Here we go again! This part finishes the story, and also has the full ending drafted out. Enjoy!
He's been waiting all morning, probably got up early and wandered around aimlessly through his house as he dreaded the next few hours. She comes to his door at noon as previously arranged. She looks very different than in she does in room 706. (There is not a mistake in that sentence at all! (sorry)) Her eyes are no less foreboding and she doesn't seem at all happier, but she is certainly different.
Temari is wearing civilian clothing, a normal shirt and pants. He can almost forget what she is doing at his door and simply pretend a pretty girl has come to visit for his company. If you're trying to picture this, it is winter, so although accidentally omitted, she is in a coat.
But he can't.
They head off towards the hospital where, in a procedure that takes no more than five minutes, a nurse (apparently one specialized in this area of expertise) places her hands on Temari's stomach, emits some pink (how maternal) colored chakra, and then confirms whether or not any of his sperm took. I figure with them being shinobi and medics, they have some sort of capability to find out if there is a change in the body pretty much as soon as it happens. I mean, that's totally just my imagination, but it works for the purposes of this fic and I figure is somewhat believable.
The nurse is nice, and she smiles at both Shikamaru and Temari, neither of which return the gesture. Her hands explore Temari's stomach, and Shikamaru's guts twist when he acknowledges that this woman had probably touched Temari more than he has. And he's the one who's supposed to get her pregnant. I mean, of course his hands have touched much more of her body—well probably not her stomach—but he has touched other places on her more than this woman, but he doesn't explore these places or really feel them as this woman is doing, and he is kind of jealous, which he is very aware that he shouldn't be. Also, it is just one more reminder that this future child isn't made out of love.
The woman is old, and as she pulled away from Temari with an expression far sadder than her previous smile, it is almost believable that she felt the same way Shikamaru and Temari were.
She had probably been through the experience of trying to get pregnant.
The only thing was, as much as Shikamaru wanted this to end, he didn't want Temari to get pregnant. He wanted to stop sleeping with her, that was a given, but he almost wished that something else would happen, some sort of miracle. Does that make sense?
Perhaps Gaara would intervene. Or Tsunade.
But what they were asking wasn't as surprising as he had initially thought. Campaigns like this were run all the time. This one was only done when threatened by their own bosses.
It was useless to fight the daimyo when members of the village were volunteering anyway.
He had hated Tsunade for a few days after she had proposed the mission to him, but she had offered him the assignment as a question rather than a request, and eventually she would have found someone to accept, and she wouldn't have to fight the daimyo.
He didn't like it, but it made sense. Twenty percent of the village's funds came from him. Shikamaru couldn't argue with that.
"I'll be back again," Temari is saying to the woman, signing a form.
The nurse only gives a solemn look, "good luck."
As they exit the building, Temari turns right and begins walking to the restaurant district. "Are you hungry?" Btw, she feels like she should ask this. Like he says, she doesn't want him to join, but she wants to part from him without making this awkward.
Shikamaru pauses, unsure of what she's implying even though the words are clear enough. "No."
She looks back at him. "Okay." He has a feeling she didn't really want him to join her anyway. This is awkward. It has been awkward, this whole afternoon. He thinks she should visit the medic on her own now on.
He expects her to turn back and continue walking away, but she just stands there, staring at him. He hasn't seen her face, really seen it, in years. Under any other circumstances, he is sure he would've been infatuated. As in, he hasn't even really looked at her and now that he does, he acknowledges that she is incredibly attractive in his eyes and he also notices that if circumstances were different, he would be in love with her. This is a big statement. I mean, he isn't only talking about her looks. He is saying that if they weren't forced to conceive, they (or he) would be in love. The question then is, how does he know that? It isn't like they've had any sort of intimate conversation where he would develop feelings for her or anything. So this acknowledgement of the possibility (or AU circumstance) of love was developed before the story but only come to light now.
^the above is very confusing and not made at all clear. What I mean to say is that he is saying that if it had been different, he would have been in love her. I make it clear in the end that he is, in fact, already in love with her, but this is first time he has made any sort of comment to himself about this.
Once again, let me make is VERY CLEAR that his love is not new. He was in love with her before this story, but those feelings were not buried since they haven't seen one another in years and are only now coming to alight, though he is still very denial!Shikamaru.
"I'll see you later, Temari." He says at last. Something dark clouds in her eyes, but her small smile betrays none of it as she turns to seek lunch.
He wonders if she is relieved that the test was negative.
I can't even begin to decide. Yes and no. Idk. Temari is too difficult. She is surely sort of relieved it is negative, but at the same time furious. As is he.
Afterwards, it is easy to forget that they are so removed. After their sexual encounters is what he means. This is a while after he had gone to visit the doctor with her, days.
It is easy forget when he straightens his clothes and fixes his hair, when he walks out and nods to the attendant before descending down the stairwell, and when goes home still smelling of a woman he hardly touches.
He is well aware of the difference between themselves and lovers. But sometimes his cock burns for her, he ignores it, but it yearns for something it has never had, even when they pretend.
Sometimes he wants her.
And it is stupid, stupid to want her even more now when he sees all the ways he can have her and knows all the ways he can't. One of my favorite lines. Probably one of the most important ones.
But even with all that is happening, sometimes he wants her.
Okay one of my biggest issues in this story was this part. Does the transition from their first encounter to here make sense?
Finally! I have so much love for Shikaku. But I am always worried about writing him because I am unsure about his characterization. I see him as an older Shikamaru, but also more observant. Shikamaru is certainly more intelligent and quick, but he also doesn't understand things easily. As in: his feelings (both before and now) about Temari, etc. etc. In my interpretation, Shikaku understands people better than Shikamaru.
