Sliding Doors – chapter two
And you do call. You stood on the back steps of the precinct waiting for Dani to join you as you listen to Olivia's phone ringing out and all you can think about is the dozens of unanswered calls you made when she disappeared with the feds a month ago. You're about to hang up when it finally connects and you hear a bump followed by a muffled ouch and the rustling of fabric.
"I was in the shower," Olivia says without preamble when she puts the phone to her ear.
You gulp and try not to picture her in nothing but a towel. "Are you okay?"
"Huh?" She asks, obviously confused.
"You said 'ouch'," you remind her.
"I stubbed my toe," Olivia answers. "How's the investigation going?"
"I need a break," you admit as you pull the phone closer to your ear and drop your voice. "Look we're going to meet Casey for a drink," you say, hoping she hears the invitation.
"We?"
"Me and Dani. We're going to be at McGinty's," you explain and you can only hope she'll agree to meet you. There's a chance she won't show up, an audience is the last thing you need, but you don't want her to turn up only to be ambushed by the others especially Dani.
A finger pokes the back of your shoulder and you look over your shoulder at the blonde and she shrugs her shoulders impatiently. You nod your head in the direction of the bar. You make quick work of the stairs and you fall into step beside each other as you hold the phone to your ear.
"I'll meet you there," Olivia agrees and you can hear the sadness and wonder if she's upset that it's not going to be just the two of you. You ignore it because you're trying to be nonchalant as you walk alongside Dani.
"Good, uh, we'll see you soon," you say, tacking on a quick goodbye before hanging up.
Dani doesn't bother to hide her interest and immediately asks about the call. "That Casey?"
"Nah," you tuck the phone into your pocket. "A friend of mine is meeting us." Even if you've gotten used to Dani, she doesn't know Olivia and already has some preconceived notions of your old partner and you don't want to hear her prattle them off while you walk the few blocks to the bar.
An hour later you're sat at the corner of the bar wedged between Dani and Casey as you alternate between staring at the door and clock above the shelves lined with bottles of booze. You promised yourself you wouldn't call but you can't help checking your phone every few minutes. Nothing. You're sure she's had second thoughts. You're fidgeting and you lost patience and interest in the conversation between Dani and Casey about half an hour ago. You've given up trying to participate. You notice the curious glances both women cast at you but neither of them call you on your silence. You glare at the clock again. Sixty-five minutes. You've been here for over an hour. And that doesn't include the time it took for you to walk from the precinct. She should be here.
"I'm going to make a call." Before either woman can question you, you stand abruptly, your stool scraping across the floor.
"Hold that thought, there's Liv," Casey says touching your arm as she raises her other hand to wave at the brunette weaving her way through the patrons. You have turn and immediately lock eyes with hers and her lips lift in apologetically.
"She's late," you say out of the corner of your mouth unable to take your eyes off of her. Then you feel stupid because you don't care that she's late, at least she's here. Next to you Dani whips her head around to follow your stare and she finally lays eyes on her predecessor.
Casey's either oblivious to the sudden tension rolling off Dani or she doesn't care. "I owe her a drink for saving my ass in court last week. Hell, she can start tab," she mutters as she slips from her stool to greet her friend with a hug.
They pull away seconds later and Olivia looks to you with subtle tilt of her head in Dani's direction.
"Dani, Olivia Benson. Liv, this is Dani Beck," you wave between them.
Olivia is the first to react and she faces Dani with an uncomfortable smile on her face. "Hi."
The blonde detective barely conceals her sneer. "Now I know why you didn't leave your name."
"Sorry," Olivia apologises. They appraise each other and you're surprised Dani doesn't launch into the character assignations you're used to hearing from her.
Maybe she just needed a moment.
"So, you're back now?" Dani asks after a beat and you can't help but lean in as you need to hear the answer to the question you haven't been brave enough to ask yet. Even with the problems Dani has had settling into the Unit, you know she wouldn't want to be shoved out because Olivia's home.
Olivia is visibly taken aback by the forwardness of the other woman. She quickly looks to you for silent guidance but you're not going to make this easier for her. Turning back to Dani she exhales softly. "I'm waiting for 1PP to find something for me."
She's stiff as she says it and you won't question it until you're alone. You're just waiting for the right moment to excuse both of you so you can talk in private. A moment that isn't coming quick enough for you.
"Who wants another drink?" Casey cuts through the tension as she tries to get the attention of the bartender. You nod and she turns towards Olivia. "Liv?"
"Beer, thanks," she says stepping closer to the bar. You lean back on your stool and catch her eye to try to get a read on her. She's nervous yet willing to be here despite that and your confidence grows with that knowledge, at least she's giving you a chance.
Beside you, Casey directs her question at Dani. "Do you want another Dani?"
"You know what? I'm going to call it a night," the blonde says as she pushes away from the bar with both hands. "See you in the morning, Stabler."
And with that she disappears into the crowd. You watch her go for a second and stop when you feel Olivia's eyes on you. Your eyes meet hers and you don't know what to make of her guarded expression.
