Chapter 2: Hey Jude
January 16, 1974
The song ended with a constant rhythmic guitar that faded away with the roars of the crowd. Although my hands were now by my side, Jude hadn't let go. Until this very instant, in which I wish I could pull him back towards me. Now, he stands at my side again, clapping. Sadie's expression is a little bit more alleviated, but still cautious. I realize that as the seconds go by, her facial expression is tense. She grips the microphone tightly and now all her emotions pour out in front of her. Jude's jaw clenches, I notice. But I don't say anything. She holds the microphone so tightly that I could swear it will break.
It doesn't, but she begins to sing. Jude's once booming smile is now a complete frown, portraying hurt and anger. "There's nothing you can do that can be done." Sadie sings silently the lyrics to the Beatle's song, All You Need is Love. How destructive could a song with that title be? Apparently, very destructive.
Jude walks away before I can put two words together to say to him. Sadie's voice trembles with remorse. I don't know what to do but something pulls me towards him and follows him. It is my duty to comfort my best friend even if I don't understand the motive behind it.
I see that he is purposefully trying to lose me in the crowd, but I don't pull away. To my astonishment, the most that we are separated is a foot. I stay close by, Jude doesn't even turn around to look at me. He just pushes the exit door and walks away. There is no explanation. I think to myself what possibly could have happened.
The streets are black and there isn't a person out tonight; everybody is at the concert. It is late now and all the stores are closed. The only thing moving amongst the darkness is Jude, his apprehensive figure now in erratic movements. He slows down and then picks up the pace to find himself slowing down again. I don't want to think about it but I could swear I hear him sobbing. I've never seen him like this and I never thought this would be the moment I would.
I am now literally an inch away from him and place my hand hesitantly on his back. He immediately turns around and stares at me. I can see a tear glistening on his cheek and his breath is heavy. The look on my face must be comical and utter confusion. He unexpectedly takes my hand in his and squeezes it almost as if I would fade away if he didn't.
I never fathomed what could be worse than Jude not knowing how I feel. And now I see it; Jude in pain is worse. Because his pain is my pain. I do know how cliché that sounds but it's true. I can't stand seeing him this way. Still there are no words spoken. Jude continues to stare at me and I don't dare say anything.
"I'm sorry," He whispers. I am surprised. "I'm sorry I acted like an idiot."
"Jude," I say. "You aren't acting like an idiot. You don't have to be sorry."
"But I do, Anna!" He now cups my face in his hands and I don't blink even if my eyes dry up. "I have no right to do this to you. You care about me as much as I care about you." I wish. He has no clue. But it's his turn to be sad; I am supposed to be understanding.
"Jude, you didn't do anything." I say. He sighs and moves his hands away, starting walk down the road again. He abruptly turns and groans. "What's wrong?" I finally manage to say.
"Nothing. Let's go back inside." Jude says as he comes back, placing his hand on my shoulder. But I reject him and stand as strong as I can. I shake my head in discord and he is speechless for a moment.
"No. Just tell me what's wrong." I demand.
"I can't, Anna. It's the past and it doesn't matter," He says to me.
"Dammit, Jude. Just tell me! We're supposed to be friends." I have no tolerance at this moment. I am very surprised at myself. It's like something has taken over me. But in truth these are the things I want to say to him. I just want him to tell me and let me into his heart.
"You are my best friend, Anna. You're supposed to just understand." He says. Now I'm full of guilt; he is right again. But now I don't know what to do or what to say. The only thing I can think of doing is wrapping my arms around him and holding him. He does the same and leans his head on mine, closing his eyes. "Thanks, Anna."
"Anytime," I say.
January 17, 1974
I know I'm supposed to pretend like nothing happened but curiosity is eating away at me. I have to know why Jude acted the way he did last night. I have no way of finding out, but Sadie seemed to know he would severely react, so she must know why he left. I contemplate over whether or not I should pay a visit to Sadie.
After we went inside back into the concert last night, he was happy-go-lucky Jude again. Filled with laughter, and tales that I was all ears for. But every moment of silence, my mind would drift back to the second song of the night and my throat would dry up as I tried to restrain myself from saying anything. I'm sure he knew what I wanted to ask but he changed the subject continuously, afraid that I would speak.
He should know me by now. He should know that I will find out sooner or later. He should know that I won't give up until I know the truth. Jude knows he's fooling himself. Could he really expect me to think nothing of his sudden outrageous outburst?
As I think about this, I realize that I need to talk to Sadie. But before I do that, I'll talk to the source directly; I'll converse with Jude. If that doesn't work, I will subside with Sadie. And I know she will tell me. We've only met once before, but I have a feeling about this. Sadie will tell me anything I want to know.
I smile confidently and pull my bag over my shoulder, heading out of my apartment, keys jiggling at my hand. I turn off the lights and off I go into the cold New York streets, in the direction of his house.
--
I knock on the door patiently waiting for him to answer it. He's always at home on Sunday's; drawing. I would assume that after a few minutes there would be an answer on the other side but there was nothing. I knocked again and before I hit the door the second time, the door flung open unleashing a gust of wind that pushes back my long curly brown hair. Behind the door is a grungy looking Jude. I am amazed at his appearance; it's rather different. Not the usual tidiness and cleanliness that he obtains. In fact, it looks like he just woke up; he rubs his eyes as I notice this.
"Oh, hey, Anna. Come on in," he motions drowsily and I step inside, closing the door behind me. I look over at the kitchen table where all his sketches are usually laid out, but the table is surprisingly clean and not a pencil or paint brush in sight. Something must be really wrong.
"Are you alright, Jude?" I say placing my bag down on the chair and removing my thick coat.
He nods. "Mhm," he mumbles quietly searching for a mug in the cabinets. "Have a seat," he advises courteously. I don't sit. I just observe him, catching every distinct detail and comparing it to the Jude from a few days ago. He has changed, that is clear to see.
"I'm going to ask you again," I state. "And this time answer truthfully. Are you alright?" I say. I can hear the hint of concern in my voice. He just smirks as if concealing something and I grow worried.
"What do you think?" He asks uncouthly. I have no idea what has gotten into him. He isn't the old Jude, my Jude. At least, I wish he was my Jude. I expect more of an answer but there is nothing but silence between us.
"What is going on?" I attempt again, knowing it is of no use.
"Nothing's going on!" He yells suddenly. I stand back a bit. His face is hideous with anger and my eyebrows rise at the sight. He sees that he raised his voice too loud and repeats himself in a whisper, "Nothing is going on."
"Then why aren't you drawing, today? Why do you look like a drunk? And why are you talking like that?" I say, speaking my mind fluidly. "This isn't you, Jude. You know, I came here to help you out because something obviously happened last night. But if you won't tell me what's going on, I can't help you! 'It's just a fool who plays it cool' " I yell at him. I can see the sorrow in his face and I want to take it all back. "I'm still your friend and you know I'll always be there for you," I say. My hand is now resting on his arm trying to turn his body so that he looks at me in the eye. He tries to move away but I refuse to let him.
"I know," He responds. I see a hint of the old Jude within him. "If you're my friend you'll just go away and just leave me alone." He says dryly.
I shake my head in disbelief. Could he really have said those words to me? "Jude, I…" I want to say that he is being ridiculous but instead I say, "You, yourself said to me friends are people who simply care about you. They won't stop buggin' you until you let them in. So let me the hell in, Jude. And then we'll start to make it better."
"Anna," he begins searching for words. There are none, and I leave.
Yes, I just walk away and leave him there by himself. I wish I hadn't, but it's too late to go back now. I'll be back later today, I can guarantee that. I couldn't possibly rest knowing that he is in such a horrible state. God Jude, just let me in.
As I perceived, that didn't work out too well. And now it is time to go to Sadie's place, where all my questions would be answered without hurtful arguments and everything that comes along with being friends with Jude. I wish I could help him and this is how I will.
Author's Note:
REVIEW LIKE CRAZY! What do you think Jude isn't telling Anna? READ AND REVIEW!