(A/N) Wow… I got reviews… And they're all friendly and stuff! Life is good. So, thanks to RainDancin, Fool's Tutor, Sarah and Crazyhyper09, you made me a very happy girl. I even have followers! How I love that word, it makes me feel like an evil warlord with minions.
Anyway, about those tasks. What I had in my head for them is indeed pretty much the plan Fool's Tutor laid out, only I planned to have her fly over the maze rather than walk around it, but of course now I realize that Hermione hates flying. Damn, my memory just developed an inferiority complex. Whatever, that was what I THOUGHT would be nice, but now I think I'd prefer to have some sort of pureblood conspiracy to get her killed by making the tasks extra difficult. I mean, those bigoted idiots wouldn't care all that much if some French girl and a grumpy Bulgarian die as well because of it, as long as they eliminate the threat. That way there remains some excitement in the tournament. It is all fun to think of Malfoy's face as every champion sweats away whilst Hermione solves her tasks in some easy manner, but even that gets old after a while.
"Ronald." Fred.
"Ronald." George.
"Ickle Ronniekins." Fred.
"RONALD." George.
"For heaven's sake Ron!" Fred.
They had been at this for at least five minutes already. Upon returning to the common room to drop off their bags before they went to lunch, the twins had found their baby brother sulking on a couch, and decided to talk some sense into him. They hadn't missed the fact that Ron had been suspiciously absent during the celebratory party the night before, and they surely hadn't missed the derisive look Hermione had sent his way during breakfast that morning. Being his brothers, they knew of Ron's jealousy issues like no other, and knew this situation would turn ugly if someone didn't talk some sense into the boy really soon.
"What would you have me say!", Ron finally exploded, "That I should be all happy that she got into the tournament or something?"
"Yes."
"As a matter of fact you should."
"For you seem to have forgotten this, but she IS your friend."
"And friends are supposed to be happy for each other when they achieve something."
Ron gaped at them for a few moments, his face resembling a narcoleptic goldfish.
"But… It just isn't right!"
"Why then, ickle brother of mine?", Fred feigned interest.
"It just isn't, you know that!", Ron spluttered in return.
"I'm afraid we don't.", George's voice now took on a slightly threatening quality, as Fred narrowed his eyes.
"Yes, but please enlighten us, the poor uneducated plebeians of this society."
Ron actually seemed to think it over for some time, before he started to rant.
"Isn't it obvious then? I was going to enter my name, I'm sure I would have thought of a way. Then SHE comes in and steals my chance, and then even helps those bloody professors upgrade the bloody security so that there's no bloody way for me to bloody get in. I was going to be a champion, win, get those thousand galleons, and then I'd never be poor again and I'd have all the fame and pretty girls I could want."
The twins rolled their eyes at each other.
"Erm, Ron, no offence, but you wouldn't have thought of something."
"You're denser than a door, you would've flunked out of school long ago if not for Hermione."
"Well, at least that explains how he can be so delusional as to think he'd stand a chance."
"Yeah, he simply has no brain at all."
"Or we dropped him once to many when he was a baby."
"Just once?"
"Would you quit talking about me as if I'm not here already!", Ron suddenly bellowed, and the twins stopped. George scratched his ear.
"Nah, we wouldn't. It's not as if you would contribute something useful to our conversation."
"The point is,", Fred continued, "that you've been an absolute prat to Hermione, at the moment where she needs her friends' support the most. Sure, three quarters of the school consider her a hero now, but that leaves the Slytherins. There will also be sixth and seventh years who resent her for taking what they see as their spot."
The twins pretended not to hear Ron say "Well she has, hasn't she.", and simply continued.
"And don't forget the boys. Now that she has some sort of status, they'll all try to get into her pants just for the bragging rights."
"No, not just for the bragging rights.", Fred interjected with a thoughtful and slightly dreamy look.
"Yeah, you're right. Those louts wouldn't give a damn for her personality, however wonderful it is, but she's a pretty thing to look at too.", George agreed. Fred looked determined now.
"Aye, that's right. This complicates the matter, we'd better send guards with her from now on…"
The rest of the discussion was drowned out as Ron howled with laughter.
"PRETTY? The bloody bossy buck-toothed bushy-haired beaver? I never before considered you two funny, but this does it, really!"
The twins looked aghast at their brother. The portrait hole slammed shut in the background. Fred bent over to whisper to George.
