Hamu Hamu Ninja Adventure!
By: Clubbed2Death
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor Hamtaro/Hamutaro. If I did, so many characters would die...
Thanks for the reviews, blah, Imma continue this for all the hamster and Narutard fans out there! Yeah! Inspiration, yo~ Also, I'm getting a little interested on where this story is going as well so, I'll be writing it better and might even make it a little serious. But it's still sort of like a crackfic... cause rape and serious don't work out in crackfics.
WARNING: MEGA SUPER OOC ALERT! OOC ALERT!
Chapter 2:
Sarutobi never thought he'd reach the day in his age where one of the rookie nine teams would come in and say they have failed to capture Tora, the demon cat. Not in all his life as he heard of the mission to catch a damn cat was thundered, sure, it may have took hours, but the teams would eventually find her somewhere in the forest. He knows she's stubborn and quick, but if a ninja can't catch her then that is no ninja. How hard is it to catch a damn cat anyway? You take some fish, some feathers, lay it out for her, and wait... make some cat noises, meow~
Then he listened to their story, and he watched as Kakashi explained about the missing boy he oddly is fond of, and raised his eyebrows as the man then held out the said tiny rodent in his hand in front of his face for him to see. Indeed like Kakashi said, Sarutobi noticed the cute orange outfit it was wearing and the similarity to that of Naruto's own outfit. What? It's a law. If it's miniature then it's cute.
He blinked back and forth between Kakashi and his two genins, Naruto apparently present in the palm of his Jounin's hands. ...Then he sighed.
"Look, I know I'm old, but I'm not fucking senile."
Kakashi used his other hand to face palm, knowing already how impossible his theory must sound. "I know it sounds ridiculous, but this is really Naruto, I swear! Just look at the way this hamster acts!"
Sarutobi and the rest proceeded to wait as 'Naruto' used his tiny paws to pat Kakashi on his thumb. Most of their eyebrows were twitching when 'Naruto' attempted to look at the ground but then get scared and fall back in the man's palm onto his back and struggled to get back up again.
"Oh my God, it's so cute."
Kakashi, Sasuke, and Sakura looked strangely at Sarutobi, who coughed into his hands and took out his smoke pipe.
"Well. It seems that if you're theory is true, then there must be a logical reason as to why he suddenly turned into a hamster," Sarutobi said. "Are you sure he's not just using the transformation justu to fuck with you all?"
Kakashi sweat dropped at the old man's lack of his usual somber and wise tone. 'Did he take his meds...?'
"YEAH! Naruto is probably just trying to trick us!" Sakura agreed, now looking at the hamster with a shake of her head and a hand over her heart as if in relief. "Damn it Naruto! I seriously thought you changed into a hamster for real. This joke was elaborate."
Sasuke just blinked at her and sighed in annoyance. "So we failed a mission because of him again?"
Sakura nodded her head in agreement to her all time crush, but then her face slowly turned red in embarrassment. "U-Um, actually I dropped the cat... but it was Naruto's fault I did! I hate rats!"
Kakashi just sighed. "This isn't a rat..."
"But you know what?"
Everyone stopped to see Sakura peering at Naruto a little closer. Kakashi moved his hamster filled hand towards her and her face lit up in delight.
"Hamsters are... kind of cute. They're not fat and dirty like rats. ...maybe it's a good thing that Naruto changed into one. Hamsters can't talk after all."
Sasuke snorted, seeming to like the idea as well.
"Kakashi, can I hold him?" Sakura squealed when she watched Naruto look up at her with his big eyes.
Kakashi felt reluctant on giving up the tiny rodent. He's just so soft... and fluffy. "Um... no," he replied, shifting his eyes and thinking up a quick lie.
Sakura stared at her teacher and then put her fists on her hips in anger. "Why not?" She asked.
'Shit! Abort! Abort!' The man turned away from her and stared back at the Hokage. "So, why has Naruto not end his joke? He should stop this nonsense now... my hands have become really warm... it's so... upsetting... I'm... getting so ...annoyed..."
"Then give him to me!" Sakura demanded.
Kakashi cupped Naruto into his chest and screamed, "NEVER!"
Sarutobi sighed while Sasuke stared at his teammates in shame.
"I have no clue as to why Naruto has not returned to normal yet, so maybe we should just wait until the jutsu wears off... or some other explanation like that and stuff," the old man said, holding up his smoke pipe while he stares at the team with amused eyes.
The team leader nodded. "Sure... but Naruto is so small. He can't live by himself, obviously, so... I guess he'd be safe if he lived with me." 'I always wanted one of these.'
"That's not fair!" Sakura said aloud, "What if I want to keep him?"
"Screw you."
"Sensei!"