"So you've heard?"
Shikaku nods, dark eyes like daggers at his son. "I am the jonin-leader and your father, it is only right… it will be my grandchild."
Shikamaru sighs, leaning back further in his chair. He should have suspected as much.
"I knew when Tsunade asked me to help find a loophole in the daimyo's request, and I knew when word came that it no longer mattered as Suna had agreed and already found a volunteer. What I didn't know was that my son was chosen as her partner."
"I volunteered, dad."
Shikaku took a deep breath, huge shoulders looking delicate as he slowly let it out. "Because she's your friend?"
"What choice did I have?"
A beat passes, but Shikaku understood the situation well enough. "It is not my job to tell your mother."
"I have yet to tell Tomomi."
There is silence for a few minutes before his father downs his tea. "Are you really okay with this, Shikamaru? I realize that this is for the Kazekage's sister, and the child will only be yours by blood, not by birth or childhood, but are you ready to have it?"
He didn't have to think about it. "No."
"You can always pull out, you know. Wanted to change that line so badly so it wouldn't come out as inappropriate, but I kept it in for some reason. I assume she's not pregnant yet, you can ask for a replacement. I know you think you're helping her, but it might be easier with a stranger."
I think Shikaku is disappointed in his son. He understands that it is Shikamaru's duty and he does have a relatively sound reason for doing it, but he is saddened that this is the life his grandchild will be born into. But unlike Shikamaru's peers, Shikaku is very aware that it is not his place to get involved in trying to change Shikamaru's mind.
"There's no point now though, is there?"
Shikaku stands up, taking the empty cups from the table. "Another man would treat this as a mission, as it is supposed to be treated. You're too personally involved."
"Personally involved? Because I know her? Dad, I sleep with her every other night, how can I not knowher?"
"Another man wouldn't like her." Once again, a big line.
Shikaku knows about his feelings! And this is obviously from very long ago, I mean, like Ino, he always had his suspicions about Shikamaru and Temari, but unlike Ino, he knew it was more than a passing feeling. Of course, he is a Nara, and he understands Shikamaru all too well, and he is probably perfectly aware that Shikamaru was in love when he was like… thirteen, long long before Shikamaru even realized he enjoyed Temari's company. But, ah he is too smart for his own good. That whole family is.
Also, be aware that Shikaku does say it would be better for her if she was with someone who didn't have feelings for her.
"I don't like her."
Shikaku sighs, turning away and heading into the kitchen of his home. Like I said, he acknowledges it is not his place to argue his son on this. "Tell your mother soon. You don't want to find out what will happen if she learns about this from someone else…. But don't worry, she'll probably kill you anyway." Code: I'm sure as hell not going to be the one to tell her or be there when she finds out.
His father is right.
About all of it, really. FINALLY. Denial!Shikamaru is more reluctant-to-believe!Shikamaru.
He can't deny that the sex is awful, terrible in any sense. It is wrong and sick and dreadfully inhuman. He knows how much effort it takes to come, how difficult it is to see her face as he moves above her when she looks so immune, so indifferent. But he also knows how tight she feels, whether he lets the thought get to him or not.
He knows how warm she is inside, how encasing it felt to be sheathed inside her body. How round her rear feels as he held onto it to push himself in, or her strong legs as he adjusted one to alter the angle.
As a man he ignored these things, but as far as his cock went, it seemed more eager to be inside her every night. That's also a pretty key line.
She isn't responding more, that isn't it.
He came easier, but that had more to do with that fact that he had been taking her from behind more recently, and that allowed for him to picture someone else.
Some nights, it takes everything for him not to picture Temari.
But when he was behind her, he can move into her as though she were moving with him. He can imagine her face isn't passive and that her eyes aren't so hard. He can imagine her lips are open and she is moaning into her pillow. He always comes quickly when this happens, so quickly and harder than he had at first, that the sex doesn't feel as cheap or as wrong as it had those first two weeks.
But tonight, after having spoken to his father and being made well aware of his connection to Temari, he is having trouble.
He pushes into her harder, digging his fingers into her hips. He is conscientious when he pulls her hips back to meet his ever so slightly. He hasn't moved her an inch, but the little bit of added friction jostles fire into his groin.
Shikamaru can tell that she felt it too, and for once, he sees her react. I think that was the biggest thing for him, her lack of reaction. It is a clenching of her fingers around the sheets, but it is enough. He thrusts into her again, this time using his hands to pull her hips back as much as before.
It is the slightest change but it makes all the difference.
He can't help himself now.
They started late today and have lasted longer than usual. A single light is on in the building across the way, and he can see her body in the faded light, her skin looks pale blue and gold, a combination of a lamp and the moon.
He lets out a throaty moan.
It is the first noise, the first sexual one, that has been made in the weeks they've been together.
A hand begins wandering from her hip to span across her back, fingers spread wide as he pumps into her a little quicker now. His hand moves up to settle between her shoulder blades, lightly pushing her down.
She collapses into the mattress.
He can feel her clench around him, her walls locking onto his cock tightly. The moan is guttural this time, and it is accompanied by her name. He wants to, he wants to so badly, but he can't— he can't control himself anymore.
The hand on her back moves in a flash, slipping below her hip to the small protrusion of flesh between her legs. He presses down hard and she jerks around him, hips fighting against his as she tries to pull away.
Okay, so I also had trouble with this scene. I actually kept a draft of this part, before remembering I had to focus on Shikamaru's POV:
"He is hitting her harder now, one hand digging into her hip, bruising, the other clamped between her legs rubbing and she can suddenly feel herself on fire. She had gone weeks without feeling anything, any touch or emotion. Now his hands spread electricity and she is dying around him, screaming. She is feeling everything and she hates it.