"She heard that last bit, didn't she?"
"Guess so. We have to find her."
"Drag Harry back from lunch, we need the map."
~ 10 minutes later ~
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." George said as he chewed on one of the various sandwiches he'd snatched up as he went to the great hall to get Harry.
"Where could she be?", he wondered.
"Dunno. Library? Isn't that where she usually goes?", Harry offered, and George checked the area immediately.
"If she's there of course that doesn't mean that we can see her…", he muttered as he watched the tiny dots go about their business. Harry gave him an odd look, but George was saved from having to give an explanation by the arrival of Fred.
"Nah, just checked THAT place already. Nobody there."
The three young men thought for a moment, before Harry offered another suggestion.
"She didn't go to lunch. Can't she just have been hungry?"
Fred snatched the map out of George's hands and checked the kitchens.
"She's there already…"
"Having a little tête-a-tête with Diggory."
Harry frowned.
"Should we be worried about that?"
"Nah, when it comes to our tiny-Mione we actually trust Diggory a little further than we can throw him."
"He's been good to her, even when she was in first year."
"We worried a great deal about her back when you were still ickle firsties."
"Yeah, she didn't really have friends then, and our wee brother especially was being such a prat."
"So we figured that if we were pranking people anyway, we might as well prank the idiots that were mean to her."
"And we were sort of stalking her in the library back then."
The twins got suspicious grins on their faces while thinking of the secret chamber.
"But the reason for that last bit is not our story to tell."
"Anyway, this one time she couldn't reach a book on a shelf, so she asked Diggory because he's tall and he stood there anyway. Somehow she ended up correcting his THIRD YEAR transfiguration essay, and they've been friends ever since."
Harry looked suitably flabbergasted.
"How comes I don't know one of my best friends is gallivanting all of Hogwarts with some vapid pretty-boy?", he demanded angrily. The twins just got a devious spark in their eyes.
"Think Diggory is pretty, don't you?"
Harry spluttered.
"You know I don't mean it that way! How comes they're friends?"
"Well, I can't pretend to understand that girl, but I'd say that she likes to converse with an at least moderately intelligent being occasionally, figure it's a nice break from you, ickle Ronniekins and those demonic roommates of hers."
"Aye, for some pretty-faced Hufflepuff, Diggory actually has quite a brain, he's in our year, top of the class. Annoys the hell out of the 'Claws, he'll probably be headboy next year."
"Yeah yeah, I get it. As long as this is more about eyewitness OWL reports than about little kitchen expeditions like now, I guess I can accept it.", Harry grudgingly admitted. "I just don't see how I never noticed this before."
"Well, you can be rather dense…"
~ meanwhile in the kitchens ~
Hermione hated herself. She had never liked Ronald in any way, could barely tolerate him as a friend even, and now she was ruining the shirt of a real friend by sobbing into it.
"Hey, our pretty school champion shouldn't cry!", Cedric looked down at her with worry in his eyes as he held her.
"P-Pretty?" She had just stammered out an explanation in a rather grammatically incorrect manner. The twins had said that too. She herself was in two minds about it. She had a very clear, soft skin, the sort people with acne would kill for. She liked her deep brown eye color too, and her facial features were quite elegant. That left the bushy hair and the beaver teeth though, and since that was all most people could see, insecurities remained.
"Yeah, this way you'll have red eyes on all the photo's the Creepy kid will illegally send to the Prophet.", Cedric remarked, using the opportunity to force-feed the girl in his lap some chocolate cake.
"Creevey.", Hermione corrected.
"The stalkerative one, guess that's him.", Cedric shrugged. Hermione thought deeply though.
"Isn't there some law against that? It surely compromises ones privacy.", she wondered.
"You're right! There are libel laws in the wizarding world. However…" Cedric looked a little uncomfortable. Hermione sighed.
"Let me guess, purebloods are favored in court?" Cedric just nodded. To his astonishment however, Hermione suddenly smiled.
"Wonderful! That means we just need some incriminating photos of say… Malfoy. We'll call it an eye for an eye; if I can't convict someone for libel, they can't stop me from doing the same."
Wicked grins spread over their faces.
"To the Weasley twins!", they echoed. Those were really the best men for the job.
Hermione glanced at the remainder of the chocolate cake.
"Hmmm, I think I'll finish that first, it suddenly looks a lot more appetizing." Cedric smiled happily, he always worried about her eating habits, she simply seemed to forget about mealtimes between all the studying she did.
