Title: How To Relate

Rating: T just to be safe

Disclaimer: I own nothing. NCIS is not mine, nor any of it's characters (sadly). I would so love to have a Tony of my own! :D

Chapter 2

A Picture's Worth A Thousand Words

"Abbs?" Tony called loudly as he entered the forensics lab. "Hey, Abby?"

The cheery Goth bounded out of the back room and turned down her music. "Hey Tony! What's up?"

He wordlessly showed her the envelope.

"Again? Are you serious? How many does that make now?"

"Nine. Or is it ten?" he shrugged. "I forget."

"Tony, Tony, Tony." Abby shook her head as she held out her Caf-Pow free hand for the letter. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Just love me Abbs."

Abby laughed. "Aw, you know I do."

"Seriously Abbs, when's the last time we hung out? We need to have a movie night or something."

"Yeah, ok Tony, sometime when I'm not trying to figure out who's been sending you these many and assorted death threats."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Abby, it's not that big of a deal."

"It is so a big deal Tony. Whoever is writing these really hates your guts. And there is absolutely no forensic evidence on any of these letters to help us figure out who did it or even to narrow it down, cuz let's face it, the list of people who have a grudge against you is pretty long, and it's making me worried that something is going to happen to you. Not that my worrying about you is unusual. You know I always worry about you guys but it's just that usually I don't know ahead of time that I should be worried about one of you specifically so it's just a general worry. This time it's definitely a premeditated worry."

He gave a grin at her little tirade. "Calm down Abbs. Lots of people hate me. So what?"

"So what? Tony!" she began in a stern tone, setting down her drink in order to point at him with one gloved finger. "If you think, for one second-"

They were suddenly interrupted as the mail cart rolled noisily into the room.

"Abby! Hey I've been meaning to ask you someth-" Ali broke off as she saw Tony. "Um, here's your mail, Abby. Bye." She handed Abby a stack of mail and the next second she had swiftly disappeared back through the door.

Abby looked puzzled. "Well, that was kinda hinky."

"I think maybe she's kind of shy," explained Tony.

"Ali? Shy? No way! She's probably one of the most outgoing people I know, and I only met her last week. You know she just moved here from Chicago? She usually stays to talk to me for a few minutes. Maybe she had to be somewhere."

"Actually, it might be me." Tony admitted.

"You? Why, what did you do? Did you make some sort of sexist comment? Although I didn't think Ali was the type to be overly sensitive." Abby paused for a second, thinking. "But then, I guess I don't actually know her that well. Tony, if you hurt her feelings you need to apologize."

"I didn't do anything," he objected. "Well, if you ask Ziva, I was flirting, but I wasn't."

"You? Not flirting? Sure."

"I really was just being friendly," Tony insisted, "and then she dropped her packages and I helped her with them. She seemed really nervous when I talked to her and then she kept staring at me and pretending that she wasn't."

Abby laughed. "Tony, it sounds like she likes you."

Tony stared at her, seeming aghast. "Don't say that Abby. I mean, I guess we knew it was inevitable, DiNozzo charm and all, but McGee likes her."

"Aw, but you and Ali would be so darn cute together. You both have such nice smiles and those bright green eyes and good bone structure and you're both tall."

"Yeah, Abbs. She looks just like my cousin Donna."

"Really?" Abby thought for a moment. "Have I seen a picture of her?"

"Yeah, it's that one from my 8th birthday party. You know, where I'm on the horse? Donna would've been about 10. She looks different now."

"No, they do look alike. I can see that." Her eyes widened. "Maybe it's a sign."

"For what, inbreeding?" Tony scoffed.

Abby regarded him seriously. "No Tony. I am taking this as a cosmic sign that you and Ali are meant to be in each other's lives. You two are going to be good friends. Maybe even more."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Ok, Abbs. How about you just work on the letter?"

"You mock me now, but you just wait and see," Abby answered mulishly.

"Abby."

Abby heaved a huge sigh. "Fine, I'm working. You're such a taskmaster Tony. Sometimes I swear you channel Gibbs." She turned her attention to the letter in her hand. "So do you want to stay and watch me open it?"

"Why? Is there something special about the way you open it?"

"Well, yeah Tony. Don't you remember that time when some crazy lady sent us an envelope full of plague?"

"Gee, no Abby. I guess I'd forgotten all about that." Tony deadpanned.

Abby spared him an amused smirk. "Your sarcasm is noted. However, since that incident, we take special care to open any remotely suspicious package or letter inside a contained unit. Then we treat the contents with a variety of mediums including ultraviolet radiation. If there's anything alive in there, it won't be for long."

"Comforting. But I'm of the mindset that lightning rarely strikes twice in the same place."

