"I'm not a child, Mattie." He mumbled, as Mattie helped him do up the buttons on his shirt.
"I know you aren't. There's no shame in needing a little help, Charlie."
"I need more then a little help. All people ever seem to do is help me." He said, putting his arms down.
"Were your friends. That's what we do." She said, moving behind the chair and pushing him back out to the living room. Charlie had been forced to move into Mrs Beazley's old room, since he could no longer get up and down the stairs. He didn't complain, he never did. He put his hands in his lap as Mattie pushed him up to the arm chair. He worked his way into it, and sat back.
"Where is the doctor?"
"He's seeing patients, Charlie. You know that." She said, kindly. He did know that, but his memory seemed to have been ruined by so many blows to the head. He struggled to recall things.
"I do." He nodded, and put his head back on the chair.
"He won't be too long, I promise."
"Okay." He replied.
"Are you hungry?"
"No."
"Are you thirsty?"
"No."
"Do you want to watch TV?"
"No."
"Why do you keep doing this?" She demanded, suddenly. Charlie looked at her quizzically.
"Shut yourself off when Lucien looks away. Hide away inside yourself."
"I don't..."
"You do. You can be open with me."
"No I can't."
"Yes, yes you can!"
"He used you. To get to me. I can't. I can't let that happen again!"
"Nothing's going to happen!" She said, " Lawson promised that nothing would happen again."
"But it could." he whispered. "It could." Mattie put her arms around him and he didn't reply. Just let her hold him. After a few moments. He shut his eyes and let the tears escape. Seems that all he did these days was sleep and cry.
…
There were two times in the day that Charlie hated more then the other moments. One was whenever he had to bathe. (It was humiliating to actually have to have someone else undress you. Even if Blake was very professional and kind it didn't really help his aching pride too much) and the other was when he went to bed at night. The fear was always there that he wouldn't see Blake again when he woke up. And the nightmares. The nightmares sometimes made his memories of the event pale because it wasn't just Hobart and Munro in his nightmares. Sometimes it was Lawson, or Mattie, but the worst ones were the ones with Blake. Those were the ones he didn't talk about because he still felt like he existed on a shaky ground here. So he naturally didn't fancy shaking the boat.
"Ready for bed?" Blake asked, as he set the cup down in front of him on the table. Charlie offered him a tiny smile.
"Not really." he said, taking a sip, and setting the cup down. Whatever Blake put in it made him sleep marginally better. But it still put him on edge.
"You seem like something's on your mind."
"It's nothing."
"Remember what I told you about in the hospital, Charlie."
"Yeah, yeah. Keeping secrets won't help you get better."
"I speak from experience."
"Sure."
"You're trying to shut me out. Why?"
"Because it's humiliating!" He exclaimed. This was the first time since the 'event' that Charlie'd raised his voice. "How the hell do you think it feels to have someone do everything for you, when you've been independent your whole life?" He asked.
"I know how it feels." Charlie looked at him with wet eyes.
"I had goals, you know. I was going to be something special."
"You are something special. A lot of people would have given up by now. But that's not what's on your mind." Blake said, softly, gently setting Charlie's hand to rest the cup on the table and taking his hand between both of his.
"I-I should hate you." he whispered. "I feel like I should be blaming you."
"Do you?"
"No. No I don't. You weren't to know about Munro. How could you have? How could I possibly hate you, when all I want to do is crawl up inside of you and stay there?" He asked softly.
"You should hate me." Blake agreed, after a moment, taking Charlie's other hand into his own. "But you don't. I can't explain that, or how you feel, or anything that's happened to you." He said. "And while I'm not sure I can let you crawl inside of me, for as long as you need me to be here with you, then I will be here." He said, softly. Charlie looked down at their hands and then nodded.
"What if that's forever?"
"Then forever it is."
"Even if I still need you to help me do up my shirt in fifty years time?"
"Well I'd be nearly a hundred years old, but of course." That did make Charlie smile, despite himself.
"Thank you."
"Of course." Blake replied. He was happy that Charlie's opened up with him because he was afraid that maybe he never would. He didn't seem afraid of keeping secrets, Charlie Davis.
…
"Do you always do that?" Charlie asked softly, opening his good eye to look at him. Blake offered him a little smile.
"I don't know if you remember but when you first came home you always wanted me to stay with you. And you asked if I would stay while you slept. I said of course."
"Did I?" He asked, and he's glad for his past self because if Blake wasn't here he would likely have stayed in bed and worried about him because he couldn't not worry about him these days.