Sarutobi felt a vein throb and burst in his head at the two's childish antics. "Enough!"
Kakashi and Sakura made a pout with their lips, although unnoticed on Kakashi's thankfully for him, and turned back to their village leader.
"Sasuke takes him," Sarutobi concluded.
The two's eyes widened. "Awwwww~," they said in unison, clear disappointment oozing out of their faces as they glared at the lonely boy. Sasuke on the other hand quickly made way for the door.
"Not so fast!" Kakashi yelled, and quickly grabbed the boy's collar. He pulled him back like a caught fish in a cat's paw and held him between Sakura and himself.
"Why do I have to take the idiot?" Sasuke asked, his eyebrows twitching on his supposed remote expression. Sarutobi just laughed at the boy.
Kakashi held out Naruto to the Uchiha, and Sasuke looked down at the now furry and supposedly adorable Naruto.
"Take care of Fluffy...," Kakashi said, a tear drop falling down his clothed cheek.
The preteen sighed and rolled his eyes. He held open his hands and Kakashi pushed Naruto onto Sasuke's paler ones. Sasuke's hand instantly enveloped the warmness that the hamster produced. His eyes widened, and he felt his heart ...grow two sizes that day. (*gets shot*).
'...so...so soft...' The boy thought.
"And now problem solved!" Sarutobi cheered. "Let's celebrate with vodka!"
The three just stared.
3 HAMU HAMU! Ninja kyaa~ 3
Sasuke sat in his house and looked down at the cute hamster in the small container. He sighed and looked over at the shoe box he had to fish out from his closet.
It took forever for him to find a box that size, make a few small holes in the side and then apply the hamster necessities he received from Kakashi, who ran to the pet store and returned with food and a pet water bottle. The boy continued to shred up some paper and spread it over the bottom of the box. He sighed again as he pushed the bottle's tip end in the hole and had to use tape to make sure the small bottle did not fall off. He wouldn't want Naruto to die from dehydration or anything like that after all... or... does he...?
Sasuke shook his head. Kakashi would kill him.
He dug his hand into the bag of sunflower seeds and made a small pile on top of the shredded paper. There! Naruto's temporary home is now complete. Sasuke felt proud of building a home for the dobe. The a-hole should now be grateful for all his hard work, sweat and tears.
The Uchiha got up and stretched his legs, he turned around to the small container and opened the box top to transport the idiot into his new home. When he looked inside, he felt his eye's widen and twitch. There were many small drops of poop... but no idiot. Then his vein popped on his forehead.
"Naruto!" Sasuke shouted, quickly looking around the floor to see if the hamster was running around.
"Naruto, damn it!" Sasuke screamed, standing up and running around his couches in hopes of finding him. He looked under and over but stopped when he realized he shouldn't move so much or he might step on him. And no one wants messy hamster blood on their shoes after a hard day of work now do they?
"I'm going to kill him!"
Naruto ran as fast as he could.
"OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH... SHIT!"
He was angry how the old man betrayed him.
"Me? Living with SASUKE? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
What has he done to deserve this unholy punishment?
"I don't want to live with Sasuke! Why couldn't Sakura take me, WHY?" He cried, "but more importantly- HOW THE HECK AM I STILL A HAMSTER?"
The hamster sighed as he hid behind the table leg, and looked as Sasuke ran off to the hallways calling after him. "Hehe, idiot!" Naruto snickered, slowly coming out of his hiding spot to better think in the dining room light. He positioned his tiny paws together and thought real hard. He can feel his chakra moving within him, and tried to release the jutsu that he did not remember doing, like how Sarutobi had said.
"I wish this was a prank," Naruto sighed, "but it really isn't a jutsu. I'm not turning back!"
The hamster plopped onto his cute butt and sighed with his whiskers twitching. So adorable!
Sasuke eventually ran back to his traditional Japanese style living room and ran inside the open sliding doors to the western dining room. (Cause his house is pimp like that. Uchiha Clan goes, "Oh hell naw, diversity, biiiitch~")
The boy sighed as he looked all around the floor and finally noticed the orange coat and yellow fur. "Ah-ha! Dobe!" He yelled out, immediately going after the hamster.
Naruto squeaked, "Oh shit!" He began running as fast as his tiny little paws can away from the angry Uchiha chasing him. But a giant foot came in front of his path.
"Nooooooo~" Naruto cried, then his body was grabbed onto callous hands.
Sasuke almost cackled, but left that in his mind as he held the hamster within his tight grasp. "You idiot! Do you know how easily you can be squashed if not protected?"
Naruto rolled his eyes.
"You should be thanking me."
"I will bite your face off!" Naruto yelled.
