Words
2. Sparks
A/N: The second chapter is my take on the July 2010 word prompt challenge. It's rated PG-13 for occasional ripe language (in different languages).
A heartfelt thank you to aadarshinah for beta reading it :-)
"Еб твою мать, блин!"
Nobody, except Ensign Sato, could make any sense of Commander Tucker's latest outburst, when he ran off the bridge, so naturally all eyes were fixed on Hoshi with an unspoken request to explain.
"You don't wanna know," Hoshi answered the glances. Captain Archer had a sense of déja-vu.
A slight shudder of the ship made the bridge crew aware of the fact that Enterprise had unexpectedly dropped out of warp and turned their attention away from Trip's new-found language skills for a moment.
"T'Pol," Captain Archer ordered and tilted his head in the direction of the turbo lift. "Lieutenant Reed, you have the bridge."
"Aye, Sir."
"Any idea what Trip's little outburst was all about?" Archer asked as they walked towards engineering. "That sounded like Russian."
"It would be a logical conclusion. Commander Tucker mentioned that his second forefather Anthony Tucker lived in Russia."
"A Tucker in Russia?" Archer asked back in disbelief.
"According to Commander Tucker it had something to do with... a 'gal' from Anadyr," T'Pol explained with an elevated eyebrow, while Captain Archer laughed about her stilted use of human slang.
"Hoshi looked quite embarrassed, so maybe it's really better not to know, what Trip said," Archer mused as they reached the entrance of engineering. They were just in time to see Trip dive away from an exploding EPS conduit, while a fountain of sparks scorched his uniform.
"Ебанный в рот!" Trip swore as he scrambled to get on his feet again.
"I never heard you cuss a blue-streak in Russian before," Archer said bewildered, while lending Trip a hand.
"Well, I never was pissed off like that before," Trip returned angrily. "Seriously, next time we're on Jupiter Station, I'll boot some of those dimwits out the nearest airlock."
"Maybe it would be in the interest of all involved if you reverted back to speaking Russian," T'Pol delivered deadpan. Trip was the only one, who got the amusement attached to it, courtesy of their bond.
"No, really," Trip continued in exasperation. "What's the use of being capable of warp 5.5, if half of engineering blows up every time we try to give 'er the beans? I can't believe how they jury-rigged the damn EPS grid. That's the sort of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. Those guys are supposed ta be engineers. If someone of my team delivers such a crap, he'll be sawing through the latrines with a tooth brush."
"Enough, Trip!" Archer interrupted his rant, but couldn't keep a smile off his face. He knew that Trip's language could get colorful, but he had not heard him swear like that before. He was sure that T'Pol had not understood half of it. "What's the problem?"
"Watch this," Trip explained and opened a schematic of the EPS grid. "They couldn't expand this power line, so they jury-rigged a bypass without installing stronger conduits. That's OK up to 5.2, but as soon as we go faster, the shit goes flyin' and hits the fan."
T'Pol's mind started calculating a useable meaning for a metaphor of airborne excrement colliding with a rotating air conditioning device, but she came up short.
"Can we correct it?" Archer asked.
"Yeah, but that'll mean double shifts for at least a week and we'll run short on spares in the process."
"T'Pol will assist you with that. I'll contact Gardner that we're returning to Jupiter station to pick up spares. We might just as well send the crew on shore leave, while we're at it. Has been a while anyways."
"Like the sound of 'at, Cap'n. Just make sure none of those imbeciles touches my engines ever again."
"I'll keep that in mind," Archer answered with a grin and left engineering.
"Looks like we got a lotta work to do, darlin'"
"Indeed," T'Pol answered and decided against berating him for his unprofessional address – he was irritated enough already.
X X X
"May I?" T'Pol asked, carrying a tray of food.
"Of course," Hoshi nodded and indicated the free seat on the opposite side of the table. "Where's Commander Tucker?"
"He remained in engineering. It is often unwise to interrupt him, when he is... repairing... his engines. I'll take some food to him when I return to engineering."
Hoshi let out a giggle. Commander Tucker's influence on the resident Vulcan was hard to miss.
"Would you assist me with a linguistic problem, Ensign?"
"Sure, Commander."
"I am experiencing difficulties to understand some of Commander Tuckers colorful phrases, like his recent metaphor of excrement colliding with a fan."
Hoshi choked on her sandwich, desperately trying not to laugh out loud. "That is one of the more mature selections, Commander."
"I suspected that. Commander Tuckers speech was quite... animated."
"That's putting it mildly," Hoshi answered and a blush crept up her face, when she remembered Trip's Russian swearing.
"Would you explain, what Commander Tucker expressed in Russian?"
"No way," Hoshi answered with a shocked expression. "I really meant it, when I said that you don't wanna know what it means. Russian swearing can be somewhat... ripe."
"I see. I suppose it is better for all involved, that the universal translator did not manage to translate it."
"Well, such phrases have been left out deliberately," Hoshi answered with a sigh of relief. "Regarding these... colorful phrases, I'll set up a database for you, Commander. You can then add new phrases, whenever you encounter them."
"Thank you, Ensign. I expect that Commander Tucker will be a constant source of them."
"No doubt about that," Hoshi answered with a smile. "How about meeting in my quarters after the shift? We can go through the phrases that you didn't understand."
"That sounds agreeable, although we may not cover all the phrases. You will, after all, need some time to rest before your next shift."
Hoshi giggled, while T'Pol regarded her with an amused eyebrow lift. Commander Tucker had definitely rubbed off on the Science Officer.
X X X
"I apologize for the delay," T'Pol said, when Hoshi indicated her to enter her quarters. "Cleaning up after a double shift in engineering took considerably longer than expected."