"Hm."
"And you still do?"
"Well you aren't normally awake at this time of night."
"You don't have to stand." He offered, slowly shifting to the left. "You can lie with me."
"I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable."
"Doc. You've literally bathed me and you're concerned about making me feel uncomfortable."
"You're a lot more reasonable at three am." Blake said, as he lay next to Charlie on the bed, dressing gown and all. Charlie moved up and put his head on Blake's chest. After a moment, Blake put an arm over him. "You can call me by my name, you know."
"Don't I?"
"You normally call me Doc or Blake."
"Does it upset you? Sorry if it does."
"No, not really. I just always thought you would call me by my first name at some point, given that I've always addressed you by yours."
"Hm." He replied. "I suppose it just never occurred to me to call you Lucien. It's a nice name, though. Can't say I ever heard it before I met you."
"Well it's not exactly an Australian name."
"It's nice all the same."
"Are you insinuating that Charlie's not a nice name?"
"I'm not sure."
"I think it's perfectly acceptable."
"It's short. Good for yelling." Blake patted his back gently.
"I'm sure. Now. Go to sleep." Charlie smiled, but shut his eyes.
"Thanks...Lucien."
…
The most grueling thing Charlie's ever had to do was physical therapy. Eventually, Blake decided that he was fit enough to start work, and he wishes that he hadn't because he just aches again. But a visit from Lawson did perk him up.
"How are you feeling, Charlie."
"Okay." he said, "Achey." He looks at Blake when he stands, losing all interest in Lawson. Lawson isn't offended.
"Just getting a drink, Charlie." Blake said, and patted him on the shoulder. Charlie turns his attention back to Lawson.
"How's the physical therapy coming along?"
"Okay. Doc says I will probably have crutches before Christmas." It's August but Lawson doesn't make a comment because Charlie has colour in his cheeks and excitement in his eyes and he will be damned before someone takes that away from him.
"Ah good." He smiled. "Well enough to go back to Melbourne?" Charlie's face pales because he doesn't want to consider it. Naturally, he wants to go home to his family, but the idea of leaving the comfort and safety of the Blake residence filled him with terror because he didn't want to go. Blake noticed his paling face and put an arm around his shoulders.
"Charlie will be staying in Ballarat for the forseeable future." He told Lawson, point blank because he'd be the first to admit that he'd gotten quite attached to Charlie while he'd been here.
"Ah." He replied. He hates to admit it but a small part of him wants Charlie to go back to Melbourne so he can have Blake back as the Police Surgeon now that he's back in charge of the station and Blake can see this in his eyes because he gives him a dirty look. He changes the subject.
"How's the hand."
"It's...The same as always." He nods. He's reached a dead end in coversation. He looks to Blake for help. He stands.
"Charlie? Lawson and I are going to go and get some tea." He smiled. 'You wait here." Charlie gives him a worried look, but nods.
In the kitchen, Blake sighed and looked at Lawson for a long time. "Was that really nessacary?" he asked finally. Lawson wasn't exactly known for being a kind or caring man, but Bake did expect slightly better of him then to make a comment about Melbourne
"I wasn't really thinking. He just seemed...So much like his old self." He sighed.
"He's never going to be his old self again."
"I know."
"I understand that it was an accident but please try to be more careful."
"I will." Lawson assured him as he put the kettle on. "Will he be having tea?" Blake shook his head no.
"No. Not this late in the afternoon."
"You sound like his father."
"That's what worries me." Blake said, as he pulled two tea cups out of the cupboard.
"Have you heard from Jean recently?"
"Yes. She was...Thinking about coming back to Ballarat."
"Really?"
"Hm. I told her that she would always have a place here if she did decide to come back."
"Are you concerned about Charlie?"
"I suppose. He knows Jean. I doubt that her being around would worry him."
"You getting a drink just now worried him."
"I know.' Blake admitted. "I worry about having to explain so many things about his life to someone else."
"Having Jean around again would help you, though."
"You're probably right, Matthew." He agreed, as he poured hot water into the cups, and got a glass of milk for Charlie.
"Milk?"
"What? It's good for the bones." Lawson shook his head as they went back into the living room.
…
Jean does come home a few weeks later, satisfied that Ruby will be able to look after her baby. She really wasn't sure what to expect of Ballarat when she returned. She knew that things had changed (they always do) but really, she wasn't sure what she was going to do to help out. She understood that the doctor had been looking after Charlie but she really only knew the very beginning of the damage inflicted on him. She was equal parts excited and nervous to see the doctor's car pull around. Mattie was first out, running up and giving her a tight hug. "Jean!" She exclaimed, as Blake gave her a tired smile, and hugged her himself. They hug and smile and make their way to the car.
