Sara's grasp on the delicate champagne glass tightened slightly as she was finally left alone. It wasn't really working, this distraction, although it had provided a momentary reprieve from the usual routine. The mindless pattern of her life was so overwhelmingly... suffocating.
She let out a sigh as she looked around the room. It was a reunion of some sort at UNLV. The music was soft in the background and could only just be heard over the soft murmuring from old friends and enemies alike talking politely. None of them were actually interested in the lives of old ghosts- such a farce.
She tensed when she felt a hand wrap around her shoulder. "Here's another drink, I want to find Martin Shaw, I thought I saw him over there talking to his overweight wife."
He shoved the glass towards her and snatched the unfinished drink from her and set it on a nearby table. She maintained her mask, she couldn't let him see the look of disgust on her face. It wasn't the money that was important to her, it was the play. She fit into this role all too easily, she knew she should be a little afraid a how easily but at the moment it was change. Something different from her routine.
The strong arm pulled her a little closer and led her over to a couple standing in the corner. The woman was by no means "overweight", maybe a little full figured. The man with her smiled at them, she could see him searching their faces but there was no flash of recognition.
Her partner's arm finally left her and shook the man's hand heartily. She fiddled with her rings distractedly.
"Marty, it's great to see you again. It's Robbie Britt."
The man gave him a full smile but Sara could see in his eyes, the man couldn't quite hide the contempt.
"You looked great. Oh, this is my wife Sharon."
Robbie looked the woman up and down. "It's lovely to meet you. This is my wife Sophia." He wrapped his arm around Sara's waist possessively.
The couple looked more than surprised. "Your wife, wow."
He smiled smugly. Sara should have been repulsed by him but it didn't matter, nothing matter, especially not this silly charade.
"Yes, she is a paediatric nurse."
"Really, what a rewarding career." The woman seemed impressed and Sara could tell she was a housewife. Probably had four children and wished more than anything that there was something more substantial she could do with her life. As devoted as Sara was to her work, she would give almost anything to even have a taste of family life. Ironic really.
"It can be hard work dealing with panicked parents and sometimes it's so hard to see children suffering, especially now that we have our own."
She smiled proudly at Robbie and pulled herself closer to him.
"You have children?" Martin again seemed a little surprised.
"Just two, twins actually. Jessica and Ashley."
Sharon was impressed and a little disappointed. "You juggle work and twins, that's remarkable."
"Well, she loves being busy." He laid a soft kiss on her temple and the couple looked at them admiringly. It was funny how this little show could totally change their impressions of Robbie.
"So what about you Robbie, live out your dream of being a rockstar?"
Sara faded from the conversation, they did not interest her. She looked at her watch, it was getting late (and she had work in a few hours). She looked at her husband. He was a sturdy man, perhaps a little on the paunchy side but physically there was nothing wrong with him. It was surely his rude, dismissive attitude that made sure he never had any female companions.
She let out a sigh. Work wasn't the same, she used to love it, even when she came to Las Vegas. It slowly turned into a substitute for life itself then a distraction from the absolute nothingness drowning her. It was turning into nothing itself, paperwork and politics, what was the point? Even the feeling of justice had been lost, there was no such thing as justice. It is an illusion, to make people believe they continue living even after brutality had touched their lives.
She shook herself disgusted that she had allowed such nihilistic thoughts to overtake her again. Sara left the three to their pointless boasting, she needed a break from it. She stepped outside and smiled as she inhaled the fresh, crisp air of the night. It was much cooler than usual and it awakened her. It didn't alleviate the constricted impression of nothingness suffocating her, trapping her in a mindless routine that made her angry and lonely. No, it made her feel as though something was going to change, or maybe just something needed to change- before her restless frustration overtook her.
She tried to pinpoint when this, this- what could she call it? Depression? No, that was much too strong to describe her present state. Her state of nothingness. When this routine started.
There was no definite start she decided. It crept up on her and slowly pulled her under. She frowned when she realised it had strengthened around the time she had found out about Hank and his other girlfriend. Thankfully she couldn't give him full credit, she would never have allowed him to have had that big an impact on her life, she resented him too much.