"I already figured out a plan anyway, and we'll need to wait until morning for it. Might as well bide our time on a full stomach."
"Sometimes you really scare me, Hermione, you're showing your inner Slytherin."
She snorted, momentarily not responding because her mouth was already occupied.
"You're the Slytherin here, you know my theory about the sorting hat."
"No, actually I don't. I recall some comments about 'the Claws of these days being such bloody Puffs', and you sometimes mistake Slytherins for Gryffindors, but I never got the full story."
Hermione took a moment to chew her cake and to go over her mental catalogue of conversations.
"No, you don't.", she said surprised. "Then I might as well tell you." She adjusted a bit in his lap and brushed the crumbs from her own.
"The Slytherins are a bunch of arrogant gits who talk before they think, while that sort of brash behavior is Gryffindor's job. Slytherins are supposed to be socializers: people who make a lot of contacts to potentially exploit. Those people now end up in Hufflepuff, whilst the true Puffs get into Ravenclaw because of their obsessive study habits that are actually an example of the legendary Hufflepuff work-ethic. Last but not least and strange as it sounds, the Claws go to Gryffindor. This has nothing to do with general intellect, but with true insight and talent. Neville is a natural with plants, Harry could probably get his defense OWL now without blinking twice. Even Ronald, prat as he is, has great strategical insight, and I guess I don't even have to mention myself."
Cedric stared at her for some time, as his mind processed the overload of information.
"Wow, that actually makes sense in a really odd way. What does the sorting hat have to do with it, though?"
"Well, he sorts people. I checked some records out of curiosity, and the personality division between the houses was a lot more like I just described it up to about two generations ago, something must've happened."
"The Grindelwald War.", Cedric blurted out, almost like a reflex. Hermione assumed a thoughtful look.
"That fits in really well. Dumbledore became a teacher here about that time, and since he was a Gryffindor in his days, the house would be associated with his side, like the general prejudice is, nowadays. Naturally that'd make the opposite side favor Slytherin, because of the row between the founders."
"Dumbledore can do just about anything, manipulating the sorting hat would be a piece of cake for him. No idea why he would want to do such a thing though, he always seems so pro-inter house friendships. You recon anyone else could have done it?"
"Oh, you'd need a pretty strong confundus charm for it, but I'm sure most wizards and witches could have."
With that they got up to look for the Weasley twins.
Late in the evening the next day the twins returned from the hospital wing where they had claimed an anti-nausea potion each. They had fulfilled their task, but it had not been a pretty sight.
"I wondered how Diggory came to know so much about Malfoy's shower-schedule."
"Indeed brother, this really does explain it though. I thought he just meant Malfoy showered long after quidditch practice, but waiting until the showers are empty really makes him annoyingly late."
"And bloody hell, the reason it is for!"
"Never would have guessed…"
"Never in my life, yes. But you know what this means, don't you?"
"Yes, we have to start planning some gender jokes."
In the common room, Hermione was still up waiting for the end of the mission to hold a debriefing
"What kept you so long, boys? Don't tell me you actually enjoyed watching the ponce shower, you were only supposed to snap a picture for blackmail.", she grumbled.
"Erm, 'Mione, we got a bit more than what we bargained for."
Mr. Malfoy,
We happen to be aware of the true gender of your 'son'. Better still, we have a frontal picture. Wouldn't like to have that on display on the front of the Prophet, eh? This is not a threat though. This is merely a strong suggestion to vote in favor if any non-purebloods call on the libel laws in times to come.
Don't worry, you would only find out who we are if it were already too late.
Dear ms. Skeeter,
Over the past few years, I read a few of your… delightful articles. Imagine my… happiness when I found out that you are to be the head reporter in all matters concerning the Triwizard Tournament in which I happen to compete. Hence, I would like to point out three little things:
I know what a Quick-Quotes Quill is, and am aware of the very strict regulations for using them.
I am perfectly aware of the existence of libel laws in the wizarding world. I also know in which degree they would normally apply to me, so I have taken provisions to ensure fair treatment. It will work, just take my word for that.
I am good friends with both Neville Longbottom and Harry Potter, and between the two of them their families hold enough of the Prophet's shares to make your bosses reconsider your employment.
I hope this letter reaches you in good health.
Regards,
Hermione Granger
Gryffindor 5th year, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry