Colt met with Lissa at a little shop for college students. The prices are cheap and reasonable on a students budget. The interior is polished wood; rounded tables with checkered table clothes, and wooden chairs with checkered cushions on the seat; a bar is at the back of the room for ordering drinks and food. His, off the clock teacher, sat waiting for him in the corner of the room at a table close to the large window. He spotted her right away and crossed the room; pulling out a seat for himself, he sits down.

"So, what was it that you wanted to talk about?" Lissa said getting right down to business; apperantly her mind wasn't yet off-the-clock as her casual attire, and lack of reading glasses.

"Its kind of hard to get into... you see, its about a girl."

"Oh. Birds and the bees?" She teased poking Colt on his dimpled cheek.

Chuckling, Colt shakes his head. "Its about a girl I used to go with... her name was-... is, Paula."

Lissa nods, encouraging him to go on.

"To make it clear, I should go from the start... but that could take some time."

"I've got time."

Colt believed that too. Something about this woman... it always feels so familiar. "Back when I was like, you know, fourteen... the age when you start seeing girls as anything but icky, Rocky kinda had been seeing that girl I mentioned a moment ago."

"And she was your first interest?"

"Well, yeah. She was different somehow than any of the others." He taps his fingers absently on the table top, watching it all the while. "When Rocky was seeing Emily, she only instilled the idea that girls are fully disgusting. But Paula..." He trails off as if saying her name could make him see her. "She... had an air about her, calm but disrupted. Do you know what I mean?"

Lissa shakes her head.

"Well, like how you can see the ocean; the water is crystal clear, and flat as ice... but within minutes, the wrong moon or change of wind could turn it into a cyclone."

"You mean, it was like she had something to hide?"

"Not intentionally." He defended. "Just... personal matters that she'd rather not share..." Audibly drawing in a breath, he sighs it out. "I had no idea just how much she was truly hiding. Rocky prized Paula, not like he thought she was an object, but yes, like she were made of glass or maybe she were a child discovering things for the first time."

Lissa's fingers curled into her palm hearing that. Noticing this, she released them and instead grabs her glass of tea.

"They never kissed, and if they did it was never around anyone." Colt felt weird saying it, but he had to say it because it in of itself was weird.

"It could have been done privately; especially if he felt watched by certain people."

Shaking his head, Colt takes a sip of his drink after noticing that Lissa is playing on hers. "Umm, could have been. Rocky kissed Emily, Tum and I saw him lots of times... but not her. She was special, and in some ways I guess I kind of became attracted to her because of that."

Lissa sips her drink, setting the glass down on the table once done.

"Its so dumb, I know, but I couldn't help myself." He watched as someone passed by the window, then looked back at his friend. "That air of mystery and importance from Rocky, I..."

"Maybe it wasn't Paula that had you so infatuated but the love from your brother that she'd received."

"Why would I want Rocky's love, I have it... I'm his brother." He said it, but his tone said he didn't quite believe it as he should.

Lissa wondered if that was what middle child syndrome was about. Noticed, but not really noticed in their own eyes.

"And like a big heel, I sorta went after her time. Any chance to be alone with her I could get, I took it... and it was rare because Rocky never let her out of his sight, if he could help it." Getting to the point he adds. "I just had to know... One day, she was sitting in the living room of our house; quietly waiting for Rocky or maybe not, she didn't seem to be waiting. Her attention was on the tv... I changed the channel, just to see if she'd say anything," He shrugs, blushing. "As well as having an air of mystery, she rarely spoke... she did say something, not about my changing what she was watching, but about what was left on."

Lissa cocks her head to that.

"It was basketball, she said "I never understood the points systems in sports". I tell ya... I was floored. I didn't know she had an accent, it was... you know?"

"Kinda hot?" She laughed at the expression Colt made.

"Geez Lissa, I hate when you talk like a guy." He chuckled too, though. "But yeah, kinda hot. I told her it was easy, and explained it... and you know what, we went outside and played some ball together." He looks out the window, a thoughtful expression in his eyes and smile. "She was really good at it- made every shot. I thought I'd humor her and, you know, throw a couple shots but... she dominated without my giving her a handicap."

"Where was Rocky at the time?"

Colt shrugs. "I dunno, I think after school activity-... no wait, mom took him to get some new sneakers at the athletics store."

"Oh. What an opportunity for you."

Colt nods. "After that, whatever wall we had between each other just slipped away. We both admitted once that we felt like better friends. She's hung out with Tum Tum and always was with Rocky, but with me she was stand-offish. I didn't know why until a year went by and she'd told me that she had a crush on me."

