disclaimer: iCarly is really mine, Dan just took it away from me. It is first titled iSEddie. don't belive me? well, i don't belive myself too ;p

anyhow...ENJOY reading :)))

iStill Love You

Sam's Pov

I feel myself grinning as I walk towards the school hall. It just feel like the old times. I love how I have this effect on Freddie. When I kissed him on the cheeks in the airport and in the car, I fight the urge to actually just grab his face and smash my lips on his. I ache for his touch. I ache for his kisses and smiles that is just reserve for me.

All this time I still love him. My heart still beats for only one person. One guy. One name. Freddie Benson. He's still the guy that I crave to yearn. He's the person I want to be with. Seeing him makes me feel all the pain of what happened that night. The whole break up is still vivid in my mind. I hate seeing him and not be able to say how much I love him like we used to. I hope that he still feels the same strong love like I do but I know its hard to believe. Its been so long. I doubt he never dated anyone in those years and it makes my heart pound painstakingly. Its like stomping and beating inside me and making my stomach churn and all I could think of is to throw up over and over again just to take my mind off the idea and for me to barf all the unnecessary thoughts in my mind.

I was jerked away from my thoughts when I collided with someone.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." I apologized repeatedly.

"Its okay." a very deep man voice responded. I look up and was faced to a big chubby man in a grey tux, square glasses dangling between his eyes. He has this big round stomach and puffy cheeks. He's wearing a very warm smile and I can't help but smile back.

I tore my gaze at him and offer my hand to him.

"I'm sorry. I'm Sam. Sam Puckett."

The man's grey eyes light up and he smiles widely.

"Ah! Of course. Samantha Puckett. Ms. Radio Rebel." he nods."Yes. Yes. I'm Mr. Harry Smith. I'm the principal. I've been waiting for your arrival."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Smith."

"Oh. Call me Harry. Shall I walk you to my office, huh?"

I just nod and I followed him. We walk to this big office beside the administrations. He motions for me to sit on the couch across to the big armchair he plant himself.

"Mr. Curtis already called and informed me about your arrival yesterday. I am very honored and pleased that you have chosen our university to train our students and hopefully have the chance to be working on the network."

"The pleasure is mine, Harry." I said. I don't know what to say. I'm actually ready to act rude and let him know that I don't even want to be here but...but this man. He's so warm. I mean, he looks too sweet and kind and he wore that friendly smile. Ugh! "I'm also happy to teach these students about the wonders of my career."

He smile and nod thoughtfully. He place his big hands on his belly and lean back.

"I broke the news to the students after I was informed. They are very excited. You got many fans here actually. So, I know that you won't have any trouble teaching them. They're fast learners."

"Its good."

"I'll just talk to the prof. sitting in right now and tell them you're here then I can walk you there. Good?"

I nod and watch him stand up, slowly. I almost feel like I want to help him because he looks like he's having trouble with a lot of weight. I wince we stumble a bit but I act like I didn't notice him. He walk towards his office desk and grab a mic that connects to the intercom. He glance to me and wave. I gave him a thumbs up. I don't know why I did it. I guess I just have nothing to say besides I really didn't planned to be here in the first place but c'mon, I'm already here and nothing to do but do as they say.

He tap the button off and walk to me.

"Let's go and meet the students."

I nod. Again. I guess that its all I've done since I got here. Nod, smile and answer in polite simple words. I really am happy to be here. Notice the sarcasm people.

I was led inside a big auditorium. I thought we were going in a classroom? The lady in her mid-40s approached us and gave me a hug. Why is everyone here being sweet and kind. How can I be mean to these people?

"Sam Puckett." she said my name like it's some precious queen's name. Wow. I feel royalty."We've been expecting you. The students are ecstatic."

I didn't notice that they started leading me on a stage and I was now facing students. Senior students. Boys and Girls. Its like there are 40 people here. How can they expect me to handle them? I can barely handle a two!

All of them are staring at me with glint in their eyes, mouth agape. I guess they're starstruck and a bit amused to see me. I began to feel nervous. One thing Sam Puckett hates is being nervous because I hate to make a fool out of myself. I don't wanna mess this up.