But he doesn't stop. He can't.
And she is feeling everything, and she loves it.
Every movement of his body is overwhelming and she is just shouting over and over and over and begging, begging. Tears loose themselves on her face and she is in so much pain but it doesn't matter because for the first time in so long, she is feeling.
And then her head begins to swim and she can't do anything anymore. He has stopped moving her hips.
Stars explode and the air is ripped from her lungs. And then there is weight on her and she can't move, she can't breathe, and she is just dying.
…
[when he see's her crying] he has never heard a sob so naked come from any real person. She is on her hands and knees, shoulders heaving up and down is slow, huge movements. She is crying with the force of someone vomiting on all fours, and he can't do anything to help her.
He can't even watch her, and his eyes wander down to the legs of his pants as he buckles his belt. "
Anyway, that was one version. Some of it I like, I think the last part really describes the action more than what I put in there. But it is too descriptive, whereas my writing is usually more minimal and about the unspoken/unwritten things, so that's mostly why this was all cut. Ah well. The following is, of course, the part that was actually published.
He can hear her saying his name, yelling at him. She is fighting him and he can feel it, but her pleas are lost on his ears. He is using one hand to control her hips and keep himself inside her, the other to touch her.
She is still fighting, but her will has lessened, and now her jerks are more of deep grinds that are making his head swim.
She is moving with him now, meeting his thrusts over and over and her muscles flutter around him. That 'and' should probably be 'as'. His body is on fire.
Temari is panting, her back arching, and seeing, no, feeling, her finally react to him is ruthless enough, but when she finally clamps down on him, her hands clawing at the sheets, this is what finally sends him over the edge.
The orgasm is nothing like it was last time, or the time before that, or any time they have been together. He is thrown off the cliff and he can't hear or think, nor does he have any willpower to move. He can only standby as his body convulses and he spills into her again and again, and for the first time, his mess drips down her legs. Crude, but a very explanatory image, isn't it? (Though I normally hate when sex is so descriptive this way).
It takes only a few seconds before it comes racing back to him. Who they are, what they're doing, what just happened.
What he did wrong. Self-explanatory, but I feel the need to point this line out. Think of all the rules he's just broken.
He had collapsed atop of her when he was done riding out the waves of pleasure, and now he hastily removes himself from her heat and jumps off the bed as though it were on fire.
She is naked, body spent, and breaths heavy. He tries to regain his balance.
He feels exhausted, and if the circumstances were any different, he would probably be an inch away from sleep. Meaningless fact I've just come up with: in another world, and possibly in the future, when finished, they go to sleep pretty quickly, and he has this thing with keeping her close against him in their respective slumbers.
But he isn't, and they aren't. He needs to get that through his head!
He hopes the attendant didn't hear them.
He stumbles to where his underwear was discarded earlier, slipping his legs into each end and pulling them to his hips with haste.
He has just let this get personal. Code: Shikaku knows everything.
Her voice comes first. "Shikamaru."
He is still panting.
"Why?" Her word is strained and he has a sickening feeling she is crying. She was the one who'd been so strong through all of this and now she was crying.
"Please, don't cry." He urges. He doesn't know how to deal with this. His emotions are running high enough as it is.
"Leave," she snaps, pushing herself up and facing away from him. "Get out."
He has no other will but to comply.
Half his bed is occupied when he comes home. Ah fuck.
In some miracle, he manages not to groan in frustration as he pulls off his shoes and collapses beside Tomomi. She never comes to his bed so soon after a mission unless she is horny, but he respects her more when she acknowledges his exhaustion and after a quick kiss, settles to just sleep against him.
He shucks his shirt to the floor and moves to lean back against his own, much harder mattress.
As Tomomi scratches lightly against his chest, head on his shoulder, he is struck with the knowledge that the skin underneath his fingernails belongs to another woman.
And he is both pleased and sickened to know that she is sporting scratches down her back.
Again, this scene is pretty self-explanatory. As I said before, Tomomi doesn't serve much of a purpose, besides to make things more difficult for Shikamaru. Also, a note on the last line—I think it pretty much explains all his conflicting feelings for Temari. He is also having a ton of issue with this whole 'having a kid thing', but as far as Temari goes, this line explains exactly what he's confused about.
"One more, Sir?"
Shikamaru slips another two bills onto the table as he accepts his glass. The sake is strong, as strong as whatever it is she gave him that first night.
And the rush through his throat is good, the instant heating of his gut welcome and celebrated. Tbh, I'm surprised he hasn't been drinking 24/7.
It is here he can forget it all. Forget what happened the previous night, forget what may happen tomorrow, and the nights after that, forget how he must explain to his girlfriend his absence every other evening, find a way to convince his friends there is no reason he is avoiding Temari, and forget that the ending result of all of this will be a living, breathing child.
His child.
The boy (girl?) would have half his genes, half his blood. He might have his hair, or Yoshino's eyes? Would the child have his jutsu? This really was confusing, because unlike some things, the Nara's shadow jutsus are supposedly all secret techniques, in which case, he'd have to be from the clan. But even if they weren't, even if she had been with some relative of his or even someone in possession of the technique with no Nara relation, everyone would suspect the child of being Shikamaru's.
The point is, what if this were to happen? (It kind of messes up the plot of this fic, so let us pretend the child has no such technique or something.)
Would his child grow up practicing a jutsu from his father? Would he hear stories of his father, the Shadow Master Shikamaru? Would he read the bingo book and answer questions about his own dad?
Would Temari marry someone else? Would he grow up knowing some taller, stronger, surely more handsome man was his parent?
Would everyone think that this supposed perfect man had been the one to slide his cock into Temari, the one to milk her into orgasm, the one to sire her child?