"Key word there is 'rarely' Tony, meaning sometimes it does. And if lightning was gonna strike again, it would tend to happen to you." Tony gave her a look. "I'm just saying."

"Thanks a lot."

"Anytime."

Tony checked his watch. "Well, if you can open the letter and give me a look at the photos in the next 5 minutes, I can stick around. I need to get back upstairs before Gibbs realizes he has nobody to yell at."

"So this one includes photos, huh?" Abby asked.

"That's what it sounded like."

"Well, color me morbidly curious as to their subject matter." Abby dropped the envelope into what looked like a large clear box, closed it, and pulled a switch. "There, nice and air-tight."

She reached her hands into the large rubbery gloves on the side of the containment unit and opened the envelope.

"Nice, Abbs. Very Mission Impossible II." Tony remarked approvingly.

Abby leafed through the photos. "Tony?" she said slowly.

"What is it, Abbs?"

"Tony, these are all pictures of you."

"What? Let me see that."

Abby obligingly moved out of the way. Tony slipped his hands into the gloves and began lifting up the photos and looking at them.

"These are pictures from this weekend. Here I am leaving my apartment, here's me at Blockbuster, at the post office, going into the grocery store..."

Abby looked alarmed. "Tony, do you know what this means?"

"Yeah, it means I had a pretty slow weekend. Trust me; I usually have a lot more fun." Tony's smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "What about you Abbs, what'd you do this weekend? No, let me guess. A little bowling, a little clubbing, maybe some-"

"Tony! This isn't funny!" Abby began pacing back and forth in the small space. "You have to admit that this is serious now. Not only do you have some psycho who wants to kill you, you have some psycho who wants to kill you and who is showing you he has the opportunity to kill you. He's not just making written threats anymore. Now he's stalking you."

"Well, come on Abbs, can you really blame anyone for taking pictures of me? I mean, look at this shot. Pretty good, right?"

Abby glanced at the photo he was holding. "Yeah, you do look kind of hot there although the lighting isn't-- Tony! Stop trying to distract me and please stop joking around!"

Tony exhaled. "I'm sorry Abbs. You know humor is my default setting. I make jokes when things are going to hell. It's how I cope. It's kind of like that time you got shot at and instead of freaking out you were feeling me up."

Abby half-smiled. "Yeah."

Tony continued. "The truth is I'm not entirely sure how to react to the information that I'm being stalked by a psycho killer, ok?"

"Ok." Abby bit her lip.

"So, if my default is humor does that mean that your default is lust?" Tony teased.

Abby laughed. "Maybe. You still have a nice booty by the way." Her smile suddenly disappeared. "Tony, I'm scared for you."

Tony put his hands on Abby's shoulders and looked her in the eye. "Abbs, I will be fine, ok? Fine."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Ok." Abby abruptly went back into scientist mode as she spun around to face her lab table. "Ok. The envelope and paper from this one is just like the others, a common brand you can buy anywhere. The ink seems to be the same as the others, but I'll have to run it through Major Mass Spec to be sure. The only way we could find out anything through the photos is if they were printed professionally, which I doubt. Most people just use their home printers for anything short of portraits nowadays. We could probably get it down to make and model, but there's no way to find the exact printer these came from unless we actually got hold of it. I'll run it for fingerprints next but considering we haven't found any before this…" She trailed off. "So do you want to update Gibbs or should I?"

"Update?" Tony questioned. "I thought you just said we have nothing new."

"The photos are new." Abby pointed out. "And this letter not only threatens you, but also threatens to hunt down and kill your family."

Tony shrugged. "Well, then I guess it's a good thing I don't have any family to worry about."

"Tony, don't say that. We're your family."

"Ok, Abbs, you know what I meant."

She folded her arms and fixed him with a scowl. "No Tony, I don't."

Tony sighed. "All I meant was: I'm an only child, my mother's dead, and I haven't spoken to my father in years. Besides, he's no stranger to death threats; he already has a couple of bodyguards."

"He does? How come?"

"Well, he's a very rich international businessman, it comes with the territory. And what's more, he really knows how to piss people off. Where do you think I got it from?" Tony replied cheekily.

Abby gave a short laugh. "Good point. You might want to warn him anyway though."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll email his secretary. She'll get the message to him." Just then Tony's phone rang. "DiNozzo. Now? Got it."

He turned to Abby as he hung up. "Gotta go. We have a case." He began to leave.

"Tony?"

Tony paused in the doorway. "Yeah Abbs?"

"Be careful."

He grinned. "Aren't I always?" he called as he ran off down the hall.

Abby heard the elevator doors close. "No Tony, sometimes you really aren't." She picked up Bert the hippo and gave him a comforting squeeze. "Don't worry Bert, he'll be ok."