Jeff Winger had no idea what he was doing or why he was doing it. He shouldn't be here. He knew that. His brain had been telling him that since he followed her out of the study room. It reminded him constantly as he stood outside her apartment waiting for someone to come home and let him inside. He'd concocted that plan when she'd told him to go away before hanging up on him. Maybe that was why he was there. Maybe it was simply because he didn't like being told what to do by anyone, not even her.
But he knew deep down that there was much, much more to this that an act of defiance. This wasn't about rebelling. This was about his ever increasing need to be near her. He didn't understand why and he wasn't sure he wanted to think about it too much. It was dangerous territory.
He was slowly coming to the realization that somehow Annie had worked her way in. She was becoming something he never let himself have. She was becoming something he didn't want to walk away from. And there was only one thing to do in that situation.
Walk away.
He didn't allow himself feelings like that, couldn't afford the price that came with them.
Nothing lasts forever. It was his creed, a motto, of sorts. Nothing lasts forever. It had been proven to him time and time again.
So as he looked down into his lap which was taken up by her and realized he was slowly, languidly pulling his fingers through her silky brown hair, he stopped immediately and readjusted himself in his seat, trying to draw her further away from him but really only succeeding in pulling her even closer.
How had that happened? He'd meant to move her away.
The sound of her breathing filled his ears at a particularly quiet part of the movie and he realized that she had fallen asleep. He briefly considered just sliding out from under her and leaving her right there on the couch. She could get herself to bed. She wasn't a child that needed him to carry her off to bed and tuck her in. But the image of him doing just that filled his mind and he couldn't keep his body from following through with the thought.
He gathered her closer to him and wrapped the blanket tighter around her before getting a little clumsily to his feet. He'd never done this before. He'd never had the urge or the opportunity to carry someone to bed. He was surprised at how heavy she was though he'd never say that out loud and he knew it was only because at the moment she was just dead weight, no help at all. Every time he'd ever carried anyone there was help, legs wrapped around his waist, arms encircling his shoulders, hand clutching his biceps.
Those images flooded his brain now and he felt incredibly dirty, thinking about things like that with the pure, innocent, perfect Annie laying in his arms. He was a lecherous old man. He should be stoned. Did they still stone people?
He stumbled as he maneuvered her through the maze of the living room and past the recliners where her roommates still sat engrossed in the movie. Troy, at seeing his burden, jumped to his feet and ran to yank her bedroom door open for him. He gave him a smile of thanks, then threw a look of exasperation over his shoulder when he heard the door firmly close behind him.
He didn't know why that irritated him so much. Then it occurred to him and the irony of it almost made him laugh out loud. It reminded him of Woody Allen. I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member. He was irritated because Troy had just left her alone with him. How could Troy claim to be her friend, then leave her alone with someone like him in her current vulnerable state? He would have to have a talk with those boys. They weren't doing a very good job of watching out for her. And that was their role now. He'd managed to relax a little where she was concerned because he knew that Abed and Troy were with her, watching over her. If he couldn't rely on them to do a better job than this, he would need to make other arrangements for her.
Maybe she could move in with Britta. Britta would never, ever leave a sleeping, vulnerable Annie in his grasp without at least keeping the door open so she could keep an eye on him.
And someone needed to keep an eye on him. Particularly with the thoughts that were running through his mind as he laid her down on her bed. Her hair spanned out around her head on her pillow like a halo. Her small, almost fragile body was surrounded in a sea of pink and ruffles and teddy bears.
He laughed. No, of course she wasn't a child. What could have possibly given him that impression?
A glance down at the rest of her body reminded him that she very much was not the child she appeared to be. Her more than amble breasts strained against the pink material of her t-shirt causing the cat displayed on the shirt to look as if it were jumping up and down with each breath she took. And that made him feel dirty as well. He shouldn't notice things like that about her. Annie's breasts should not be something he was aware of.
The shirt had, unfortunately, gotten bunched up in the move and he tried to avert his gaze from the exposed flesh of her flat, unmarred stomach, but he couldn't. In fact, his hands were now fisted at his sides as he fought the urge to reach out and just touch her. He wanted, no, needed to feel it. He needed to see if she was as soft as she appeared to be. Again, a dirty, disgusting, old man.
Her long, shapely, pink covered legs, bent at the knees and curved towards him, seemed to go on forever and again, he wanted to run his hand over the curve of her hip. It just sat there, mocking him, tempting him, laughing at him. That hip knew what he did. It knew he wasn't worthy of touching her.
It would be like pissing on a unicorn. There would be no coming back from that, no way to redeem himself if he allowed her to be sullied by the likes of him.
No, he needed to get away from her, as far away from her as possible.