But she had tried so hard then, to break out of that routine. She had wanted to talk to Grissom, how did she know there would be an explosion?
Grissom, she seriously did not need to start thinking about him. Not only had any prospect of a relationship long been dead and buried but even the chance of friendship was in a cold, cold grave. At times he only barely tolerated her, at others it was as if she wasn't there. That was definitely worse. She had been ignored most of her life so it shouldn't still hurt, it shouldn't still hurt that someone you really care about doesn't even notice you are there.
She was surprised herself at how long she had held out, how long she had waited for him. Sara had never been known for her patience. It should have made it all the more sweeter when she finally had what she had waited such a long time for but no, she was only left with the bitter taste of disappointment.
"Ugh, what the hell is wrong with me!"
Yes, the change had been a long time coming. No more pining, no more hopelessness, no more Grissom. Work was just work, she needed to- as Nick so deftly put it- get out more.
That's what she was trying to do. She couldn't even remember how she got mixed up in it all but she felt a little freer as soon as she became Sophia Britton. Sophia Britton wasn't trapped; she had children, a great job and someone who loved her.
She glanced at her watch again. In a few hours she would have to become Sara Sidle again.
"Hey are you okay?"
Robbie was beside her and she smiled pathetically. At least he looked a little concerned.
"I'm fine. Just a little tired and I really should be heading off soon. I have work in a couple of hours."
He raised an eyebrow at her not sure if this was another lame excuse to get away from him. It wouldn't be the first time. Of course, the time they had agreed was over.
"Would you like me to drop you off home?"
She shook her head. There was no way she would let a client know where she lived. "No thanks, I can drive, I only had half a glass of Champagne."
He nodded. "Well, thanks anyway. I had a good time. Bye." He gave her an awkward hug, probably made more uncomfortable by the fact Sara remained limp. She was too tired and cold to bother.
"Bye."
She left immediately wishing she had brought something warmer to wear. The thin navy dress she was wearing didn't keep out the chill and all she had brought was a light jacket. She might get sick.
Sara shuffled down the hall, that was always the good thing about working at night, it was never as busy as it was during the day.
She was late, probably for the first time in five years- five very long years. It didn't matter, she was too tired to care.
The breakroom hushed when she came in and Grissom was staring at her intently. She barely noticed as she made herself a coffee and sat down. The heat was welcome, her bones seemed to be cold.
At last she noticed Grissom watching her and she wondered why. This was the most attention he had paid her in weeks, not that she minded though, it was easier that way.
It suddenly clicked.
"I'm late."
She was sure she saw Greg smile out of the corner of her eyes but she looked back down at her coffee.
Grissom raised an eyebrow at her in question but she didn't notice. Eventually he cleared his throat and spoke up. "Any particular reason?"
She thought to herself for a moment. There were too many answers to give, the truth maybe? No, "I was out with my 'husband'" wouldn't go down to well, neither would "I didn't bother to rush because I really don't care if I'm late- I've finally realised that the job is not as important to me as I thought it was."
"I, eh, traffic was bad." That was lame, really lame. Even Grissom seemed surprised that it was the best she could come up with.
"Well, you can go with Catherine and Nick, a DB out in Pahrump."
He quickly vanished but she didn't notice, she was too absorbed in her steaming mug of coffee.
"You look nice, out somewhere special?"
It was Nick who asked but the others were obviously just as curious. She knew he was lying, she looked sickly but he thought she had made an effort so had tried to compliment her.
"No."
Catherine smirked at him.
"You know we wouldn't tell Grissom if that was what made you late."
She completely dismissed Nick. "So Pahrump? We should probably head off now then."
Nick and Catherine reluctantly followed after her as she scarpered from the room.
She was alone again.
A ripped shirt lay in front of her. It was covered in dried blood particularly around the neck, the victims throat had been sliced open viciously.
Sara had offered to come back to the lab to start processing evidence, she couldn't stay at that motel anymore.
The scene was gruesome but that wasn't unusual, humans could be sick beasts. The blood sprayed across all four walls in that small bedroom wasn't what creeped her out.
It was clear from her clothing that the woman was a prostitute although Sara had still sent Greg off to check it out. The man was in his early thirties and barely recognisable as his face had been shredded.
