Enia: 'Ello! Welcome to my Legend of Zelda/Purple Tractors crossover! But, since Purple Tractors isn't published and its my story, this isn't techniqually a crossover!

Samik: This isn't gonna die like your Max Ride/Purple Tractors crossover, is it?

Enia: Of course not! This on'es gonna be even better!

Samik: I'll hold you too it.

Teemo: This'll be the third fanfic I've starred it! Enia must really love me!

Enia: Sure Teemo. Just keep telling yourself that. Okay readers. Please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times, this is gonna be one crazy ride.

Purple Tractors Comes to Hyrule

Three disheveled figures stumbled into Ordon Village, one of the males hanging off the other. The female tripped and went down to one knee and the brown-haired male immediately bent down to help her. He pulled her to her feet and slung her arm around his shoulder. Their companion, the second male, spotted a near-by inn and pointed towards it. The other two nodded and they stumbled towards it, looking dead on their feet. The male who spotted it pushed the door open and held it for the other two before following them inside. They collapsed at the nearest table. The brown-haired male thunked his head down onto the wood. "Oh, my head," he groaned. "It hurt before I whacked it on the table, but now it's throbbing!"

"What happened?" asked the female. She pushed her bright orange hair out of her face and rubbed at her eyes.

"This is all Enia's fault," the brown-haired male grumbled, his voice muffled by his arms.

"Can I get you guys something?" a new voice asked. They looked up to see a pretty brunette girl watching them and holding a pad and pen.

"Like, food?" the male who hadn't spoken yet asked.

She nodded.

The three of them started to salivate. "I'm starving," the female announced. "Teemo," she tugged at the brown-haired male's arm, "get me something to eat."

"M'kay, Arin," he said, patting her hand. "We'll have, uh, whatever the house special is. You want anything, Fred?"

The black-haired male jumped at the sound of his name. He looked up and the server realized that he had violet eyes. "Hm, what? Oh, yeah, sure. I'll have what they're having."

The server nodded, wrote down their orders and left.

They went back to their conversation. "What did she even do?" the black-haired male, Fred, asked.

"I have no idea," the other male, Teemo, answered. "I knew she always joked about having magical authoress powers, but I never thought they were actually real. i don't think she even knew they were real."

"Where's Darrel?" the female, Arin, asked. "We went through the portal right after him. Shouldn't he be around here somewhere?"

"Portals are fickle things," Teemo responded.

"Great," Fred grumbled. "Now we have to find him. Again."

The three of them sighed and fell into silence. Somewhere outside a hawk crowed. The server came back with their food and set it down in front of them. They fell on it like ravenous wolves and withen in minutes the three bowls were scrapped clean. The serving girl stared at them in shock. "Hungry?" she managed to squeak.

"Like you wouldn't believe!" Teemo agreed, letting out a belch. He leaned back and patted his stomach. "That was some good chow, give my compliments to the cook."

"O-okay."

She turned to leave. "Wait," Arin called out. "Can you tell us where we are?"

The serving girl looked back at them. "You're in Ordon Village," she answered, "in Hyrule."

The chicken fell heavily out of the sky and landed in a pool of water with a splash. He surfaced and looked around to see an entire city's worth of people staring at him in shock. One little girl began to scream. The chicken glowered at her and clambered out of the fountain, water dripping from his feathers. "What?" he snapped when the crowd didn't stop staring.

"You're," a man swallowed dryly and tried again. "You're a chicken."

"Yes, I'm a chicken. What are you, blind?"

"But you're Hylian sized."

Hylian? What? The chicken figured it was just another idiotic name for human. "Yes, and you should all fear me for I am," he paused for effect, "Darrel T. Mutantchicken!" He expected the crowd to start screaming and running around in a panic. But they didn't. Instead they started to laugh. Fire danced in Darrel's eyes; he hated being laughed at. "STOP. LAUGHING!" he bellowed, shaking the stone buildings with his roars.

The crowd immediately shut up.

"Good," Darrel snarled. He began to pace before the crowd, the water in his feathers an infuriating weight. "I am your new dictator. You will listen to me. You will listen to all my demands, comply to my every whim. You will build me a castle and bring me whatever I want, whenever I want. I will not hesitate to strike down anyone who questions me. Furthermore, you will not laugh at me or question my integrity. You will be my slaves, my court jesters, my whatever-I-please. Got it?"

Utter silence, broken only by one brave child whispering to his friend, "Remind you of anyone?"

His friend snorted.