The drive home is filled with blissful chatter. They don't mention Charlie until they pull up in the driveway of the house. "Does Charlie know I'm back?" She asked, she was aware that Charlie had been staying in her room for the moment. Blake nods.
"Yes...He knows. He's anxious about it, but he knows."
"He didn't want to come?" Blake shook his head. "No, no. He just has...Terrible night vision now days, and well just terrible vision in general. And I think more then that, he didn't want to worry you."
"I think I'll have a hard time not being worried for him. Is there anything I should know right away?"
"He moved into the studio...To sleep. That is." Blake nodded, "Do your best not worry over him too much just yet. It's late. I think we should go to bed and maybe discuss it in the morning." Blake said, sliding out of the car and holding the door for Jean. She nodded and smiled. She was happy to be home.
Charlie was in the living room, exactly where they'd left him. He was sitting with Lawson, starring off into space while Lawson read from the book in his lap. (A Catcher in the Rye, if Blake remembered correctly) Charlie's eyesight seemed to be getting steadily worse more recently. As such, he struggled with reading. Lawson shut the book and smiled at Jean. "Mrs Beazley.' He said. Charlie looked back at her and smiled weakly. Jean does her best not to stare, but Charlie's left eye seems to be almost sagging compared to he other half of his face. Charlie doesn't seem to notice. Lawson stood, "Sit, you must be tired." Charlie nodded slightly, but seemed more focused on Blake then on her.
"I'm fine, Charlie." Blake said, as Jean sat next to him on the couch. Charlie kept starring at him until he sat in the arm chair. "Are you going to say something to Jean?" He asked, giving Charlie and imploring look. Charlie finally seems to be convinced that Blake is safe and looked to Jean.
"How was your trip?"
"Bumpy, Charlie. Thank you for asking." Charlie nods, and covers his bad hand with the good one. Blake notes but doesn't say anything. Watching Charlie flounder for a moment, Mattie decides to step in. "Cup of tea anyone?" She asks, eyes flickering around. Blake stands up. "That would be lovely Mattie." Lawson shook his head.
"I'm on my way home. Good night." He said, before turning to the door. Charlie watched him go with slightly pursed lips. Blake went to show him to the door.
…
"You want to talk about Charlie." Mattie said, almost a week later as she took a sip of her tea.
"I do, yes."
"What's wrong?" She asked. Jean sighed.
"It's like...There's only one person in his whole world."
"Yes,it is. Sometimes."
"Why?"
"Because he's scared. He's never had a father figure before, so now he does have one, maybe he just doesn't want to let go. I mean...He's been though a lot. "
"I know I'm just worried about him."
"We all are."
"He only ever wants to talk to Lucien."
"Yes, that's normal for him. He shuts himself away when Lucien isn't here."
"Why?"
"The brain reacts to trauma in different ways. Charlie reacted by forming an attachment to the only thing he could feel moving." Jean gave her a strange look. "They let Lucien in to see him, when he was in the cells. I suppose he just grabbed on and didn't want to let go."
"Will he ever let go?"
"I doubt it. Lucien promised that he'd always be here to look after him."
"And...What about physically?"
"Well...He'll never walk on that knee again. I'd be surprised if he ever moves on from crutches."
"He's only twenty six."
"Lawson said the same thing."
"He deserved so much better."
"He did, yes." Mattie agreed, softly. She looked into the living room, to see Charlie leaning against Blake while he continued to read to him.
"I notice that people read to him."
"Yeah...He took enough knocks to the head to ruin his eye sight. Thats what's wrong with his eye, if you were wondering. The bone mended incorrectly. I imagine he'll have a reconstruction one day, but he won't be well enough for any kind of surgery for a long time."
"And his fingers?"
"Nerve damage. He can't use them."
"That's why Lucien..."
"Cuts his food up yes."
"Ah."
…
"I've been thinking..."
"Yes, Charlie?"
"Should I go back to Melbourne?"
"Is this about what Lawson was saying? You'll always have..'
"A place here. I know, Doc. But...Surely you must get sick of my sometimes. You have your own life...But you're here with me instead of being out solving mysteries…."
"Charlie I said before. I chose to be here with you. You're not forcing me to do anything."
"I sort of am. You feel like it's your fault."
"It is my fault. Lawson and I shouldn't have dragged you into it."