Uh oh. Grissom was at the door, she could feel him watching her and she tried her best to focus entirely on the short black hair she had lifted from the material in front of her.
He came in, still watching her closely and Sara couldn't help feel that he was criticising her. There was something she was doing wrong.
"You're back early." She finally had to look up at him, she matched his emotionless gaze. "Greg told me you were here."
He did now, did he? She could help curse her spiky haired colleague. Grissom was still watching her and she wanted to throw something at him. He was just waiting, waiting until she slipped up, she felt like he was attacking her with those penetrating eyes. She couldn't stand it anymore.
"What?"
It can out a lot more snappish than she had intended, after all he was her supervisor. At least he got what he wanted.
"Are you okay?"
She wanted to sulk, how the hell did he always manage to get a reaction from her?
"I'm fine, why are you hassling me?"
Damn. She really needed to learn a little more self control.
Annoyance and concern passed across his face and he opened his mouth but Greg interrupted any reprimand she was about to get. She just forgave her spiky haired colleague.
"There you are Sara, I was looking for you." She raised an eyebrow at him, she had been here earlier when he had talked to her. "Male DB was Mark Newman, used to be a barman at the Monaco Casino. Female DB was a prostitute, Michelle Curin."
"The male victim wasn't from my case, that was Warrick's. Thanks anyway Greg."
It was his cue to leave but instead Greg came over to the shirt she was examining. She picked up the magnifying glass and tried to ignore him, she was still very much aware of Grissom watching them.
"I feel really bad for the guy, you know he had two kids."
"Really?" She was getting angry, what was Greg trying to do to her. Did he want her to sympathise with this man? She was far too emotionally drained to give another piece of herself away to a victim.
"Bet he didn't quite know what he was getting mixed up in when he went there. He had just started up his own bar, life was going to get good for him."
She just about resisted the urge to slam down the magnifying glass in her hand. "You know Greg, we see plenty of victims every day. I am processing a shirt from a woman whose throat was ripped open."
He shrugged vaguely, finally realising how much he was irritating Sara. "I know but she was a prostitute."
His eyes widened as he realised what he had just said. The damage was done and Sara was mad as hell.
Greg took a step away from her and she thought maybe he was planning an escape route.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? She sells her body so she deserved to die. That she couldn't feel pain like "normal" people." She took a step toward him. "You know she had chunks of flesh missing, some removed by a very sharp knife, the rest ripped off her body by someone's teeth. She was tortured before her throat was finally slit."
She should stop, he was obviously sorry but she couldn't. It was like he had finely lit the match and ignited the furnace burning inside her, consuming everything.
"Sara."
Grissom's voice was level but she could still detect the hidden threat. It did nothing to stop her tirade.
"Do you think someone deserved to die like that? How do you think her family is going to feel?"
"Sara."
"I never thought you were a misogynist. Actually your worse, you're just as bad as the person that murdered her."
"Sara!"
She finally stopped and turned to Grissom. He was furious but she still managed to level him with a cool, rebellious stare.
"My office now!"
He pointed towards the door and she slammed down the magnifying glass in her hand and stormed out of the room.
She had to move as quickly as possible, she needed to get rid of some of her fury before she reached his office but she was there before she knew it. She swung the door open and stood in front of his desk impatiently.
He followed her in a little while after looking much more collected than Sara but she could still see he was almost as angry. He gently closed the door and surprised Sara with his own self control. Why should she be surprised? After all Grissom was the master of self control.
"What was that?"
Grissom hadn't bothered to sit down either. He was only a few feet away but it felt as though there was a gulf between them. She almost smiled, she had most definitely destroyed her career and she was making up pathetic metaphors.
"I don't know."
"You don't know?" He paused as he searched her eyes. "Have you been drinking?"
Oh great, back on this again. "I thought you said alcohol wasn't my problem?"
"Well what is then?"
She could feel renewed rage brewing inside her. "Why do you care? It's none of your business!"
"It is when you verbally attack one of my employee's."