I glance to my side and was handed a wireless microphone. Smith and the lady-I-forgot-the-dang-name ushers me to speak. I clutch the microphone between my hands and I took a deep breath.

"Hey." Wow, way to start an orientation Sam."Uh...I'm Sam Puckett. Of course I'm very well informed that you guys know me already. I'm Radio Rebel off 96.3 fm every night. I'm a film director/maker/producer and writer. Harry already told me that you guys are certainly aware why on earth I'm here and being stupid and nervous." I frankly said and much to my luck, they chuckle whilst nodding. At least, it ease my nervousness and my confident is coming back full force."I'll be teaching you guys about more of my job. There will be..maybe 20 or more lucky interns to be chosen to fly back with me in L.A, that is, if you all are capable of handling me. I will not go soft on you guys and I mean business here. So, I expect cooperation and not stupidness. I'm a very busy person, have a lot a work, so I don't like wasting precious time on such morons. Do i get myself clear?" I said in a straight face looking as serious and intimidating as possible. They all nod feverently and I look over to Harry and the lady and they looked scared and satisfied.

I grin widely when I saw that some who act all tough are shuddering. Mama loves seeing people all weakling. The orientation, so far, is successful. There is this Powerpoint presentation for me to help me explain easily. I'm glad nobody is a pain in the ass. They seem disciplined so, I don't have to break some bones. That'll be bad. I feel exhausted, maybe because I have to handle 40 senior students. I already texted Freddie to come and pick me up. I received a text from him seconds ago saying he's on his way. I decided to sit on those wooden benches outside while I wait for him. I feel relaxed as the warm breeze of summer air hit my face. Trees, grasses and flowers dance gracefully. It looks all calm. I kinda missed L.A but its great here also. Good thing it wasn't raining or it'll be bad for me.

I had my eyes closed as I heard footsteps coming towards my spot. I didn't move and just shrug off the sound. It stopped and I feel presence beside me.

"Tired?"

I don't need to open my eyes to know who's bursting my personal bubble here.

"A little. I had to handle 40 senior student interns in there. You know I threatened them before. Just so that they won't be playing around."

"I guess that's expected for you to threatened them..but 40? Seriously? That's a lot to handle."

"No chiz. I have to meet them every other day. I just want to sit here and relax for awhile. Can we do that?"

"Of course, Sam. We can do that." his words brought calmness and I feel safe with him beside me.

I don't know how long we are sitting there, just listening to the birds chirping, leaves rustling through the grounds, trees making 'swoosh' sounds and feeling the air swept around us, tickling us with its warm calming breeze. I watch him as he look at his phone that vibrates signalling he got a message.

"They're already looking for us?" I asked shyly.

"Huh?" he chuck his phone back his pocket and fix his gaze back up to me."Uh..yeah but its cool."

"Nah. C'mon. Let's go." I stand up and motion for him to do the same.

"Its okay, Sam. We don't need to rush."

"Yes, we do. Are you gonna stand up or i'll have to drag your nubby ass to the car?" I demand with a threat.

I saw him look at me with a smirk and shake his head in wonderment. He stand up and we both walk towards his SUV.

We arrived to this five storey office building. I sat there in the passenger seat, looking out the window as the sunrays shines towards the building making it shine before my eyes.

"It's not as big as your office in L.A." he said as he stood there with the door on my side opened.

"It looks great." I said honestly whilst looking around the building. The building is, what he said, not as big as our office in L.A but like what I said also, its great. There are leather chairs and couch in the side beside the windows. A big shiny chandelier hangs on the ceiling, just at the center of the spiral stairs. Soon enough, we reached this medium sized room that I believe is the conference room. Of course we also have one like this but 2x bigger.

"Have a seat. They'll be here in a few." he motion for me to sit to his right. There are folders and binders already set on each set of table. He look inside it as if studying. I felt curious but decided not to look yet.

Few minutes passed and group of people started to come in. They stopped just before the rectangular table to gape at me. Guess they know me. It felt awkward and I choose to wave weakly to them. I heard Freddie chuckle behind me but I didn't turn around. Actually, seeing these people look at me like that kinda entertains me but annoys me a bit.

