Felicity could see it in the distance, a spot of bright light breaking through the darkness. She knew without having to be told that it was Starling City. And as the plane got closer, and the large point of light started to fragment into thousands of points of light, butterflies erupted in her stomach. This had been her city. She had watched over it for years, from above and below, from every angle. It had been her city, and she left it. That was almost a year ago, and she hasn't been back.
It was the hardest decision she ever had to make. Ray was leaving. Together they had made the ATOM suit and, after field testing it in Starling, Ray had decided that to really make the most of it, they should be at the Palmer Technologies Laboratory in Coast City. It was the most high tech lab in the country, he had told her, imagine what they could do with its resources.
But it was more than that. She was sleeping with him. She was sleeping with him and she knew she had feelings for him, but so many times after being with Ray, she would have to slip away to the Arrow cave and she would see Oliver. And her feelings, which she thought were so clear when she was with Ray, would get all muddy. How could she be with one while loving the other?
Oliver wouldn't be with her. He could tell her he loved her, he could kill for her, and she was almost certain he would die for her. But he wouldn't be with her. And despite telling herself, despite telling him, that that wasn't enough for her, as long as she saw his face, as long as she heard him say her name, she knew she would never let him go. So when Ray said he was leaving and asked her to go along, she agreed. Because not only did she believe in the ATOM project, but because her and Ray deserved a shot, a real shot, which they would never have in the shadow of Oliver Queen.
Felicity moved to Coast City and built a life there. She lived in a ridiculously expensive penthouse apartment with Ray, she spent her days doing some amazing science at Palmer Labs, she was making friends, and she was part of the support team for the ATOM project. Ray had basically turned the whole lab into a base of operations for the ATOM and, since Ray Palmer seemed to be incapable of thinking small, he expanded the project's mandate. "Why stop at one city," he had said, "when we can help the world?"
The ATOM was helping people all over the globe, freeing the oppressed, stopping war lords, it was heroism on a grand scale. What wasn't there to like in Felicity's new life?
So what if the shiny new lab where she spent 80% of her time didn't feel like home, not like the dark, damp basement under Verdant did? She pushed that feeling aside.
And that feeling of disappointment she got sometimes, when she would push against Ray and he didn't push back? She told herself that it was ridiculous. He valued her opinions, he always took her advice, never questioned that she was looking out for his best interests. That was good, wasn't it? They didn't need that kind of spark.
And if, right now, seeing Starling City again for the first time in nearly a year made her feel like some missing piece of herself was being clicked back into place? Well, she'd ignore that too. Because this wasn't her life anymore. She'd built a new one, across the country, and it was better this way.
Felicity told herself that so many times, she almost believed it. Until she saw Oliver Queen again. Then it all went out the window.