A huge thank you to those who have already reviewed! Your support is amazing. This takes place right after the previous chapter. I imagined this conversation would have taken place, but it is not referenced in the book. The next chapter will contain a lot of content from the book, whereas this one is more a product of my imagination. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it for you!
"So what happened after I was stable?" I asked Edward, using his word from earlier. I could have used burning, but I was still feigning ignorance as to the events which happened during that time, from my point of view, at least. The world had been blinded from me. I couldn't pull Edward's face into view. All I remembered was looking for something to latch onto, something which would keep me fighting. Renesmee.
I could remember the moment with such clarity- the burning had not hindered that experience. Renesmee. I simply had to survive for her, for Edward. It wasn't a choice, it was a need. My little Edward. Of course, she wasn't the baby boy my subconscious had predicted. Her eyes didn't glow that soft green Edward's had been as a human. But Edward was there in her. She was a part of him. Edward was there in her bronze curls, the colour of them matching his tresses perfectly. The shape of her eyes...her straight nose...the defined angle of her cheek and jaw bones...I could see everyone of his perfect features mimicked in her face. I was there in the colour of her eyes and cheeks, but, to my surprise, it only made her more perfect.
A brief memory flashed into my head, fuzzy and blurred, seen through weak human eyes. I could remember wishing that our child would look just like Edward. I had wanted no interference from me in his features. A perfect little Edward. I would look at him and see the physical evidence of Edward's love for me, of my love for him. I truly hadn't wanted a child before, but this child. Edward's child. I simply had to keep him (now her). There was no choice involved. I couldn't hurt him. I couldn't hurt any part of Edward, even a part which lived separate from his perfect body.
To my amazement, my mind seemed to run over so many thoughts at once, though they didn't become jumbled as they would have when I was human. Every thought was clear, and everything was so fast. There was no break in conversation while my brain chewed over many ideas at once. Edward didn't have to wait for me to regain focus like he used to. He spoke without hesitation, appearing as if there was no gap in the conversation. My mind was spacious enough to fight its own debate whilst focusing on his answer.
"Once I was convinced you were starting the change...once your heart was beating steadily again..." His face was contorted beautifully from the painful memory. I had to keep the same look off my face. As far as he and the rest of the Cullen's knew, I hadn't known anything after Renesmee's violent birth into the world. I ran the back of my hand across his cheek, our fingers still interlinked.
"Carlisle, Esme and Emmett hadn't arrived home yet. I wasn't quite sure if I had done everything right. You were so still. I guess that was the morphine, though." I kept my face smooth and interested, not wanting to give myself away. "You were still bleeding at this point, quite badly, I recall. And then there was all the business going on downstairs with Rose and Jacob. Alice helped me clean you up. We wanted to see how bad your injuries were before Carlisle arrived." Edward's voice was barely above a whisper, though I heard it as if he had been shouting at me.
"Carlisle returned home while we were still cleaning your body. He assured me that you were fine, that I had done everything right. I didn't believe him so easily. You still looked so broken, but I could hear your heart, beating loudly. Carlisle and I examined your body for injuries. Most of your ribs were broken, along with your pelvis and your spine. I was so worried the venom wouldn't heal you properly, your injuries were just so extensive." Edward took a deep breath as if to steady himself. I realised how terrifying it all must have been for him, not knowing if I was alive, if I would make it through the transformation.
"But Carlisle assured me that the venom would heal you as it did Esme. We managed to stop the bleeding from your stomach and set your bones in place so you could begin to heal. Already we could see that the venom was having the right effect on your ribs. I couldn't leave your side, not for a second. Not even to go change." I had been too focused on his face before to notice that Edward had changed sometime during my transformation. I tried to remember what colour he had been wearing before. Grey? White? All I could remember was his bloodstained shirt, a tiny squirming shape in his arms...