Freddie clears his throat to catch their attention. They all look up to him then back at me as if asking what the hell am I doing here.

"I believe we are running out of time. So, could all of you please take a seat. I'll explain everything once you are all seated and ready."

They all took their seats. Some gulp their water never taking their eyes off of me. I rolled my eyes irritatingly and shot Freddie a look that clearly means I'm pissed.

"Alright." Freddie caught my look and wince a bit."So, we are all aware who this lady is." I scoff and he glare at me."Anyways, I'll introduce her again and why she's here. This is Sam Puckett. Famously known as Radio Rebel on the hit tv/radio show in Hollywood and clearly in America. She's actually my...uh.."he stutters a bit and glancing at me with a nervous expression plastered on his face. I knew why. I bit my lip and nod faintly."She's my...one of my bestfriend and my..." I gulp. If it wasn't awkward at first then now it is."My colleague. She's here to train Senior interns in Seattle University and now, she's here because she offered to help us to make yet,another independent film."

They all look at me with wide eyes as if not believing in their ears. I smile for the first time but for me, it seems like a fake one..almost a grimace.

"Hey."

Freddie obviously can sense the awkwardness on my part so he immediately speak again and began discussing his ideas on the film. He let me speak also and ask for my approval or confirmation if his ideas sounds better. The crews finally stopped gaping and focused on their project in hand. I honestly like his plotting and the exchange of ideas in the group. Freddie is really a genius and its no doubt he make decent money making films on his own. Sure he isn't creative but he uses much more than just creativity.

The meeting finished just before late noon. People starts rushing out but not before gushing over me then asking me few questions and complimenting my works. Its normal for me to have this kind of people cornering and such. Its great at first, the fame but after having to experience this always is sickening and irritating to the bone. Good thing, Freddie shoo them away and felt relieved. He gave me an apologetic look and I thank him in my eyes.

We left the conference room and moved to his office. Its not big..its half of my office in L.A. There are paintings and few framed newspapers that shows his own films and articles. There is a visitor area inside, a big four seater black leather couch and four black leather chairs on the side of a rectangle glass table. A figurine sat on top of it and a few classy candles. Across the visitor's area is another table. His office table with same black leather armchairs across the office table. A Flatscreen computer and piles of paperworks were on his table. I made myself comfortable on his own leather office chair. I lean back and spin it myself.

"So, what do you think?"

"Huh?"

"My office. The building and my crews."

"Your office is cozy..not big but good enough. Your crews...makes me want to punch 'em at first but they seem good." I answered whilst messing with his computer. I sat there stunned as I look at his wallpaper: it's a picture of the two of us in L.A and its one of my favorite. I had a copy of it but I didn't know that he made it as his desktop wallpaper. He didn't noticed me as he was busy checking his phone. I began to turn it off but then I accidentally nudge a picture frame that sits on the side of the computer. I pick it up to fix it and again, I felt thousands of butterflies inside my stomach. It was a picture of me, back when we were dating. I remember him taking this photo of me when we were hanging at his apartment on time. I was smiling at the camera or more like smiling at him.

I almost drop it when his voice rang through me.

"Hey, are you alright?" his voice filled with concern as he began walking towards me."What's wrong-oh..uh..I.." he stop mid-sentence when his eyes landed on his open computer, our picture popping and the picture frame in my hand. He look at me nervously. Opening and closing his mouth as if he was trying to come up with an explanation.

"Why...why?" I tried to asked further but all I can say is a freaking WHY?

"I don't know how to explain all of this to you. You must think i'm creepy now." he said in shame.

My eyes darted back to his computer and the frame then to him. My eyes soften and I can't help but grin inwardly. Why does he have all of this? Does this mean something?

"We both now you're creepy way back in the past when you started looking through your peephole just to stalk Carly." I smirk trying to ease the awkwardness and c'mon. I love embarrassing him.

"Geez, thanks for bringing that up." he said sarcastically.

"Oh,you know me. Always here to serve you my good 'ol nubby." I said, easing the tension building thickly in the air.