"Wow." It was said in a tone that said, he was fortunate and yet, unfortunate.

"I know. I told her that I had a crush on her, and it was so weird that she had one on me too."

He was silent for a moment. He knew what Lissa would ask, and he always felt guilty about it, even to this day. Especially to this day, knowing how things turned out and all. "I told her that I would persue her, that eventually she and I would get a chance to go out."

"That's very bold of you... what did she say to that?"

"She scoffed and said "Good luck", I wasn't joking either and when my grandfather took Rocky and Tum Tum to Japan- since they missed out the last time I went and, I had to go with my cousins... I made my move. She was my summer love and I was hers. We never kissed or anything, just hung out like we were a couple; by no means did I feel it was right, but then she'd told me that Rocky knew about it. They told each other everything, no matter what." Colt held a sort of jealous tone to that statement. "It was surprising but at the same time a relief, I didn't think I'd like to explain it to my brother. It was around Halloween when they'd finally parted ways and I was able to really go out with her."

"How?"

"She and Rocky had a long discussion about it," He shrugged. "I don't know the details, but I do know that he told her that she'd get hurt," A dry laugh escaped his mouth. "I told Rocky he had no right to say something like that about me, and he told me in a very serious tone... a tone I've never heard him take with anyone, that if I hurt her beyond repair... he would hate me forever." Colt shakes his head remembering that tone. "I told Rocky to fuck off, he was being an over protective creep, and he should let her experience life for a change- that she wasn't a damned doll but... if I knew..."

Lissa reached across the table, taking Colt's hand, giving it a squeeze.

"We were great together, we laughed, we had fun... honestly, I think I was turning her into a tomboy." The two chuckle. "It was when I was sixteen that our family had moved to florida over the summer. I refused to be there; I wasn't gonna be that new guy in a new enviroment, plus... I was in love."

Lissa smiled hearing that. It was sweet.

"So, we moved and she and I called our relationship quits. Why be together long distance, we didn't have the bond she and Rocky still do- we thought it would be hopeless. But after a year of being there, I bought a plane ticket and flew back to L.A. I asked my mom and dad to let me stay, just through the summer... they agreed and so, there I was... alone, living with my ex-girlfriend."

"Where were her parents?"

"Divorced, and who knew then about her father. Her mother is a doctor and was always working. She came home whenever she could, though... she was just as nice and sweet as Paula." He looks at his lap. "I should have known no good would come from us. I'm just not cut out for sweet people... I need edges, I guess... but until the bomb hit us, we were great."

Their food came, they'd been so engrossed in the conversation that they hadn't even realized they'd ordered anything; in the length it took to dress a salad with grilled chicken slices and sprinkle a stack of fries with steak seasoning. The two sit with their thoughts about those words Colt had been saying. Lissa isn't entirely sure what the male is saying, but he seems to be very driven to some sort of resolve with the matter, but also determined to continue hiding from it, or maybe from himself.

"We didn't know what we were anymore, once I showed up that summer." His words brought her from her thoughts. "It was so funny... I could barely look at her that first day and yet..." His words trailed off.

Lissa could picture it. Two kids in love with one another, stealing glances while they move about an empty home. Both of them wondering what this show of affection meant, how far it would go if it were good.

"That was the first time we'd slept together..." Again Colt's voice removed her from her thoughts. "It was near the end of the summer, we had come back from a friendly little date and we just messing around in the kitchen. Paula was frighteningly independant... I once thought it was cool, when I'd heard about her mother rarely being home. I thought she must have so much freedom to do whatever, but... at night. It must have been hard for her..." He takes a fry eating it slowly. "I had always wondered why she had to be over at our house so much, it seemed every other day she was spending the night. My parents trusted her and Rocky so much she could actually sleep in the same bed as he did. They'd never trust me in the same house as a girl, and I wasn't even sexually active yet."

"Parents intuition." Lissa comments.

"Ahaha. Probably." After swallowing another three fries, he takes a sip of his pepsi. "It was such a great summer... a great time for the both of us. My family ended up coming back to L.A. half way through the next school year, a different house but in the same neighborhood. I was so happy, ya know. But then it happened... In the spring Paula told me that she was pregnant."

"Pregnant?"

Nodding, Colt absently stirs his drink with his straw. "We'd been sleeping together off and on, not like kids in heat but... you know, she was my first and I don't know... I couldn't get enough. She slept with Rocky once; she told me that it was to ease her fears. I asked her, what fears and she told me... she told me that her father... for years... he used to..."

Lissa shakes her head, squeezing Colt's hand. "You don't have to tell me that, if its private."