The bartender puts the drinks in front of you and Casey pays him. He's quick with her change and she clasps her bottle before slipping from her stool. "If you'll excuse me, I've just seen a friend I need to talk to. Night," she says as she leaves without waiting for them to respond.
"That was subtle," Olivia says loudly enough when the ADA is only just within ear shot.
Casey lets out a laugh but doesn't turn around as she waves a hand in the air and calls, "You're welcome."
You both laugh at her antics as she approaches a group in the corner of the bar. You glance at one another and stop, suddenly at a loss for words. Someone bumps into you from behind and you both turn around to find someone holding their hands up apologetically. "Sorry man," he says and carries on through the crowd.
You glower at him and you realise how busy the bar gotten since you first arrived. "Do you want to go talk outside?"
She looks uncertain but then nods. You let her lead the way to the door and the small seating area beside the parking lot next to the river. She chooses the picnic table furthest from the entrance and sits on the bench with her back resting on the table edge and crosses her legs. You contemplate your options; you're tempted to mirror her position but choose to straddle the bench and face her side on so you're able to watch her reaction while you talk. You take the opportunity to make a quick scan of her appearance. You already know she was wearing heels because she was taller than usual when she walked ahead of you. You steal a look at her feet to find boots disappearing under dark wash jeans and you follow them up as quick and as subtly as you can to the dark top under her leather coat. Her hair is darker than before she left and without a hair tie you realise it's longer than you thought it was or ever remember it being. The longest you've seen it was the bob style she had when you first started working together. You realise you haven't said anything yet and you know there's a time limit to how long she'll let your appraisal go on.
"What?" She asks turning to you, pointedly raising an eyebrow while pushing a lock of her hair behind her ear, exposing more of her face.
"Sorry, I'm just trying to get used to your hair being this long."
Olivia runs a hand through the long locks. "I let it grow for the assignment," she explains as her fingers spread and comb through imaginary knots. She seems frustrated and you know she hates maintaining it, she likes to be ready to go in minutes. Longer hair slows her down.
"It suits you," you say honestly. You're glad she had the sense to change her appearance for the undercover op, and this was the easiest and quickest option. It makes it harder for anyone with a grudge to track her. "So, you heard anything from 1PP yet?"
She shakes her head. "I need some time to get back to my old life."
You bite back a comment about the job being her life. You wonder when things deteriorated so badly that you question everything you say to her. You're not the only affected by this, she's reluctant to talk to you as well. You haven't seen her for over a month but it's been longer since you properly talked to her. Any frustration and anger you felt towards her for disappearing without a word dissipates because you know the filter between your brain and your mouth stopped working a long time ago and don't want to push her away again.
"What's it like working with Beck?"
"It's alright," you tell her without much conviction.
"She seems…tense." It's the nicest thing she can say on her limited experience and you can't help wondering what was said between them in the squad room.
"Dani's okay. But she isn't right for SVU," it slips out before you can stop it. You wouldn't say it to anyone else and you feel bad for betraying Dani when she has made the effort to adapt to the cases but it's the truth and you know it won't be long till she transfers out. She'll see out the case and it'll bother her because she'll think she's giving up. You'll miss her but you know she has stuff to figure out on her own.
"Why not?"
"She can't handle the victims," you whisper hoarsely. "Can't detach."
You give her pointed glance. They're similar in that way. You're in no way unaffected by the cases, but you're better at distancing yourself than they are. You can go home at the end of the day and distract yourself. The kids always get to you though, they always do. You can't help but see your kids in the victims, even the smallest similarity can make you more determined to make the son of a bitch who hurt them pay. Your reaction to those cases is worse since the separation and you can't see your children every day to remind you that they're safe.
"What did you say to Cragen earlier?" The captain hadn't said anything and in all fairness you hadn't asked. Don't ask, don't tell. While his nod of encouragement could be put down to minor meddling, you know he doesn't want the details. You know he knows more than he lets on but wants some measure of deniability if anyone higher up starts to pick up on the tension between you and Olivia.
"That I'm not ready to come back," she replies quickly.
This time you call her on the lie. "You want to though."
"I do," she says wistfully. "I figured that out when I was at Computer Crimes. I just need some time to be me again."
"Then why did you-"
"Because I didn't want someone else telling you I was back," Olivia tells you with a sad smile. "And because I missed you."
Her honesty throws you but you recover before she catches your falter. At least that's what you think till her eyes flash just enough for you to realise she caught you. "I missed you too," you say quickly.
"Why did you tell me about Dani?"
"Because I wanted you to know there was a chance for you to come back."
"Maybe that's not the chance we need," she replies with a soft exhale.
Your mouth opens to argue but then you stop yourself as her eyes bore into you. It's probably the worst thing you could do, at the worst possible time. There's so much more to say and you're certain this will cause more complications and doubts but you can't help leaning towards her. You move slow enough to make your intention clear, giving her time to push you away. When she doesn't, your arm rests on the table behind her back, your fingers graze the shoulder furthest from you. You don't register her scooting closer till her nose grazes yours and feel her breath on your lips.