Chapter 2: A Little Penance

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Chapter 2: A Little Penance

Karl Agathon and the cylon Sharon now believed their baby to be dead. Laura and Tory had arranged it with Doc Cottle and

their conspiracy was so far successful. Tory found a suitable adoptive mother for the infant and the baby was handed over

to the woman's custody and away from Galactica.

This, Laura thought, this would have to be the reason she was being punished. She hadn't understood why this was

happening when Cottle first told her but sometimes, she remembered hearing, the punishment starts before the act of sin

is even completed. She still thought she was doing what was best for the fleet by removing Hera from the care of her

natural mother but that didn't mean she wouldn't answer for the pain caused to Lt. Agathon and his child's mother.

Somehow the Gods knew that Laura would have to inflict this pain onto this young couple and whether they saw it as

justified or not, they were making sure she knew at least in part how it felt, penance for the full weight of her decision.

When she had gone to Cottle to talk about faking Hera's death he had just assumed she had called on him to make

arrangements for herself. He was more than surprised to hear why she was really there. Almost two weeks had passed

since she had her exam with him in Sickbay. He had been leaving messages with Tory every other day insisting that the

president contact him and Tory was starting to grow concerned.

"When this is over you need to come in," Cottle snarled after their discussion of Hera ended.

His scolding finger smelled vaguely of latex and smoke as he wagged it inches from Laura's face.

"I know, I know Doctor Cottle. It's been a demanding time," She tried to explain. "As soon as this is over I'll be making

arrangements," She assured him.

"I told you not to wait. You know the longer this goes on the worse it will be. Now it's not my body and it's not my life but

as you are my patient I must insist," He'd admonished.

She agreed mostly to shut him up and as he left her he grumbled, making some disgruntled comment about how she

suddenly trusted his ability to keep medical matters confidential now that he had assisted her in a fleet-wide conspiracy.

She had never truly questioned his ability to keep her condition a secret. He had done so with her cancer for a time. She

hardly remembered questioning it a week ago. They were just words that came out that day; some of the only she could

muster when her brain was telling her to turn off.

It wasn't until later that first night that she fully let herself comprehend what was happening. Tory had left her alone

hesitantly. It was on Tory's insistence that very morning that Laura see Cottle. She had a dizzy spell after an early quorum

meeting and her aide all but dragged her to the infirmary. The president had assured Tory that nothing had transpired

during her exam with the doctor other than routine blood work and precautionary tests to make sure her cancer was still

gone. On the president's persistent assurance that she was in fine health, Tory left her alone that night in her quarters on

Colonial One and Laura was finally able to let her day sink. It hit her like a ton of bricks.

Once she was able to compose herself, after allowing an initial period of sobbing, she tried to go over the facts. If she

could settle this in her mind she could settle it for real and be done.

At some point after her miraculous recovery she had gotten pregnant. She wasn't exactly sure when. Cottle would be able

to tell when she went back. It wasn't like there were many instances to choose from. She and Bill had been together a

handful of precious times, none of which she thought would ever have the current consequence.

Months before her cancer diagnosis back on Caprica she had noticed that her cycle had started to change. She would miss

a month or two and then be regular for just as long. She'd figured it was the start of that inevitable phase of life. It was

even part of the reason she had gone to see her doctor in the first place. That was all forgotten about when the doctor

realized the size of her mass. Later, once she heard the biopsy results, her concern over the rest just went out the door.

She didn't stick around to talk about much more. She was dying. What did it matter? Then the world ended and she was

floating around in space. She spotted, or missed, or didn't miss but mostly she just stopped thinking about it. As she got

sicker it stopped all together and she just figured her body was getting weaker and organs were starting to fail all

together. When she recovered and her irregular cycle returned she just figured it was her body starting where it left off

and that soon she would have a hot flash or two and that would be the end of it. The end of it, she thought.

How cruel that this would happen now, she reflected that first night.

It was not as if she had some sad longing or was full of regret for never having children. She knew the way her life had

been, the men she had chosen to be with before, it was never the right situation. Her life was full of children as a teacher.

She got to touch the lives of so many and that made her happy enough most days.

She had made her choices and generally made peace with them. Still she thought at times, if she could go back and do it

over, she would have liked the chance to be a mother. And now, with this man, this devoted, honest, loyal, brave and

honorable man; with this man, it had come to her and it was too late. She couldn't take the chance. She couldn't be happy

about it or even entertain the notion of some silly happy ending.

She wouldn't lie to herself. Cottle was right. Her body was confused between trying to phase out her natural cycle and

fighting her illness. It had allowed this to happen but it shouldn't have. She was too old and had been through too much

for the odds to be in her favor. Cottle assumed that she would miscarry sooner or later and he was concerned she would

bleed out. The chances that the fetus was healthy were less than stellar. The chance that she could make it safely to term

was even less but even more than that it was preposterous to think that she and Bill Adama should attempt to bring a

child into this war in space. It was a war which they were constantly maintaining the balance of. It would be selfish and

dangerous to try and why should they even want to? Even without the constant cylon threat and seemingly hopeless

journey through the galaxy looking for a home for his people, why would Bill Adama want this at his age? Why would she?

She didn't know why and yet part of her deep down did want it. Though she knew she wouldn't go through with it, the last

fact that she thought of the night she found out, before she cried herself to sleep, was that part of her did want it, very

much. Even so she knew she would call Doc Cottle soon.

When Hera was born it gave Laura an excuse to avoid making an appointment with Cottle just a bit longer. Though Laura

knew what she had to do for the sake of her people as soon as she'd heard Hera had arrived, it was also the moment she

decided her pregnancy must have been some predetermined atonement for the fate of the Agathon baby. Why else would

the Gods give her this now, when her only real choice was to let it go? Perhaps she was being melancholy or feeling sorry

for herself with this notion. Perhaps if she told herself that ending the pregnancy had a purpose, even just as penance, she

could make peace with it. Either way she had let it go on long enough. In another week it would be over but first, she

knew she would have to tell Bill.