Darreld wheeled towards the children, prepared to bite their heads off, but the towns-people moved to block him off. "You'll have to take that up with the princess," a woman in a long dress said coldly. Darrel realized that they were all glaring at him. Hm. This is a different breed of human, he thought.

"And where does this 'princess' reside?" he asked.

No one answered him. Darrel took a threatening step forward. "Tell me!" he ordered. Still no one answered him, but he noticed guards in shining armor begin to make their way towards him. He let them come and for a few minutes everything was silent. A gentle breeze ruffled Darrel's white feathers and the sun glinted off the soliders' helmets. Then the first human was close enough to attack.

The human lunged at Darrel, pike outstretched, but Darrel slid out of the way and grabbed the weapon's wooden handle, wrenching it from the man's grasp. Then he turned the pike around and drove it through his opponent's gullet, ripping it out again in a torrent of blood and a loud squelching sound. The crowd stared at him in shock. Darrel held the bloody blade of the primitive weapon before him and began to stalk forward. The humans parted before him like a wave. Some of the blood on the pike dripped down the shaft and stained his feathers red.

The guards at the heavy oak doors leading to the castle tried to stop him, but Darrel decapitated one of them and forced the other trembling man to open the door and lead him to the princess. All activity in the bustling corridors came to a standstill as people stopped and stared. Darrel mercilessly killed any who got in his way.

Finally they made it to the throne room. Darrel killed his guide and kicked the door open with one Converse-shoed foot. The door banged against the stone wall with a resounding 'thunk' and the inhabitants of the room looked up from the table they were clustered around. At the head of the table was a brown-haired woman with a regal bearing and a calm level gaze. Darrel assumed her to be the princess.

"Are you the princess?" he demanded, striding forward with his bloody pike leveled at the woman.

"I am," she answered calmly. "Who are you?"

"I'm Darrel T. Mutantchicken. Perhaps you've heard of me."

"No, I can't say I have."

Darrel glowered at her; everyone had heard of him.

"What do you want?" the princess asked.

Darrel walked forward until he stood right at the edge of the table. He pointed the pike at her face, the last of the blood fell from the metal and splattered the map spread out on the table. "Your crown."

The princess laughed, a mocking sound and Darrel felt his anger deepen into rage. "Let me guess. You want to take over Hyrule and make every man, woman, and child your slaves. Am I right?"

Darrel blinked. "Well, duh."

She sighed and muttered something that sounded like, "Not again." Then she addressed Darrel in a louder voice. "Get out."

"What?"

"I said get out." She pointed towards the door, her eyes blazing.

Darrel got up on the table and stalked forward, placing the pike beneath her chin. "What to change your answer?"

She stared at him levely. She lifted a hand and her palm began to glow with a golden light. Darrel grew slightly apprehensive; this was definately a different brand of human. "I said get out," she repeated coldly, eyes chips of ice.

Darrel stepped back. "You'll regret this later," he hissed and turned and stalked out of the room. He was Darrel T. Mutantchicken, ruler of Earth and the Universe, dictator, mass murder, and master mind, but he also knew when to retreat to gather more force. And gather more force he would. Then he would come back and pound the castle and its inhabitants to dust. Then he would establish himself as supreme ruler of the land and extend his kingdom outward to the rest of this world!

Zelda watched the strange chicken leave, feeling an overwhelming sense of deja vu and foreboding. She turned to one of the men around the table. "You'd better go find Link."

*thunk*

Enia: Ow! Goddamnit! Samik, where are we?

Samik: I don't know, you're the one who created this portal.

Enia: Yeah, but that doesn't mean I know where we are!

Samik: Why are we even here?

Enia: I dropped my pencil!

Samik: It's a pencil, Enia. They cost, like, a dollar.

Enia: But its a special pencil! I can't write without it!

Samik: *sighs*

*thunk*

Enia: Ow! Goddamnit!

Samik: Why is everything so dark?

Enia: 'Cause we're in the middle of a goddamn black hole, that's why. Ack! *there is a thud as she hits the floor* What the hell was that?

Samik: A pole of some kind. Enia, how are we going to get out of here?

Enia: I don't know! Maybe anyone out there is reading this could help by, oh I don't know, leaving a review or something. *cough, cough, hint, hint* It would be greatly appreciated!

*thunk*

Enia: Ow! Why am I the only one running into things?

Samik: 'Cause I'm more graceful than you?

Enia: ...

*thwack*

Samik: Ow!

Enia: Heh heh heh...