Without thinking he gulps down the last few inches of his sake. His head is swimming.
She had only come once, and it was completely accidental on either end. Though probably not as accidental on his end as he tries to believe.
Perhaps they needed a break. They could resume this in another week or so.
But, he knew, the sooner she was pregnant, she sooner it was over. Taking a break was only prolonging the inevitable. And if he pulled out of the mission now, what was the point? Their friendship was already salvaged beyond repair. It wouldn't do any good if he didn't see it out till the end.
He puts down more money and the man brings him one more glass. The room is starting to spin now and he supposes he shouldn't drink this last one.
He just wants this to be over— his life was much simpler a month ago. Missions caused stress, yes. But not like this.
Shikamaru briefly wonders how much he's getting paid. It better be one fucking good amount. Whatever it is, it's surely far too little.
He can't help it when his hands raise the glass and his lips open wide enough for a decent amount of sake to spill down his throat.
As clearly as if he were sober, he can remember Temari's body last night. He remembers how she withered and jerked and what it felt like to have come for him. He wishes he could've seen her face when he finally got her there. After two weeks of painstakingly awkward intercourse, they had both given into pleasure.
If she only knew how good he could make it for her. Another of my favorite lines.
Last night had been nothing.
He could make her moan, he could force noise from her throat. He knows how to make it just right for the both of them, if only she'd let him.
Shikamaru finishes his glass.
"You have a note," Choji comments, reaching onto the door the pull the tacked letter from the wood. "A bound one." I am always nervous about writing Choji. I feel like I should work on that more, esp. since he's in my new story a lot.
Shikamaru groans, his head is pounding and he can't think straight. The hangover will be killer come morning.
"Give it to me."
Choji eyes the note, but then hands it over. Shikamaru pricks his fingers on his teeth before dropping the blood onto the paper. It unseals itself immediately. Choji leans closer.
"'Are you busy tomorrow night?'... Is this how Tomomi asks you out?"
Shikamaru groans and shakes his head. "It's Temari— she's…. we have plans." He takes a step closer to the door. "Fuck."
"What is it?"
"Not again," Shikamaru leans against the wood, banging his head over and over in time with the throbs. "I thought it would work this time."
"What would… are you okay?"
Shikamaru shakes his head, falling to the floor of his porch.
He can't do this. He can't. He can't. He can't have his child be some genetic experiment performed to please his daimyo. And he can't have his child born out of unnatural, uncomfortable sex. Children were born out of love, and if he had to mate with Temari, so be it, but it would be done right.
He wouldn't come home and see the same note on his door again, as it was every other day.
"Where are you going?" Choji demands, left dumbfounded on the porch as Shikamaru heads off to the gates of the Nara estate.
"I have business to take care of."
"Business? You're drunk, Shikamaru."
But the man is already out of earshot; headed down the street to a place he hasn't been in years.
"He never was a fun drunk," a voice says as Choji steps back onto the ground.
Shikaku shifts the groceries he is holding to his other hand, looking back towards his own house only a few over. "But I suppose this type of business is better suited with a little drink."
"What do you mean?"
Shikaku sighs, "nothing. Now come home with me, Yoshino saw you pass and told me to come find you before I go inside. She's cooking duck for dinner. Are you hungry?"
I guess the most important part of the story is this section. I was contemplating only doing a commentary on this, but it is so brief, I decided to do the whole fic. Anyway—
He went to her hotel to talk to her, as the previous section shows. He knows, somewhere deep down, that this is wrong. And he knows exactly what it will lead to. But he needs her. He needs to talk to her. And after the previous night, his heavily denied lust is pretty much taking over.
But more than that, he just needs something. He needs to touch her, to lose himself, but that's more her side, so I'll go into that in a moment.
The banging on her door is probably much too loud for this sort of hotel as no more than three guests stick their heads out before she finally opens her door. I imagine him kind of leaning on her door, banging over and over because she tries to ignore it before being forced to come open it. She is staying in the same place she used to, back when they were proctoring the Chunin Exams.
He is surprised. She was so different then, he saw her as such a different person, that it was confusing to imagine her in the same place. Tense confusion there, sorry! He wonders if this mission hadn't been assigned to them, if they had reunited strictly as friends, would he still see her in the same light he had at fifteen?
"Oh," she says when she opens the door. "It's you."
She isn't glad to see him, that is obvious enough, even in his state, but for some reason, she steps aside and lets him in. In all reality, she can probably smell the alcohol on him and is aware that he will cause a scene if she doesn't grant him access to her suite.
"Can I help you?" She asks, crossing her arms over her chest. She is wearing pajamas, and he can't help but find them erroneously sexy. I mean, like a set—big button down shirt and drawstring pants. Probably a solid dark color. Or white. Idk.
"We need to talk about what happened." He manages, though his words are paced. He is not as intoxicated as he appears, and while his movements are far from controlled, they are neither slow nor deficient.
"Now? Couldn't this wait until you were, you know, perhaps more aware?"
"No." He pulls off his vest and slings it over a chair by the door. They are still standing in the entryway. "We need to talk about this baby."
"Shikamaru," her voice is a warning, her patience is thinning but he is taking no heed. She is at the point that she remembers last night very well, but, as with everything, she has buried it so she feels nothing. But her feelings aren't nearly as deep since he tore them all up on the day before. And so she is perfectly aware of where this conversation is going (she's wrong, seeing as the conversation doesn't really continue) and so she warns him away from speaking.
"We're doing this wrong." He continues, unabashed. He is stepping closer. "This, you and I. You're not pregnant because we're doing this wrong." She is taking steps back, but he keeps gaining on her.