She gave him a withering look and he finally felt the depth of her anger. She wanted nothing more than to tear that room apart, smash all those silly things on the walls, destroy everything that made this room Grissom's. She vaguely wondered where all this resentment of Grissom had come from.
He took a deep breath and his expression softened. He took a step towards her. "Look Sara," He reached out to touch her arm but she moved back as if burnt.
"Don't!"
"Sara, what is wrong with you?"
He hadn't meant to sound so accusing but it was too late, it had already been said.
"What's wrong with me? Ugh, how about what's wrong with you? Or us? Or Greg? Or perhaps society in general? What's wrong with a person that makes them murder, rape, steal?" She ran her hand through her hair looking more than a little stressed. "You know, I guess it's my own fault, I am just too emotional. Maybe I should just take my father's advice and stop being a "sensitive little bitch" or perhaps I should just be a cold hearted bastard like you."
Grissom looked as if he had been slapped and Sara immediately regretted saying it but she couldn't apologise, it wouldn't help.
"Go home, I don't want to see you for a week." He was hurt by her outburst and rather surprised. Sara had never lost her temper with him before but she wasn't telling him what was making her so mad so he couldn't help.
"Whatever."
At that moment he didn't want to look at her but the problem was solved when she stormed out of his office, the door slamming hard behind her.
Sara was glad she could escape for a while. She made sure she slammed the door on the way out of his office, it was childish and pathetic but it did make her feel a little better.
She knew he didn't want to see her at all, a week would be too short for him. Preferably a large black hole would come along and eradicated every trace of her and all the complications she brought into his life.
Six days. Six long days she had spent alone in her apartment. She hadn't left once since she had been suspended and hadn't talked to anyone either. She had run out of food but didn't bother ringing out for any.
She couldn't even remember what she had spent the time doing, everything just passed by and she didn't care.
She felt confined in her apartment, suffocating in the nothingness of her life but it helped her feel protected. At least in here she was safe from the complexity of life out there.
It didn't suit her though, she knew it. Every time she passed a mirror she had to glance back to make sure it was her. Her face had become gaunt and her skin seemed to have a horrible grey hue.
Her life was slowly killing her.
Sara let out a sigh and picked up her phone. She was going to ring Greg and apologise. She felt guilty about what she had said, it wasn't his fault she was a bitch.
It started ringing and she was worried, what if he didn't want to talk to her or was still angry at her?
"Hello?"
Calm, calm, it was still just Greg after all. Funny, goofy Greg.
"Hi, Greg, it's Sara."
She could sense his hesitation and realised her false cheery tone had him on edge.
"I just wanted to apologise. I was really out of line."
"Don't worry, you were right, I was really insensitive."
"I still had no right to rip into you the way I did."
"Well, it's okay now. I'm sorry you had to take a week off."
"That wasn't your fault, I was a complete bitch to Grissom, I was lucky I didn't get fired."
She heard him chuckle softly on the other end. "The lab hasn't stopped talking about that since, did you really slam his door?"
"Yep."
He laughed even harder. "Grissom has been in a foul mood over the last week. We have all just stayed cleared of him."
For some twisted reason that made Sara feel a little better. "So we're still friends then?"
"Yeah, of course. It would take you more than comparing me to a vicious, sadistic murderer to ruin our friendship."
She smiled despite herself. "Well I had better go I have a da... an appointment."
"Oh my God, were you going to say date? You are going on a date?"
She really did have a big mouth. It wasn't exactly a date she was going on, more a business transaction. She had to go to a family reunion.
"No, I have an appointment."
"Sara, it's eight o'clock in the evening, what kind of an appointment?"
"An appointment that's none of your business. I had better go, I'll talk to you soon."
"Okay then, bye. Enjoy your date."
She hung up and headed off to her bedroom. A family reunion with Jacob, Jacob Thompson. She needed to wear something classy, her purple dress maybe?
She took a quick shower and dressed herself up. She hated all this fuss but for this game it was needed and didn't seem as much of a chore.
The colour on her face seemed to take away a little of her grey pallor but she still looked so thin.
It took her very little time to get ready and leave her apartment. It was strange stepping outside her comfort zone, she felt exposed but it was okay, she had faced scarier things.