"Of course, Alice had something to say about that. She brought in new clothes for me." He ran his eyes over the exposed tattered remains of my dress. "Well, for both of us. She was still worried at this point, though. Your future was so unclear. We thought that might have been because you were still so connected to her. We both were. But your visions became clearer over time. She could give me an estimate on the clock before you woke up," Edward said, relief painting his tone. I tried not to grit my teeth, remembering their secret conversation and wondering why they couldn't say it out loud.
"That's when I could really focus on peoples thoughts. I had been so solely concentrating on you that I had missed quite a bit downstairs. Everyone had gathered in the living room to meet the newest member of our family. They all wanted me to join, but I couldn't leave you alone. Carlisle was absolutely fascinated. He ran through a quick medical exam, taking her measurements and vitals. Esme was overjoyed, naturally. She could see us both there in her features, and it made her so happy, Bella." I smiled largely. Though I had always thought of her as our child, I hadn't voiced this out loud before. Edward had been convinced that what I was carrying was not a child, though he did believe it was his fault, not mine at all.
"Even Alice had no irritation towards Renesmee, though she couldn't see her at all. You wouldn't believe how quickly Renesmee all had us attached to her. Emmett was excited to be an uncle. He was enjoying her blush a lot," Edward winked at me. I remembered the countless moments when Emmett had teased me and the familiar pink colouring had tainted my cheeks. Edward seemed ecstatic with Renesmee's blush, too. After all, it was one of the human things about me he missed the most. And now it would live on in Renesmee, along with my eyes, and my heartbeat.
"Jasper was examining her mood very closely. He didn't know whether she would react more like an immortal child, although it was clear Renesmee was very controlled and far more developed for her age than any other child, immortal or otherwise. She was very thirsty. Rosalie fed her blood, but Carlisle wanted to explore whether she would be able to process regular food as well. We were all very fascinated with how the vampire and human features of Renesmee interacted." He said her name like he was talking about God, something far beyond earth. And she was. She was perfect, unique, and she was ours.
"And..." Edward hesitated slightly, before continuing, watching my reaction. "And Jacob was there too. Rosalie wouldn't let him get near Renesmee. Neither would Emmett or Jasper, for that matter. Even Alice was hesitant, not being able to see Renesmee's future. Or Jacob's. Nobody really understood what had happened between them. Jacob stayed quietly in the corner. Rosalie thought I was crazy for not kicking him out, but she didn't know about imprinting. From upstairs I helped Jacob explain." I had never thought the day would come where Edward would defend Jacob, protect him, especially not from his family. I stared, slightly amazed with this news.
"Then everyone was so captured with Renesmee's gift. Rosalie almost had a heart attack when she first saw what Renesmee could do. She was showing her birth scene to Rosalie, making the connection with who we all were. It shocked me to see that she knew who her parents were, after only seeing us for a few seconds." Edward's tone was flooded with warmth and love for his daughter. Although I had never imagined it before, Edward being a parent fit so beautifully. Like it was meant to be all along. That thought was a little bit ironic in my head.
"Renesmee could see Jacob with near perfect vision like ours. I could feel through her mind the pull she felt towards him. Even without any words of explanation, Renesmee felt Jacob belonged to her in some ways. Not the other way around, the way everybody assumes at the start. Jacob really had no choice. He belongs to Renesmee. Confused as she was, Rosalie could see the need for Jacob through Renesmee's thoughts, though she wouldn't let him close to her. Jacob seemed fine just sitting in the corner, watching her, and Renesmee seemed happy with him there." Edward was really focused on what he was telling me, his eyes intense with the memory.
"By that time I had gathered myself together a bit more. I could see that you were fine, or changing well at least, but I couldn't leave you. We had managed to clean up most of the blood by then. Nobody wanted to bring Renesmee near you while you were still bleeding. Once we had established that you were transitioning nicely and you wouldn't wake up anytime soon, Rosalie brought Renesmee upstairs. I could see her thoughts as I would anyone else. She wanted to meet me properly," Edward's voice was both amazed and shocked. It seemed hard for him to comprehend that Renesmee loved him as much as he loved her. Renesmee needed him.