Hoshi grinned. If the Commander's glow was any indication, she had not been alone in the shower and not only been cleaning herself.
"It's OK, Commander. Have you brought the phrases?"
"Yes. The first one refers to someone 'going primate excrement'," T'Pol explained, poking her PADD.
"Apeshit," Hoshi corrected, grinning.
"I believe that was the exact word."
"Well a more printable variant would be 'going mad', which means that someone gets very angry or irritated."
"So it would be correct use of the phrase, when saying that Commander Tucker went… apeshit earlier today?"
"Maybe not a good phrase for a staff meeting, but you're correct."
"I encountered another primate related phrase, when he told me that Lt. Rostov made a 'monkey's breakfast' of adjusting the intermix ratio."
"Ah, that's one that he must have picked up from Malcolm," Hoshi said with a somewhat mooning grin. T'Pol decided to inquire about that after their linguistic exchange. "It's a British phrase, which means that someone failed very badly at completing a task."
"Understood. There was an exchange during which Trip... Commander Tucker informed me that he would force a crew member to imitate animal noises."
"What was the exact phrase?"
T'Pol took a few moments to remember. "I believe the exact phrase was 'I'll make that dang numbnut squeal like a piggy'."
Hoshi doubled over and whinnied in laughter. She had never heard a Vulcan drawl before. Inwardly she was amazed about T'Pol's proficiency at imitating Trips southern twang. Pictures came up in her mind of Trip and T'Pol practicing drawl in their quarters, which fueled her laughter even more.
T'Pol regarded Hoshi with an elevated eyebrow after the young woman had regained her composure.
"It is a metaphor for punishing someone. It can also be used as a metaphor for the intention to torture someone, but I doubt Trip had that in mind at the time."
"Since he spoke about Lt. Commander Kelby at the time, I would not rule it out," T'Pol remarked deadpan.
"So, any more phrases?" Hoshi asked after another giggle.
"There was one phrase today, which said that he would task a crew member with 'sawing through the latrines using a toothbrush.'"
That's a phrase that comes from Germany. The original words are 'Der kann mit der Zahnbürste den Donnerbalken durchsägen.'" It's a metaphor for severe punishment.
"I see. Thank you for your assistance Ensign."
"You're welcome, Commander."
"May I ask a private Question, Ensign? You may decline to answer if it is too invasive."
"Go ahead, Commander."
"Trip recently stated that he saw 'sparks flying' between you and Lt. Reed," T'Pol explained and noticed Hoshi's pronounced blush. "While I do not see the connection between a discharge of static electricity and a romantic relationship, I too have seen signs of mutual affection between you and Mr. Reed. Is this a correct assumption?"
"That depends whether I'm talking to my superior officer or to T'Pol of Vulcan."
"Since it is a private topic, our ranks are of no importance."
"In that case, it might be easier to address each other with our first names in such instances. It makes it easier to discern whether we're talking privately or if it's duty-related," Hoshi offered, knowing that providing a logical reason would be the only chance to make T'Pol accept it.
"A logical proposal, Hoshi."
"Well, you're right," Hoshi answered with a bittersweet smile. "I like Malcolm a lot and I believe he likes me, too. But with the no-frat rules, he would never make a move or even accept a date. He's too strict an officer to go against regulation."
"That is why I asked. Captain Archer did not make it publicly known to avoid encouraging too much fraternization, but he has the authority to exempt crew members from the no-fraternization rules, if their duties are not influenced by a romantic relationship. As we speak, Trip is informing Mr. Reed about it, so you might well expect some... 'moves' to be made."
"Well, or make one myself," Hoshi's grin could by now have given Phlox a run for his money. "Malcolm's so introverted, I can almost see him brooding for weeks before he asks me on a date."
"That was Trip's assessment as well, so he proposed to invite both of you to accompany us to the next movie night and then to a dinner in our quarters."
"A double date," Hoshi squealed happily. "I'd like that, T'Pol."
"I must go now," T'Pol added and with an up-shooting eyebrow she added. "We have... plans."
"Thank you, T'Pol," Hoshi returned and kept laughing until long after the Vulcan had left.
X X X
The work had been a nightmare of painstaking trial and error. It had taken T'Pol hours of work in the science lab to get a written representation of Trip's Russian swearing. It came up in a series of letters, of which she could only identify less than 50%. Further studies had revealed that Russia used a different alphabet than the English-speaking countries. When she tasked the computer with the translation, her eyes went wide, before she pushed the off-button and walked out of the science lab.
Grimy and sweaty, Trip returned from another double shift in engineering. When he opened the door, he saw a waiting T'Pol – arms crossed over her chest. Giving him a death stare she started her interrogation.
"Would you explain to me who's mother and who's mouth you... fucked."
"I...You... what!" Trip stammered in disbelief.
"I do believe my question was clear and unambiguous. Speak."
Trip stared at her in shock, but after a while he started smiling and shook his head.
"You find this amusing?" T'Pol answered and her voice left no doubt about her displeased mood. "Your first phrase 'yob tvoyoo mat' alludes that you engaged in sexual intercourse with someone's mother. And the second phrase 'yobanny v rot' means 'he, who performed oral gratification'. I find these innuendos hardly related to the problems in engineering."
Trip fell to the floor, finally realizing what she was going on about, laughing hysterically. "I should ask Hoshi to explain human swearing to you, darlin'," Trip managed between two laughs.
"I do not believe that to be necessary. My displeasure was only pretended. I found it quite amusing to see you getting your undergarments disheveled for a moment."
Trip was howling on the floor. "Knickers, darlin'. I got my knickers in a twist."
"I believe I said so," T'Pol added and watched in pleased amusement, how her mate kept pounding the floor in a hearty laugh.