"I thought I asked for someone classy?"
Jacob Thompson said it more to himself but Sara still caught the insult. No wonder the man didn't have anyone to take to this reunion if he talked to women like this.
He wasn't bad looking, maybe a little strange though. He was about Sara's age and had very blonde hair. That with his pale skin and sharp features gave him a slightly unusual appearance. Sara found it interesting.
"My name is..." She had a better idea. "What would you like me to be called?"
He looked a little annoyed. "I don't know, something like, Victoria."
"Okay, Victoria. Are we married?"
He gave her another irritated glance. "No, look I'm only taking you on this thing so my mother doesn't try to set me up with my ex again. I wanted someone attractive and intelligent that would keep her happy."
He looked her up and down and Sara wanted to slap him. "I suppose you will have to do. Are you educated?"
"Yes."
"University?"
"Yes."
"What degree?"
"Theoretical Physics."
He gave her a curt nod. "That will do. We met four months ago, at a university lecture on... something." He gave a vague gesture before continuing. "You took a break from teaching to do research work at UNLV."
She was surprised by his assertiveness; usually she had to come up with the background. "So what do you do?"
"It doesn't really matter, they know all about me, they won't really care. Anyway, I just asked you to move in two days ago, that way my mother will think our relationship is moving forward and in a couple of weeks will serve as a good way to break up our..." He gave Sara a look of disdain. "Our relationship."
Sara herself had to take a deep breath, this guy was a bastard.
"Come on, We can get a cab there."
They had agreed to meet at a bar ten minutes away to get introductions out of the way. It made it easier to slip into a role but at this rate all Sara wanted to do was slip the guy a valium.
"I hope you can act otherwise this will be a waste of time."
She didn't bother answering him and the journey to his parent's house was made in silence. He at least paid the cab fare when they arrived and they walked together up to the front door.
Don't forget Sara, you are actually supposed to like this guy, you just moved in with him.
She gave a full smile as a small but friendly woman opened the door. Sara could hear music and chatter coming from behind and assumed there would be a lot of people.
"Jacob, darling, it's so good to see you."
"Great to see you too Mom."
The woman stepped out and gave him a tight hug. The street light showed that the woman had the same pale blonde hair her son had.
She stepped back from him and looked Sara up and down. The woman had the same penetrating gaze her son had.
"You brought a woman, that's great honey."
She must have passed the woman's scrutiny because she gave her son a proud smile before pulling Sara into a hug.
"Your cold darling, we better get you two inside." She held onto Sara's hand as they walked into the house. It was bigger than it looked and oddly very white.
"Jacob, you never told me you had a girlfriend. Where are your manners boy, aren't you going to introduce us?"
"Mom, this is Victoria."
"Oh isn't she beautiful." The woman's hands where still holding Sara close to her and she felt a little unnerved by all the close contact.
"You can call me Terri."
"It's great to meet you Terri."
"So how long have you and Jacob been an item then?"
"Four months now, right honey?" Sara managed to pull herself away from Terri and wrapped an arm around Jacob's waist. She felt him tense at the contact and was worried he felt she had over stepped the mark. Then again, he wanted her to be convincing.
"Aww, look at you two. Young love, what I wouldn't give..."
"Hey now Mom, I'm sure Dad wouldn't be too pleased to hear you say that." A man, almost identical to Jacob only slightly smaller and older came out to join them.
He smiled at Sara friendlily. "Hi, nice to meet you." He shook her hand gently. "You must be the woman Jacob's been telling me about. I'm his brother, Luke."
The family must be religious, two very Christian names. Then again her name was Christian and her family was certainly not religious.
"I'm Victoria, it's nice to meet you."
"Come in and we'll introduce you to everyone. No one is going to believe you are actually here with Jake."
He gave his brother a smug smile and Jacob glared at him. "My name is Jacob."
"Now, now boys, not in front of guests." Terri wrapped her arm around Sara and led her into the kitchen. "Can I get you a drink first?" She reached over for a bottle of red wine. "This is gorgeous, my husband's a bit of a wine enthusiast so we always have the good stuff. Unless you prefer white, or something stronger?"