"Shikamaru," she repeats, tone exasperated, "you know how these things work."
"Yes," he pulls the tie from his hair and rubs his fingers into his scalp. "And we're not doing it right." She notices him undressing, but doesn't read into it.
She is about to reply, but then thinks better of it. Her hands move to her hips. And she knows what he wants at that moment and she has no intention of giving it to him.
"What we have isn't sex, Temari. You have no idea how it could be, how good I could make you feel." Her cheeks turn red and her fists clench. He is toying with her anger and he is aware enough to know he doesn't have long before she either kicks, or knocks, him out. "That is what will get you pregnant, not this. Not us pretending." Completely not true. They do happen to get pregnant this way, but it is not because they had 'normal' sex, I mean, technically this holds no standing is all I meant to point out. This is just Shikamaru being… Shikamaru.
His breathing is heavy and she is staring at him with an unreadable expression.
"People get pregnant all the time from doing less than what we do, Shikamaru," she counters at last. "We're doing fine."
"No we're not."
She sighs and rolls her eyes, clearly done with the conversation. She gestures towards a small kitchen, "can I offer you some tea or— " It's really impressive how long she manages to stay in control.
His hands are on her hips, his body pressed to hers as close as they were that first night. His lips are on her neck, barely as he whispers over and over. "Temari, please."
A beat passes.
And then her hands are in his hair and her lips are so tight against his it is a miracle either of them can get enough breath in.
Okay. So I need to really really make this clear:
She doesn't really want him. She wants him, yes, but she doesn't really want him as Shikamaru, if that makes sense. As said before, she is feeling nothing. And as he mentions, she needs something. It probably should be a fight, but instead he gives her sex.
And she just looses herself. All the emotions come crashing down on her and she needs an outlet.
Now, I do think she has feelings for Shikamaru. Ones that were before this story and, unlike his, have probably diminished throughout the story. When they were hanging out years ago, she was certainly old enough to know their relationship was far beyond amicable friendship, and in all likelihood, beyond lust and/or crushing. I don't think she was in love with him, not like he was (is, I guess) her, but she certainly felt something very deep for him.
And in any other circumstances, she would've been sleeping with him already.
But here, she just needs someone, hell, something to make her alive. And in any sense, she is searching for some sort of high that will take her far away from her life. He is offering that, and so, she takes him up on all it is worth.
She doesn't do it out of her feelings for him, but I don't mean to say tha she feels nothing. It is probably not until afterward though (in the next scene) that she has any feelings for him.
It takes a moment, but then he realizes that the taste on her lips is whiskey. Of course she too has been drinking.
That is why this is happening.
He doesn't care.
Her lips are warm and firm and it is miraculous that he went all this time without feeling them. Surely, every man deserved to kiss these lips at least once. His life suddenly feels quite under-lived.
She is moving her mouth, nipping his lip between hers and he is just lost.
It is too hot. Her mouth and her skin, soft and fiery beneath his hands, against him. Oxygen doesn't run to his head and he is so dizzy he can't register that what is going on is wrong in every which way.
But she is kissing him and none of it matters.
She fits against his body just as he'd thought, curving herself into every inch of empty space, meeting every need he can't voice, but somewhere deep in his mind he is sure she is liking it too.
He opens his mouth and she gasps. Her tongue is light, hot and flaring and they are stumbling further into the suite. She has her fingers around his neck now, scratching at the base of his hairline.
Shikamaru doesn't know where to touch her; he doesn't know where she wants him. And it is awkward and new and brilliant. It is nothing like room 706, nothing wrong or sick, and he can't even concentrate enough to remember anything other than this.
"Condom?" He hears her ask.
It takes a gross amount of pure will to move his lips from hers. "Do we need one?"
Her breath is so heavy and her heart is thumping against his chest so loudly. He opens his eyes to see her attempt to concentrate. As if she suddenly remembers who they are and why she is here in the first place, she nods. "Right." And then they are kissing again and she is pushing him to a bedroom.
He feels his throat choke and he sees she is trying to force her hands into his turtleneck and it just isn't working. He moves away by some grace of god and pulls his shirt off so fast he tears the sleeve. His hands are furious on his buckle next and when he is touching her again, there is skin against skin and his chest is straining against her.
"Shikamaru," she groans as his lips touch her jaw, hands roaming and grabbing at her body without pause. If you can't already imagine it, it is pretty furious sex. They are stumbling and insane and can't stop. I don't think sex often gets so demanding like this, and it wouldn't normally between the two of them, but right now all they seek is release. It is purely selfish, but they need it to happen.
His arousal is throbbing against his zipper.
"I've wanted this," he hears himself say, "for— this for years." He doesn't know where the words came from and he doesn't care.
He just wants her.
Okay, this is probably the second most important line of Shikamaru's part of the story. "I've wanted this for- this for years." It shows everything Shikamaru feels for her and everything he has been denying, to the point that he doesn't even realize where the words are coming from, only that he is saying them.
"We shouldn't," she is saying. But her pants are falling lower the more he pushes his own hands down her hips and over her rear and the he is cupping her and her hesitance is gone and her legs collapse and they are then only a tangle of limbs on a bed. (Errors: sorry.)
She is touching him everywhere and before he knows it his pants are gone and she is stroking him.
"We shouldn't." She tries again.
But then he is pushing into her there, just there and nothing else matters. She is Temari and he is Shikamaru and they are on fire.
He wakes up too early. His head is pounding and he is face feels swollen. He can see her above him, lips red as he grogs into wake. There is a light on in the room and pain splinters through his head. The hangover is killer, but she is also wearing a mans nightshirt, and he can only focus on one thing at a time.