He took a step back and nearly stumbled again when he came into contact with her desk behind him. It was a small room. There was no way to get any more distance except to leave and he wasn't ready to do that yet. So he pulled the office chair out and folded himself into it.
He just wanted to watch her for a few more minutes. He needed to indulge himself in the sight of her for just a little while longer. He might never get another opportunity to just look at her like he was now. There was no one here to see, no judging eyes casting silent disparages on his character, no critical glances telling him he had no business looking upon her like he was. Hell, he could practically see Britta and Shirley's scowls.
Since when did he give a shit about what other people thought of him? Since when did it matter?
Since these people became important to you, he answered his own question. Since you decided you wanted to be a better person.
And how much of that desire was based on the woman before him? Was there a part of him that hoped one day he might be worthy of touching her?
There was. He knew it. He didn't want to admit it, but it was true. And it was a part that grew bigger every time she leveled them with those huge, doe-like eyes and pursed her perfectly bowed, full, pink lips at him. It surged in leaps and bounds when those eyes weren't pleading but instead flashed fire at him. Annie angry was a sight he never wanted to miss. God, she was something awe-inspiring when she was lit up with rage or aflame with righteous indignation!
He had seen a lot of fantastic things in his time, but there was nothing in the world that could compare to the breath-taking beauty of Annie Edison angry. It was something to behold.
The dirty, disgusting, old man in him did it on purpose sometimes, fired her up just so he could watch her explode. It was something of a hobby for him, a guilty indulgence like ice cream or pecan pie.
She shifted in her sleep, rolling to her side and bringing her knees up nearly to her chest.
He realized that she was probably cold. It was chilly in the room and he was wearing way more clothes than she was. He got to his feet and pulled back the blankets on one side of the bed. Then he took a deep breath, steeling himself before taking her in his arms again and sliding her under the fluffy, pink comforter. After tucking the blankets securely around her, he almost stepped back. But something stopped him and he leaned in and placed a light kiss to her forehead. He was pulling away again when one of her hands came up and grasped his bicep.
He glanced at it and was almost taken aback by the sight of her tiny hand, complete with perfectly manicured, cotton candy pink nails, encircling his upper arm.
He looked back at her face and found those huge, blue orbs blinking at him groggily.
"Is the movie over?" she asked. Her words sluggish and slurred.
"Yeah, it's over. Just go back to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow," he whispered before leaning in and kissing her cheek this time.
"Okay," she purred as she snuggled down deeper into the blankets and shifted around until she was comfortable.
A moment later, her hand fell away from his arm and he immediately stepped away from her. The temptation to join her in that see of pink ruffles, to wrap his arms around her and pull her into his chest protectively was almost overwhelming.
He needed to get out of there.
He sprinted from the room and almost ran into the wall in the dark hallway. Abed and Troy had gone to bed apparently and they weren't the least bit concerned with the fact that Jeff was still there, behind Annie's closed bedroom door doing God knows what to her.
Yeah, he was definitely going to have to have a talk with those two.
He snatched his jacket from the back of one of the bar stools in the kitchen, shrugged into it and left as quietly as he could.
The walk to his Lexus was a long one. He'd left it parked at the school when he followed her home. So now he was faced with the long journey back to it with nothing to do but think. He didn't like having nothing to do but think. He thought about yanking his phone from his pocket and finding one of the games he typically hid behind when he didn't want to be part of the group, but he quickly pushed the thought aside.
Thinking was exactly what he needed to do right then. He needed to decide what to do about his ever growing feelings for Annie. Since walking away wasn't an option he wanted to employ yet, (He would do it if it came down to having no other way out of this, but he wasn't ready to take that road yet.) he needed to come up with a plan. He needed a plan that would save them all, himself, Annie, the study group in general. There was no doubt in his mind that if he acted on his feelings for her, the group would fall apart. There would be no way to get Britta and Shirley on their side. They were the smart ones. They were the ones that would see the relationship for what it would be, a train wreck that would leave Annie broken and beaten.
No, he couldn't let that happen. He wouldn't be the one to ruin her. He had done a lot of things in his life that he wasn't proud of. Okay, he wasn't proud of anything he'd ever done in his life. But all those things were things he managed to live with. He still got up every morning. He still went through everyday despite all of them. But ruining Annie would not be something he could live with. Beyond what it would do to her, it would kill him. Being responsible for that was more than his fragile conscious could bare.
So he needed a plan. What he needed was something that would make her untouchable. What he needed was a way to take touching her, kissing her off the table for him, make her unattainable, untouchable.
There was only one thing he had never done, one line he had never crossed. Something too scared to break. He needed to make Annie fall in love. He needed to find her a man, someone good enough for her. Someone who would treat her the way she deserved to be treated.
Tomorrow he would do something he'd made a point of avoiding all his life. Tomorrow he would work towards finding Annie a man.