"The others wanted to give us some privacy, or at least as much privacy they could bear. Nobody could part from her easily. Jacob followed Rosalie up the stairs, something she wasn't too pleased about. He even followed her in the room as she brought Renesmee over to me. She stared at me with those beautiful eyes- your eyes- totally aware with who I was, how I was related to her." Edward looked speechless. "And that's really as much as I can describe in words of how I first met her. But you should understand that now." And I did. There were no words which could describe the feeling of meeting my own magnificent, beyond perfect daughter.
"Then what happened?" I asked when he didn't continue. I wanted every single detail. I had only been out for a few days, but it felt like I had missed year's worth of happenings. Edward smiled at me, brushing his fingers along my jaw, my lips. I almost forgot I was waiting for an answer.
"Rosalie was refusing to leave Renesmee with me, or with Jacob, to be more accurate, but Carlisle and Esme managed to convince her to come downstairs and prepare some more fluid for Renesmee. So that left me alone with Renesmee and Jacob. Of course, everyone was listening closely downstairs, intentionally or unintentionally. I can't explain to you the...relief he felt, knowing you were alive, sort of. No matter what his tie is to Renesmee, he does still love you Bella. Just now it's less confusing. Less painful for you." I gritted my teeth, the anger temporarily returning. I had all but forgotten Jasper was still close to us until calmness returned. Edward took my relaxed expression to continue.
"Jacob stayed pretty quiet at first. Renesmee wanted to know all about you. The only memory she had of you was from just after your birth. She wanted to know if you were going to be okay, when you would wake up. Then she wanted to know all about you. I told her how perfect you are, and how loving and devoted you are. I could see that she loved you, a lot. It is almost as much as I love you." Edward smiled one blinding grin. I rolled my eyes slightly, grinning back. As childish as it sounded, Edward and I were forever trapped in the 'I love you more' debate.
"Renesmee was incredibly remorseful. I have never seen such strong emotions from someone who isn't a complete vampire. She was upset that she had hurt you. She could see your bones were broken still and your skin had not yet healed from where she left your body. Jacob and I had rushed to assure her that it wasn't her fault. It was strange, being on the same page as Jacob once again. But we both wanted the same thing for her. We both wanted Renesmee to be happy, and it was instinctual to reassure her." I hated to admit it, but Edward's reasoning was watertight. Jacob's instincts seemed not much different from my own when it came to Renesmee. Of course, that was the reason we were in this whole mess. He wasn't her parent, or even related to her.
"Ah," Edward said, though I knew he wasn't responding to anything I had done. His head turned towards the house, as if someone had called to him. They probably had, in their mind. Edward looked back at me in a way that was assessing. He was checking if I was alright, in control at least. After a quick second, Edward smiled and pulled me to my feet. My body travelled easily, and I knew I could have pulled him off the ground if I had tried.
"Carlisle's about to apply Seth's brace. Jacob got him to phase and go inside. Did you want to go see Seth?" Edward asked. I knew that he could tell that I wanted to apologize to Seth at the very least. He could see it on my face, the overwhelming need to make up for the terrible consequence of letting my temper get out of hand. I nodded weakly, not sure of what to do, what to say. Would Seth forgive me?
I let Edward guide me up the stairs and onto the balcony. I could hear our bodies getting closer and closer to the deep heartbeat inside, beating steady despite the pain he must be in. I took a deep, unnecessary breath and entered the house, Edward and Jasper at my sides.
I'm not sure how many chapters will be left. Maybe one or two. I wish to cover Edward, Seth and Carlisle explaining what happened with the wolves while Bella was changing, and some explanation of what Charlie thinks of Bella at the moment. I would love to add in a little bit more about each of the Cullen's reactions to Renesmee. I felt we didn't really get to see the bonds which formed between Renesmee and the Cullen's, espcially Edward in the book. Please review and tell me what you think!