"I was angered. I felt... betrayed, lied to, falsely informed. I knew then why Rocky treated her like glass and I..." Colt closes his eyes. "I felt dirty, I felt like one those people; and to find out that she was pregnant... I was only sixteen. I was barely incharge of myself, I couldn't take care of a baby on top of the mental pain of what I'd just found out. I could only think ditch her. I felt so relieved when I came up with my plan to do so, that I feel sick remembering it now." He swallows a lump in his throat. "I spread rumors about her, I told other girls that I was unhappy dating her, but I felt obligated to be with her, and they should do something about it."

Lissa felt sick. How could Colt be so cruel?

"At the time, it really was a good idea... the girls at school really helped me out, and they would call her names, tell her that she doesn't deserve me. It hurt her so much but she stuck by me, I was getting desperate... so, I eventually told her that she had one week left to be my girlfriend, and she should enjoy it because it would never happen again."

Strike that last comment, Lissa was going to have a heart attack from how quickly her blood pressure went up. That kind of thing is what's wrong with the world right now, what causes young girls to be so driven to this unachieving perfection- it isn't models, a girl knows what she looks like, she poses to see her future... its men that hurt them, men that make them believe its that girl in the book they should be when they make cat calls while stealing their magazines. Its men that...

"Lissa, are you okay?"

She hadn't even realized that her glass had shattered in her hand, bits of the broken mess are stuck in her palm that's now being cleaned up by Colt. "I'm sorry for upsetting you. It upsets me too, having to realize that I'm the one who did it."

"No, its... I think I should go. I have a lot of paperwork to go through."

"Okay. Let me wrap your hand first..."

"No. I'll take care of it when we get back." Watching out for the waiter who came over to clean up the mess, she stands.

"Okay."

Walking towards the exit; Colt behind her, after paying the bill, she quickly crosses the parking lot. Lissa actually couldn't have crossed the lot fast enough as tears were building around her eyes; and as she unintentionally jerked open the door of her car. But something was bothering her...

"Colt... what happened to her, after that?"

"I... she ended up in a home. It happened a week after all that... she just couldn't take it."

"And... what did you want to tell me for?"

"I thought that you could tell me what to do, you're a woman... you might know how I can apologize to her, when we talk."

"You're going to talk to her?" It seems so impersonal and rude, speaking over cars like this but she couldn't be close to Colt right now, her nerves too raw, and too volatile.

"If she'll talk to me. Its been too long, and this meeting... I think it needs to happen, if it doesn't... I don't know, I just don't feel like I'll be able to live with myself for much longer." He laughes kindly. "Besides, isn't bettering yourself always the best plan of action?"

Smiling, she nods. "Yes. Always. I hope your meeting with her goes well."

"Me too and, thanks for listening."

"If I have any ideas, of how to get into a woman's good graces, I'll let you know."

"Thanks."

Climbing into her car, she starts the engine and drives it away.

'That was weird... I hope I didn't upset her too much.' Getting behind the steering wheel, he snaps his seatbelt across him. Starting the car, he pulls out of the lot then drives back to the campus.

...

"We found a two bedroom, mom." Tum tum says enthusiastically. "Together, its not out of our price range."

"Aaaw, Tum Tum, why do you have to leave at all?" Setting her plate on the table, Jessica sits down and reaches for the salt shaker. "Your brothers have gone and left, and now you. I've gotta have someone in this house with me."

Chuckling, Tum Tum wriggles his brows and says with a coaxing tone. "You can always replace us. You're what? 31?"

Jessica laughed heartily hearing that comment. Her youngest was too kind sometimes. "Yeah right. We're not gonna be making any new babies anytime soon."

"Hey," He shrugs nonchalantly. "I'm just saying that it could happen."

Stirring the salt and pepper into the meal, Sam says. "Maybe you and Paige will get married and give us some grand kids?"

Tum tum nearly gagged on his drink of milk. "Grandkids? Grandkids? As in, Paige and I will be providing said kids? What about Arc? He's a good kid and-..."

Jessica and Sam snicker around their glasses.

"Relax Michael, I'm not telling you to go out and do it right now. I'm only saying that you and she are pretty close, its a possibilty." Sam clears his statement up. "Anyhow, you're right about what you said, Arc is a pretty good kid." He takes a bite, chewing then swallows. "Could do without having his head filled with so much ninja stuff, though."

"Hey, if I ever do have kids, they're gonna be full of 'that ninja stuff' too, Dad."

"Guess Jeffrey will be our last hope."

Jessica shrugs. "Traditions, tradition in this family." She takes a sip of her iced tea.

A moment of silence passes between them as they eat their meal. Tum tum breaks the silence by asking. "What do you think its gonna be like- meeting the McRae's? We've only really known them through assosiation... I don't want them to come here and be unhappy- worse, judge us."

"I don't think they have any reasons to judge us, and we don't have any reason to judge them." Jessica comments. "This will be a good start for both our families... its just too bad about the Ballerini's." She says calmly.

Tum tum can hear the distaste distant in his mother's voice. She hasn't quite forgiven that whole thing, even after the years that have gone by; and the fact that Rocky is doing alright. Some changes really stick with you, just as some pains do.

"I'm actually lettting myself get excited. And your cousins are coming as well, Sean and Evan." Finished with her meal, she cleans up her plate. "I only hope I buy enough for all of us."

"Just be sure to make tons of your potato salad, Dad. You know its the star of barbecues."

Pleased by that, Sam nods. "I'll be sure to buy several bags of potatoes." Changing subject, he asks. "So about this place, when are you and Paige moving in?"

"Let's not get back on that subject, thank you." Pointing at her son with a sponge in hand, she says. "Michael, you're too young to be moving in with a girlfriend."

"But mom, I'm like stupid responsable-..."

Getting up from his seat, Sam says. "Son, responsable people don't put 'stupid' before the word."

"Well, I am... and I'll call, visit, and you and Dad can visit whenever you want." Standing with his own plate in hand, he continued to argue his point. "I'll even leave a spare key with you, so you can drop in on me whenever your hearts desire to catch me in any seedy act that you think I'm in." He smiles innocently.

Jessica twist her mouth in thought. "Anytime I want, huh?"

"Anytime."

"...Alright, we'll see how things work out- but!" She had to raise her voice over his loud cheer. "If you ever want to come back, or it gets to be too much for you to handle... you come home."

"Wild wolves can't keep me away." Kissing her on the cheek, he turns his attention to the living room where he just heard the door bell.

"That would be my lovely girlfriend now, we're going to a movie. They've got this new horror out about a demon in the mirror, I can't wait."

"Eeuuw," She chuckles. "have fun."

"Thanks. Bye guys."

Sam patted his son on the back as he walked by. "More kids, huh?"

"I know, the nerve of that clown." She places a pot into the dishwasher. "Can you see us now, trying to have another baby? Ha!"

"Mmm, I don't know." Kissing his wife on top of her head, he says flirtatiously. "Trying would be kind of nice."

Kissing her husband, she places a wet plate between them when he pulls her closer. "Start scrubbing cassanova."

"Yes, dear."

Rocky kneels down, hand landing onto the soft grass below. He looks at the headstone with a sad but, sweet smile on his face. "I hate having to talk to you about something like this," He says quietly. "but... I need a little guidance. Its about Colt, he... he wants to talk to Paula again. He hasn't seen her but once since she went into the home and... I don't know, I guess he feels regretful over what he'd done and wants to apologize for it." Shifting his position, he's now indian style, one arm resting on a bent knee, the other extended so his hand can pick at some blades of grass. "I should be thrilled that he's finally grown up and feels something towards what he'd done but, I don't know... what if this meeting only sets back all the progress she's made. Its like a double edged sword... on the one hand, it would be great for the both of them, the other... it could end up destroying all that's been gained."

The wind blew gently by.

"Yes, she's only human, and we all need to learn to deal with pain but... I'll always want the best for her; her happiness is the one thing in life that I thought I could do right in life. It was a fools dream, I know, but I felt the same way about you- call it a HERO complex or something." He shrugs. "I'm gonna give Colt her number but if he asks to meet her, he's not gonna be very happy with the end result. She's changed- a lot and I don't know if she'll present to him that girl he knew. I've never seen a bitterness in her eyes like that day when she called me, and she and I met up." He lets out a sigh. "She wasn't mad at me, she was mad at herself... that fury... I know its determination, but its also pain." Closing his eyes, he can feel tears prickling behind his lids. "I messed up by babying her, I should have thrown her in head-long back then, then maybe she wouldn't have been so broken. Paula isn't that girl anymore, she's strong... she can handle this. I'm gonna let them talk, and I will respectfully excuse myself from the room when he does so."