"No one dragged me anywhere. I did what I did because I thought it was the right thing to do."
"Was it?" Charlie nodded. Blake sighed softly, and pulled Charlie close to him.
"No. I think you should stay in Ballarat because I would worry that you aren't safe up in the big city." Charlie smiled weakly.
"You shouldn't worry about me, Doctor."
"Well I do. Seems only fair compared to how much you worry about me." Charlie sighed softly. Blake rubbed his shoulder. "Talk to me."
"If I left….Things could be how they were. Just you, Mattie and Mrs Beazley. You could help Lawson, and solve murders and annoy people and it would be like I was never here at all..."
"Don't think like that." Blake advised, unknowingly tightening his grip.
"When I didn't come home, did you look for me?"
"No. But I was worried. I just thought you got held up."
"You would have looked if it were Mattie. Or Danny."
"Charlie..."
"You would have..."
"You're right."
"Is that why I'm here? You blame yourself?"
"Charlie. I feel awful knowing that you were hurting and I wasn't looking for you."
"I can hear you, you know! When you talk about me. I can hear it. I'm crippled, not stupid." He said, "I'm not a child."
"No you aren't. Where's this coming from, Charlie?"
"He got away with it, as well. Both of them. They ruined my life. And they got away with it."
"Who told you that?"
"I'm not a fool. I know that they would never be punished. It's how the police work. I was so stupid. I thought I could make things go back to how they were." Blake ran a hand though Charlie's ustyled hair.
"It's okay." He murmured, as Charlie moves restlessly.
"I just want things to be normal again."
"I know." Blake murmured, holding Charlie up close to his chest. Charlie doesn't say anything else for a long, long while.
…
"Hello, Matthew." Blake said as he opened the door.
"Is Charlie well enough for a trip into town?"
"For what?" Blake asked. Charlie wasn't really well enough to be sitting outside, but he did it anyway because wherever he went, Charlie would follow after.
"A trip to the station."
"I thought you said there was nothing you could do about Munro?"
"There's been a slight change."
"I don't think he really is." Blake said, suddenly sounding a lot more protective then he had before.
"Trust me, he'll want to see this." Lawson said, holding up what Blake had previously thought to be a file, but was now revealed to be a phone book.
"Lawson, what've you done?"
"Turns out young Charlie has some powerful friends. I'm holding him on suspicion of attempted murder...And if he were to….Resist arrest….And have an accident, I doubt that anyone would look too much into it."
"And Hobart?"
"I dealt with Hobart before. Honestly. I can see what he was saying about blokes resisting arrest these days." Lawson smiled.
"I think Charlie would love a trip into down." Blake said, stepping back into the house.
…
"I don't think I'm meant t be here." Charlie said, as Blake pulled to a stop in front of the cells.
"Nonsense, Lawson wouldn't have invited you if you weren't meant to be here." He smiled, and Charlie looked into the cell. He pulled on Blake's sleeve suddenly.
"Doc."
"I know Charlie." Blake said, comfortingly. Lawson reappeared with his phone book, and smiled as he opened the door to Munro's cell.
"Munro. Pleased to see you." Munro sat up, and Lawson smacked him in the face with the phone book. Charlie looked shocked, but not upset.
"Didn't you say we weren't going to stoop to his level?" Charlie asked, as he watched Lawson beat Munro with the books.
"We aren't, no. Lawson, on the other hand, well." Blake said, as Lawson stepped out, bloodied phone book in hand.
"He'll be right, won't he doc?" Blake looked into the cell and then nodded.
"He'll be fine." He smiled.
"Good." Lawson said, putting the book down and fixing up his hair. "How are you feeling, Charlie?"
"A bit better now. Thanks." Lawson smiled.
"I'll push, if you like" he said, putting his hands on the handles of the chair, only stopping so they could carry Charlie up the stairs, before putting him back down again.
Charlie folded his hands in his lap and smiled slightly. Lawson smiled back at him. "I fancy fish and chips.' He said, rather suddenly. "What about you two?" Charlie looked at the doctor, who gave him an encouraging smile.
"Okay." He agreed.
"I'd love too, Matthew." Blake said, as they headed out into the sunlight. He notices that Charlie is smiling as well, and he marks it down as progress.
/It is done. Whew! Another fic down, more to go, I imagine. (if you're interested: A fic where good old Charlie saves the day, the second part of Entertainment, and the next part of About Charlie Davis, featuring Munro) how exciting! As always, leave a review if you liked it, any comments questions or concerns feel free to contact me.