Past Tense Wishes

Willow had often wished she had a mother like Joyce. A mother who could have a daughter that was a little…strange. Like, say, a Vampire Slayer. Or maybe a witch. A mother that didn't try to psychoanalyze things and would instead try to understand them. And, hey, a mother who could look at her daughter going out with a broadsword clutched expertly at one hand and say, as if she were going to the Bronze: "Be back before it gets too late."

And Joyce hadn't been a one-daughter mother. No, she'd been free with the good advice and the maybe-some-hot-chocolate-will-make-it-better attitude. It had been Joyce who had done Willow's hair on the night Oz took her out on one of Willow's very first normal boyfriend-girlfriend dates. It had been Joyce who had sat there patiently while both Cordelia and Xander vented their feelings about the other after they'd broken up, patient and attentive enough to put any ordinary mom to shame. It had been Joyce who'd looked after Oz in the book cage when those three Polgara demon had been destroying the supermarket and they all had to go take it down. Hell, it had been Joyce who'd once hit Spike across the head with a fire ax before he could bite Buffy!

It had been Joyce that Willow wanted as a mother. She would have given anything to be a part of that family. A family where the strange and supernatural were not only acknowledge but, in the case of Buffy and her friends, welcome around for really good dinner after class.

"Eat a cookie, ease my pain?" asked Willow, as she stood in the doorway and held out the plate to Joyce.

Joyce stared at her, head tilted slightly. "Willow, what…?"

"Eat a cookie, ease my pain?" Willow repeated.

Joyce blinked, then shook her head. "Sweetie, I…"

Willow stared at her feet, squirming uncomfortably. "Its my fault Buffy almost got married to Spike, after all. I don't think he would have made a good son-in-law. Eat a cookie…"

Joyce took a cookie. As she munched on it, she looked at Willow. "Honey, what are you talking about? When did Buffy almost marry Spike?"

"J-Just last night," said Willow earnestly. "You mean…she hasn't told you?"

Buffy's mother smiled wryly. "Are you kidding? What kind of mother would I be if my daughter actually told me anything?" She took another cookie. "These are good."

Willow smiled proudly. "I made them myself. Y'know…like, karmic payback. For making Giles blind and Xander a demon magnet and Buffy and Spike almost get hitched, and…"

Joyce laughed, and smoothed back Willow's hair affectionately before leading her inside. "Well, it sounds like you've had a busy night! Might I ask why you almost got my daughter married to a vampire?"

And, Willow had suddenly found herself with someone who would listen to and ease her pain. About Oz's departure and how much it hurt. How she still sometimes cried at nights, but tried not to be too loud in case she woke Buffy.

They talked and ate cookies, and when Willow walked out the door into the fading evening sun she finally…finally…felt ready to face the world again.

Willow liked Joyce. No, Willow loved Joyce. A day where Joyce smiled so motherly at her and smoothed back her bangs in that special way was a good day, no matter what else happened.

But now the impossible had happened and the world had turned on its head. The even that none of them had never dreamed could happen had happened. Joyce was normalcy. Joyce was link to real life for all of them.

Willow bit her lip, and conscienciously corrected the thought.

Joyce…had been those things. Had. Past tense. No more. No longer. Past. Gone.

Just a body. No more hot chocolate or nice smiles or fixing Willow's hair.

Just a body.

"I wish I wasn't so good at grammar," she said quietly, as she and Xander and Anya waited in line to get food.

"What's that?" asked Xander, glancing over his shoulder at her.

Willow shook her head, staring at her feet. She hugged her arms, the arms in the ridiculous pink sweater, and shook her head. "Past tense is depressing."

Xander slipped an arm around her shoulders. "I hear ya. Why do you think I never paid attention in English? We have enough 'past tense' in our lives."

No more Joyce. The world had cut away the one thing that should never have been cut. The one thing she'd thought they could have. The one link to normalcy. The last link to a life as a normal girl.

It was an inconceivable thought, too huge to wrap her mind around. It was too hard for her to think of even Sunnydale as being so brutal, so brutal as to take away the one tiny little link she still had to the life of a normal girl.

It was an inconceivable thought.

No more Joyce.

Just a body.