Sasuke watched as the little hamster squeaked and tried wiggling out of his hand. He sighed and walked to the little hamster home he made. He set Naruto down inside and the hamster continued to look up at him with a glare. Sasuke almost snickered. Then he watched as Naruto cautiously walked around inside his new little house. He sniffed at the paper shredding and steadily raised a sunflower seed with his little paws. He dropped it, or actually tossed it aside with a, "bleh" and continued to his water bottle to see what it does. The Uchiha laughed when Naruto looked right up at him with the usual stare he recognizes. It translates, "I hate you."
"You deserve it. This is probably karma."
He heard Naruto squeak at him.
"What? What was that? I don't speak hamster."
Naruto squeaked louder in anger, amusing the young boy.
'Having a hamster... is actually kind of fun. ...I wanna torture him!" Sasuke's evil mind searched back to all his small toys he used to play with as a child. He did not have many, because his father believed more in training than fun, but he remembers the small toy trucks his brother passed down to him when he was four. ...the thought of Itachi as an innocent boy playing with toys disturbed the young Uchiha greatly and he quickly blocked it out of his mind in fear of a mental break down... just in case.
"I have to find that truck," he concluded, and got up to leave in search above in his attic.
Naruto watched Sasuke leave, declaring his ambitions. He felt scared.
"I'm going to be like a barbie to her dream car!" He cried. "Sasuke get back here! Sasuke!"
The little hamster sighed and sat down in the paper. He looked at his new home in distaste. "Jeez Sasuke, this place is boring as hell."
He just sat and continued to die on the inside. What he really needs to do is figure out a way to get to that hamster.
"I just know he had something to do with me changing, but he's probably gone now!" Naruto growled in frustration at the thought of trying to find such a small animal in a huge world. "Being a hamster sucks!"
"Being a hamster must be so cool!"
Naruto widened his eyes and turned to the person behind him.
"Kakashi-sensei!"
Kakashi reached into the house and lifted Naruto out. He petted Naruto on the head and tried to contain his inner happiness. "God damn it, Fluffy! You're so soft!"
Naruto crossed his arms as Kakashi continued to defile his humanity.
"Come on Naruto, I brought you a wheel to run on. I forgot to get it at the pet shop earlier."
Kakashi placed a red wheel into the house and put Naruto back inside to enjoy it. Naruto just stared at his teacher and slowly shook his head.
"What is up with me turning into a hamster and making everyone weird about it?"
"Fluff- I mean, Naruto! Use the wheel! You need to keep up with your training after all," and with that Kakashi laughed at his own joke.
Naruto wanted to bite his face off.
"If he even has a face under that mask! If so, I bet it's ugly! Burn~! Oh damn, no one is around to hear that."
The hamster twitched as Kakashi kept reaching into his home and taking up space. It scared him whenever the giant hand would knock something over.
"Ahhh! Godzilla!" Naruto squealed off to the corner and dodged the wandering hand.
"Sensei, stop!" Naruto yelled. "You're like a kid who kills all his small pets! It's freaking me out!"
Kakashi can not hear the hamster as he tried grabbing a hold of Naruto. "Damn it, Fluffy... hold still, or I might accidentally hurt you."
Naruto dodged again and leaped onto the wheel. He began running as fast as he can, and Kakashi stopped his tyranny to watch with amusement as Naruto ran like hell.
"So... so... SO CUTE!"
And thus the teacher was glad no one was around to hear that.
Naruto panted as he ran and ran. He wanted to stop but realized how his legs continued on. It was difficult, considering how fast he was running. "Something... bad... is going... to happen!" He panted harshly. "But... I'm gettin'... tired, Ah!"
The hamster stopped running due to exhaustion, but screamed as the wheel continued to roll ...and with Naruto still inside.
He held on to the bars and screamed while he went up and down as if on a Ferris wheel roller coaster.
"HELP ME!" He cried, "I'M GOING TO THROW UP!"
Kakashi held on to his sides as he laughed. "THIS IS TOO MUCH!" He yelled. The man laughed harder when he saw Naruto fly off the wheel and onto the paper shreds.
Naruto felt dizzy and attempted to stand on his feet. In confusion he tried walking it off, but fell over on the soft paper shreds in defeat. "Never... doing... that... again...," he mumbled in misery.
Kakashi continued to enjoy himself when all of a sudden he felt another presence.
"Sensei... what are you doing here?" Sasuke asked, a toy truck tucked under his arm.
The man looked at the Uchiha standing in the doorway, and smiled with the curve of his eye as he replied, "Playing with Flu- Naruto."
Sasuke walked over and saw Naruto squeaking and walking as if drunk and on crack.
"Sensei! What did you do? You have to be more careful, small rodents are fragile."
Kakashi raised an eyebrow at the boy and looked directly at Sasuke's truck.