I bit my lip, looking for words to say next.

"I look good here." I point to the frame.

"Yeah. So beautiful." he said a bit dreamy. I guess he is not supposed to say it out loud bu he did. As soon as he realized what he said, his eyes widen."Uh...I..uh.."

I laugh at him. I miss making him stutter and squirming. He's such a dork. He saw me laugh and he narrow his eyes at me then roll it. He shook his head and fix the frame's position.

"You're completely enjoying this."

"Oh, c'mon! You know your humiliation brings joy to my life." I said between fits of laugh.

We went back to his apartment, not daring to mention the incident that just happened in his office that afternoon. He made us both spaghetti for dinner. I always knew he is a good cook. I mean, the weekend mother and son cooking classes that he was forced to join and go back when we were in Middle School. It really paid off. I was sure I keep him for reasons.

After we finished our meal, we both plant our butts on the couch and just lie down, scanning through channels for something good to watch. But we barely pay attention to the tv because we're both busy groaning our heads off because we're both bored to death. Usually, I'm partying when its a Friday night. Getting myself wasted because its what Californian people do. This is my first time to be lying and staring boringly at the tv when its obvious that there is no good movies or shows to watch.

"You know what, this is boring."

"Wow. Thanks for pointing out the obvious. Captain Obvious." I roll my eyes as sarcasm wash over my comment.

"Glad to help." I punch him on the thigh and he yelp a bit."Ow!"

"I can't believe I'm here in the house, killing myself to death with you when I can be out there clubbing or doing whatever to spend my Friday night less boring."

"Hey! It's not like I like to just sit here all night, you know."

"Well, why the hell are we here anyways? Why aren't we out there?" I said annoyed, huffing to my chest.

"I don't know." he simply said.

I groan frustratingly and grab the remote off of his hands. I flip through the channels until I stop to something that can help us ease down out boring meter, which is a cartoon channel. What? Its less boring.

"What do you usually do in L.A?" he asked, not bothering to tear his gaze from the comically made show.

"Partying." I said obviously."I'm a party girl. I was born to be party-er."

"You party a lot?"

"Uh..yeah. Its like...my social life. I go to clubs and meet with friends. Dance. Drink. Get wasted. The usual stuffs. Its the most commonly thing to do in California."

"Do you...you know...uhm...hook up with guys?" he stutter then grimace at the last part with disgust in his voice.

"Uh..hell no! Can't." he gave me questioning look as if telling me to continue further with my story."I'm a tv personalityl..like a celeb. People know me from everywhere. If I go hooking up with guys, I'll most likely damage my name literally. I can't do that. And c'mon! You know me better, dude. I'm not that kind of a person."

"Sorry. I know. I'm just thinking. I mean, you're living to a new city...with new kind of lifestyle so I just thought that maybe...you adopt a lot from them. Which I'm glad you didn't."

"Enough with me. What do you usually do on Fridays? Aside from being a complete dork sulking." I smirk.

"I have a social life too, FYI. I'm just not that party type of person. My colleagues invite me to go with them but I usually decline due to a lot of work to do. That day or the following day. I gotta do a lot of hardwork. It's not like I'm like you who's a total celeb. I have to do real work in order to sell my movies."

"If you just took the offer in New York then maybe you'll be just like me." I taunt.

He sigh and rub his temples.

"You know I can't."

"No, I don't. You never tell me."

"It's not that easy to just leave to another country. And...I still want to be here in case you want to stay in Seattle for awhile. I want you to have a home when you decided to come back when Carly's away." he said softly.

I shift a bit and rested my head on his shoulder. I didn't say anything but I know he knows deep down I appreciate him. Very much.

We just laid there, not even watching the tv show running on the screen. He twirl aimlessly with my hair and I sigh. This are the times I missed. Where there are no unspoken words and yet we feel and want the same. I guess it's all magic.

We can stay here all night for all I care. It's just the matter of time till I'll be needing back to my new home. I just hope when that day comes. I can be able to say a goodbye.

A/N: told you guys I update fast :))) next is chapter 3. i'm alrady done with it. so on with the reviews.

I'm craving for them :)))