As I said above, I imagine this is when she feels something for him. She's probably been sitting here for a while, watching him sleep. I picture her thinking about him, about what they had and what they've lost and just about everything concerning Shikamaru. This is the first time she has really thought about him since the story began.
She is sitting beside him, legs crossed and flaxen hair pooling over her shoulders, messy and knotted. If he could, he would lie here and make love to her for the rest of the day, but the clock beside the bed reads four am and it is time for him to leave.
I actually love that paragraph. I love the image of her sitting on the bed, probably by his knees, facing him and just watching. I love him acknowledging that he wants to "make love" (big words for him! XD) to her for hours. And I love that he has to leave.
She says as much, "you should probably leave before it gets light."
He nods and sits up slowly, clenching his fists into the blankets before relaxing and stretching out his fingers. "We probably shouldn't do this again, not while…" it goes against everything he wants to say –to do— but it is what he needs to say. If you didn't get this, he trails off to let her know that he doesn't want this to be a one time thing.
"Not while we are on this mission? Or not while you have a girlfriend?" She had never expected it to be more than one-night, but this is too heavy a conversation and they're limited on time (also, she is kind of secretly curious to his answer) so she jokes on it.
He can't help the smirk. "That does complicate things."
But she only shrugs. "No more so than they already are."
He pushes himself out of bed. His shirt is by the door, but the rest is all piled on the bottom of the bed. When I say shirt, I secretly meant flak jacket (not a mistake at all!) He blushes when he sees it, and hopes she doesn't see the stain of redness on his face when he slips everything back on.
"Shikamaru," she says as he buckles his slacks. He glances over and she pauses, eyes falling to her curled up legs as she hesitates. "I don't think I'd mind… you know, if it worked this time." Big words for Temari! Now, I think she is sincere in this. Of course she minds, as shown later, but at this moment, she doesn't regret what happened between them, and this is how she lets him know that. She agrees with him in this traditional "born out of love" thing, and she does realize that what happened last night, however different for each party, was done in 'love', if that makes sense when including my previous comments on her side.
He doesn't know what to say, how to react. But she is right. If they had conceived a child last night, he wouldn't mind. In that he doesn't regret it. Again, as displayed in the end, he does mind, just less so than had it happened in 706.
He has put on his shirt now, and as she sits there brushing the pads of her fingers along her calf absently, he slips his hair back into place and untwists his sleeves, wondering all the while how she can be so calm about all of this.
And wondering why on earth he isn't. I like these images too.
"Take the back stairwell," she tells him a few moments later. He nods. They never know who is watching.
"I'll see you tonight," he says lightly. Her shoulders jostle as if she is holding in a laugh, but her face is as passive as ever. He remembers exactly how her body was burning against his only a few hours before, but now the memory is withering and open and he feels removed from her once more.
The morning is waiting for him when he exits her building.
All in all, that was by far my favorite part. I loved writing it and I loved rereading it.
"How's it going?" Shikamaru asks. He isn't dreading 706 today, can you tell?
The attendant shrugs. "Same old."
"Do you do anything besides stand outside a room while I have sex?"
"It's better than your job."
Shikamaru snorts, "I suppose that's true."
They continue up the rest of the way in silence. Room 706 looks particularly scary today. He'd rather stay in the hall.
"Do you do this for many people?"
"If you're asking me to discuss confidential inform—"
"No," Shikamaru clarifies, "I'm just wondering if perhaps you've done this before, worked, you know, with other couples?"
The man takes a deep breath and nods. "Yes."
He wonders how many other people have been in their position. He'd thought that he and Temari were the first, for Konoha and Suna at least. "Does it always go this way?"
"You mean in length? Some can take one or two visits, others take weeks."
"What about afterwards?"
"I don't work with that," the attendant says, "but the child is raised to be a shinobi, I know that much."
"Yeah," Shikamaru responds. He knew that much too.
The attendant unlocks the door, "she's waiting for you."
This scene was also unimportant. It served to put a break between two big ShikaTema scenes and to answer some lingering questions about the program. Btdubs, the attendant's job sucks.
"Well?" She says, arms crossed in front of her as she paces before him. "Say something."
"What do you want me to say?" He is at a loss.
"Anything!" She snaps, eyes dark with a warning. "Just say something." I don't think I showed it well enough, but I think she is beginning to become more of herself, less fucked-up, than before, in any sense.
But what is there to say?
He crumples the paper in his hand, careful enough to not damage it, but certainly with the intent to inflict harm. It is a form that verifies the test was positive, fyi.
"I don't think I'm ready for this."
She'd gone to Sakura this afternoon, manipulating the girl's friendship with Temari's youngest brother to her will. She didn't have a doctor's appointment until the next day, so Sakura had helped her out.
"You knew perfectly well what we were doing, you knew it had to result in this."
He'd known he was going to be a father. He'd known they were going to have a child. It wasn't a surprise.
But to know that right now his sperm had created a child, to know that right at this very instant his son or daughter was growing— "if it were anyone else's I would tell you to get rid of it." As in, regardless of their mission, if she had gotten pregnant (even in the mission though) he would have pushed for her to abort it, but since it is his (whether they'd been dating and just normally had sex or done it in the program) he would want her to keep it. Both because it is his child and because it is her having his child.
How he wishes she would. I mean, he is so conflicted on it, and does wish she would do it without telling him, but he in incapable of telling her that, because he does want it in some ways. Does that make sense? It doesn't seem to now as I write it… a.k.a story of my life.
She clenches her fists, "but it's yours."
He takes a deep breath. He'd been waiting for this moment for almost a month and now he has no idea how to proceed.
She sighs and moves to sit beside him. "Why did you sign up for this?"
"For the same reasons you did."