"... What? I wasn't planning on doing anything cruel."
"Hypocrite. You know just as well as I do that hamsters are fun to mess with."
"..."
"DO I NOT HAVE A SAY IN THIS?" Naruto screamed. "UGH! Being a hamster sucks!"
Sasuke brought a hand to his face and placed the truck down on the floor. "Well, whatever, get out now."
"What? Hey now, Fluffy belongs to me as well."
"Oh, so we're sharing? The Hokage said specifically that I-"
"He only said that you were to house him, not that Fluffy belongs to you."
"He said that Naruto is mine!"
"Did not!"
Suddenly a head full of pink came into the two's view, surprising them when a loud voice broke them up, "GUYS! GUYS! ...We are to share Naruto... NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OUT OF MY WAY!"
Kakashi and Sasuke stared as Sakura pushed her way through to Naruto's little home.
"How the hell is everyone getting into my house so easily?" Sasuke demanded.
"Well, I'm a Jounin."
"I just stalk you too much."
Sasuke sighed and face palmed once more.
Sakura, having already trespassed onto Uchiha property countless times with Ino (Isn't that excuse so convenient?), easily made her way to Sasuke's house in an attempt to play with Naruto. She made it her mission to see Naruto no matter what, because...
"I never got to hold him," she complained, slowly reaching into the cage.
Naruto jumped with joy. "Sakura, save me! These guys are crazy!"
The hamster crawled to her hand and Sakura squealed in excitement when Naruto settled into her palm.
"So... so soft," she mumbled as she raised him to eye level.
"Careful!" Kakashi said. "You're a newbie to the enjoyment of hamsters."
"Am not!" Sakura defended.
"You just said hamsters were ugly earlier today," Sasuke said.
"Y-yeah, but... you said they were gross," Sakura remarked with an embarrassed blush at her crush's comment.
"EVERYONE HAS GONE MAD!" Naruto screamed once more.
Sakura giggled as she used a finger to softly pet Naruto's head. "He looks so cute with his little head band. It makes me want to kill something! Ahh~"
"Seriously, hamsters are dangerous," Kakashi agreed.
Sasuke looked longingly at his toy truck, wishing his teammates would leave so he could finally test out his idea.
"It's getting late. Naruto needs his sleep," Sasuke said, urging Sakura to put him back in his house.
"SHUT UP Sasuke! What are you, my Mom? I'm enjoying my time with Sakura!" Naruto yelled, who previously was rubbing back against Sakura's finger. 'I might never get this opportunity again, yay!'
"Ohh, but he likes me!" Sakura said, then raising the hamster to her cheek and rubbing along his fur. Naruto felt an arrow struck his heart and he fell over in shock.
"Sakura! You're killing him!" Sasuke yelled, reaching out to grab Naruto.
"HEY! I'm not done!" Sakura surprisingly yelled back.
"Kids, calm down. Let Sakura hold Naruto for five more minutes then we'll leave," Kakashi said, finally regaining his maturity for probably a few more seconds.
Sasuke huffed as he let Sakura cuddle with the hamster more, feeling irritated that she was getting more time with the pet than he was, despite the fact that he gets to keep him in his house. The young boy crossed his arms and looked away. He is NOT pouting, repeat, NOT POUTING.
Naruto never felt any happier, until five minutes ran out and he was placed in the little home once more. Kakashi said it was time to go and Sakura and him reluctantly made their way to the door. Sasuke let them out eagerly, his face not able to contain the excitement as he shut the door in a loud slam. Slowly he cracked his neck, staring at the hamster with the corner of his dark, glinting eyes.
"Oh no...," Naruto whispered, feeling himself grow scared.
"Finally...," Sasuke growled, his voice deeper than normal, almost demonic. "Naruto... we're all alone, he he he~"
Sasuke leaned down and picked the hamster up in a semi-hard grasp. Naruto struggled with all his might to break free but was helpless in his size. He stared from within Sasuke's palm at the Uchiha boy and to the toy truck, and literally wet himself when he saw Sasuke's playful death glare; The glare of a horrible child that tortures small animals...
But thankfully he got distracted.
"UGH! What the hell Naruto?" Sasuke yelled, dropping the hamster back into his home as he looked at the warm dripping liquid running down his hand and smelling suspiciously of piss.
"I'm going to kill you!"
To Be Continued. O-o
This chapter seemed forced, but whatever. It's not a crackfic unless there's misspelling and OOC, am I right now? Hurr hurr hurr~ And of course, everyone has been hypnotized by Naruto's spell! The spell... of cute hamster syndrome! Kyaaa~ You know you had it before DON'T LIE! R&R MASTURBATORS. Please and thank you.