Happy with his decision, he puts on an honest smile. "Enough doom and gloom, let's talk about something lighter. Things are good for me; school and all. You know that book I was writing back when we were in Connecticut? I've finally finished, now I'm waiting for someone to send me a notice saying they'd like to publish it. Its nerve wrecking, it really is. I of course would love to have a novel out- especially a detective novel. I switched the star of my story, though, I changed his name from Jordan to Robbie. Its my way of thanking you for being around then." Chewing on his bottom lip, he thinks of something more that he can say, but nothing is coming to mind. "In all of two years," He says with a chuckle. "and this is my great conversation... We're gonna have a family reunion in June, the twelth... the McRae's are gonna be here and Arc. It should be eventful, I'll be sure to remember every aspect of it to tell you. For now, I'll just enjoy the silence- is that alright?" Snickering, he lays down on his back, looking up at the bright blue, cloudy sky. "I thought so."

When Rocky got back from the cemetery, he found Colt sitting in their room at the desk by the window. His gaze is outside, a distant stare at nothing. He didn't even acknowledge that his brother had walked in until he was right up on him, and taking a sheet of paper that he'd been writing on.

"What's this?"

"Hmm?" He comes out of his blank daze to notice that Rocky has taken his paper. "Oh, I was trying to figure out what to say to her."

"You're writing it down? Why?"

"So I won't get choked up while my throat is closing up on me." He admits with a heavy sigh. Taking the paper back, he sets it down on the desk.

Cocking his head, he backs up to take a seat on his bed. "You really are serious about this." He comments.

"I am." Nodding, Colt turns himself in the seat so he can see his brother's face. "There comes a point in a guys life when he looks at his pains and struggles and says, it's enough now. I want it to be enough, I want things to be different between Paula and me... I want her... I want her to come back from wherever she's hidden herself- to be a part of our lives again. Before we started going out, she really was one of my best friends... I never saw her any other way before it changed."

"What if you're unable to get it back? What then?"

"I won't push it but dammit, I'm gonna not gonna stop until I've exhausted every plan I've come up with to see that it happens."

"Plans? Colt, plans don't ever work in situations like this." His gaze is steady and stern, seeing that his brother gets it. "Paula's changed Colt... a lot. Even if she agrees to speak with you, even if you become friends over the phone, online, through letters... you can never meet her face to face. You're never gonna be ready for it."

"So you've seen her?" He stands. Colt can feel a certain anger boiling inside himself. Its always like this when it comes to Rocky and his relationship with Paula. "You're always protecting her- seeing to it that she never has a life outside of anyone but you! Don't you think that maybe in some ways a guy like me is good for her?" Stalking over to his brother he gets into his face, looming down over him. "That maybe kisses and cuddles aren't the best solution to anything!"

"Hn. You've proven that belief to me in more ways than way in the past year, so don't you preach to me as if I don't know who you are and exactly what it is you do when you're unaware of it. You're destructive, Colt, and not in any healthy way. You and Paula had a love, I'll give you that, but it was doomed and toxic from the start... I knew it, I told her, and yet she still gave you a chance anyway." The ice in his gaze faded instantly. "You know how that turned out. You know what happened afterwards- not just between yourself and Paula, but you and me."

"Yeah, and you still treat me like shit when the memory strikes you."

"Isn't it what you deserve? What you've earned? I warned you about hurting her but you did it anyway... do you know what she said to me? Hm? She said that: if he'd of just told me that he couldn't handle the pressures of being a father, or that things just weren't going to work out between the two of you anymore, she would have understood."

Colt looked surprised by that. He thought for sure that she was more invested in their relationship then that... or maybe...

"Yeah, it was your ego that hyped her love for you up. All you, Colt. She's no dummy, she knew that you're the kind of guy who likes a spotlight shined on him when he's with a girl, and so do I. Do you even notice that about yourself? A girl is just a verbel mirror to you, nothing more."

"That isn't... true..." But his voice cracked as if he weren't sure. He honestly can't remember a single girl he's dated that didn't seem to adore him to a noticable degree- except for Paula, or at least he had thought that she didn't until she admitted to having a crush on him. "I'm not that person anymore, Rocky. I'm changing, in a small ways, but they're good ways no matter what the size. And that's why you've gotta let me speak to her."

"I don't 'gotta' do a thing. But, I said I would think about it, and I have. Here," Removing his cellphone from his pocket he locates the number having it dialed. Waiting a moment, he says. "Hello?" Listening, he then says. "I know; I think it is too, but... I just called so that you could speak to Colt." He listens again.

Colt can feel his heart straining to beat, he just barely hear her voice on the other side of the phone.

"Yeah, I'm handing it off now..." Holding his phone out to his brother, he says. "There you go. I'll let you talk privately." Getting up, he leaves the room.

Colt swallowed hard, bringing the cell up to his ear. "Paula?"

"Hello, Colt..."