I DO NOT OWN DGM. OTHERWISE LEVREIR WOULD BE DEAD IN SOME DITCH, ROAD WOULD BE MORE OF A LIL SIS TO ALLEN AND STOP (sexually) HARRASSING HIM, AND HE WOULD BE BEST FRIENDS WITH FOU. OH AND HE WOULD PROBABLY BE WITH LENALEE. SORRY FOR THE LONG SEMI-HIATUS! THIS CONTAINS DARK DARK THEMES! BEWARE!
Special thanks to Northern Lights Wolf, Stargazer-Aika, TWI-hard kristine101, and all my anonymous readers out there!
Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today.
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed
But I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
Like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)
So I know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me
Right beneath my skin
It's like I'm paranoid looking over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
I know I've got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first
But I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can but
Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
(And watches everything)
So you know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too
Right inside your skin
It's like I'm paranoid looking over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
It's like I'm paranoid looking over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
The face inside is right beneath your skin
The face inside is right beneath your skin
The face inside is right beneath your skin
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me
The sun
I feel the light betray me
The sun
I feel the light betray me
It's like I'm paranoid looking over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
It's like I'm paranoid looking over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
"Papercut" by Linkin Park
Chapter 1: The Way We Cope Part 1
Walking through the corridors of the Black Order was none other than the destroyer of time himself, Allen Walker. He was on his way to the arc. He needed a retreat to go to so that he could let his cries of despair go unknown to all but himself. Little did he know that Lenalee too, was looking for an escape now that Levreir (please read as Hitler wannabe) was back. She was just as in need of release as Allen.
So when they bumped into each other all they needed to do was take one look in each other's eyes to see that they wanted the same thing, but to make it seem normal to others, Allen asked Lenalee if she would care to join him to a surprise destination. Of course she could do nothing but graciously comply to his request.
They had long since figured out each other's secrets. Or at least they had a general idea of what they were and they both had an agreement of silence that was never voiced, just automatically known. They walked in understanding silence with their masks in place, only stopping to ask Jerry for some snacks.
Once they arrived at the arc, Allen lead them directly to the 14th's room, and then into a small room branching off from that room. It was a room Allen recently created, without anyone's knowledge of course.
Allen's POV
Once inside, I went to my special box that was hidden from sight and filled with sharp objects. I heard Lenalee gasp behind me. I simply ignored her in favor of pulling out a razor blade, some rubbing alcohol, and some cloth. After that I slid down the wall I had decided to lean on after a while and settled myself on the floor. Instead of allowing the tears to fall as they pleased I dragged the razor across my arm. After the feeling was gone I closed my eyes and continued to repeat the process over and over again until I reached the point of possibly passing out due to blood loss. I looked up weakly to find Lenalee already starting to tend to my wounds.
"Why?" is what she asked after she finished fixing me up.
"So that I know that I'm alive. So that I know I'm still human. So I know that I'm still me." I said breathily.
I raised a faltering and weak hand up to caress her face, in hopes of providing some semblance of comfort. In return she held on to it crying all the while. At some point, I'm not quite sure when, I passed out. I slipped into the terrifying, comfortable darkness within my mind. It's strange how the thing I fear is such a comforting and familiar sight.
"Why do you loathe me so? I have done nothing to you?" I heard the 14th's voice call out to me.
"It's because you're going to make me kill the ones most precious to me. It's because you are bad. It's because you've made everyone think I'm going to turn on them." I replied.
"I have done no such things nor do I plan on doing so. That is simply what those around you believe. Do you know why I am rejected by Noah and Exorcists alike?" he asked me.
"No, all I know is that you're a Noah and Noah are my enemy." I said, wondering what the point of all this was.
"It's because I refused to help the Millennium Earl once I learned of his goal and I was not accepted by Exorcists because I was a Noah. So I decided to stay by Mana's side for as long as I could. Not to mention many exorcists were becoming either corrupt or misguided." He explained.
"And why should I believe you?"
"You don't have to believe me, I just thought you should know." I heard the rapidly fading voice of the 14th chuckle, "Oh and by the way my name is Neah."
Just as he said that I woke up.
"Allen!" Lenalee exclaimed in a relief filled tone.
"Would you like to head back now?" I asked hoarsely, trying to get my mind off the conversation I just had with 'Neah'.
She handed me a glass of water and nodded.
"Sure."
"Hey Allen! What's going on man? I haven't seen you since this morning? Same goes for you Lenalee!" Lavi greeted energetically.
"Che stupid Moyashi." Kanda grumbled with disdain.
"BaKanda." I regarded with equal dislike, "And we've just been hanging out. How about you Lavi?"
"Well-um-you see…Komui." Lavi said while shifting side to side uncomfortably.
"Oh no! Sorry Allen you better hide! I should go make them coffee." Lenalee said immediately getting what I don't understand.
Wait why should I hide? Why does she need to make coffee? Why is Lavi looking so scared? And what's this about Komui? Wait… Komui + Lavi scared + me having to hide= Angry Komui. Oh and Lenalee was missing to so that means…OH CRAP I HAVE TO HIDE!
I sighed happily, grateful for the return to normalcy. Only to have it ruined when I looked at my reflection in a window. Then my mind wondered back to the conversation I had with 'Neah'. It seemed plausible given all the things that have happened so far. I kept running until I reached my room and promptly locked the door behind me.
I stayed up all night just in case Komui was going to bust in my room gun blazing with a surprise attack. Dark thoughts haunted my mind the whole time…
A/N: Sorry for the long wait and the short chapter. Gintama binges and yaoi binges are not good for the moods necessary in this fic. The only reason why I'm posting this now is because I got 'in the mood' again... Thank you minna-san, konbanwa!