"No," her hands run down her legs and come achingly close to this knee. "I did it because it was my duty. I am a master of the wind, a royal sister to the Kazekage and the daughter of two past ones. I was born into protecting Sunagakure, and as long as that is still my duty, I will continue to serve the village at its will. Gaara gave his life a while ago when the Akatsuki attacked. He put himself between the village and those who would do it harm. Even if I'm only giving up a few years of my life, and my sacrifice is incomparable to his, it is the least I can do to serve my people. You are just from a middle-class clan with a fair amount of missions under your belt and a respected name in the bingo book, please tell me how we are the same?"
"You've certainly thought this out, haven't you?"
"I don't make rash decisions."
"Right." He rubs his eyes and looks out at the fading light from the window. "I mean, you did this to protect your people, I did this to protect you. You were my friend. How could I refuse when the end result would only be you pregnant with a stranger's kid?" Yes, but now he has also acknowledged that their were other reasons he did this.
To put it another way: he claims he did this because she was his friend. Ino is his friend. Ino is much much closer to him that Temari ever was. Would he do this for Ino?
To give a straight answer: no.
First of all, that does depend on circumstances. If her life were in danger, he probably would. But in this case, no. He would probably insist on talking her out of it and threaten her if she didn't. But if she went through with it, he'd make sure she was with someone good and take of her. He wouldn't volunteer for it though.
He doesn't see her reaction to this, and he is certainly trying not to look, but the words hit hard enough. "Bastard."
He'd figured as much. Well, yeah.
Temari swallows. "I don't need your protection. You're just making things harder."
"So my father says."
"Smart man." She stands up again, unable to sit still. "Do you always do things like this, for friends?"
He was not a stupid man, and after last night, it was easy for him to discern that it was more than the need to protect an old friend and ally; he'd wanted to protect the one he loved. But it hardly mattered. Okay, there it is: most revealing line in the story.
He does love her and he does FINALLY acknowledge this! You go, Shikamaru!
Once more: these feelings did not come about during this story. They were there in the beginning, only somewhat roused and realized in the story. He certainly didn't fall in love with her in room 706.
"What do we do now?" He asks, ignoring her question. Of course, there's no way he's going to tell her he loves her. For the anon who got angry he didn't just come out and say it: sorry, but that's not like him. Mostly because he knows it would be putting her in even worse a position and he really has no right to say anything.
"We've completed our mission."
"Are you going home?"
"I suppose so."
He looks back at her. "We could get married." When he offers this, it isn't because he loves her. I mean, there is a difference between being in love and wanting to be married. I am very much in love, I am not inclined to be married in the near future in any sort. I only mean this is not a product of his realization, but more of a reasonable (and somewhat good) idea that he's just come up with.
She stops pacing.
"It's probably what they want." He means the damiyos and Kages. They probably don't want it, since that would only cause more problems, i.e. the nationality of the family, but they would be good if Shikamaru and Temari continued producing children, which is what he means in this sentence.
"It's not like that, Shikamaru. You don't have to feel obligated, you're not supposed to." She is clearly shocked.
He could argue, but she'd probably shoot him down. He wouldn't mind marrying her, he had become rather keen on the idea in the last few seconds since posed, but he isn't going to stand by it.
They descend into silence and he doesn't really mind this time.
He has known this was coming, he knew the test would eventually be positive and Temari would head back to the Sand. He knew all of this, but that doesn't mean he likes it.
Eventually she sits beside him once more, fingers racing along his leg as they both sort some things out. I don't remember why I had her hands on his leg versus her own, but I imagine there was so big intentional purpose to this. =p
"Stay," he says after a good ten minutes, "stay with me, tonight." I think this explains itself, as a lot of his lines seem to. He obviously is well aware (both because of the comment last night and the moment he knew he did in fact love her) of his feelings, but at the same time wants to comfort her. And, although this isn't really addressed, unlike Temari, he has concocted this small idea that this can work out.
He loves her and he knows (secretly hopes) that she has (or could have) similar feelings. He knows that the child was created in a moment of love (which it wasn't really, more a moment of desperation) and he has this idea that they really could be a family.
Plus, as has long been neglected, he does want to have sex with her again. If not already said explicitly—last night was fucking amazing.
"We shouldn't be doing this now." She is referring to both the sex and the relationship part. She doesn't deny him, if anything, agrees to it, but is more aware that now is not the time. I think she's been aware of a potential/far-off relationship between them since they were young.
"How long?" This relates to the relationship.
"Years, maybe."
Okay, so basically what just happened is that they do agree to have a family. Not with this child necessarily, but they do both communicate that they want to be together (though she is much more hesitant and not nearly as sure about this as he is. But like I said, she's always seen this coming.)
"Temari," he takes a breath, "I know what I signed up for, but it's my child too."
She nods softly, nails still scratching at his knee. "I know." Okay, the last line spoken.
So, I mean to end this in that the future is ambiguous. She is finally openly saying that she knows this isn't one-sided, which has really been an issue for her this whole story. But she is also saying that it isn't his and this can't happen between them. So everything is left in the open here, both to you guys and to them.
I did this mostly because I think to add more would make it WAYYYYYY too long, but also because there is no good way to end it. To have her leave is wrong and to have her stay is impossible. Basically, it doesn't end here in the story—it is as open-ended to them as it is to us, so there is really no completion. At this point in time, Temari knows that she is going to leave. He does too, though he is loath to admit it. But whether they end up together and whatever happens with this child, well that is all up in the air, so there can be no ending for us because there isn't one for them. But to clear it up for that one reviewer: the marriage part wasn't intentionally ambiguous. If this confused you, then I want to make clear that she refused his half-serious proposal. They are not getting married.