Sara smiled at the woman, she was just so friendly, so motherly. "The red will be fine, thank you."
A glass was quickly thrust into her hand Terri watched eagerly as Sara tasted it. It was wonderful, smooth and fruity, she was sure she could detect a hint of vanilla.
"Wow, this is gorgeous."
Terri smiled approvingly, glad that she impressed her guest.
"Jacob!"
Her son did not look amused to be called back over
"Yes?"
"Don't leave poor Victoria on her own, she doesn't know anyone here. Where are your manners?"
Sara tried to hide her smirk as Jacob glared at his mother, embarrassed by her terse manner.
"So did you meet my son at work? That's where he is always spending his time, I told him he couldn't marry his job, he needed to get me some grandchildren."
Terri seemed completely oblivious to her son's mortification. Sara was just glad to see Jacob brought down a little- a bit of humility never hurt anyone.
"Actually we met at a lecture at UNLV, I can't even remember what it was about, I was too distracted."
Sara smiled as she reached out and squeezed Jacob's hand. He squirmed a little and it made her feel good that he was uncomfortable. Terri beamed at the pair.
"Aww, come on, I want to introduce you to Linda. My niece has just got engaged and my sister won't shut up about it. At least now I have some good news to share." She reached over to pick up her glass before turning thoughtfully back to Jacob.
"No, Mom, no."
Sara looked between the pair confused.
"Are you sure? It would be so nice to tell everyone about it?"
"No, Mom, don't you dare. We are not getting engaged just so you can show off."
Sara felt heat rise in her cheeks. This was all getting a little over her head. She wasn't used to this intense family atmosphere and Jacob was still giving her irritated glances, it was all making her feel out of her depth.
Terri seemed to sense her internal panic and held onto her hand. "Hey, it's okay, I'm only joking. I didn't mean to alarm you."
Sara nodded, she seemed to have lost her voice. Jacob grabbed her arm and dragged her out into the living room. He pushed her over into a corner and she realised just how tall he was. Jacob opened his mouth, surely to rip into her but he never got the chance. His mother interrupted them.
"So what do you do?"
"I was a teacher but I've taken a few years out to do a physics PhD at UNLV."
"Ohh, smart cookie. It's nice to finally have a science geek in the family. All of us are into the arts. Jacob is fascinated by languages. So, where did you study?"
Sara looked at her glass embarrassed, this was always a little awkward, some people took her intelligence as a personal insult. "Harvard, and I did my master's at Berkeley."
Terri seemed to be in heaven. Jacob on the other hand glared at Sara as if she had said something highly offensive. She felt her face flush with heat, what the hell was wrong with him?
"Hey, Linda, Tommy, come over and say hello to Jacob and his girlfriend."
A petite woman in a pale green dress looked towards the three surprised before making her way over to them. A tall Hispanic man followed after her looking a little bored.
"Your Jacob's girlfriend?" Disbelief was evident in her voice and Sara wondered if Jacob had ever brought home a woman. "We always thought he was gay."
Sara couldn't help but chuckle and Terri frowned at her sister.
"No, seriously, it's nice that Jacob finely found someone patient enough to put up with him."
Sara didn't look over at Jacob, she already knew he would be wearing a disapproving scowl.
Terri was nodding her head enthusiastically. "Yeah, not only is she beautiful but intelligent too. You know she studied at Harvard."
She started to blush but still smiled at Terri's lack of subtlety.
Linda smiled pleasantly at Sara before turning to Jacob. "Did you hear about Hannah and Anthony, they are finally getting married."
She liked this. Sara had never really had the chance to experience such a close family atmosphere, sibling rivalry and she had never had a family that had been proud of any of her accomplishments.
Jacob's brother came over to the two older women.
"Rachel is a bit unsettled, I think she wants one of you two."
The two women promptly left them and Luke turned back to Sara.
"So Victoria, still here?" She frowned at him a little confused. "I thought you would have run away as soon as you realised how crazy my family was."
He gave her a full smile. It seems as though Luke inherited all the charm, Jacob was certainly lacking in that department.
"Nah, I love your family. You want crazy, you should have met my family."
He noticed her use of past tense but was polite enough not to comment.
"Hey, I'm going to go catch up with Michael, okay?" Jacob was talking to Luke and rested his hand gently on his shoulder as he passed.
Sara took a nervous sip from her glass, it was making her feel a little mellow. "So, who is Rachel?"
"It's Linda's granddaughter. She's eighteen months old. Her parents are away for the weekend and Mom and Auntie Linda love doting on her."
She smiled imagining the two women fussing over a baby. "Do you have any kids?"
"Nah, my wife isn't really interested in kids at the moment."
"What about you?"
He shrugged vaguely and Sara wondered belatedly if this was a little too personal.
"I would like to have children at some point but this is going to affect Kate lot more than me. It's her body that it going to balloon. What about you?"
She kinked an eyebrow at even the thought. "When I was younger, a child, I used to dream of having a big family. Providing everything that I never got. Now, I don't know. I guess a lot of it could depend on finding the right guy."
She looked away shyly, she hadn't meant to say so much. She noticed Jacob watching her and wondered if he was worried about what she was talking to his brother about. She quickly turned away when she felt heat rise through her under his impenetrable gaze.
"Do you think Jacob's the right guy?"
She was surprised by the question. "Eh, I don't know, we haven't really talked about kids or anything."
"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"It's okay, just a little too early for us to be making decisions like that."
Luke nodded in agreement as he glanced over at his brother. "I think Jacob's worried I'm hitting on you, he keeps throwing me possessive glares."
Her eyes widened in surprise and she tried to casually look over in his direction. At that exact moment Jacob levelled his piercing gaze at her and Sara found it oddly difficult to turn away. His eyes, that steely glare made her stomach flip in an unbidden way and startled, she had to close her eyes. Had to end the spell and pay attention to Luke, who seemed amused by whatever had just taken place.
"Oh, here comes the two old crones and the baby."
Luke nodded in the direction of the doorway at his mother and an adorable child.
"I bet you wouldn't dare call them that to her faces."
Just as she turned back to see his reaction, she found herself the sole attention of Jacob who must have slinked over to them when she wasn't looking.
"You're right about that. She must have ditched Linda on the stairs. Uh oh, looks like they're headed in our direction."
He tried to casually escape but not before they were joined by his mother.
"There you are, I was hoping you hadn't sneaked off while I was upstairs. Jacob always leaves early and now that he has an even better reason to leave, I thought you would already be gone."
Sara chuckled pathetically not that Terri seemed to notice as she shifted the child from one hip to another. As soon as the toddler was close enough to Sara, she reached out a chubby hand and latched onto a loose tendril of hair.
Gently the older woman unclasped the small hand before adding encouragingly. "Here can you take her? She seems to like you," Terri gave her a mischievous wink. "And you never know, the practice might come in useful."
Sara's eyes widened in fear. Rachel was adorable but Sara didn't have the first clue what to do with the baby. She shook her head and Luke watched her with amusement.
"No, really, it's okay. I'm not good with kids, they don't like me very much."
Terri brushed Sara's comment aside. "Nonsense, Rachel likes you, she's a very curious little girl. Here-"
She practically shoved the little girl towards Sara and she automatically reached out for the girl and pulled her safely towards her.
"I'll be back in a minute." Terri quickly disappeared, not that Sara noticed. She was too busy staring at the child resting slightly on her hip.
The child reached up to touch the necklace around her neck and Sara felt something heavy in her chest. Was this what she was missing? This weight on her felt so natural and she wondered if this was why her life was so painful, because she didn't have a small creature that was a part of her to love and nurture.
Rachel smiled up at Sara and she stroked the child's cheek affectionately. She didn't notice Luke or Jacob watching her avidly.
"She's gorgeous."
"See, you are good with children."
She smiled gratefully at Luke before her attention was drawn back to Rachel.
Then it hit her.
Sara felt a familiar stinging in the back of her eyes and her throat seemed much tighter. Jessica Hudson, that was the name of the tiny creature she had been visiting in the morgue two days ago. There were very obvious physical differences between the two children but at that moment all Sara saw was the pale, cold, brutalised little face of Jessica looking up at her. The baby had horrific injuries, huge purple bruises, broken ribs, a broken wrist and her neck had been viciously snapped. She had been snatched from her home and tortured for two days before she was finally killed. Sara had been there, when the parents had been told. She could never do it, never have a child, something she could love with her entire being and have it ripped from her. She couldn't do it. She couldn't give herself to something so fragile and vulnerable.