What does end up happening (in my head):
Temari goes back to Suna. At times throughout the beginning of the pregnancy, she goes back into the "emotionless" state that she was in in the beginning of the story. But apart from that, she accepts her pregnancy and learns to enjoy it. While she is not happy, she is no longer angry. And she is secretly very glad it is Shikamaru's. But she never tells anyone. Gaara and her don't talk about it, and Kankuro (probably off a threat from Gaara) doesn't ask her about it.
Everyone just thinks she is pregnant from a casual affair or something. She doesn't explain anything past this.
Shikamaru, on the other hand, falls apart when she leaves. He tries to keep it together, but has a lot of trouble. He has already broken it off with Tomomi, probably a day or so after this story ends. Fortunately, he is not off the handle long before Shikaku pulls him back, though he does become more of a loner for a good year or so, particularly when he gets news that his child (a son) has been born.
But over time, he moves on as much as he can.
He gets a genin team and trains them well. Eventually they gets sent on a mission that requires going to Suna. Tsunade initially offers it to someone else and Shikamaru hears about it through the grapevine. After a night of memories crashing down on him, he goes to Tsunade and requests his team take the mission. She hesitates to give it to him, but eventually relents.
Their son is about two and a half now.
And while much more reserved since this the program, Temari is a very loving mother and is very happy in her life. She has a beautiful son that she dedicates everything to. And she can now go on missions again, which is a bonus.
When Shikamaru and his team come, they run into one another on the street.
She is buying something when she sees him watching her. The lock gazes for a second before interrupted when her son, who had waddled over somewhere a few minutes before (he is perfectly safe in Suna btw, everyone loves the kid, plus no one wants to be responsible for something bad happening to the boy, since you know, Gaara's wrath isn't something anyone wants to imagine) comes back.
Shikamaru breaks his gaze from her to see a little boy with hair as black as his own standing there. It is one of those things where time pauses and, eventually, Temari (who, like I've said, is in a much better place than during this story) leads their son by the hand to come meet Shikamaru.
When they are only a foot or so apart, Shikamaru, who is most likely forgetting to breathe properly, looks to Temari for permission, and when she nods, bends down to greet his son. He introduces himself as a friend to the boy's mother.
The son doesn't talk to him and Shikamaru finds himself beginning to cry (which has nothing to with the kid not speaking, but just the fact that he is seeing his son for the firs time). His genin team runs over and he hastily bids Temari and their child farewell. He probably says "it was good to see you." And she grins and says, "You too." Like this were any accidental run-in.
Eventually they both begin traveling between the Sand and Leaf more. They don't resume their old jobs as ambassador/guide, but they do go between each place more both recreationally and for work purposes.
They never work directly together.
They never go out together or walk together, they never hold hands or any of that. They aren't friends in the least. But they have all mutual friends and, on occasion, when they are out with other people, they find themselves alone together for a minute or so.
They are usually silent for a few seconds before one of them speaks, and then it is just how are you.
Once, when their son is a few months away from turning five (Temari's 28 and Shikamaru 25) she tells him that their son asks about him.
She says that he asks about his father. The paragraph probably goes: "'He asks about you, you know.' Her fingers wander over the edge of glass and he wonders just how much she has had to drink. 'He says that parents are supposed to love one another and be married. He says that whenever someone talks about his dad, that I make a face.' She pauses, taking another sip. 'He asks how I feel about his father.'"
And then Shikamaru wouldn't respond for a few moments, but finally says "and what did you say?"
"That I'm in love with him."
He wouldn't do anything about this though. They probably kept silent for a bit before someone interrupted them. He is vaguely surprised at her confession. I mean, they haven't really spoken in years, but at the same time he has known it all along.
They don't see one another for a few months after, and that conversation is never mentioned again.
The next time they see one another, he is in Suna on business. He stops by to see his son, which he has never done before, and she invites him in. They are truly alone for the first time in five years. They make love that night in her bed. It is not fast or rushed, but he is sure sex has never been so expertly executed (though in reality it was probably a bunch of elbow jabs and awkward laughs). The next morning, they are woken up by their son as if they were a real family.
They go to bed together casually for a few months before their son is 'mistaken' for being Shikamaru's. They stop seeing one another after that.
When they see one another again, two months have passed. They have the conversation both had been avoiding for years. They talk about what happened in the program. They talk about their secrets an their feelings.
They end up in bed once again.
When Shikamaru is 28 he permanently moves to the Sand. (That's 8 years after this story takes place. IT TAKES THEM ALMOST A DECADE TO END UP TOGETHER!)
Their child figures out that Shikamaru is his real father, but he never learns the circumstances of his birth.
The program created nine other children, five in Konoha and five (including their's) in Suna before it was shut down.
Now, back to the ending of the story!
The window is covering the both of them in the last traces of daylight as they sit upon the worn, ugly bed. He can feel her breathing, heavy and slow, so different than it had been not twenty-four hours before. He isn't sure which way he prefers it.
He can feel the faint counterpoint rhythm of her heartbeat too, loud and betraying of her calm demeanor. It's nothing at all, but it's hers and it's his and it's enough, enough for tomorrow at least.
So, there it is. A commentary that probably helped no one! (Is anybody even reading this still? If so, than a very big thank-you and congratulations! It means a lot.)
I put a lot of effort into this story, more so than with anything else I've written on here, but rereading it I feel like I should've put more. I'm sorry not everything was made clear in the original (though I hate when things are too obvious).
If you have any other questions, I will answer them as clearly as I can. I just want to avoid more confusion! XD
So once more, thanks to everyone for reading/reviewing this and the original! It means a lot!
Have a great rest of break!
See y'all later-LM