"Oh God."
It was all she managed to choke out before she felt tears roll down her cheeks. Luke looked at her alarmed before taking Rachel from her as Jacob's strong hand grabbed her arm and dragged her from the room.
He was probably going to throw her out, he had every reason to be angry with her. She had embarrassed him in front of his family so she was more than a little surprised when he pulled her upstairs.
His grip never loosened even when they bumped into Terri. Sara tried her best to hide her tear streaked face behind her hand but it was pointless.
"Victoria, are you okay?"
Her voice was so full of concern that Sara felt guilty about making a spectacle of herself.
"She's fine- just need to go somewhere private."
Terri seemed to understand as she gave him a small nod and made her way downstairs. Sara looked after her until her arm was tugged on and Jacob shoved her into one of the bedrooms before entering himself and closing the door.
It was dark in the room but the curtains were open and the moonlight filtered in so that she could still slightly see him in the dim light standing by the door with his back to her.
He ran his hand over his face but didn't turn towards her. He was mad. She should apologise, she knew she had to and she would have to refund him- not that that really bothered her.
"I'm really sorry, I, I didn't mean..."
She trailed off and silence filled the room once more. The tension was almost suffocating and she had to do something.
"I think I had better go, I'm really sorry."
She made her way towards the door although she wasn't sure what she was going to do when she got there, Jacob was still blocking the exit.
She slowly wrapped her hand around the door handle and was about to ask him to move but he pulled her wrist away and turned to face her.
She was startled when she saw the conflicted look in his eyes.
"Are you okay?"
He reached out gently to brush his fingers over the dried tears on her cheek and she suddenly felt like there would be fresh ones on the way. For some unknown reason, his genuine concern really touched her. She nodded slowly, not trusting her voice.
"God, I have wanted to do this to you all night. You are so beautiful."
His lips immediately sought out hers and he turned them both so that she was firmly wedged between his body and the door. Her head hit against the wood but she barely noticed. She was so stunned she didn't react, not until she felt him press his tongue into her mouth and his hand pull her hips into his.
To her surprise her hands automatically joined behind his neck to pull him closer and she let out a low moan. Obviously this was enough encouragement for Jacob as his hands grasped onto her ass and lifted her off the ground.
She couldn't help pull back and was about to laugh until she saw the sheer intensity and lust in his eyes so she wrapped her legs around him instead. He managed to stumble towards the bed and threw her down none too gently.
Jacob crawled up the bed towards her and as Sara leaned up to capture his lips again he flipped her over. She looked over her shoulder frowning until she felt him tug down the zip on her dress.
He ran his warm, rough hand up her inner thigh before pulling the dress off and throwing it haphazardly over his shoulder.
Catherine looked over her shoulder at Sara rattling around in her locker. She hadn't seen Sara for a week but she looked different. Thinner definitely and not in a good way, but she also had a softer, fresher look about her. A hint of a smile could be seen on her lips. Something had changed and Catherine had an idea what it was.
"So how was your time off?"
Sara pretended to be distracted. "Huh?"
"I said, what did you do with your time off?"
She finally straightened up and looked at Catherine suspiciously. "Not much really. Why?"
Catherine shrugged. "No reason, you just seem different."
Sara frowned a little as she pulled her jacket off and hung it up.
"Did you enjoy yourself?"
Catherine could tell she was annoying Sara, she was awfully private, but her curiosity won out. "So who is he?"
Sara turned immediately and stared at Catherine nervously. Only a knowing smile was returned.
"What do you mean? He's no one, I mean there is no one."
Catherine took a little pity on her when she became flustered and started riffling through her locker again.
"Well I think it's good you have met someone else." Catherine was well aware of the friction that existed between Sara and Grissom and was glad that she was finally moving on. "I will see you later."
Sara nodded as she closed her locker and Catherine quickly left.